Advice What can I do???

[nothernsoul]

So pleased for you.

And really proud of you.

 

[DB2021]

So pleased for you.

And really proud of you.

Thanx Northern.

I’m back at the start again but it’s the start which is a lot better than it was.

 

[DB2021]

Hi all.

So as suspected I Recieved another email saying my little one had wet the bed last night as supposedly she has been doing this whenever I am brought up or as it seams now when she sees me.

We had arranged to meet at soft play on Sunday but SW has now said she thinks we should cancel it and for me and ex to speak again about the best way forward.

I’m just becoming more and more angry with this sw as she just seams to want to stop any chance of things progressing.

I understand that my little one has a lot of anxiety(caused solely by mum) but the only way this can be helped is by seeing me and re assurance from mum but the sw seams to think stopping and starting things is the best thing which I disagree with entirely.

Yesterday was perfect and little one was happy and openly said she wants to see me at soft play yet as soon as ex claims she’s wet the bed her option is to just stop things.

Soft play was little ones idea and she openly said yesterday she wants to do it but she seams to want to ignore what she wants as and when it suits her. Whenever little one says negative things about me I’m to listen to her but as today shows when she says good things all of a sudden she thinks we should ignore her and stop things.

I need to reply to her which I’m going to later today but the anger I have is getting more and more hard to handle. This women is a disgrace yet I have to sit here and say nothing.

 

[winger]

Hi all.

So as suspected I Recieved another email saying my little one had wet the bed last night as supposedly she has been doing this whenever I am brought up or as it seams now when she sees me.

We had arranged to meet at soft play on Sunday but SW has now said she thinks we should cancel it and for me and ex to speak again about the best way forward.

I’m just becoming more and more angry with this sw as she just seams to want to stop any chance of things progressing.

I understand that my little one has a lot of anxiety(caused solely by mum) but the only way this can be helped is by seeing me and re assurance from mum but the sw seams to think stopping and starting things is the best thing which I disagree with entirely.

Yesterday was perfect and little one was happy and openly said she wants to see me at soft play yet as soon as ex claims she’s wet the bed her option is to just stop things.

Soft play was little ones idea and she openly said yesterday she wants to do it but she seams to want to ignore what she wants as and when it suits her. Whenever little one says negative things about me I’m to listen to her but as today shows when she says good things all of a sudden she thinks we should ignore her and stop things.

I need to reply to her which I’m going to later today but the anger I have is getting more and more hard to handle. This women is a disgrace yet I have to sit here and say nothing.

It's unbelievable! Considering you and your daughter had a lovely time and she said she wanted to see you at soft play, she wouldn't then be anxious and wet the bed, unless someone else was causing her to become like that (the mum) but how do you go about getting that across to the SW? I don't know, other than plainly saying it. She should pick up on that herself.

 

[DB2021]

It's unbelievable! Considering you and your daughter had a lovely time and she said she wanted to see you at soft play, she wouldn't then be anxious and wet the bed, unless someone else was causing her to become like that (the mum) but how do you go about getting that across to the SW? I don't know, other than plainly saying it. She should pick up on that herself.

Sadly she doesn’t pick up on anything she is quiet clearly biased and has no intention of looking at things with an open mind.

And this is the worst part any normal person who say how well yesterday went would know that the bed wetting isn’t because of me but this sw just continuously ignores things and it’s clear that they are going down the route of seeing me is causing her to much anxiety and I think they will try to force indirect contact.

I’ve messaged ash with what I might write back to her so will see what he thinks as I want it to be correct but also getting my feelings across if that makes sense.

I’ve had enough of not standing up for myself now but I’m constantly reminded by sw “if I think a parent isn’t doing what’s best for her” so you can tell she’s threatening me all the time I’m sick of it.

 

[winger]

“if I think a parent isn’t doing what’s best for her”

She clearly isn't thinking anything about the mum then! Crazy.

I wonder if some of all this, where 'professionals' seem biased, is maybe because they don't want to go against what they're employers are pushing, so they don't want to argue, or be seen to be taking another route. If that makes sense.

I remember this documentary called What The Health, about how processed food, meat, etc affects health, it's really good actually worth a watch, as well as The Game Changers. But in this documentary many high up people were interviewed, from cancer research etc to massive food production companies. These people wouldn't answer questions, some would walk out, where it was clear and there was evidence of either the company doing something very wrong, or against what they stand for, or something like that. These people who were interviewed were too scared to admit or answer the questions about what had been found, because previously people had been sacked, even death threats sent, if information got out. I just wonder if something similar is happening, where people are too scared to admit, or go against what they've been told, because it's their livelihoods, and reputation, I wouldn't be surprised. It just seems too ridiculous how something so obvious isn't being seen or talked about.

 

[Peanut 21]

This sw clearly knows nothing about kids.
Obviously stress and anxiety can be a factor in kids wetting the bed. But it's also just something that happens. Kids sometimes just don't wake up in time as their bladders are still developing.
To use that as a reason is pathetic.

Also, she knows you and your ex can't communicate reasonably so to just leave you to it is nonsense.

I just feel like in the interim they should have scheduled a contact centre. Just to placate the nutter ex and prove to the courts you are no threat to your child. The stop/start nature advised by the sw is appalling.

 

[Peanut 21]

Public sector organisations use flowcharts.
Basically sw/cafcass/courts will use them to formulate a plan.
They try to use the path of least resistance.
But yeah, I agree with your theory.

