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Very vulnerable and feel afraid. False allegations against me.
- Thread starter MountainGoat
- Start date
Received the court bundle now which is prepared by her solicitors. Feel like giving up. Nothing is going right anymore.
I’ve tried to fight but just can’t. She’s taking me down.
I’ve tried to fight but just can’t. She’s taking me down.
Who cares what that bxxx says about whether she's wants you to see the kids or not. Forget her she is nothing to you. She's nuts and everyone will see it.
Can see your struggling but you need to take a breather and realise that just because she says something DOES NOT make it true. You know who you are and that's all that matters. She hasn't done anything but have a little cry to the social worker like a nut job victim.
Have a cup of tea , chill out and have a scan through the bundle, see if anything has been left out or added that you weren't aware of. Once you have, gather you documents you want in the bundle and inform their solicitor you don't agree, and have a supplementary bundle ready.
What hearing is this Friday, is it final hearing for CAO?
Don't worry about what the ex has said - compartmentalise it and think logically - it gives you an idea of what their arguments are going to be at the next hearing, so you can pre-empt them. Think about the positives. The positives are:
1) You're already getting regular time with your children and overnights. That will undermine a lot of their arguments.
2) The S7 report was largely in your favour - the ex is bound to object (Mountain Goat messaged me on that aspect).
As for the bundle - you can guarantee they have skewed it in their favour and may well have left out documents of yours that should be in there or are in your favour. Go through it carefully to see what's missing. If there's anything that should be there that isn't, then you can send those documents to the court separately with an email saying ex's solicitor missed these out of the bundle.
Have they added anything that shouldn't be in there?
My feeling is they will be pushing for a S7 addendum at the next hearing (so ex can try and change the childrens wishes) and this needs to be avoided and argued against. If you can raise the money I would strongly advise using a direct access barrister for this upcoming DRA to reject any antics they try and make sure it goes to a final hearing now.
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@MountainGoat this is all a normal part of the process. I think every single dad on here has felt how you do. It's awful that someone you created life with can be so cruel. But what's spurring her on is the solicitors that add fuel to the fire.
It's easy for your emotions to spiral out of control and your mind to go on over drive.
Allow yourself this blip, lick your wounds and start again.
You can do this. You've got us all behind you
It's easy for your emotions to spiral out of control and your mind to go on over drive.
Allow yourself this blip, lick your wounds and start again.
You can do this. You've got us all behind you
I remember coming to this site and seeing topics that were so many pages long. Now I look at mine right here and we are on page 32. It is so sad that nearly a year and a half later there is little progress and my kids are still being stuck in the middle of this whole ordeal.
I was in court today.
Firstly, stbx's solicitor came to talk to me. Spoke to me like I was trash and wouldnt hear a thing I had to say. I interupted her and said, we will discuss this in the court room, which actually shut her up.
Then in the court room there was stbx, her solicitor. and the social worker.
Social worker has talked to the children and they are now saying less time with me. It wouldnt suprise me if stbx has caused problems and spoken to them.
Stbx then states that I can pick them up ona tuesday from school. No checking whether I could do this or when I finish work. She seems to have a habit of making dictating decisions. I said it would not be possible until 5pm. Her solicitor then says I could take them swimming from 5pm and be back at 6pm.
I actually said "Is this a joke!". They'd barely have 10 minutes in the pool.
Stbx's solicitor then reminded the court all about the allegations and police court trial....Why? What about innocent until proven guilty?!
This pisses me off a lot!
I then asked whether we could communicate via a parent app....... Non nolestation order ends in 12 days but there are bail conditions that stop me and stbx communicating. Is there any way of over ruling this as this is for prioritizing child arrangements!
I mentioned to the court that she had failed to reply to the section 7 report on time and handed it in 6 days late and that she had broken the court order by involving the children in adult matters or matters relating to the court. They didnt seem bothered and did sweet FA.
She's still refusing to share journeys due to her saying she is terrified and will not do it. She says asking her to do journeys is me trying to keep control over her. What a load of bollocks!
Christmas.....she had originally said would be shared half/half. She's now saying I will have them only coulpe of days. The court said they will check with the children through the social worker....but stbx could easily have changed their minds.
