Very vulnerable and feel afraid. False allegations against me.

[winger]

Thankyou Peanut and Ash. I realise that she can be indeed so unpredictable. It’s a side I’ve never seen before. How can women be so confusing. It’s either very cunningly planned or a very severe mental health issues.

There may even be an element of not wanting to look like they've made everything up.

So they start by making false allegations, they give as much nonsense as 'evidence' as possible, in the hope the police will side with them. They don't, instead it gets NFA'd.

Now they're worried everyone - friends, family, community, will think they're a fraud and they made it all up. So they keep it up, and even make more stuff up!

I'm not saying this is what's happening but I wouldn't be surprised if it comes into it. My ex has made up ridiculous things, that don't make any sense. It's like she's talking about a different person. Many people have said mental breakdown, which is a big possibility considering how my ex was in the last 2 years.

In fact, in the Cafcass safeguarding report, she had apparently said I called her 'donkey', which she found emotionally hard. When I read this I couldn't believe it, because in actual fact it wasn't me who said that, it was her brother. He's done it to her, his mum, dad, since I met her.

Pretty weird!

 

[Peanut 21]

or supervised only (which has to be paid for)

Sometimes you can have a family member or friend to support or supervise.

 

[MountainGoat]

So I decided not to go there.
I’ve also received an email from her solicitor saying I have no rights to go to my home or see my children when I want to and that my wife is dictating when I can and can’t see them, even choosing what days and Christmas etc with no consultation with me.
I’m devastated.

 

[nothernsoul]

Morning mate.

Ah, the threatening letters from the solicitors stage...

I had some great advice on here about that.

If I were to go through all of the letters I have received from the ex and her solicitors, I honestly reckon 95% of should have been filed away, never to be read again. This would have saved me so much heart ache and loss of sleep. The 5% is what I should have focussed on - the actual content that justified a response.

I used to find it absolutely gut punching to read other people write negative stuff about me, even though I knew it to be true.

So much of it is bluster and does not deserve your worry - I think that's the sole intention of these types of letters - to get good people to worry - and the types of people who would even think of doing such a thing deserve nothing in return.

Do not react to it - that's also a motive behind such a letter.

Your wife might well be in a position, currently, where she can dictate in the short term - not much you can do about that and fretting over some bluster from her solicitor won't change that at all.

Don't respond, don't let it worry you too much (easy to say i know) and save your money by ignoring it.

Just focus on your CAO - something that is actually enforceable, and not these hollow claims.

 

[Peanut 21]

A solicitor has no legal right to tell you what to do.

A judge can make an order of directions in terms of the house, finances and child arrangements. A solicitor can't.

I think most dads on here have had the threatening solicitors letters. They don't know you so they can't judge you. Hold your stance.

 

[MountainGoat]

Thankyou. The solicitors letter was very worrying and scared me.
I don't really know any of you but it feels good knowing there are people there and the support in your replies means a lot. I'm just a decent guy trying my best to be with my kids when my wife is making my life hell and I don't even think she knows what Im going through.

I don't want to give up but last night it felt like it was the end for me.

 

[MountainGoat]

I have forwarded the letter to my solicitor and will ask about the CAO.

 

[nothernsoul]

You've done the right thing.

Do not be tempted to get involved with tit for tat letter exchanges.

They will only eat into your finances and energy and get you ABSOLUTELY NOWHERE.

my wife is making my life hell and I don't even think she knows what Im going through.

I'd have a good bet that she knows exactly what you're going through and is using that, alongside other strategies, to get you to give up.

I'm no expert but my best bet is that the 'not decent' guys don't face these issues as the decent guys.

Keep posting in here when you feel low or high. It's important to share it all.

 

[Peanut 21]

It's almost easier we don't know each other. There's no bias like with friends or family. The advice is more realistic rather than being told what you want to hear.

 

[MountainGoat]

Since the solicitors letter is just a worry tactic, can I ignore it?

