Can I ask why if you agree to all this what would be the arrangement with your child? There is a part of me that is thinking she’s backing down and almost accepting she’s got nothing if you was to submit a C100. My thoughts are don’t compromise on the time your child deserves to make sure things are ok with your ex. Apologies if I have wrong end of the stick. I understand that sometimes it’s best to let things go and move on but to what damage to you and your child? Just make sure there is no sneaky sneaky going off and make sure you are happy with the time you have before agreeing to anything. Call me a cynic bit I find it hard to trust any actions during such sensitive situations regarding our little ones
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Very vulnerable and feel afraid. False allegations against me.
- Thread starter MountainGoat
- Start date
I think your solicitor should send her a draft consent Child Arrangements order to your ex's solicitor and ask for it to be agreed to be sent to the court for sealing and confirmation that ex will drop all allegations and settle amicably to move forwards for the children and their care with both parents.
However - I can't see a consent order being agreed - and it could just end up with arguing back and forth via solicitors letters as she will want minimal time and various loopholes and you will want more and reasonable time and arrangements. The hinted leverage you have is that you may or may not cancel the hearing. But IME when it comes to giving way over Child Arrangements, they did their heels in - not just for the control but for the Child Maintenance as well. Tread carefully.
I still think you should put the C100 application in - then any negotiations for consent can be done within the court process and if no agreement is reached it goes to a final hearing and the court decides.
I still think you should put the C100 application in - then any negotiations for consent can be done within the court process and if no agreement is reached it goes to a final hearing and the court decides.
Thanks Winger,
The problem I have is that me and many friends all know there is something wrong but at this current time, the court will see that she is absolutely coherent, has been looking after the children fine for the past two months, and shows no signs of any problems. That is the sad thing about this.....she can be fine for a long time and then will get really ill and be in and out of hospital, and even worse the kids would find her not well.
Social workers are saying she looks fine and that the kids can deal with any emergencies if they happen. I completly disagree with this way of doing things as the last time my kids found their mum collpased looking dead, it had a huge impact on them and terified them.
I think she could be worried about the fact she has told and kept all these lies going and that it could finally come out and have a huge impact on her career too.
You sound a lot more positive and in control mountaingoat
Thankyou Peanut 21,
There are times I do feel more positive and times when it feels like I'm getting nowhere. The thing I feel positive about is knowing I need to fight this and not to give up.
I know my kids want me in their lives and I'm doing this for them.
I have also said in my court statement that I hope my ex can get help as these lies have to stop. I'm prepared to support her in that. I don't want anything bad to happen, just to know I can be with my kids. I was ripped away from them and intend to be in their life. Im not going to let anyone stop me.
She has made a silly applicatiomn for a non molestation and non occuppation order. Based on previous false allegations.
In these orders it is stated that I would have much less contact with my son and daughter, be limited to where I can go and pick them up from, only contact them at certain times/days, have to keep away from my own home and surrounding areas, etc.
I would not be able to access my home for a year at least as that is the terms of the order..... I have tonnes of things in that house including a load of things in the garage that belong to my brother that I'm looking after for him whilst they are abroad. I wouldnt even be able to sell to get a deposit for somewhere else.
She has made it clear that she is panicking about this court hearing and wants it to stop. I've given her a choice.... I'm more than willing to end all this but she has to agree to cancel these applications for orders and promise not to make more.
Otherwise its got to continue and I have to fight.
This sounds really complicated. Even if they did say you could see them at your former home, I don't think it would be good for you or the kids and she could well make further new allegations and it start up all over again. Each new allegation has to be considered by the police and social services. For kids, it's easier for them to adjust to seeing parents separately, then to see a parent in their home who doesn't live there any more, it makes it harder for them to accept things are over. All kids deep down, just want things back how they were before, but it can be easier for them to accept that isn't going to happen, if they get used to a schedule of seeing parents separately and two homes.
Even though you don't have a permanent home at present, you can still have quality parenting time with them. But if they do have additional needs, which I wasn't quite aware of, and it is better for them then yes I can see the point there. Emotionally though, it would be very hard for you and for them, to only be there sometimes.
I can't see the court making the ex be in your presence if she doesn't want to be.
Even though you don't have a permanent home at present, you can still have quality parenting time with them. But if they do have additional needs, which I wasn't quite aware of, and it is better for them then yes I can see the point there. Emotionally though, it would be very hard for you and for them, to only be there sometimes.
I can't see the court making the ex be in your presence if she doesn't want to be.
Thanks Ash,
To be honest I would be quite happy if she moved out. It is extremely unfair that I have been ripped away from my kids and home overnight and according to her, thats the end of it and the way it's going to be.
My kids keep telling me they want me home. I shouldnt have to live my life with my ex dictating the new way of life that is totally against me.