I asked for overnights at weekends but stbx is saying just one day. This really annoyed me as I want them to feel settled and not have to pack up to go when they've barely just arrived. Together with 50 minute journeys each way, its a total piss take!
I'm fuming as I feel like I was banging my head on a brick wall.
They wanted to make a final order today but now have decided to do another hearing in March.
There was talk of a section 7 adennum. I'm worried stbx will poison the children into saying whatever works for her. It seems like this is what she is doing so far.
I was in court today.
Firstly, stbx's solicitor came to talk to me. Spoke to me like I was trash and wouldnt hear a thing I had to say. I interupted her and said, we will discuss this in the court room, which actually shut her up.
Then in the court room there was stbx, her solicitor. and the social worker.
Social worker has talked to the children and they are now saying less time with me. It wouldnt suprise me if stbx has caused problems and spoken to them.
Stbx then states that I can pick them up ona tuesday from school. No checking whether I could do this or when I finish work. She seems to have a habit of making dictating decisions. I said it would not be possible until 5pm. Her solicitor then says I could take them swimming from 5pm and be back at 6pm.
I actually said "Is this a joke!". They'd barely have 10 minutes in the pool.
Stbx's solicitor then reminded the court all about the allegations and police court trial....Why? What about innocent until proven guilty?!
This pisses me off a lot!
I then asked whether we could communicate via a parent app....... Non nolestation order ends in 12 days but there are bail conditions that stop me and stbx communicating. Is there any way of over ruling this as this is for prioritizing child arrangements!
I mentioned to the court that she had failed to reply to the section 7 report on time and handed it in 6 days late and that she had broken the court order by involving the children in adult matters or matters relating to the court. They didnt seem bothered and did sweet FA.
She's still refusing to share journeys due to her saying she is terrified and will not do it. She says asking her to do journeys is me trying to keep control over her. What a load of bollocks!
Christmas.....she had originally said would be shared half/half. She's now saying I will have them only coulpe of days. The court said they will check with the children through the social worker....but stbx could easily have changed their minds.
I asked for overnights at weekends but stbx is saying just one day. This really annoyed me as I want them to feel settled and not have to pack up to go when they've barely just arrived. Together with 50 minute journeys each way, its a total piss take!
I'm fuming as I feel like I was banging my head on a brick wall.
They wanted to make a final order today but now have decided to do another hearing in March.
There was talk of a section 7 adennum. I'm worried stbx will poison the children into saying whatever works for her. It seems like this is what she is doing so far.
you need a barrister like now, you must have a barrister for a final hearing in your case. it is too complex and you cannot navigate this on your own.
It's a joke Mountaingoat
Sometimes there is no logic in family court.
It's also a classic sign things are off when children start saying they don't want to see dad at all or as much. They're mouthpieces for the mother.
Take care of yourself over the weekend. It can take a few days to decompress after court.
Sometimes there is no logic in family court.
It's also a classic sign things are off when children start saying they don't want to see dad at all or as much. They're mouthpieces for the mother.
Take care of yourself over the weekend. It can take a few days to decompress after court.
Could I get your views on this please...
So the social worker has spoken to the children and they've told the social worker that I pick on them as I tell them to stop playing on their Nintendo consoles.
As a dad and someone who works with kids and in I.T., I know the importance of limiting screen time and have their consoles on a parent control app to limit what they can do. For example they can't chat to other people online and the content is age relevant. It also stops them playing at night time.
Ofcourse, they say I'm picking on them as their mum lets them have free access and has in the past given them the override code which then means they can play constantly and un-filtered. So ofcourse they absolutely love their mum for this.
I have told the social worker that I limit their time and make sure they have regular breaks and do not leave my children glued to screens all day long.
I then take them out to the park, or an activity as being on a screen all day is not healthy at all.
The social worker says that when they are with me I can impose such rules but when they are with stbx then she can do what she wants.
Therfore the social worker wants me to give stbx the parent controls app and let her do what she wants.
The Nintendo consoles are linked to my account and it is all setup as I did it inititally. Everytime she has had the over ride code she just gives it to the children.
