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Very vulnerable and feel afraid. False allegations against me.
- Thread starter MountainGoat
- Start date
Received the court bundle now which is prepared by her solicitors. Feel like giving up. Nothing is going right anymore.
I’ve tried to fight but just can’t. She’s taking me down.
I’ve tried to fight but just can’t. She’s taking me down.
Who cares what that bxxx says about whether she's wants you to see the kids or not. Forget her she is nothing to you. She's nuts and everyone will see it.
Can see your struggling but you need to take a breather and realise that just because she says something DOES NOT make it true. You know who you are and that's all that matters. She hasn't done anything but have a little cry to the social worker like a nut job victim.
Have a cup of tea , chill out and have a scan through the bundle, see if anything has been left out or added that you weren't aware of. Once you have, gather you documents you want in the bundle and inform their solicitor you don't agree, and have a supplementary bundle ready.
What hearing is this Friday, is it final hearing for CAO?
Don't worry about what the ex has said - compartmentalise it and think logically - it gives you an idea of what their arguments are going to be at the next hearing, so you can pre-empt them. Think about the positives. The positives are:
1) You're already getting regular time with your children and overnights. That will undermine a lot of their arguments.
2) The S7 report was largely in your favour - the ex is bound to object (Mountain Goat messaged me on that aspect).
As for the bundle - you can guarantee they have skewed it in their favour and may well have left out documents of yours that should be in there or are in your favour. Go through it carefully to see what's missing. If there's anything that should be there that isn't, then you can send those documents to the court separately with an email saying ex's solicitor missed these out of the bundle.
Have they added anything that shouldn't be in there?
My feeling is they will be pushing for a S7 addendum at the next hearing (so ex can try and change the childrens wishes) and this needs to be avoided and argued against. If you can raise the money I would strongly advise using a direct access barrister for this upcoming DRA to reject any antics they try and make sure it goes to a final hearing now.
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@MountainGoat this is all a normal part of the process. I think every single dad on here has felt how you do. It's awful that someone you created life with can be so cruel. But what's spurring her on is the solicitors that add fuel to the fire.
It's easy for your emotions to spiral out of control and your mind to go on over drive.
Allow yourself this blip, lick your wounds and start again.
You can do this. You've got us all behind you
It's easy for your emotions to spiral out of control and your mind to go on over drive.
Allow yourself this blip, lick your wounds and start again.
You can do this. You've got us all behind you
I remember coming to this site and seeing topics that were so many pages long. Now I look at mine right here and we are on page 32. It is so sad that nearly a year and a half later there is little progress and my kids are still being stuck in the middle of this whole ordeal.
I was in court today.
Firstly, stbx's solicitor came to talk to me. Spoke to me like I was trash and wouldnt hear a thing I had to say. I interupted her and said, we will discuss this in the court room, which actually shut her up.
Then in the court room there was stbx, her solicitor. and the social worker.
Social worker has talked to the children and they are now saying less time with me. It wouldnt suprise me if stbx has caused problems and spoken to them.
Stbx then states that I can pick them up ona tuesday from school. No checking whether I could do this or when I finish work. She seems to have a habit of making dictating decisions. I said it would not be possible until 5pm. Her solicitor then says I could take them swimming from 5pm and be back at 6pm.
I actually said "Is this a joke!". They'd barely have 10 minutes in the pool.
Stbx's solicitor then reminded the court all about the allegations and police court trial....Why? What about innocent until proven guilty?!
This pisses me off a lot!
I then asked whether we could communicate via a parent app....... Non nolestation order ends in 12 days but there are bail conditions that stop me and stbx communicating. Is there any way of over ruling this as this is for prioritizing child arrangements!
I mentioned to the court that she had failed to reply to the section 7 report on time and handed it in 6 days late and that she had broken the court order by involving the children in adult matters or matters relating to the court. They didnt seem bothered and did sweet FA.
She's still refusing to share journeys due to her saying she is terrified and will not do it. She says asking her to do journeys is me trying to keep control over her. What a load of bollocks!
