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Very vulnerable and feel afraid. False allegations against me.

I’ve very quickly realised that her solicitor has absolutely zero feelings.
They are awful.

I’m trying to stay strong today but it’s very hard. I should be with my children right now and miss them so much.

I’m stuck with the whole child c100 as I don’t have a clue where I’m going to be living and everything is so up in the air. I don’t think I can commit to it right now as don’t know what to put.
 
MountainGoat said:
I’ve very quickly realised that her solicitor has absolutely zero feelings.
They are awful.

I’m trying to stay strong today but it’s very hard. I should be with my children right now and miss them so much.

I’m stuck with the whole child c100 as I don’t have a clue where I’m going to be living and everything is so up in the air. I don’t think I can commit to it right now as don’t know what to put.
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I’ve asked every single year to bring birthday and Christmas presents and the solicitor either ignores my emails or it’s been a cold no.

My Dad was sick in hospital and his last wishes was to see all his grandchildren before he passed away. These same solicitors ignored my email until it was too late and replied 2 weeks later with a very cold ‘no’.

That is something irreversible and unforgivable.
 
MountainGoat said:
I’ve very quickly realised that her solicitor has absolutely zero feelings.
They are awful.

I’m trying to stay strong today but it’s very hard. I should be with my children right now and miss them so much.

I’m stuck with the whole child c100 as I don’t have a clue where I’m going to be living and everything is so up in the air. I don’t think I can commit to it right now as don’t know what to put.
Click to expand...
Hey @MountainGoat ,

We play a different game to them, they are paid to be wind-up merchants & you are a Father.
They are playing a short game, gambling it all, ignoring the kids in the hope they will push you away.
You are playing a long game, fuelled by your never-ending love for your children, one that you will win.

The C100 can be tackled, you don't need to get it right first time, there can be several drafts of it, so today is the perfect day to do it.

My friend, let's get to it :)
 
C100
  1. Download the paper copy, it is a PDF, you can fill it on your PC or print it out.
    1. https://assets.publishing.service.g...tachment_data/file/1092828/C100_0722_save.pdf
  2. Fill in the basics through the form
    1. Here is a link to an external website where there is a VIDEO & PAGE by PAGE guide to completing the form
    2. https://www.mediateuk.co.uk/guide-to-completing-a-c100-form/
  3. Complete Section 5b, this is the most important section & you can see @Ash guide below:
    1. https://dadswithkids.co.uk/resources/sample-wording-for-c100-application.29/
Wherever you get stuck, just drop the questions here & move on to the next bit!
 
In terms of your initial question:

- I don't know where I am going to live, how do I tackle this

The simple answer is that, you are already in a position where the court will acknowledge that they need to be involve specifically because you are no longer living together in the house. You do not need to have an answer for this question before applying for the C100, court is a relatively long process & you have time to answer this.

I'm sure @Ash would advise that for now you just put that they will live with you in your accommodation. For example, I have put that I am living temporary in X place, until such a time as finances are sorted out, then my intention is to move into permanent accommodation for all of us.

Hope that Reassures!
 
MagicJ, Thankyou so much for that detailed information. I decided to join a group that are going for a Christmas Day walk so doing that today. It’s with random people I don’t know but thought it would do me some good.
Need to get out and clear my head.

But as of tomorrow I will do the form.
 
Really sorry to post again but it’s gone midnight and am shattered and just can’t sleep. Got everything going round in my head and just can’t stop thinking. All I want to do is sleep and I can’t.
I am worrying about what my ex is going to do next. I can’t keep going like this.

I just want my life back and can’t continue living this life of not knowing where I am anymore and what’s happening.

I really don’t think I can do much more.
Going out today I met some really interesting people and it made me think I can’t keep living like this. I need my life back. I need my kids. I need a place I call home.

I don’t know how to keep going as I’m running out of energy.
 
It’s rubbish when you can’t sleep and have worries. Sounds a bit like a panic attack. Try to distract yourself doing something mundane until you feel relaxed. It is an anxiety making situation but realistically there’s nothing you can do about it late at night. Keep strong and confident and deal with things one step at a time.
 
If you can't sleep, one trick is to take out a piece of paper and write down all the things bothering you.
Then just next to each of them you should write:

- if you can take a step to change it, write the next action you will take to move it forward
- If you can't change it, write out of my control
- If you don't know, write needs research

Then look at how much you've listed with actions & research, these are in your control and you will move them forward to give you stability.
Anything written as out of your control, if you can't change it, then turn your frustration & energy on the above that you can change.