Am I wrong in the fact I have told the social worker, it doesnt matter where the children are, with me or at their mums house, I am prioritisnig my children and making sure they do not play too long which is not good for their eyesight, and well being.
I was accused of this being controlling when it has nothing to do with control. It is wanting to make sure my children are safe and dont spend all day looking at a screen.
What do you think?
So the social worker has spoken to the children and they've told the social worker that I pick on them as I tell them to stop playing on their Nintendo consoles.
As a dad and someone who works with kids and in I.T., I know the importance of limiting screen time and have their consoles on a parent control app to limit what they can do. For example they can't chat to other people online and the content is age relevant. It also stops them playing at night time.
Ofcourse, they say I'm picking on them as their mum lets them have free access and has in the past given them the override code which then means they can play constantly and un-filtered. So ofcourse they absolutely love their mum for this.
I have told the social worker that I limit their time and make sure they have regular breaks and do not leave my children glued to screens all day long.
I then take them out to the park, or an activity as being on a screen all day is not healthy at all.
The social worker says that when they are with me I can impose such rules but when they are with stbx then she can do what she wants.
Therfore the social worker wants me to give stbx the parent controls app and let her do what she wants.
The Nintendo consoles are linked to my account and it is all setup as I did it inititally. Everytime she has had the over ride code she just gives it to the children.
Am I wrong in the fact I have told the social worker, it doesnt matter where the children are, with me or at their mums house, I am prioritisnig my children and making sure they do not play too long which is not good for their eyesight, and well being.
I was accused of this being controlling when it has nothing to do with control. It is wanting to make sure my children are safe and dont spend all day looking at a screen.
What do you think?
Good for you not letting play on screens all day. It’s what my boys do at mums the whole time and they don’t do any exercise or clubs.
However what they do at mums is up to her and it is controlling to dictate how they spend time with her.
Your kids might not thank you but when they look back they will remember the outings with dad more than the screen time.
I agree, it's something all responsible parents should do and I could be wrong I'm sure there was a national campaigʻn encouraging this and the schools also promote this,as they did with my son, I actually took the time to read the literature,unlike stbx, so how is it deemed controlling when it's your children's well being your looking out for, which isn't that the core of all social service Interactions, wellbeing for the children.
And to back this up, NSPCC has alot of literature promoting screen time parental controls, so are they being controlling aswell? No its advisory and whether the parent acts upon it is a personal thing.
And that's your counter argument about the controlling screen time, your following NSPCC guidance
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My partner got labeled authoritarian and rigid by a psychologist for doing similar to you.
On parenting courses they say that kids need boundaries and to limit screen time.
Yet when dad's do this it's wrong parenting.
Classic one rule for thee type situation.
On parenting courses they say that kids need boundaries and to limit screen time.
Yet when dad's do this it's wrong parenting.
Classic one rule for thee type situation.
Its very hypocritical and cements how misaligned all parties and courts are on this and many other subjects, like riding a bicycle,uphill,with square wheels, impossible to satisfy the criteria's set out by different organisations and shows what a complete mess the whole family court is.frustration,defeatism,soul destroying just some of the effects when in this arena, purely designed to push the ex parent to their limits
Tech causes so many issues. If the nintendos are shared between homes then both parents need the passcodes - or yes they will say you're controlling the kids time at ex's house. I had a similar issue with child's phone (ex wouldn't give me the passcode! So it's one rule for them and one for you). Other gadgets it was easier as we each had them in our own homes - he had his own nintendo here so didn;t need to share the passcode - and there are concerns if it means the other parent has access to banking details or can buy stuff on the nintendo that gets charged to your bank details.
I'm sorry about the hearing - I hope you argued against a S7 addendum.
I'm sorry about the hearing - I hope you argued against a S7 addendum.
Hey everyone,
I hope you are doing ok.
Thought I would give you an update.
So as part of the last court hearing they said I could see the children after school on a Monday. Due to where I work and getting accross the city I pick them up at 5pm. Stbx said they need to be back by 7pm but that the children would love to go to the cinema, trampolening, or another activity.
