Guest viewing is limited
- You have a limited number of page views remaining
- 2 guest views remaining
- Register now to remove this limitation
Very vulnerable and feel afraid. False allegations against me.
- Thread starter MountainGoat
- Start date
It feels exactly like that, like in a film when someone is suddenly told something like their family has died in a car crash or something, and their world is turned upside down and never the same, it feels like that, torture.
But, that hasn't happened.
It's all about mindset, not dwelling on things you can't control or that don't actually matter, and it is all about looking to the future and building a better life than before for you and your child. Your child is the most important thing in all of this, they are priority, not a house, not your ex or what you had, not the memories, but the FUTURE, and what you can do NOW to stack things in your favor for you and your child, they need you to stay strong and fight. One day they will know you did it for them.
Surely they wouldn't risk their reputation like that though? As, if mountain rang the court up to confirm it, and they said otherwise, that means the solicitor is lying. That doesn't look good, I don't think they would outright lie about it. Reputation is everything for business.
Maybe I'm wrong though
Exactly that. And this is what I have now learned after a year of fighting. The shock and grief leads to lots of catastrophising. But ultimately, nobody can take your position as father away from you. Its important to try and remember that.
Surely they wouldn't risk their reputation like that though? As, if mountain rang the court up to confirm it, and they said otherwise, that means the solicitor is lying. That doesn't look good, I don't think they would outright lie about it. Reputation is everything for business.
Maybe I'm wrong though
The wording was "going to submitt a CAO application." But when?
I see, well if it was me I would submit it today, and do it first.
Exactly, no one can ever change that And whatever ex's say to them, or if a new boyfriend plays with your child, your child knows who daddy is, biologically and spiritually, they've known their dads voice from in the womb, they know daddies face, even the way daddy smells! They know deep down who their dad is. However much a resentful ex tells them that a random new person is their dad, kids aren't stupid, they have a connection that is stronger than anything to their dads and mums. And that grows stronger and stronger and stronger, that's why doing even the smallest thing to remind them you are there and thinking of them is important.
It's the catastrophising that you want to completely stop if you find yourself doing it. 99% of the time whatever you're thinking is not happening.
And thoughts like that will make everything feel worse. There are some really good videos on YouTube about mindset and all of this kind of thing, well worth learning about and becoming aware of this. Meditation helps a lot too.
Also, these skills are crucial to teach your kids, this kind of stuff should be in schools.
Thankyou to you all for your replies. You are all helping. I may not directly say it but each of your replies mean a lot.
I feel like I’m drowning.
I’ve lost my home, my kids, soon will no longer have a place to live.
I have so much on top of me….the criminal charges against me for stalking and coercive behaviour are currently with the CPS and bail has been extended. I now need to answer that in February.
The non mol and non occupation order is now waiting for her evidence which she didn’t submit and asked the court to give her an extension. So then I will have to reply to that.
Oddly enough I’ve just been handed a copy of the non molestation papers to my door this moment even though it was back in November.
And then on top of that there is now this application for a child arrangement order.
I’m totally in a mess.
Don’t know how to even begin.
I feel like I’m drowning.
I’ve lost my home, my kids, soon will no longer have a place to live.
I have so much on top of me….the criminal charges against me for stalking and coercive behaviour are currently with the CPS and bail has been extended. I now need to answer that in February.
The non mol and non occupation order is now waiting for her evidence which she didn’t submit and asked the court to give her an extension. So then I will have to reply to that.
Oddly enough I’ve just been handed a copy of the non molestation papers to my door this moment even though it was back in November.
And then on top of that there is now this application for a child arrangement order.
I’m totally in a mess.
Don’t know how to even begin.
Try to keep focused - yes it feels like a mountain of stuff on you and that's what the other side want. Their main strategy is to hope you give up and go away so Mum can have a nice life as a full time Mum - until she meets someone else. And you're not going to do that. You're going to deal with one thing at a time, have breaks in between, talk to people who care about you and trust you, and go for walks or whatever else helps you feel relaxed.
It can help to have a mantra you say every day when you get up. Even if you don't believe it - say it anyway - when you hear the words it goes into your mind and keeps up the positive words to counteract all the negatives. It can be whatever you want - I'm doing great and everything's going to work out fine. Or - I believe in myself and will come through this. Or any other phrase you can think of.
Just to ask again though - what exactly did the letter say?
It can help to have a mantra you say every day when you get up. Even if you don't believe it - say it anyway - when you hear the words it goes into your mind and keeps up the positive words to counteract all the negatives. It can be whatever you want - I'm doing great and everything's going to work out fine. Or - I believe in myself and will come through this. Or any other phrase you can think of.
Just to ask again though - what exactly did the letter say?
Mountain goat, I can help you write it - just start filling the form in. The longer you wait, the longer till you see your kids. Your ex has stopped you seeing them for strategic reasons, because all the while she was letting you see them, she had no case whatsoever to say you're a risk - she would have been accused of failing to protect them if she really thought you were a risk and she was letting you see them. She is being advised on this. Solicitors can be ruthless to win a case for their client.