Christmas.....she had originally said would be shared half/half. She's now saying I will have them only coulpe of days. The court said they will check with the children through the social worker....but stbx could easily have changed their minds.
I asked for overnights at weekends but stbx is saying just one day. This really annoyed me as I want them to feel settled and not have to pack up to go when they've barely just arrived. Together with 50 minute journeys each way, its a total piss take!
I'm fuming as I feel like I was banging my head on a brick wall.
They wanted to make a final order today but now have decided to do another hearing in March.
There was talk of a section 7 adennum. I'm worried stbx will poison the children into saying whatever works for her. It seems like this is what she is doing so far.
I was in court today.
Firstly, stbx's solicitor came to talk to me. Spoke to me like I was trash and wouldnt hear a thing I had to say. I interupted her and said, we will discuss this in the court room, which actually shut her up.
Then in the court room there was stbx, her solicitor. and the social worker.
Social worker has talked to the children and they are now saying less time with me. It wouldnt suprise me if stbx has caused problems and spoken to them.
Stbx then states that I can pick them up ona tuesday from school. No checking whether I could do this or when I finish work. She seems to have a habit of making dictating decisions. I said it would not be possible until 5pm. Her solicitor then says I could take them swimming from 5pm and be back at 6pm.
I actually said "Is this a joke!". They'd barely have 10 minutes in the pool.
Stbx's solicitor then reminded the court all about the allegations and police court trial....Why? What about innocent until proven guilty?!
This pisses me off a lot!
I then asked whether we could communicate via a parent app....... Non nolestation order ends in 12 days but there are bail conditions that stop me and stbx communicating. Is there any way of over ruling this as this is for prioritizing child arrangements!
I mentioned to the court that she had failed to reply to the section 7 report on time and handed it in 6 days late and that she had broken the court order by involving the children in adult matters or matters relating to the court. They didnt seem bothered and did sweet FA.
She's still refusing to share journeys due to her saying she is terrified and will not do it. She says asking her to do journeys is me trying to keep control over her. What a load of bollocks!
Christmas.....she had originally said would be shared half/half. She's now saying I will have them only coulpe of days. The court said they will check with the children through the social worker....but stbx could easily have changed their minds.
I asked for overnights at weekends but stbx is saying just one day. This really annoyed me as I want them to feel settled and not have to pack up to go when they've barely just arrived. Together with 50 minute journeys each way, its a total piss take!
I'm fuming as I feel like I was banging my head on a brick wall.
They wanted to make a final order today but now have decided to do another hearing in March.
There was talk of a section 7 adennum. I'm worried stbx will poison the children into saying whatever works for her. It seems like this is what she is doing so far.
you need a barrister like now, you must have a barrister for a final hearing in your case. it is too complex and you cannot navigate this on your own.
It's a joke Mountaingoat
Sometimes there is no logic in family court.
It's also a classic sign things are off when children start saying they don't want to see dad at all or as much. They're mouthpieces for the mother.
Take care of yourself over the weekend. It can take a few days to decompress after court.
Sometimes there is no logic in family court.
It's also a classic sign things are off when children start saying they don't want to see dad at all or as much. They're mouthpieces for the mother.
Take care of yourself over the weekend. It can take a few days to decompress after court.
Could I get your views on this please...
So the social worker has spoken to the children and they've told the social worker that I pick on them as I tell them to stop playing on their Nintendo consoles.
As a dad and someone who works with kids and in I.T., I know the importance of limiting screen time and have their consoles on a parent control app to limit what they can do. For example they can't chat to other people online and the content is age relevant. It also stops them playing at night time.
Ofcourse, they say I'm picking on them as their mum lets them have free access and has in the past given them the override code which then means they can play constantly and un-filtered. So ofcourse they absolutely love their mum for this.
I have told the social worker that I limit their time and make sure they have regular breaks and do not leave my children glued to screens all day long.
I then take them out to the park, or an activity as being on a screen all day is not healthy at all.
The social worker says that when they are with me I can impose such rules but when they are with stbx then she can do what she wants.