Also, is there anything I can do as she is causing me emotional pain and suffering by dictating things I can and cant do. She is making threats in the solicitors letter of putting this and that order in. This is affecting my mental health and the well being of my children too. I am being denied entry into my home under no grounds and am legally entitled to go in there. She is obstructing entry.

 

[Ash]

I’ve had the worrying solicitors letters too. It’s all bluster as mentioned above - but it is also a veiled threat. Ie if you go there we will go for an NMO type thing. My concern - if you’ve sent it to your solicitor - is they will want to write back and argue - and while these things might feel good psychologically as Northern soul says - it will get you absolutely nowhere and just run up loads of bills.

And here’s the next shock to prepare for. Your wife will want free lawyers via legal aid and lawyers encourage women into making claims of domestic abuse. Because if there is dv they get legal aid. “He shouted at me “. “He was a bully “. Is all they need to say!

So you ignore the letter and you put in a C100 for a child arrangements order asap (have you had a MIAM yet?).

Her solicitors will continue to use intimidation tactics. I really don’t like solicitors.

 

[Ash]

But you now have it loud and clear I’m afraid - she is not going to let you back there. What this is about is looking out for herself - so she keeps the house, the kids, and full control. And yes hopes you will give up and go away.
You’re in a legal realm now do have to watch your back and be proactive to ensure you are treated as an equal parent - which the courts can do.

Get that C100 in. You will feel better just for having written it (I can help with the wording). I’d also suggest not spending any money on solicitors. You’ll need it to hire someone for the child arrangements hearing.

You said you felt like giving up and this had hit you hard emotionally. I hope you’re not feeling suicidal. If you are - call the Samaritans and maybe think about some counselling to support you through this. There is a future ahead - with your children and a life ahead. It may be different but it can still be very good.

 

[Ash]

Just to add - if you sent a solicitors letter first - saying you had a right to go back to the house - her solicitors letter is just retaliation. And that’s how it goes - each solicitors letter is retaliation against the other one. It does go nowhere - it’s an expensive game.

It’s actually a relief when you apply to court I found.

 

[winger]

Just to add - if you sent a solicitors letter first - saying you had a right to go back to the house - her solicitors letter is just retaliation. And that’s how it goes - each solicitors letter is retaliation against the other one. It does go nowhere - it’s an expensive game.

It’s actually a relief when you apply to court I found.

It's a huge relief making that application, it feels like the ball is properly rolling and your on the way to getting somewhere. Get the C100 in mountain, I wish I had done it sooner. I had faith my ex may see reason and be amicable, actually think of our daughter, instead she has made allegations, which got no where (NFA'd) so made 2 other allegations, in the hope something works. There's definitely a pattern to these types of woman, and as Ash said she's looking out for herself. You now look out for yourself and your kids mate, get a child contact application going.

 

[Peanut 21]

These women are a breed of their own. They put their needs before the children.
In an ideal world, children want their parents together.
The next best thing is parents who can communicate and make things easy for handovers etc.
It could be great for kids with separated parents. There's potential for a new step parent on both sides. Which means extra uncles, aunties, grandparents, extra holidays and fun days out.
But the unreasonable side does everything possible to scupper this.
Madness.

 

[MountainGoat]

I’ve had the worrying solicitors letters too. It’s all bluster as mentioned above - but it is also a veiled threat. Ie if you go there we will go for an NMO type thing. My concern - if you’ve sent it to your solicitor - is they will want to write back and argue - and while these things might feel good psychologically as Northern soul says - it will get you absolutely nowhere and just run up loads of bills.

And here’s the next shock to prepare for. Your wife will want free lawyers via legal aid and lawyers encourage women into making claims of domestic abuse. Because if there is dv they get legal aid. “He shouted at me “. “He was a bully “. Is all they need to say!

So you ignore the letter and you put in a C100 for a child arrangements order asap (have you had a MIAM yet?).

Her solicitors will continue to use intimidation tactics. I really don’t like solicitors.

I have had my MIAM. She has refused to do her part which means I've wasted money that is flying away very quickly.