She is living in lala land if she believes I can doall this. I looked up the trampolening. £65 it would come to for us to go there and that is if we would even make it. Leave work, drive all the way to the other side of the city, pick up the children at 5pm, deal with rush hour work traffic, spend about 3 minutes in the trampolene park to then return by 7pm! Even the social worker seems to be going crazy as she is suggesting these activities includingtaking the children to a climbing wall......which all costs loads of money and is the other side of the city so we would never get there on time!
Stbx is refusing to even meet half way to help do the journeys and the local authority (aka the social workers) have made an assesment that stbx does not have to do any journeys due to my parents blocking stbx in the car park one time - Which isa total lies and false.
How can I get the social workers to open their eyes and see the manipulation my stbx has on everything!
Sorry for the rant, but toally p'd off at the manipulation stbx has on things.
Then I was meant to have the children from the 24 to the 27th Christmas. Stbx has now changed it to the 23 to the 26th.
How can she keep changing things like this!
I hope you are doing ok.
Thought I would give you an update.
So as part of the last court hearing they said I could see the children after school on a Monday. Due to where I work and getting accross the city I pick them up at 5pm. Stbx said they need to be back by 7pm but that the children would love to go to the cinema, trampolening, or another activity.
She is living in lala land if she believes I can doall this. I looked up the trampolening. £65 it would come to for us to go there and that is if we would even make it. Leave work, drive all the way to the other side of the city, pick up the children at 5pm, deal with rush hour work traffic, spend about 3 minutes in the trampolene park to then return by 7pm! Even the social worker seems to be going crazy as she is suggesting these activities includingtaking the children to a climbing wall......which all costs loads of money and is the other side of the city so we would never get there on time!
Stbx is refusing to even meet half way to help do the journeys and the local authority (aka the social workers) have made an assesment that stbx does not have to do any journeys due to my parents blocking stbx in the car park one time - Which isa total lies and false.
How can I get the social workers to open their eyes and see the manipulation my stbx has on everything!
Sorry for the rant, but toally p'd off at the manipulation stbx has on things.
Then I was meant to have the children from the 24 to the 27th Christmas. Stbx has now changed it to the 23 to the 26th.
How can she keep changing things like this!
This what they do, move the goal posts and dictate what you do with the kids.
Of course kids enjoy fun activities but they also want to just go home and chill sometimes.
If you've only got them a couple of hours on a Monday eve they'll probably just want to go back to yours for tea and watch telly.
We had this. The ex saying "arrange what you're going to do with son when you next see him". It's so they know what you're doing and to create the illusion you're the boring parent if you're not constantly booked fun activities.
Of course kids enjoy fun activities but they also want to just go home and chill sometimes.
If you've only got them a couple of hours on a Monday eve they'll probably just want to go back to yours for tea and watch telly.
We had this. The ex saying "arrange what you're going to do with son when you next see him". It's so they know what you're doing and to create the illusion you're the boring parent if you're not constantly booked fun activities.
I had this BS. Two hours isn’t enough time to do anything. You end up rushing about and not bonding with kids. Your then obviously going to feed them as well, which eats away at time. It’s so stressful and kids just spend 1/4 time queuing or waiting for things. Much better to have them back at 9pm in PJs ready for bed. My ex would also complain. That I hadn’t done homework etc but simply no time.
Is it court ordered that you have back at 7pm , how old are kids?
Is it court ordered that you have back at 7pm , how old are kids?
Hi, Sorry to reply late. My children are 9 and 10.
I felt like hitting my head against a brick wall yesterday. Please tell me I am not going mad and that I am being reasonable.....
So I am meant to be seeing my children on Friday until 5pm Saturday.
I cant pick them up from school as I am still at work so my mum picks them up and I meet them at her house and all is good.
Now, this coming friday the children have a school Christmas disco. This is from 6:30pm til 8:30pm.
I suggested to the social worker (who is managing contact) that the children would be much better off going home which is just 5 minutes from school, having some relaxing down time, be able to get changed, and then go to the disco. I would then pick them up from the school disco.
Social workers and stbx are not having any of it and say that the court order says you pick them up at 3:30pm from school. And thats the end of it.
I thought it was about what was best for the children and being flexible!