You will get through this, it will definitely be a better life.
 
Hi again everyone.
Daughters birthday coming up next week and she has told me she wants to spend it with me and to go out for food together.

Now I don’t know what to do. She has said she wants to do this with me but I have a feeling the minute I let their mum know she is going to say she had something booked or anything to stop this happening as she will get jealous and not want this to happen.
I obviously want to give her notice as think it’s important to plan ahead but not sure. What do you think?

Thankyou.
 
MountainGoat said:
Hi again everyone.
Daughters birthday coming up next week and she has told me she wants to spend it with me and to go out for food together.

Now I don’t know what to do. She has said she wants to do this with me but I have a feeling the minute I let their mum know she is going to say she had something booked or anything to stop this happening as she will get jealous and not want this to happen.
I obviously want to give her notice as think it’s important to plan ahead but not sure. What do you think?

Thankyou.
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That's great mountain!
I don't think you have a choice but to let your ex know? Hopefully she won't make a fuss. If she does it's ridiculous, just be calm and message like you are messaging a work colleague or however it is, I forget the term.
 
Hi Peanut. Thankyou for your message.
I was feeling better but then received a letter today saying my bail is being extended another 6 months! This is ridiculous, unnecessary stress and means it’s still harder being there for my kids who keep on saying to me they just want me home.
The police don’t care that they are causing mega problems for me and seeing my children.
I just want this out the way.

Aonother thing if you don’t mind me asking…I can’t remember if I mentioned this but who gets the say when suggesting who has the kids on which days. Surely as parental responsibility it lies with both parents and one parent can’t always dictate all the time yeah?
So if solicitor says you’ll have them until 6pm Monday then I don’t have to agree with that and can say il have them on a day I choose until 7pm for example.
 
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MountainGoat said:
Hi Peanut. Thankyou for your message.
I was feeling better but then received a letter today saying my bail is being extended another 6 months! This is ridiculous, unnecessary stress and means it’s still harder being there for my kids who keep on saying to me they just want me home.
The police don’t care that they are causing mega problems for me and seeing my children.
I just want this out the way.

Aonother thing if you don’t mind me asking…I can’t remember if I mentioned this but who gets the say when suggesting who has the kids on which days. Surely as parental responsibility it lies with both parents and one parent can’t always dictate all the time yeah?
So if solicitor says you’ll have them until 6pm Monday then I don’t have to agree with that and can say il have them on a day I choose until 7pm for example.
Click to expand...
I was told bail does tend to be extended when it's allegations of control and coercive behaviour, the police love to investigate it as its a 'new' ish crime, and its in depth. But also it may be over before the 6 months it doesn't mean it will definitely go on that long. Are you in touch with the officer investigating?

It's all just negotiation and hopefully coming to an agreement that is fair on both sides. That's why having a barrister is very helpful and putting together credible evidence to counter what the other side is saying, and to put across your side, your parental involvement etc etc. You'll most likely have a section 7 as well, but maybe not. If you haven't yet I'd get clued up on the process, find a good barrister if you can. Get the C100 in.
 
The thing im finding is that we are wasting money with solicitor letters…. so regarding this Christmas break Il say via my solicitor I will pick up the children on Friday and bring them back Sunday. Then I get a letter from her solicitors saying that’s not the case and il pick them up Thursday and bring them back Saturday.
Who’s right?
If I do what I want to do then she can’t do anything can she as I’m a parent and can do what I want. It’s not just her to make decisions.
 
If you can I'd go with the times the mother dictates (it is dictating) so when you get to a court hearing you can show you're doing all you can to see your kids.
Arranging days and times are for court.
Solicitors can't tell you what to do.
Get the c100 in, get a hearing and then a cao written up.
Then if she changes the agreed schedule she is breaching.
Currently there is no legal document to say whose suggestions are correct.
 
Thanks Peanut.
I’ve been doing what she wants and dictates long enough. Even didn’t kick up a fuss when she said she wanted the kids at Christmas. So it’s about time she accepts my views too.
My solicitor stated that it is only fair for stbx to pick the kids up if I’m fetching them. She’s said no and her solicitor made it sound like she was questioning my motivation for this. It’s called being fair. Solicitor is taking the pi55!
So basically I can tell her to come get them. Why should I be having to do all the trips.

And then if I want her to collect them another day instead then I am standing my ground. She is seeing them more than me anyway so it’s time she got used to this too and that I have a say.
 
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