The latest development is that she has now put a new allegation in to her solicitor, that I have been stopping her from eating whilst we lived together and contrrolling what she eats. It took me a while to get off the floor from pi55ing myself laughing. More complete rubbish. And more information to add to my case notes.
Absolutely no evidence of this.

I'm not too sure how the whole solicitors thing works having never had to deal with them before so at the moment they are just doing letters and talking to me. I'm guessing they will tell me as soon as I need to pay more, as I do not have much more funds.

From what my wife has told me she does not want expensive court hearings so I don't know if she would also have to pay. Especially since none of her allegations stand up.
Would she get free legal aid? She's in a well paid managerial job so makes good money.

Sorry to keep messaging you all on this. It helps to talk.

 

[MountainGoat]

These women are a breed of their own. They put their needs before the children.
In an ideal world, children want their parents together.
The next best thing is parents who can communicate and make things easy for handovers etc.
It could be great for kids with separated parents. There's potential for a new step parent on both sides. Which means extra uncles, aunties, grandparents, extra holidays and fun days out.
But the unreasonable side does everything possible to scupper this.
Madness.

Thankyou Winger and Peanut. Right now she is in total control over any decisions to do with the children. She is making plans and telling the kids this. All information that should be discussed together before telling the children anything.
She is even saying that she wants ot be amicable but doing everything contrary to this.

Can someone tell me a bit more about the C100 form. Does this basically put down my case for how I want to see the children or does it also let me say where and when, so in my own house. Does she get to contest this? Does it go to court?
Sorry, I don't know much about it. I'm looking it all up at the moment.

 

[winger]

I have had my MIAM. She has refused to do her part which means I've wasted money that is flying away very quickly.

The latest development is that she has now put a new allegation in to her solicitor, that I have been stopping her from eating whilst we lived together and contrrolling what she eats. It took me a while to get off the floor from pi55ing myself laughing. More complete rubbish. And more information to add to my case notes.
Absolutely no evidence of this.

I'm not too sure how the whole solicitors thing works having never had to deal with them before so at the moment they are just doing letters and talking to me. I'm guessing they will tell me as soon as I need to pay more, as I do not have much more funds.

From what my wife has told me she does not want expensive court hearings so I don't know if she would also have to pay. Especially since none of her allegations stand up.
Would she get free legal aid? She's in a well paid managerial job so makes good money.

Sorry to keep messaging you all on this. It helps to talk.

My ex said she never wanted court either, in mediation she was in floods of tears and the mediator couldn't even talk to her, he was shocked, and actually worried she may even make a complaint against him! Long story short it was a waste of time and court is going ahead. But you have to do your miam before court anyway, they like you to try.

She may get legal aid, I think it's easy to just make allegations, talk to a charity like womensaid and they'll sort the a letter to confirm Domestic Violence which then entitle them to the legal aid. I think that's how it works. It's ridiculous.

Heard in the news a judge wants to make it a criminal act to make false allegations though, with a sentence, that can't come fast enough.

 

[winger]

Thankyou Winger and Peanut. Right now she is in total control over any decisions to do with the children. She is making plans and telling the kids this. All information that should be discussed together before telling the children anything.
She is even saying that she wants ot be amicable but doing everything contrary to this.

Can someone tell me a bit more about the C100 form. Does this basically put down my case for how I want to see the children or does it also let me say where and when, so in my own house. Does she get to contest this? Does it go to court?
Sorry, I don't know much about it. I'm looking it all up at the moment.

I'll let Peanut answer that one, I'm new to it all myself. But my understanding is yes you put what you want to happen, your basically applying for a Child Contact Order, is that right? And so you say what you would like ultimately. But see what Peanut says, they know it inside out.

 

[MountainGoat]

The emotional and mental damage this causes to people is something that many do not see and the quicker there are laws to stop people doing this the better. My whole life and job has been put at risk. It is a very unfair system.

It is also not fair that she would get legal aid. We both have jobs and she should have to pay like everyone.