Very vulnerable and feel afraid. False allegations against me.

[JC83]

I don’t know what to say other than your case with social services sounds hauntingly similar to mine. Constantly the SW was asking me to do a DA perp course based on exs allegations and that I’m a risk to our child without seeing my evidence. She claimed even if she saw me with our child she would still not change her opinion due to alleged DA. No fact find or s7 in my case yet. Sounds like we have the same social worker.

Sending support

 

[Peanut 21]

There are so many similar stories.
My partner got accused of forcing his son to play sports he wasn't into when he said he encourages him to try new things. If he gives it a go at least he can say he tried.
Yet the maternal grandmother took them to a sports club they didn't want to join (my partners son told me he felt forced into going) and that was seen as ok!
It's mad that when a dad suggests something it's twisted into a negative.
Unfortunately most social workers are young and inexperienced with their own biased views. You never know if they were raised by vindictive mothers themselves.

 

[JC83]

There are so many similar stories.
My partner got accused of forcing his son to play sports he wasn't into when he said he encourages him to try new things. If he gives it a go at least he can say he tried.
Yet the maternal grandmother took them to a sports club they didn't want to join (my partners son told me he felt forced into going) and that was seen as ok!
It's mad that when a dad suggests something it's twisted into a negative.
Unfortunately most social workers are young and inexperienced with their own biased views. You never know if they were raised by vindictive mothers themselves.

agree with you peanut. I do often wonder how the SW was raised herself

 

[Peanut 21]

agree with you peanut. I do often wonder how the SW was raised herself

No-one is totally neutral. No judge, therapist, SW, cafcass officer, teacher etc.
It's human nature to lean more one way. Especially when it's the first person's version of events.
It takes a lot of mental power to try not to get swayed.

 

[MountainGoat]

Hey everyone, I hope you are all doing ok.

Could I get an opinion on this please....

So I've currently got stbx's solicitor and social worker on my back as in court it was mentioned that I would take the children to an activity at 5pm on a Monday night.
Everything was very rushed in court and not properly thought through at all.

To begin, picking up my children at 5pm to take them to an activity and back at 7pm would mean they would have to be very rushed, there is then the fact that there is nothing near to where they live and crossing the city at 5pm in work traffic would actualy mean more time in the car.
Stbx is also not interested in doing any of the journeys so it makes things even harder.

Social worker has been suggesting trampolining, climbing walls, etc. The cost of such activities was nearly £50+ for a two hour session.
I cant afford that.

I'm noew being told I will be in breach of the order! I'm panicking now as this is absolute maddness!

I also stated that in peak summer we could go to the park or to play football but ofcourse in this winter weather this is not an option.
I cant be taking them for a paid activity every week!

Please help. I don't know what to say back to them. Thankyou.

 

[Peanut 21]

I'm noew being told I will be in breach of the order! I'm panicking now as this is absolute maddness!

How are you breaching it?
I don't imagine any order says you must take the children to an activity in your time.
It's up to you what you do with the kids.

 

[MountainGoat]

How are you breaching it?
I don't imagine any order says you must take the children to an activity in your time.
It's up to you what you do with the kids.

It’s because after work on a Monday the children expressed wanting to do an activity with me in the week.
In court it was quickly decided without thinking of the costs involved, tracking across the city, etc.
I’ve been telling them it just won’t work.

 

[Peanut 21]

It’s because after work on a Monday the children expressed wanting to do an activity with me in the week.
In court it was quickly decided without thinking of the costs involved, tracking across the city, etc.
I’ve been telling them it just won’t work.

Is it actually written in the order though?

 

[MountainGoat]

This is what it says yet it is not feasible:

Commencing Monday 18 November and every Monday from 17.00 until 19.00
when the respondent father will take the children swimming. The applicant
mother will ensure that the children are collected from school and have tea before
this activity. The respondent father must ensure that the children are returned
promptly at 19.00 as they have school the next day;

For example I’ve already made it clear that there is no public swimming available and most pools only have swimming lessons.

The social worker suggested other activities but these aren’t thought through at all and too expensive.
There’s not much else you can do.

 

[Peanut 21]

This is what it says yet it is not feasible:

Commencing Monday 18 November and every Monday from 17.00 until 19.00
when the respondent father will take the children swimming. The applicant
mother will ensure that the children are collected from school and have tea before
this activity. The respondent father must ensure that the children are returned
promptly at 19.00 as they have school the next day;

For example I’ve already made it clear that there is no public swimming available and most pools only have swimming lessons.

The social worker suggested other activities but these aren’t thought through at all and too expensive.
There’s not much else you can do.

Commencing from November to when?
No judge in their right mind will criticise you for not taking the kids swimming/another activity.
It's easy to get swept along and agree to stuff in the chaos of court hearings.
Pick them up at 5 and take them home to do stuff. No doubt this will trigger their mother to complain about you but it's just silly.

 

[Ash]

I suppose if it's ordered that you will take them swimming then it is a breach if you don't but it seems an odd thing to put if there is no option to go swimming. So you'd have a reasonable excuse to breach it so then it's not a breach. It's dark at 5pm as well. Is there a bowling alley anywhere neaeby? Is it actually under "It is ordered that" or is it in Recitals?

 

[MountainGoat]

Thankyou Ash and Peanut. I appreciate your replies.

