Very vulnerable and feel afraid. False allegations against me.

[MountainGoat]

Trying to remain calm but getting more a more wound up.

Have now found out that stbx is totally refusing picking up the children. So she expects me to do two 50 minute journeys each way.
On top of that they have football training on a saturday so they are going to be in the car again having to be taken to that.
She then wants them home for 2pm! They won't even have time for lunch! It's disgusting and not at all child focussed.

Her reason not to share journeys.....yet another lie, saying that my parents stopped her from driving out the car park and blocked her in. FFS!
It is simply not true.

 

[Peanut 21]

This is one of the hardest things to master, not getting wound up by their insane demands.

You can add to your requests that the kids who play football need a healthy meal after which you plan to provide. So there's no reason for them to be back by 2pm. Tea time or even early evening before they wind down for bed is reasonable.

It may be that you bite the bullet and do all the journeys. It's not fair but it does mean you get that extra time with the kids. Even if it is when you're driving.

 

[Ash]

How is she saying that? Messaging you? Or via a solicitor? (Just remembering there is a non mol in place). You could maybe try and get the social worker to sort that out. Can you email her? But keep it brief, factual, child focused and not ranting about the ex. And why it's bad for the children. Plus say it's completely fabricated that she was restricted from getting her car out.

 

[MountainGoat]

Currently part of the interim child arrangement order is that contact is organised via the social worker who is the middle person between me and stbx.
I'm not even attempting to talk to stbx as she will use anything to take me down and non mol precents that.
Social worker even asked if I could meet half way and take the kids back myself but I replied this isn't possible as there is the non mol order.
Interestingly non mol order expires in November but then there are still the bail conditions which essentially are the same restrictions.

The problem is my parents aren't always on hand to do transfers, she has to realise that in the best interest of the children we are going to have to communicate (even if it is via an app which I'm asking for as it is logged) and we will have to meet face to face for child contact purposes. She cant keep playing the "I'm vulnerable and afraid" card.

The real issue is that at the moment it's her dictating everything. She makes up a BS story that my parents stopped her from leaving the car park, and now she says she doesnt have to do pickups. How can she keep doing this!

 

[mva]

Currently part of the interim child arrangement order is that contact is organised via the social worker who is the middle person between me and stbx.
I'm not even attempting to talk to stbx as she will use anything to take me down and non mol precents that.
Social worker even asked if I could meet half way and take the kids back myself but I replied this isn't possible as there is the non mol order.
Interestingly non mol order expires in November but then there are still the bail conditions which essentially are the same restrictions.

The problem is my parents aren't always on hand to do transfers, she has to realise that in the best interest of the children we are going to have to communicate (even if it is via an app which I'm asking for as it is logged) and we will have to meet face to face for child contact purposes. She cant keep playing the "I'm vulnerable and afraid" card.

The real issue is that at the moment it's her dictating everything. She makes up a BS story that my parents stopped her from leaving the car park, and now she says she doesnt have to do pickups. How can she keep doing this!

I’d accept the both ways drive. My ex used to drop them off and they were always late. It messed up my time with them and just increased my anger and anxiety. If you do the pick ups at least you are in control. Car journeys although boring for kids actually give you time to properly chat / catch up and have a laugh.

 

[MountainGoat]

Hello everyone,

I've just received the section 7 report and it is shocking.
The amount of words detailing my stbx allegations just puts thoughts into peoples heads and labels me a monster.
It is truly shocking. I don't know what I can do apart from respond to it. It is truly depressing and knocks me right back.
I'm terrified reading this.

 

[Unknown01]

Just because someone can say or write a lot doesn't make it true. In fact, the more liars write the higher the chance there is that they will contradict themselves or make an accusation you can conclusively prove is untrue.

I would strongly recommend you have a solicitor review this document to find the inconsistencies.

 

[Ash]

Sorry to hear that. This is very common so don’t panic. Much of it might be “repeating” what the ex has said rather than stating it as fact. Even though when you read it, it might sound like that. It can help to re read it a couple of days later when you can feel more analytical and it’s less of a shock.

Who did the S7? Was it the good SW that you liked? Or the recent replacement?

 

[Peanut 21]

S7 are never a pleasant read.
The summary is usually the part judges look at. Are there recommendations in there?

 

[Pj66]

Yes same here recently, try and put it to one side for a a few days and ignore the vitriol. You'll soon realise that it's so full of inconsistencies that you will be able to pull apart one by one at a final hearing.

The more inconsistencies, the more she should unravel at a final hearing.

 

[Anon3000]

It's horrible being in that situation where you are faced with a bombardment of horrible false accusations, and can't help but go down the rabbit hole with them. Allow the shock to pass and pick it up again when you've given yourself a chance to calm down. I reckon you'll be able to pick out the inconsistencies, a long rambling stream of accusations will be full of them.

