Gutted for you! It’s normal though so don’t think it’s just you. I would advise to not mention such things in future which gives your ex excuses be to a twat! I used to do the same. I would express concerns only for it to result in punishment. Just like you have found out. I would recommend reading some books about co parenting with a narcissist it really helps understand what triggers then and what you shouldn’t do moving forward. It’s heartbreaking it really is when you make suggestions that are child centred but sadly bt showing such emotion they know that by doing such things it then punishes you and makes you suffer. It’s about understanding such things that protect you and your child. Your ex sounds horrendous! Try and not give her any ammo. Easier said than done I know when all you want to try and do is the right thing for your kids
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Very vulnerable and feel afraid. False allegations against me.
- Thread starter MountainGoat
- Start date
This one is good and helps you keep the kids out of it while showing you’re the reasonable normal parent and keeping them on track. It’s easy to dip in and out of. Written by a PA expert. I had been through all sorts when I read this book and it was a lightbulb moment and helped me know how to react to various disruptive things. Your ex wants you to react so she can say to the kids - I told you Daddy was an angry man blah blah.
As the others have said, its vital that you take a breathe and compose yourself each time this happens and do not let it trigger you into doing something that can be used against you.
Never make important decisions or serious actions when you're emotional.
Nothing hurts more than being obstructed from your child. We all know, we've been and still are there. It's frustrating and slow, but let the courts make the decisions. Once you have a Child Arrangements Order, the decision has been made by the court that you should have time with your child.
Social Services are hopeless, and will not see things from your point of view, they will just think you're making a referral out of spite. Even when a child is being held emotional hostage by a hostile parent at the detriment of their welbeing.
Was meant to talk to the kids on the phone at 10am today as she’s dictated to me and she’s not answering the call.
She’s taking my kids away from me.
She’s taking my kids away from me.
This is normal! Try and relax. Go for a walk and don’t take your phone. Or go for a swim or something to try and stop you from messaging. Believe me it’s normal and the sad thing is if you repeatedly message or call she will say it’s harassment and you really don’t want that! It will play into her hands. I know it’s heartbreaking matey I really do! Been there and done it! Even the if you was to be seeing the kids more don’t expect the games to stop there. It’s about you learning how to deal with your ex for the good of your kids and you. For example! I was with my kids a lot over Christmas and then since I dropped her off back with mum she’s cut all contact. It will be 7 nights wothout a single update or anything. I know that’s not a long period of time compared to some guys out there but my point is, this is the most time and amicable we have been in 18 months and she still tries to trip me up, antagonise, cut communication, no eye contact, cold body language etc. I can’t express to you enough you need to get you shield of steel on and don’t let this women mess with your head. It could be your downfall and that’s what she wants
She can't!!
No woman has the legal right to deny the father of her children time with those children unless he is a legitmate welfare risk to them.
But the evil exes know how to play the game. The family law system in this coutry still needs lots of work. But the wheels do move. She can shut the door and refuse to communicate and the only option is to follow the Child Arrangements Order process. Seek a mediator. Get the mediators certificate. Complete court form C100. Send it to your local Family Court and wait for a hearing date.
Yes, the Family Court does expect the parents of children to communicate amicably to discuss matters regarding the children, but if the ex won't cooperate or communicate, you're at a dead end.
Sending a brief, formal, polite message to her to ask when you will be seeing your child again is perfectly normal and acceptable. Letting your emotions get the better of you and message too much, or send messages with the wrong words in the wrong way, and that could be used against you.
The early stages of child obstruction are the worst. All the negative, catastrophising triggers run around your head making you very stressed.
Nobody can take your child away from you. Unfortunately, these spiteful exes can but up obstacles. But obstacles can bovercome.
C100% agree!! Get that application submitted ASAP for the good of you and your children. You can’t keep suffering like this. The pain is being prolonged without that C100 application submitted.
It’s a sad shame and a sad reality!
C100!!! Cannot express this action enough
Thanks everyone.
She’s now using the children as a weapon against me which is so wrong.
My child said to me they wanted to spend their birthday with me and it is tomorrow.
She’s said I’m manipulating them when they said it themselves they wanted to spend that time with me.
I’d booked the restaurant and everything.
The fact my kid has autism means planning and knowing what’s going to happen is highly important.
Her excuse to cancel all this is the fact I asked her to share responsibility to pick up the children if I’m having to fetch them.
Ofcourse to keep up the whole “I’m terrified” act she is refusing to collect them but my solicitor has made it clear that she has no reason not to collect them.
And then it’s stopping me talking to them on the phone when she even dictated that’s the time she wants to be called at so is now going against her own words.
Truly heartbroken. Trying to see what I can do to not spoil my kids birthday.
Knowing my luck she’s probably told her daddy doesn’t want to take you there anymore.
She’s now using the children as a weapon against me which is so wrong.
My child said to me they wanted to spend their birthday with me and it is tomorrow.
She’s said I’m manipulating them when they said it themselves they wanted to spend that time with me.
I’d booked the restaurant and everything.
The fact my kid has autism means planning and knowing what’s going to happen is highly important.
Her excuse to cancel all this is the fact I asked her to share responsibility to pick up the children if I’m having to fetch them.
Ofcourse to keep up the whole “I’m terrified” act she is refusing to collect them but my solicitor has made it clear that she has no reason not to collect them.
And then it’s stopping me talking to them on the phone when she even dictated that’s the time she wants to be called at so is now going against her own words.
Truly heartbroken. Trying to see what I can do to not spoil my kids birthday.