Therfore the social worker wants me to give stbx the parent controls app and let her do what she wants.
The Nintendo consoles are linked to my account and it is all setup as I did it inititally. Everytime she has had the over ride code she just gives it to the children.
Am I wrong in the fact I have told the social worker, it doesnt matter where the children are, with me or at their mums house, I am prioritisnig my children and making sure they do not play too long which is not good for their eyesight, and well being.
I was accused of this being controlling when it has nothing to do with control. It is wanting to make sure my children are safe and dont spend all day looking at a screen.
What do you think?
So the social worker has spoken to the children and they've told the social worker that I pick on them as I tell them to stop playing on their Nintendo consoles.
As a dad and someone who works with kids and in I.T., I know the importance of limiting screen time and have their consoles on a parent control app to limit what they can do. For example they can't chat to other people online and the content is age relevant. It also stops them playing at night time.
Ofcourse, they say I'm picking on them as their mum lets them have free access and has in the past given them the override code which then means they can play constantly and un-filtered. So ofcourse they absolutely love their mum for this.
I have told the social worker that I limit their time and make sure they have regular breaks and do not leave my children glued to screens all day long.
I then take them out to the park, or an activity as being on a screen all day is not healthy at all.
The social worker says that when they are with me I can impose such rules but when they are with stbx then she can do what she wants.
Therfore the social worker wants me to give stbx the parent controls app and let her do what she wants.
The Nintendo consoles are linked to my account and it is all setup as I did it inititally. Everytime she has had the over ride code she just gives it to the children.
Am I wrong in the fact I have told the social worker, it doesnt matter where the children are, with me or at their mums house, I am prioritisnig my children and making sure they do not play too long which is not good for their eyesight, and well being.
I was accused of this being controlling when it has nothing to do with control. It is wanting to make sure my children are safe and dont spend all day looking at a screen.
What do you think?
Good for you not letting play on screens all day. It’s what my boys do at mums the whole time and they don’t do any exercise or clubs.
However what they do at mums is up to her and it is controlling to dictate how they spend time with her.
Your kids might not thank you but when they look back they will remember the outings with dad more than the screen time.
I agree, it's something all responsible parents should do and I could be wrong I'm sure there was a national campaigʻn encouraging this and the schools also promote this,as they did with my son, I actually took the time to read the literature,unlike stbx, so how is it deemed controlling when it's your children's well being your looking out for, which isn't that the core of all social service Interactions, wellbeing for the children.
And to back this up, NSPCC has alot of literature promoting screen time parental controls, so are they being controlling aswell? No its advisory and whether the parent acts upon it is a personal thing.
And that's your counter argument about the controlling screen time, your following NSPCC guidance
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My partner got labeled authoritarian and rigid by a psychologist for doing similar to you.
On parenting courses they say that kids need boundaries and to limit screen time.
Yet when dad's do this it's wrong parenting.
Classic one rule for thee type situation.
On parenting courses they say that kids need boundaries and to limit screen time.
Yet when dad's do this it's wrong parenting.
Classic one rule for thee type situation.
Its very hypocritical and cements how misaligned all parties and courts are on this and many other subjects, like riding a bicycle,uphill,with square wheels, impossible to satisfy the criteria's set out by different organisations and shows what a complete mess the whole family court is.frustration,defeatism,soul destroying just some of the effects when in this arena, purely designed to push the ex parent to their limits
Tech causes so many issues. If the nintendos are shared between homes then both parents need the passcodes - or yes they will say you're controlling the kids time at ex's house. I had a similar issue with child's phone (ex wouldn't give me the passcode! So it's one rule for them and one for you). Other gadgets it was easier as we each had them in our own homes - he had his own nintendo here so didn;t need to share the passcode - and there are concerns if it means the other parent has access to banking details or can buy stuff on the nintendo that gets charged to your bank details.
I'm sorry about the hearing - I hope you argued against a S7 addendum.
I'm sorry about the hearing - I hope you argued against a S7 addendum.