Advice What can I do???

[DB2021]

I think it's better if it's a group. Your little one will be able to act more normally in a group and have more distraction. I haven't experienced it but it's sometimes ordered when there has been parental alienation - it's probably exactly what it says - play therapy. A kind of therapy that involves play so the child doesn't realise it's therapy. It's also a way for whoever is leading it, to ascertain certain things about the child's behaviour - which could be helpful if they write a report.

Aww good,

Just had a CIN meeting with sw and again she mentioned probably 10 times theraplay there is to help you with your parenting and to help you regulate and deal with little ones behaviour and emotions.

I did speak up and say I’m not happy with you commenting constantly about my parenting but again she twists it as if I’m being negative.

They also all said that this is just challenging but normal behaviour for a child her age and she definitely won’t be recommending any separate support I.e a guardian etc.

She also says she’s gone above and beyond in what she has offered and what she has done so far.

And as usual mentioned multiple times of how ex is doing everything she can to help things blah blah blah.

These meetings just go the same everytime I’m at fault and little one is just testing me.

It baffles my mind how these so called professionals can sit there and claim that this is all normal and they do it with so much arrogance.

It’s as if they’ve forgotten how things were good for quiet a while yet then suddenly change but this is okay and just normal child behaviour.

I’m hoping as you say the Theraplay people will have a better understanding of things and do spot what’s happening. And SW hasn’t sorted it because she has a thought of alienation it’s been done because she believes I need support in my parenting as this wasn’t court ordered.

 

[Peanut 21]

It's a start DB.
Hopefully the person in charge of the therapy can see what's going on.
Do they write a report afterwards?

 

[DB2021]

It's a start DB.
Hopefully the person in charge of the therapy can see what's going on.
Do they write a report afterwards?

Ohh I know Peanut and I’m happy with it as it’s a step forward from what was being said previously it’s just disheartening to constantly hear them talk about it as if it’s being offered because I’m bad at parenting but I did stand up for myself earlier.

Fingers crossed they do as any decent human being would see this is not normal behaviour.

I think the hardest challenge is to have to sit there and listen as sw constantly praises ex which can only give her more power that’s my biggest fear.

I’m not sure tbh I’m hoping they do and I’ll be asking next week if they would write a report. I know sw is planning on a meeting between us all to get updates etc so I’ll just have to see if this is all treated officially

 

[Peanut 21]

Well hopefully it will just show to the courts that you're willing to do anything to see your daughter.

 

[DB2021]

So saw my daughter again today.

This time brought there by exs partner no message from ex to say it was him bringing her despite me already saying about her communication where her family is involved. And he is so miserable I politely asked him where ex was and got “out” with an absolute foul look on his face but of course that doesn’t impact my little one. And him also saying to little one “you know what to do if you don’t want to be here” I mean who the fuck does this man think he is it’s shocking. He did leave and sit in car so it was just me and little one.

Little one was as hostile as usual got “I hate you” “I don’t love you” and “I’m not her dad anymore again.

Being told exs partner has told her she can leave on her own and go back to car etc which I didn’t let her do but ex turned up as we were walking out.

Reality is if I bring this up it’s just ignored and SW has said I need to accept exs partner or her family bringing little one other wise I won’t see her if ex is busy.

It feels like I’m in a never ending boxing fight getting pummelled every round and damn does it wear you down. But we go again I told her I’m going to keep turning up and I love her it’s all I can do at the moment.

The end feels so far away these days but I know eventually I’ll get there and no matter the damage and emotional pain this causes me I will never give up.

 

[Ash]

That is a lot of pressure from this man for your daughter. It's disgusting. It's intimidation. Were there any witnesses to him saying that. It really is terrible. I guess even if SW had been there and heard it, she would have ignored it.

 

[DB2021]

That is a lot of pressure from this man for your daughter. It's disgusting. It's intimidation. Were there any witnesses to him saying that. It really is terrible. I guess even if SW had been there and heard it, she would have ignored it.

Exactly but they have my little girl believing she hates me I’m the all bad one and there the all good classic alienation whilst pretending to be doing all they can.

Sadly not there to clever for that everything is done so it’s just my word against there’s and as we know SW is so far up exs arse with the sickening praise what I say is irrelevant.

But tbh I want it to continue this way so I can go to court and say there’s no improvement it’s the best chance I have of getting a guardian.

If ex was supporting and encouraging as she claims there would easily be some improvement but there’s zero it’s actually getting worse and the things she’s saying like “he’s her dad now” what child ever says that without it being put in her head by them

 

[Ash]

Make a note of exactly what happened at this visit. You might need some of this for a position statement and I would definitely ask for a Guardian.

 

[DB2021]

Make a note of exactly what happened at this visit. You might need some of this for a position statement and I would definitely ask for a Guardian.

I have added it to my list of things over the last 2 years. Tbh I haven’t actually written anything down for a while until today stupid of me I know.

Ohhh yeah im asking for one always was going to.

Got my court date also second hearing is 20th Feb so at least I have something to work towards now

 

[DB2021]

Also ash do you think I should email both ex and sw mentioning today?

As it worries me greatly the message this is sending our little one.

Not only does he not hide is contempt and dislike of me when he sees me saying those things to little one I find extremely inappropriate and whilst I understand if little one at present doesn’t want to spend time with me I’ll not force her to stay with me he should not be saying that to her.

I also don’t want him bringing little one to see me but if I say that will I be looked at wrongly?

Or do you think I should just leave it and raise it further down the line in a position statement given the fact sw will no doubt ignore it and twist it against me like usual.

