I can't imagine it, but I, like everyone here has been through worst time of our lives. We're with you mate
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Advice What can I do???
- Thread starter DB2021
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Happy Birthday to her, she got the best present in the whole world - a dad who cares beyond the world for her.Hi All.
So it’s my little girls birthday today.
And sadly she didn’t want to see me and she didn’t want me take her presents around.
I did and she was at the door but she was very hostile and horrible to me and then said “I don’t want any ugly stupid presents from you” so I just said Happy Birthday and I love you and left.
I’m just so heartbroken by it all it’s tearing me apart and I just no longer feel like a dad anymore I’m not going to get to see her at Christmas either and now the power has been given back to ex I just don’t see it ever getting any better.
How does anyone cope at this time of year being alone and living so close to your little one but knowing your so so far away from them.
Good on you for going around even though she was coached - as @winger said, she may not remember what she said when she looks back but she will remember Dad was always around on my Birthday.
I'm sorry you had to see your daughter being coached at 4 to talk like that, it's heart breaking to see such a young kid being put in that frame of mind.
You cope by sharing and caring, put that love into those little Christmas presents, date them with an object from this Chrustmas like a newspaper clipping - then box it & save it for future her.
There are plenty of children out there with no parents, maybe volunteer this Christmas to support them, if that's not too emotional, will be your way of sharing all your love as a gift from your daughter to them
We're all here for you buddy
MJ
Thanx Magic.Happy Birthday to her, she got the best present in the whole world - a dad who cares beyond the world for her.
Good on you for going around even though she was coached - as @winger said, she may not remember what she said when she looks back but she will remember Dad was always around on my Birthday.
I'm sorry you had to see your daughter being coached at 4 to talk like that, it's heart breaking to see such a young kid being put in that frame of mind.
You cope by sharing and caring, put that love into those little Christmas presents, date them with an object from this Chrustmas like a newspaper clipping - then box it & save it for future her.
There are plenty of children out there with no parents, maybe volunteer this Christmas to support them, if that's not too emotional, will be your way of sharing all your love as a gift from your daughter to them
We're all here for you buddy
MJ
Such kind words and it definitely means a lot to me that people understand and care.
I do know deep down it’s not her just these special days really do hurt when we’re cut out of them.
It makes you a loving caring dad, human - your daughter knows that and she will know that more and more when she's older and love you even more for it. She doesn't mean what she is saying, she doesn't understand, but it doesn't stop it from hurting.
DB - it’s an awful thing to see and go through and designed to hurt you (by your ex). It’s truly evil to do that to a child. She is ok and she’s still the same little girl inside, but your ex has weaponised her. You know she can be different if allowed to be. You just need to hang in there until you get a guardian appointed. I’ve had similar experiences - but don’t give up. Your ex is trying to drive you away. And at some point hopefully someone will pull her up and scare the pants off her so she never does this again.
Yes Christmas is a hard time. Are you working? Try and make some plans. Could you go away and stay with someone for a few days - and post something to your daughter for Christmas? I don’t think you should have to go through that scenario again until the world is back to normal in the New Year and you’ll feel stronger again.
Yes Christmas is a hard time. Are you working? Try and make some plans. Could you go away and stay with someone for a few days - and post something to your daughter for Christmas? I don’t think you should have to go through that scenario again until the world is back to normal in the New Year and you’ll feel stronger again.
Absolutely. You mustn’t go under. Imagine how your daughter would feel knowing it was her fault if anything happened to you (even though it’s not her fault). You need to play the long game here and just believe that this will get sorted.
I will hang in there and I know I’ll never give up on her we all just have those times where it all gets to much but as you’ve said many times we just have to re group and go again.
My focus now is getting a guardian appointed and just hoping that I do get to see her over next few months even if just briefly so she knows I’m still there.
I’m not at work I break up in 19th but I have plans to see my brother on Xmas eve and I’ll go to my sisters either Xmas day or Boxing Day. I will still take her presents round whilst it probably won’t be nice I want her to see me there in person so she knows that whilst things are as they are daddy is still coming if that makes sense.