It is truly not right and I just hope that the truth will come out and she will do the right thing.
My solicitor has asked that if she does want all of this to go and that this ends now, then she needs to cancel the applications for court orders and stop making false allegations....with the promise of not making any further allegations.
I'm hoping she goes down that route but can't predict anything.
I'd love to text her and say can we just stop all this, think of the children, start again and talk things through, but I cant even do that as I'd be breaking my conditions. It's like someone needs to tell her what she is doing is ruining my childrens lives, but I dont know how to get that through to her.
To be honest I would be quite happy if she moved out. It is extremely unfair that I have been ripped away from my kids and home overnight and according to her, thats the end of it and the way it's going to be.
My kids keep telling me they want me home. I shouldnt have to live my life with my ex dictating the new way of life that is totally against me.
It is truly not right and I just hope that the truth will come out and she will do the right thing.
My solicitor has asked that if she does want all of this to go and that this ends now, then she needs to cancel the applications for court orders and stop making false allegations....with the promise of not making any further allegations.
I'm hoping she goes down that route but can't predict anything.
I'd love to text her and say can we just stop all this, think of the children, start again and talk things through, but I cant even do that as I'd be breaking my conditions. It's like someone needs to tell her what she is doing is ruining my childrens lives, but I dont know how to get that through to her.
This is what it comes down to - who remains in the house with the kids, if she wants the marriage to end. And this is why she will want an occupation order. So at the moment it seems like it's a fight over the house. If a Mother applies for an occupation order then she usually gets it - and that would mean you weren't allowed to go there.
It sounds to me like she just wants you to agree to not go there and agree to her proposed schedules - rather than do it through the courts. Personally I wouldn't get your hopes up about being able to live at your old home with your kids again. Your stbx isn't going to want to leave the home and the kids either.
It sounds to me like she just wants you to agree to not go there and agree to her proposed schedules - rather than do it through the courts. Personally I wouldn't get your hopes up about being able to live at your old home with your kids again. Your stbx isn't going to want to leave the home and the kids either.
Do not utter a word to anyone about your wanted arrangements, you and your solicitor only! play dumb if she asks, say "oh im not sure, my solicitor is dealing with it"
seems only possible with an undertaking on non mol
No. Do not do this. She knows what she is doing, she doesnt care. Do not fail now, you feel like this because your emotions are coming back becuase she is playing poor puppy eyes and backing down. Marriage is over, no remorse. You think of you and the kids, which means getting the maximum possible time with them, away from a mother who has zero remorse in hurting the kids for her own selfish gains by trying to remove their father. - remember this at all times.
Ok that’s fair enough!
I just really hope your emotions are not allowing her to manipulate. To me it sounds like she’s realised she had no proof and trying to strike a deal. That to me says he very very careful. If she had half of heart she wouldn’t have done what she did to you and kids anyway. I wouldnt trust her at all but that’s me and what I have learnt from my experience. To me if needs an order and you protect your relationship with the kids and then worry about the financial side. Priority is a decent order for you and kids you can’t allow her to use the kids as leverage every again with regards to financial. Your ex needs the courts to take away her control
Thankyou everyone for your continued support.
I hope you are all well and getting through this time as Christmas is not easy. I wish it would just disappear this year.
Up until recently I would say that I have been very emotional and this has meant that I was thinking more about her than the kids.
When all of this kicked off I was actually worried about her and that was my main focus. As a concerned husband I have been there for her many times and I really wanted to help to figure this out and be there for her.
I now realise that whether this was started accidentally when she was ill, whether it is intentional, or whatever, it is happening and she has absolutely no problem in trying to to throw me to to the Police and cause endless stress and pain for me, even leading to me ending up in hospital and risking me being fired from my job.
Funny that she can do all that and then tell a friend she had zero intention in getting the police involved. Utter b0llocks.
I do not know why she's stalled the court proceedings. It is clear from the solicitors letter to me that they were trying to find any excuse to not go ahead, yet still wanting me to agree to her orders. Not a very fair deal for me!
For someone who is supposedly "terrified of me and what I could do" she had no problem meeting me in a pub car park to exchange the children and be around me, or during the whole past week when I've supposedly assaulted her, she had no problem living with me or messaging me telling me she loves me and making plans with me. Not to forget the endless messages I have from her over the past few months telling me she wants us to be together, that sjhe realises she wants a future, etc.
The thing I will never understand is that how someone can be with you for over 14 years and be actively making so many plans with you, telling you they want a futuure together, and then turn so quickly.
If someone wanted to divorce then there are so many easier ways where there is less getting hurt, and where the kids come first. I will never understand her logic in what she has done.