 

[Ash]

Let me think about that ...........

 

[DB2021]

Let me think about that ...........

No worries ash just let me know your thoughts when you’ve had chance to think about it

 

[MagicJ]

You're 1 in a million @DB2021 .

No matter how disrupted she has been made today, keep the diary & the journal for the future her, so she can see the truth.

No matter what they say to her, they can't change her DNA and you will never change fighting for her future.

 

[KF31]

I have added it to my list of things over the last 2 years. Tbh I haven’t actually written anything down for a while until today stupid of me I know.

If you haven’t documented everything, you have a lot of what has been happening written on this forum, maybe you could make notes and dates from what you’ve written on here? Just a thought in case it will help you have a complete timeline of events.

 

[DB2021]

If you haven’t documented everything, you have a lot of what has been happening written on this forum, maybe you could make notes and dates from what you’ve written on here? Just a thought in case it will help you have a complete timeline of events.

That’s a great thought KF .

I have most of everything written down on my phone it’s mainly just the last month or so I’ve forgotten so thank you I hadn’t even thought of that

 

[winger]

DB mate you're doing so well, keep going, as magic said they can't change her DNA or her future self. She'll know the truth.
Have Cafcass been involved? I know there's a SW. Sorry if this has already been said. You need someone backing you up and really seeing what is happening. Maybe there are parent/child bonding classes or something, for her and you to spend time together with someone neutral who could help her think clearly, or help her out of the mindset she's in when she says these things, and gradually restore her proper thinking. Hopefully the next hearing will bring positivity, keep going man

 

[DB2021]

DB mate you're doing so well, keep going, as magic said they can't change her DNA or her future self. She'll know the truth.
Have Cafcass been involved? I know there's a SW. Sorry if this has already been said. You need someone backing you up and really seeing what is happening. Maybe there are parent/child bonding classes or something, for her and you to spend time together with someone neutral who could help her think clearly, or help her out of the mindset she's in when she says these things, and gradually restore her proper thinking. Hopefully the next hearing will bring positivity, keep going man

Hi Winger,

You know me mate I’ll always keep going no matter what .

Cafcass aren’t involved at present but I’m hoping to get a judge to order a guardian at next hearing so time will tell on that one as we know SW is shocking.

I am I’m starting Theraplay with my little girl on Thursday so I hope that will help things as mum won’t be involved and it’s a group thing with a few other dads and there little ones so I’ve got everything crossed.

Its a tough one though because I kind of don’t want things to improve yet which might sound strange but if they do a judge will probs not order a guardian which means ex’s behaviour will go unchecked and I’ll just be going round in circles. I need an independent person involved so I’m not saying I don’t want it to improve for any bad reasons

 

[winger]

Hi Winger,

You know me mate I’ll always keep going no matter what .

Cafcass aren’t involved at present but I’m hoping to get a judge to order a guardian at next hearing so time will tell on that one as we know SW is shocking.

I am I’m starting Theraplay with my little girl on Thursday so I hope that will help things as mum won’t be involved and it’s a group thing with a few other dads and there little ones so I’ve got everything crossed.

Its a tough one though because I kind of don’t want things to improve yet which might sound strange but if they do a judge will probs not order a guardian which means ex’s behaviour will go unchecked and I’ll just be going round in circles. I need an independent person involved so I’m not saying I don’t want it to improve for any bad reasons

Can you get an independent SW? Or a child psychologist? I don't know if they'd help, a child psychologist is a professional, so they could speak in court to back you up. Theraplay sounds good, keep at it, it'll all turn around.

 

[DB2021]

Can you get an independent SW? Or a child psychologist? I don't know if they'd help, a child psychologist is a professional, so they could speak in court to back you up. Theraplay sounds good, keep at it, it'll all turn around.

That’s what I applied for at court and a judge refused it and said it’s not alienation “we would know by now if it is”

Only option I have now is to try and get a guardian as according to the judge that’s what happens first before a court would order an independent SW.

And a child psychologist yes would be great but sadly both ex and sw have beaten the little one doesn’t need that in her life etc drum so that would be extremely difficult to get.

I’m at the mercy of a judge who was pretty horrific at First hearing as he’s reserved case or himself so I don’t hold much hope but it won’t stop me from trying.

Yes theraplay is a big thing as if little one continues hostility etc hopefully they will write a report and see what we all know is happening.

I won’t give up ever I may have my moments where I struggle I show that on here but I always re group and go again.

I will always believe it will all come out and they will be exposed eventually and I’ll get my daughter back

 

[winger]

That’s what I applied for at court and a judge refused it and said it’s not alienation “we would know by now if it is”

Only option I have now is to try and get a guardian as according to the judge that’s what happens first before a court would order an independent SW.

And a child psychologist yes would be great but sadly both ex and sw have beaten the little one doesn’t need that in her life etc drum so that would be extremely difficult to get.

I’m at the mercy of a judge who was pretty horrific at First hearing as he’s reserved case or himself so I don’t hold much hope but it won’t stop me from trying.

Yes theraplay is a big thing as if little one continues hostility etc hopefully they will write a report and see what we all know is happening.

I won’t give up ever I may have my moments where I struggle I show that on here but I always re group and go again.

I will always believe it will all come out and they will be exposed eventually and I’ll get my daughter back

It will change and your relationship will be as it was. I know you will keep going, well done.
Theraplay could be really good, hopefully that's a step in the right direction for your daughter, or at least for someone separate to see what's going on.