Thank you all for the words sometimes it’s just what I need to give me a little kick up the backside.
I feel better this morning and know it’s just about getting through certain situations until the next hearing.
There is positivity coming and beautiful times with your daughter ahead, it's just right now that is feeling rubbish but that, is all going to change man, keep fighting keep going, there are things happening in the background which although you can't see, or maybe don't even know about, they're moving you and your daughter closer and closer together.
Hey guys/gals just thought I’d give an update.
So I saw my little one today only for 30mins with mum there at the local park sadly little one didn’t want to speak to me and was off with me like usual but at least I saw her
. And meeting Boxing Day again with mum but at least I should get to see her for a little bit even if she doesn’t want to see me at present.
We’re supposed to be doing a thing called Family Group Conference in the Newt Year and I have a meeting with the lady doing it on 28th Dec. But spoke with ex today and the lady has said she is going to the school to speak with our little one which has seriously pissed off my ex and she’s put a complaint in about the lady and also withdrawn her consent for it. Supposedly SW had directed this lady not to speak with our daughter which I find extremely suspect. Me thinks that there rattled as ex probs knows if someone new speaks with our daughter things may come out.
But I’m looking forward to speaking to this lady next week so I can get my views across and explain what I think is happening. By all accounts she didn’t pussy foot around ex and was saying me seeing little one for like 30mins isn’t enough and she should be telling little one she has to come and see me again ex doesn’t seem to like that go figure saying “I can’t force her blah blah blah”.
I’m positive about this obviously but I’m sure ex will find a way to scupper it and if she’s withdrawn consent then I assume it won’t even happen but I think that can only be a good thing for me as shows ex despite saying she wants to do anything to help fix things actually doesn’t because she knows that the truth could come out as soon as a new person gets involved.
Both ex and SW have consistently said little one doesn’t need more professionals involved makes you wonder why doesn’t it.
Obviously I’d rather not have my little constantly involved with professionals but I know that I’m not the cause and I’ll do whatever is necessary to make sure I stay in her life.
So I saw my little one today only for 30mins with mum there at the local park sadly little one didn’t want to speak to me and was off with me like usual but at least I saw her
. And meeting Boxing Day again with mum but at least I should get to see her for a little bit even if she doesn’t want to see me at present.We’re supposed to be doing a thing called Family Group Conference in the Newt Year and I have a meeting with the lady doing it on 28th Dec. But spoke with ex today and the lady has said she is going to the school to speak with our little one which has seriously pissed off my ex and she’s put a complaint in about the lady and also withdrawn her consent for it. Supposedly SW had directed this lady not to speak with our daughter which I find extremely suspect. Me thinks that there rattled as ex probs knows if someone new speaks with our daughter things may come out.
But I’m looking forward to speaking to this lady next week so I can get my views across and explain what I think is happening. By all accounts she didn’t pussy foot around ex and was saying me seeing little one for like 30mins isn’t enough and she should be telling little one she has to come and see me again ex doesn’t seem to like that go figure saying “I can’t force her blah blah blah”.
I’m positive about this obviously but I’m sure ex will find a way to scupper it and if she’s withdrawn consent then I assume it won’t even happen but I think that can only be a good thing for me as shows ex despite saying she wants to do anything to help fix things actually doesn’t because she knows that the truth could come out as soon as a new person gets involved.
Both ex and SW have consistently said little one doesn’t need more professionals involved makes you wonder why doesn’t it.
Obviously I’d rather not have my little constantly involved with professionals but I know that I’m not the cause and I’ll do whatever is necessary to make sure I stay in her life.
I've made the same point repeatedly at court, my children don't need to see more professionals. But my like yours is not actually interested in moving on. She's interested in obstructing.
I believe what is most important is the quality of the professionals involved. Social services are usually useless.
How long have you been at this, because the court has forced cafcass to write a report when their safeguarding letter stated that further proceedings were not in their interest.