I definately think something isnt right but there is no way to show that. I have to keep going for my kids.
I'm not going to give up on everything I have. Why I should have my whole life thrown upside down due to false allegations is just wrong.
I really hope that she realises that we were once in love and this is not right. I doubt she will realise it and her friends are pushing for me to vanish forever, but surely it isnt right to just disrupt and take away someones life like that. It's pyschologically damaging to just cut someone off from everything. Some people can just detach themselves, but its very hard to just do that to someone.
I hope you are all well and getting through this time as Christmas is not easy. I wish it would just disappear this year.
Up until recently I would say that I have been very emotional and this has meant that I was thinking more about her than the kids.
When all of this kicked off I was actually worried about her and that was my main focus. As a concerned husband I have been there for her many times and I really wanted to help to figure this out and be there for her.
I now realise that whether this was started accidentally when she was ill, whether it is intentional, or whatever, it is happening and she has absolutely no problem in trying to to throw me to to the Police and cause endless stress and pain for me, even leading to me ending up in hospital and risking me being fired from my job.
Funny that she can do all that and then tell a friend she had zero intention in getting the police involved. Utter b0llocks.
I do not know why she's stalled the court proceedings. It is clear from the solicitors letter to me that they were trying to find any excuse to not go ahead, yet still wanting me to agree to her orders. Not a very fair deal for me!
For someone who is supposedly "terrified of me and what I could do" she had no problem meeting me in a pub car park to exchange the children and be around me, or during the whole past week when I've supposedly assaulted her, she had no problem living with me or messaging me telling me she loves me and making plans with me. Not to forget the endless messages I have from her over the past few months telling me she wants us to be together, that sjhe realises she wants a future, etc.
The thing I will never understand is that how someone can be with you for over 14 years and be actively making so many plans with you, telling you they want a futuure together, and then turn so quickly.
If someone wanted to divorce then there are so many easier ways where there is less getting hurt, and where the kids come first. I will never understand her logic in what she has done.
I definately think something isnt right but there is no way to show that. I have to keep going for my kids.
I'm not going to give up on everything I have. Why I should have my whole life thrown upside down due to false allegations is just wrong.
I really hope that she realises that we were once in love and this is not right. I doubt she will realise it and her friends are pushing for me to vanish forever, but surely it isnt right to just disrupt and take away someones life like that. It's pyschologically damaging to just cut someone off from everything. Some people can just detach themselves, but its very hard to just do that to someone.
it would be very hard to trust her and I would live in fear of what she would do next. 
Hi everyone,
I've currently been asking about plans for Christmas and made a very suitable suggestion as to how we do things. I've given notice and said Im more than happy to discuss things so we are both happy. She did not get back to me apart from saying that her solicitor has got a letter and that would answer all questions. This letter was mentioned over a week ago and I still havent received it.
I have a feeling there will be no letter or it will arrive a day before the end of term (next week) so that I have zero time to reply back and she will go off and do what she wants.
Can I contact her solicitor myself and chase this up?
What should I do?
I've currently been asking about plans for Christmas and made a very suitable suggestion as to how we do things. I've given notice and said Im more than happy to discuss things so we are both happy. She did not get back to me apart from saying that her solicitor has got a letter and that would answer all questions. This letter was mentioned over a week ago and I still havent received it.
I have a feeling there will be no letter or it will arrive a day before the end of term (next week) so that I have zero time to reply back and she will go off and do what she wants.
Can I contact her solicitor myself and chase this up?
What should I do?
Yes, I have been in exact same place as you and yes don’t be surprised if it’s a delay tactic so she can just keep the little one with her and you miss out. Then if you chase it up you then get accused of harassment. That’s what happened with me. When I spoke to my solicitor they just said to ignore it and don’t retaliate. However, this was happening during my C100 application so it could then be used as evidence moving forward and more ammo for an urgent order which I did eventually sunlit and get accepted. This resulted in my ex then being more compliant, through fear! I am aware though you havnt submitted any court application so at this moment in time she can keep doing this to you over and over and over and over and over. You get the idea!
. Court application is exactly done to prevent this or at least give it a limited timescale where she would then eventually have to abide by a court ruling. That ruling is exactly what protects you moving forward. I know you are wanting to keep things amicable but to me it sounds like your ex is not capable of this and as a result your daughter and you will keep suffering due to this. I could be wrong and she surprises you with a response but I doubt it! I think she is purposely trying to make you suffer
You are right. She is making me suffer and will find all ways to do it. I have mentioned it to the child support worker too.
I have started to fill in the C100 form.
I've now heard that the police case is going to court.....just what I needed to hear on this Friday morning!
I have started to fill in the C100 form.
I've now heard that the police case is going to court.....just what I needed to hear on this Friday morning!