 

[MountainGoat]

Hi everyone,

It has been a very hectic week and my head feels absolutely fried.

I am wondering what I can do as my stbx has broken the court order.

As many of you know, the social worker completed a Section7 report. Stbx made a complaint about the social worker. Stbx will kick off if anyone disagrees with her and she didnt like the fact the social worker said there was no issues for me not to see my kids and that they could spend overnights with me, totally unsupervised. This meant a new social worker on the scene and the section 7 report completed.

My thanks goes out to Ash for the extremely helpful advice and help going through my section 7 reply, pointing me in the right direction.
I had to submit that on Wednesday at 2pm to the court, the social worker, and to Stbx.
In the child arrangement court order made in July 2024 it stated all this and that replies to the section 7 report have to be made by this time and to all parties involved.

Ofcourse, I complied with this and got my reply in on time.

Stbx has not submitted her reply to the court or to me. She will have received my report and I am sure she is going through it and making any alterations to hers. This surely is not right. The court order said we both had to do this by 2pm on the 6th November 2024.

I am thinking I should send a complaint to the courts highlighting all this and that her solicitor has not given any update either.

As well as all this, we were meant to exchange form E financial documents yesterday. She failed to send this on time too and only when I reminded her solicitor did they send her financial information but no Form E at all.

So I have to bust my ass trying to get everything done and she totally ignores everything.
This is not at all right is it and means she could change her replies as she has got all my documents that I sent on time.

Totally pi55ed off about this.

 

[Unknown01]

All of these things can be raised as conduct against her. Judges tend to form opinions of people based on the extent to which they respect the process.

 

[Ash]

Yes it's good to send it to the court by the date and time ordered. However although you are supposed to exchange with ex, it's not a good idea to send yours first for the reasons you mentioned. If you both have solicitors then they agree a time for mutual exchange. If you don't (and I know you can't contact the ex directly) then you could send yours password protected with a note that you will release the password when you receive hers. When it comes to final hearing, definitely don't send yours first!

It's also acceptable, when you send it to the court, to say in an accompanying email that statements have not yet been exchanged between the parties. If they then still haven't been after a week you could try asking the court to facilitate the exchange by sending out each party's statement to the other when both have been received by the court.

Maybe she does have a solicitor does she? Who did you send it to?

This is exactly the kind of dirty tricks you can expect - especially from an ex's solicitor - manipulation and trying to win. Unfortunately this is fairly normal and the court don't do much about it except maybe a tut tut - but it can jeopardise your case if it happens again. So next time - send it password protected

And no it's not fair! It's an adversarial process.

Anyway what I would do now is send a very brief, couple of lines email to the court (bearing in mind a Judge may read it so keep it formal) eg

HEADING - CASE NUMBER - EXCHANGE OF STATEMENTS

Dear Sirs

Further to my submission of my response to the Section 7 report on x day, as per the court order of x date, I have sent a copy to the respondent but have not received anything in exchange. I am concerned about this as it means the respondent may alter her response after seeing mine. I would be grateful if you could let me know if the court has received a copy of the respondent's response to the Section 7 report, and if so, if you could please forward me a copy. I would be grateful if this could be passed to the Judge. Thank you.

Yours sincerely , your name (Father),

 

[MountainGoat]

As I cannot contact Stbx directly, I sent my reply to the court and to her solicitor, as pre-arranged in earlier correspondance that I can show the court.

I will go ahead and send the court what you have put above. Thankyou.

 

[Ash]

So had the solicitor pre-arranged to "exchange" statements and then didn't send ex's? Behind the scenes, her solicitor has probably emailed the court to say ex's response will be a few days late (which annoyingly, is actually acceptable). What she should have done is also tell you that, but they won't because they do dirty tricks.

 

[MountainGoat]

It is indeed very dirty tricks. I really hope that the judges see that and that it is not right.
Have a good weekend everyone.

 

[MountainGoat]

Hi everyone,
So the court hearing is this friday. Solicitor was meant to send bundle of documents for court yesterday by 4pm. Still hasnt sent anything.
I'm going to ask the court for a Penile order as this cant keep happening.

Also going to ask for a fact find as I think too much is being stated linked to allegations that are not true.
What do you think?

 

[mva]

Would not call it a penile order... might cause a few blushes

Fact findings can be expensive, delay proceedings and outcome unpredictable.

 

[MountainGoat]

Sorry guys, I am not in a good place.

Ive just had stbx section 7 report come through 3 days later and she now says that I should not see the children.
I'm very upset. She's stating all kinds of things to make the court see me as some sort of monster, mentioing allegations, the police, that the children are unstelled when they are with me, well thats because of her always messing up the on/off contact.

My kids miss me deeply and I feel like Im losing them. They were so looking forward ot Christmas with me too.
Now thats going to be gone.

Lifes fucking so wrong.