So you have that argument for your application. That unsupervised time had been taking place and therefore you are no risk to the children.
So you have that argument for your application. That unsupervised time had been taking place and therefore you are no risk to the children.
@MountainGoat please do not think you are going to lose your kids, it isnt ever going to happen okay. She has nothing on you and its going to blow up on her as long as you dont blow it up on her im sure. Get you app in and ask for shared care, try not to worry about loosing the kids, its not a helpful thought and will never happen, unless you allow her to continue setting the status quo, do not delay and let her establish a new status quo, that is your only problem you need to think about is the hesitation. Take her to court! F**k her and be confident, she means nothign to you anymore, show her you are not a pushover and be strong, do not curl up into a ball over this.
Getting the C100 form sent will mean you will see your kids faster, without that you won't. You either wait and see if she really is submitting a C100 or if that is another delay tactic, or just get on it and do it first. Faster you do it the faster you will be with your kids.
Is there anything stopping you from submitting it?
Is there anything stopping you from submitting it?
Think of it like you're climbing a mountain.
You're climbing Everest mate, it's a struggle, sometimes you feel like you're utterly alone, lost, and you can't breath. But you're nearly at the top, you've done well so far, having all the rubbish she's done thrown at you, but you have to keep going, you can't stay on that mountain mate. Getting to the top is submitting the C100, then you can make your way down, which is replying to the NMO/occupation order etc, one by one, ticking it off, the main thing being the child arrangements order. As you make your way down Everest it gets easier, and you start to be less alone and be able to breath, and you'll gradually start feeling normal again.
This is going to sound cheesy but I don't care. I'm currently on holiday (first decent holiday with my partner since the bs started 5 years ago so don't be annoyed with me haha) and I felt I needed to see how people were getting on.
Mountaingoat, you are at your darkest moment in life. It feels like there is no light at the end of the tunnel.
But there is. You have this community of strangers who truly care about you and helping you get through this.
My partner was blindsided by his ex putting in a c100. The lies she put in it were awful but even in that first year Cafcass saw through them.
The truth is on your side.
Ignore her solicitors threats. It's just posturing and they're nasty vultures imo.
They thrive on people at their must vulnerable. How they sleep at night I don't know.
Keep going. We have faith in you.
Mountaingoat, you are at your darkest moment in life. It feels like there is no light at the end of the tunnel.
But there is. You have this community of strangers who truly care about you and helping you get through this.
My partner was blindsided by his ex putting in a c100. The lies she put in it were awful but even in that first year Cafcass saw through them.
The truth is on your side.
Ignore her solicitors threats. It's just posturing and they're nasty vultures imo.
They thrive on people at their must vulnerable. How they sleep at night I don't know.
Keep going. We have faith in you.
Thankyou.
I’m going to answer her child arrangement order and also ask my solicitor to try and get a deal of some kind as I can’t be waiting months and months. The children will suffer too much.
They regularly tell me they want more time with me.
seeing them was what was keeping me going. Now I’m finding it like I have no more hope.
I know I need to continue but it’s a nightmare and I need to come out of it.
I like the mountain idea and slowly getting better as you come back down again but I need my kids. I can’t go on without even talking to them.
There must be a way.
I’m going to answer her child arrangement order and also ask my solicitor to try and get a deal of some kind as I can’t be waiting months and months. The children will suffer too much.
They regularly tell me they want more time with me.
seeing them was what was keeping me going. Now I’m finding it like I have no more hope.
I know I need to continue but it’s a nightmare and I need to come out of it.
I like the mountain idea and slowly getting better as you come back down again but I need my kids. I can’t go on without even talking to them.
There must be a way.
if she stops you seeing kids after letting you and she promotes no contact in the interim, this will look so terrible for her when it gets to court. i assume cafcass will recommend a certain level of contact but il leave that to others on here. Id go agressive with lawyer if she cuts all contact pending court, scare her into thinking she will lose. Shes already shown to wobble after the non mol trying to negotiate a deal and she backed down a little, thats where you need to put her, keep the pressure on max! let her head spin instead whilst you construct a great legal strategy. C100 tommorow! I wouldnt only respond and wait for hers, id be proactive and get yours in fast with your statment, dont wait around at all.
Sorry to message again.
I’m feeling terrible this weekend. I can’t just sit around and see time fly by without seeing my kids.
Stbx is taking very long time and dragging everything out whilst I have zero contact with my children.
Surely she can’t do this when I was seeing them regularly. I need to see them.
It’s killing me.
I’m feeling terrible this weekend. I can’t just sit around and see time fly by without seeing my kids.
Stbx is taking very long time and dragging everything out whilst I have zero contact with my children.
Surely she can’t do this when I was seeing them regularly. I need to see them.
It’s killing me.
Hi mate, sorry to hear you are in pain.
Have you submitted the C100 yet?
Sadly they can and they do! That’s why you need to get it in court ASAP!