I believe what is most important is the quality of the professionals involved. Social services are usually useless.
How long have you been at this, because the court has forced cafcass to write a report when their safeguarding letter stated that further proceedings were not in their interest.
It's all building up evidence for court. Your ex obstructing Family Group person etc.
Chi - he submitted a part 25 application for an ISW and Judge didn't read it and then dismissed the idea. He has this biased SW involved who appears to be encouraging the ex! But this new Family Group co ordinator sounds better.
Chi - he submitted a part 25 application for an ISW and Judge didn't read it and then dismissed the idea. He has this biased SW involved who appears to be encouraging the ex! But this new Family Group co ordinator sounds better.
Totally agree with regards about Social Services not fit for purpose and tbh 99% full of man hating sexist feminist women who believe only in mum is what the child needs and fathers are dispensable. But mine does seam to have been spoken to as her language has changed recently and echo’d what this Family group conference lady has said but I wasn’t aware she had directed her not to speak with my little one.
I’ve been fighting ex for over 2 years and actually had a decent order given last November but ex has consistently caused issues hence my little girls erratic behaviour towards me but it all came to a head after I finally got overnights and I haven’t had my little girl since.
My ex is very clever in how she manipulated my little one aswell as SW but the sw has been poor at best despite numerous red flags shown by ex.
I sadly got a really bad judge at latest hearing who didn’t want to listen to my views and made some strange comments but did leave the door open to a guardian which was the only positive.
I want more professionals involved because sadly that’s the only way I believe the truth will come out and this is why ex and SW are so against it. Whilst I’d love not to have to go down this route my relationship with my daughter is the most important thing and I’ll do whatever it takes.
Ash is right the Family group coordinator seams a lot better so next week could be a huge thing for me and I look forward to meeting her.
Do make sure you meet her. Social workers (I appreciate they are a separate and whole other level of uselessness as you indicate) feel it is enough to phone dad after meeting with mum and the children.
I think you're right, sound opinions based on evidence are what's needed here. We can all I'm sure guess how your ex has manipulated your daughter. Don't give up.
And of course if the chance comes to get a guardian, get one. And likewise when you come before a judge who knows their business, asked for your case to be reserved to them.
I think you're right, sound opinions based on evidence are what's needed here. We can all I'm sure guess how your ex has manipulated your daughter. Don't give up.
And of course if the chance comes to get a guardian, get one. And likewise when you come before a judge who knows their business, asked for your case to be reserved to them.
Ohhh I’ve met SW many many times she’s just extremely incompetent and clearly has the view that mum can do no wrong but I’ll eventually expose that blind view just a matter of time.
I wouldn’t say I’ve fallen on my feet there’s a long long way to go but the Family Group lady could be the starting point of getting myself heard and that’s all I’ve asked for. I’ll reserve judgment until after I’ve met her and how things look further down the line. Hearing ex so rattled by her was nice to see but I just played along with her and will let things progress maybe the tide is turning only time will tell.
I spent a year not seeing mine after the ex made allegations and successfully got social sevices involved despite a fact finding hearing already being scheduled to hear the same allegations and me personally letting social services know that.
Social services - in my experience - always support the mother, so getting them out one side counts to me as falling on your feet!
Social services - in my experience - always support the mother, so getting them out one side counts to me as falling on your feet!
Great news DB. It gets to the point that you have nothing to lose with more people getting involved. As you say, it just highlights who is being obstructive when the mothers say they don't want to get involved.
They're the types of people who'll say "I'll do anything for my child" and then back out of anything trying to solve the relationship with dad.
Did the court order this new family coordinator?
They're the types of people who'll say "I'll do anything for my child" and then back out of anything trying to solve the relationship with dad.
Did the court order this new family coordinator?
Hi Peanut.
Not exactly order it SW mentioned it and judge said it was a good idea but it’s not in the interim order he wrote so ex can refuse to engage if she wants which is what I think she has done since she didn’t like what the Coordinator said.
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