It was very much rushed. The kids said they wanted to go swimming to the social worker and to do an activity with their dad in the week.
No one thought about the fact it is rush hour and getting them to any activity would mean crossing the city which would equal more time in the car and rushing.
They also didnt tihnk of the fact that swimming from around 3:30pm to 7:00pm is swimming lessons and not public swims and I have phoned nearly every pool nearby.

I would also have to come from work, accross the city to the village where they live, then pick them up, go back into town, to then be back at their house for 7pm. It is very difficult.

The social worker is putting pressure onme to find another activity. If it was summer we coul go down the road to the park but they have to be realistic.

The details about swimming were in the "Schedule to rder" under the "Spend time with" provisions.

 

[Ash]

Schedule is recitals - don’t worry about it . Of course it’s too dark to tshe then to the park and it’s not feasible on that time scale to do any activity other than take then out for tea possibly.

 

[Peanut 21]

Yeah, it sounds like the social worker is young and inexperienced and going on about what the kids want. But that's just mad to assume you can fit in an activity in 2 hours at rush hour.

 

[Ash]

I’d just say to the social worker that with such limited crime and the driving, it’s not possible but you will do some activities at home.

 

[MountainGoat]

Hi everyone, I hope the new year is starting in the best way possible.

I have a bit of news...

I was able to spend time with my son for his birthday yesterday and took him out to his favourite restaurant. This was a very special moment after the fact that last year, stbx accused me of manipulating him and stopped him from doing this, something he had requested himself.
Ofcourse no one cared about the fact she denied him spending his birthday with me and she got away with it.
So yesterday was special.

All seemed well until my son got in the car.
This is when children then start talking about everything that is on their mind.

At this point he tells me "we had to put ourselves to bed last night". I asked why was this?
And then the whole story unfolded.
He told me that 2 days ago they were on a walk and stbx slipped in the snow and banged her head. They helped her to get home.
I have to question this slipping in the snow as I have mentioned many times before her epileppsy.
Stbx then felt ill, couldnt talk, and was looking very drowsy and became unconscious. (All signs I have noticed when we were together and she had seizures).
My children then faced the trauma of seeing their mum unconscious and had to call emergency services themselves, alone.

I mentioned this to the social workers who just said to me "she has an illness and it is not about neglect". I said it has nothing to do with neglect. It is about my children facing a traumatic time, being worried, and that I had told social care many times that when my children once saw their mum unconscoius it frightened them and they were traumatised by this. Yet at the time they didnt do anything or acknowledged my concerns.
Now it is too late and it has happened.

So I found out that the cleaner/baby sitter they have when their mother is at work came to look after them when stbx went to hospital but that the children had to put themselves to bed. They would have been naturally worried.
Their auntie (stbx's sister) has since come up to be with them.

I have questioned why I was not contacted as the minute stbx got to hospital social care would have been instantly made aware. Regardless of how stbx feels about me she should prioritise the children so that they are not with others but with their dad who knows them better than anyone.
I was absolutely fuming. My kids would already be worried and need to be with the person who knows them best, their dad.
Instead they've had to go from one person to the next and the fact my son told me this when I picked him up shows he is clearly worried.

Social care are going to check in on them today but ofcourse stbx's sister who is there at the moment is bound to say everything is fine.

So a great birthday meal out and I tried to do my best to make my son happy but highly worried about my kids going through this trauma.
I have even contacted the school to check in on them.

 

[Pj66]

First thoughts on this is that the ex didn't contact t you specifically because she didn't want you to use this and have iron clad evidence.

You have said about these issues before to court and social workers, they may have thought you were lying. And now you have evidence there is risk of the children with mother becuse of this.

I think this needs to be carefully managed , but somehow may be able to use this to your advantage if handled carefully. Il let someone else step in

 

[bujanin]

Really good to hear that you were on a night out with your boy MG. Things really seem to have improved for you?

Epilepsy isn't uncommon and of course isn't a barrier to parenting. I have been through something very similar.

Taking your kids wellbeing into account you would do best to push for the mother to be clear with the kids about what to do if she has a seizure whilst they are alone with her. She should draw up a plan for what to do in that situation and who to call for support with a copy of that plan being given to you. It should be kept as 'light' as possible but they should know the score.

eg.

call 999 if they are worried that she needs help

do they administer any meds or do they stay clear? should they support her head, put a blanket over her etc

who should they call that can come around to the home immediately?

do they know the exact home address for communicating with emergency services?

Personally I wouldn't look to play it to your favour but I would look to make sure that your kids are informed and clear on what to do in the event.

 

[MountainGoat]

Trying to not let this upset me as I know it will be what my Stbx wants, but today is my son’s birthday. I asked the social worker if they could arrange a call and she said yes. I can’t call due to not allowed to contact Stbx but she can call me so I can talk to the children.
The call has not come. All I want is to wish them happy birthday.
So annoyed. I just wanted to tell them I love them and happy birthday.

No doubt Stbx will tell social worker she forgot.

 

[Oneofmany]

I feel for you brother, days like today are the worst. Its ok to feel like you do and natural. Stay strong brother. All I can say is have the litttle talk you would like in your head...... send him an email with your thoughts but to your self to show him another day. I promise you one thing tho, this day means more to you than his it does to his mother.... your emotions are stronger because of the situation, use that as fuel

PM if you need to talk, vent or whatever. I know how hard these days are