The social worker even suggested that my mother picks them up at 3:15pm from school and takes them to the park which completly ignores the fact it is waterlogged and cold, and dark. She then said that my mum could take them round the streets and get them some food. This completely ignores the fact of having to spend more money and my kids would hate that. What are they meant to do outdoors for 3 hours til the disco!
The worst is that the social worker then suggested they can get changed for their disco in some public toilets!
Now, the world must be going mad if this can be passed as being in the best interests of the children.
My plan for them to go home puts the children first.
We point blank refused.
So now, my mum has to do a 50 minute trip to pick up the children, another 50 minute trip to take them to her house, feed them, and then I have to do another 50 minute trip to go back to the disco, and then another 50 minute to take them back for the night with me.
They will be spending more time in the car!
Social workers response is: You can seek legal advice. Absolutely shocking!
How can I make it clear that this is not putting the children first and that my stbx has got to get off her backside and help.
Furthermore the social workers and local authority have taken my stbx word as gospel that my parents tried to block her in a car park. Something which never happened! So now social workers have said stbx will not have to do any journeys.
How can I fight this! It's making my life and my kids lives crazy.
I felt like hitting my head against a brick wall yesterday. Please tell me I am not going mad and that I am being reasonable.....
So I am meant to be seeing my children on Friday until 5pm Saturday.
I cant pick them up from school as I am still at work so my mum picks them up and I meet them at her house and all is good.
Now, this coming friday the children have a school Christmas disco. This is from 6:30pm til 8:30pm.
I suggested to the social worker (who is managing contact) that the children would be much better off going home which is just 5 minutes from school, having some relaxing down time, be able to get changed, and then go to the disco. I would then pick them up from the school disco.
Social workers and stbx are not having any of it and say that the court order says you pick them up at 3:30pm from school. And thats the end of it.
I thought it was about what was best for the children and being flexible!
The social worker even suggested that my mother picks them up at 3:15pm from school and takes them to the park which completly ignores the fact it is waterlogged and cold, and dark. She then said that my mum could take them round the streets and get them some food. This completely ignores the fact of having to spend more money and my kids would hate that. What are they meant to do outdoors for 3 hours til the disco!
The worst is that the social worker then suggested they can get changed for their disco in some public toilets!
Now, the world must be going mad if this can be passed as being in the best interests of the children.
My plan for them to go home puts the children first.
We point blank refused.
So now, my mum has to do a 50 minute trip to pick up the children, another 50 minute trip to take them to her house, feed them, and then I have to do another 50 minute trip to go back to the disco, and then another 50 minute to take them back for the night with me.
They will be spending more time in the car!
Social workers response is: You can seek legal advice. Absolutely shocking!
How can I make it clear that this is not putting the children first and that my stbx has got to get off her backside and help.
Furthermore the social workers and local authority have taken my stbx word as gospel that my parents tried to block her in a car park. Something which never happened! So now social workers have said stbx will not have to do any journeys.
How can I fight this! It's making my life and my kids lives crazy.
Thankyou Peanut. I have a meeting with the social workers on Thursday.
Apparently I've been inapropriaye by stating I didnt want to do the freeva courses they had found for me. Well that is because I didnt do any domestic violence. Then they say it is inapropriate asking for stbx to do half the journeys yet they refuse to investigate her lies that my parents blocked her in the car park.
Apparently I shouldnt have asked the children what they wanted to do when actually the point is to listen to their views.
Apparently me suggesting we go swimming on a sunday is trying to co-erce them into staying the whole weekend.
I'm absolutely shocked at the system.
Stbx gets away with anything and everything! I feel like giving up as my voice is not being heard. She has barristers and social workers dont want to hear from me.
Apparently I've been inapropriaye by stating I didnt want to do the freeva courses they had found for me. Well that is because I didnt do any domestic violence. Then they say it is inapropriate asking for stbx to do half the journeys yet they refuse to investigate her lies that my parents blocked her in the car park.
Apparently I shouldnt have asked the children what they wanted to do when actually the point is to listen to their views.
Apparently me suggesting we go swimming on a sunday is trying to co-erce them into staying the whole weekend.
I'm absolutely shocked at the system.
Stbx gets away with anything and everything! I feel like giving up as my voice is not being heard. She has barristers and social workers dont want to hear from me.