Edit: in reply to wingers last post

 

[winger]

Public sector organisations use flowcharts.
Basically sw/cafcass/courts will use them to formulate a plan.
They try to use the path of least resistance.
But yeah, I agree with your theory.

Edit: in reply to wingers last post

They're also all money making industries, as much as they care for child welfare, it's still a business, so they don't want disruption.
It's not always like this but I think it could be relevant in some cases.
It's very sad, hopefully things change.

 

[DB2021]

This sw clearly knows nothing about kids.
Obviously stress and anxiety can be a factor in kids wetting the bed. But it's also just something that happens. Kids sometimes just don't wake up in time as their bladders are still developing.
To use that as a reason is pathetic.

Also, she knows you and your ex can't communicate reasonably so to just leave you to it is nonsense.

I just feel like in the interim they should have scheduled a contact centre. Just to placate the nutter ex and prove to the courts you are no threat to your child. The stop/start nature advised by the sw is appalling.

Exactly I understand why she may be doing it which saddens me but it is something that can just happen and it’s only over the last 3 months that she has supposedly started so clearly given what has happened mum is using the anxiety for her own gain because she knows all she has to do is say to sw she’s wet the bed and social worker literally says let’s stop things again it’s disgusting.

We don’t need a contact centre but I see what your saying but yesterday showed that little one is fine with me yet all that is ignored all because ex emails about bed wetting and there trying to use that against me and if I disagree I’m not looking out for what’s best for my little girl which in turn they will use it’s madness

 

[DB2021]

This is the email I plan on sending in reply.

Let me know your thoughts guys/gals.


I’m sorry to hear that she has wet the bed again bless her.

But I disagree with cancelling Sunday I feel the best way to alleviate the anxiety is for xxxxx to spend time with me coupled with re assurance from xxxxx

Stopping and starting time with me I believe will have the opposite effect and cause xxxxx more anxiety and also confuse her.

Soft play was xxxxx idea and she openly said that she wants to do it.

I agree things should be slow but I feel xxxxx needs that time with me to gain confidence as she showed yesterday that she can open up.

I’m happy to discuss things with you xxxxx without needing xxxxx if you’re happy to do so. This can be either a phone call or we can meet somewhere neutral which ever you would prefer.

Thanx

 

[mva]

Spot on . Child centred and true .

I would put a sign off “ Thanks for your time and help with this”. You don’t mean it but keeps it amicable.

Personally I think the SW is a disgrace cancelling soft play contact.

Your doing everything you can to stay in your daughters life.

 

[DB2021]

Spot on . Child centred and true .

I would put a sign off “ Thanks for your time and help with this”. You don’t mean it but keeps it amicable.

Personally I think the SW is a disgrace cancelling soft play contact.

Your doing everything you can to stay in your daughters life.

I did think it was okay but nice to get opinions and advice from others .

I’ll add that bit I can be as fake as they can when needed.

It’s not cancelled yet it’s down to me and ex but I suspect ex will say she agrees with sw so the likelyhood it goes ahead now is very slim.

Sadly means nothing with these parasite professionals claim they want to make sure kids are happy yet do far more damage

 

[DB2021]

I’ve now also just had a text from ex saying.

“Xxxxx told me she is scared for me to leave so I will be staying Sunday at soft play”

It’s really getting pathetic now it’s like she cannot stand that yesterday my little one was happy with me when she wasn’t around.

How the hell do we deal with this as it’s clear what ex is trying to portray and I feel like I’m screwed no matter what I do.

 

[winger]

I’ve now also just had a text from ex saying.

“Xxxxx told me she is scared for me to leave so I will be staying Sunday at soft play”

It’s really getting pathetic now it’s like she cannot stand that yesterday my little one was happy with me when she wasn’t around.

How the hell do we deal with this as it’s clear what ex is trying to portray and I feel like I’m screwed no matter what I do.

That sounds like separation anxiety, nothing to do with you

 

[Ash]

Your ex can't stand losing control. Your daughter was happy alone with you so ex has to say she wasn't. I know this SW is very very bad for your situation, based on what she said and she is enabling Mum and not helping your daughter. I wish I could think of a way you could get rid of SW. We tried a part 25 application for ISW and it was ignored.'

I think I'd be inclined to just write to SW, not to both of them. And then you have a record of what happened.

 

[Peanut 21]

That sounds like separation anxiety, nothing to do with you

Or absolute bulls**t!
The seperation anxiety is the mother, not the child.
Heard it all before this end.

 

[DB2021]

It’s becoming to much now.

There both working in tandem to restrict my time with her in any way they can.

Even saying that if my little one says she’s happy to be alone with me ex is not to allow that to happen.

They say on one hand we have to listen to her wishes but then saying to my ex you can ignore them.

I’m done with saying silent now I have no option but to fight back otherwise come Feb I will lose her altogether I have no doubts about that

 

[Ash]

But still handle it carefully and take it one step at a time. A contact centre isn't a bad idea - it would be a neutral location without ex or SW and the centre can write a glowing report about how your child is with you. Although no doubt your ex would say child refuses to go to contact centre.

 

[DB2021]

Or absolute bulls**t!
The seperation anxiety is the mother, not the child.
Heard it all before this end.

We know this and mother is playing on that whilst doing nothing to help it. But given she’s being aided by sw she knows she has all the power. Only takes her to send an email or text to her and instantly sw believes it without any foundation.

How this sw refuses to see what’s going on is beyond me as others have said she’s either inept or a man hater as no normal human being is this blind