Knowing my luck she’s probably told her daddy doesn’t want to take you there anymore.
I feel I need to be blunt with you having read this thread. Please take it as the help it is intended to be not as bullying or criticising.
You have received some sound advice on here. Currently you are allowing the wife to treat you like a doormat when it comes to the kids. She is calling all the shots, changing plans last minute, all the usual games. I’ve been there and done the same.
But now is the time to stop. It isn’t going back to how it was, she’s not going to go back to ‘normal’ and quite frankly the relationship appears dead in the water for whatever reason.
The only chance you have of any control or consistent contact with the children now is to get that C100 in. She doesn’t want to go to court as she will have to pay fees too. That’s her problem. She will not get legal aid unless proven dv is present.
Get the form in and start looking for a direct access barrister to represent you. Forget solicitors. I did that and just getting through a first hearing and a consent order cost £4.5k. You are way passed the point of amicable negotiations now and need to do what’s right for you and your children.
I wish you luck
just received letters from her solicitor. She’s no longer letting me see the children and applying for a child arrangement order. Can I therefore put mine in too?
Solicitor says cafcass will get involved and do a report and then a hearing.
I’m broken!
Solicitor says cafcass will get involved and do a report and then a hearing.
I’m broken!
You have unfortunately now left it too late and you are the respondent in the situation rather than the petitioner. Your ex now has a bit more control as her representation now have control of writing the order.
You will have to wait for her paperwork to be served on you and respond accordingly.
Thankyou for your replies.
So in the meantime I can’t see my kids?
So in the meantime I can’t see my kids?
Without her agreeing to it? Afraid not
Through lawyers she might agree for you to have supervised visit up until court. But if she says No, there is nothing you can do.
Through lawyers you could also ask for indirect contact or at least permission to send letters/ cards/ presents etc
This is the point where it’s easy to loose the plot and text her or put something on social media. The unfairness of the situation plus missing your kids can become overwhelming. Remember not to fall into this trap.
Through lawyers you could also ask for indirect contact or at least permission to send letters/ cards/ presents etc
This is the point where it’s easy to loose the plot and text her or put something on social media. The unfairness of the situation plus missing your kids can become overwhelming. Remember not to fall into this trap.
For now you should try and get some interim contact, by going through solicitors, who will pass on messages to her, or another 3rd party. Hopefully she will see sense and let your children have time with you, but it may not happen immediately. As for their birthday, you could get a big box dropped off outside the house, not by you obviously, but someone else, which has presents, photos, balloons etc. It would mean a lot to them I'm sure, do anything you can to make them aware you are thinking of them and you are there for them. There are things you can do other than being with them, to make sure they know you love them. Hope that makes sense mountain. Sorry you're in the situation you are in, it will pass, stay strong man, come out the other side, it goes faster than you think, and as I said think of ways to get messages to her to try and arrange something. It has to be indrect though, a trustworthy 3rd party, or someone unbiased like a solicitor.
At the start of March 2022, after having an informal, post relationship agreement where I had my 6 year old son every weekend and every Wednesday evening for tea, my son's mother told me that due to me going out and socialing with my friends at my local pub too much, that meant I had a drink problem and I would no longer be seeing my son because I wasn't safe to be around!
An act of pure spite and revenge borne out of resentment for me moving on and enjoying life.
Despite attempts to call and text, she completely cut me off. I spent the next 3 weeks on my knees. Inconsolable, until I found this forum and asked how I went about getting access again.
After learning the process and submitting a court form C100, I received a letter from my local family court with details of the first hearing in June of 2022. I went the best part of 4 months until I was granted unsupported contact at a Contact Center for 2 hours every other Saturday at the first hearing.
This was all the contact I had with my son until March 2023. Absolutely devastating!
The reason I'm sharing this with you is because the shock and distress of what was happening in those early weeks/months almost did me in!
It was like my son had died. The grief and distress I felt from being obstructed from him was off the chart. I wasn't sleeping. Wasn't eating. My job was suffering.
I don't want that experience for you or any other dad. If I can be of any help to any other men its to support those devastated emotions in those early weeks. Try not to let it push you over the edge. Try to come to terms with it. Pick yourself up, dust yourself off and take the matter to court.
Talk to us as often as you need for advice and support.
There is a small silver lining here. If she's submitted an application for a Child Arrangements Order herself, it means;
1. You've not had to pay the £232 application fee.
2. She may have to fund a Mediator to obtain the certificate which is a prerequisite for a C100, saving you around £200.
3. She can't be seeking to completely erase you from the kids lives as the order is all about establishing a schedule of Lives With and Spends Time With. (Unless she's going to argue that you shouldn't be involved in the kids lives, which the court is highly unlikely to support if you're a perfectly normal, loving dad).
So, I would expect to receive a letter from your local family court in the next 2-4 weeks with details of a First Hearing Dispute Resolution Appointment with you as the Respondent. She has set the wheels in motion. So just hang in there.
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You also get chance to respond to her application on the C7 response form and can also ask for an order of your own and set out what you want. But you will still be the applicant and she will be the Respondent. And you can still do a strong position statement for a first hearing.
When is the criminal hearing again?
On the other hand it might be worth getting your own off as well - quickly. Just in case they are just talking hot air and haven't actually done it. (ie a threat). What does the letter actually say?
When is the criminal hearing again?
On the other hand it might be worth getting your own off as well - quickly. Just in case they are just talking hot air and haven't actually done it. (ie a threat). What does the letter actually say?