Advice What can I do???

[nothernsoul]

Resolute suggested to me once about sending some mail.

He made a great suggestion about creating a little treasure hunt for your daughter and you could include the map with the mail.

Keep trying alternative ways to keep that communication avenue open.

 

[Resolute]

Also that I should have spoken to my daughter about going back to court “but she understood I didn’t get the chance with ex stoping my time with her”

This is weird, mostly parents get criticised for speaking to kids about court and praised for protecting them from these things. Your social worker does not seem to have much of an understanding of how child arrangements stuff works.

 

[DB2021]

This is weird, mostly parents get criticised for speaking to kids about court and praised for protecting them from these things. Your social worker does not seem to have much of an understanding of how child arrangements stuff works.

I know tbh this social worker is shocking how she can say she is looking out for the child whilst allowing so many things that are so damaging to her is beyond me.

She just sees my ex as perfect and can do no wrong hence why she dismisses and ignores all things that have been said and done that clearly are wrong. When she should be deeply concerned about these things it makes my blood boil that she’s sat there letting this happen whilst my relationship with my daughter is destroyed.

I’ve created a card on moon pig to send to her and added a little teddy I am going to do my own cards again just need to work out how best to get them to my little girl forst.

 

[DB2021]

Resolute suggested to me once about sending some mail.

He made a great suggestion about creating a little treasure hunt for your daughter and you could include the map with the mail.

Keep trying alternative ways to keep that communication avenue open.

Can you inbox me about this Northern just how it can be done etc. as I’d love to do something like that

 

[Ash]

Yes your SW sounds rubbish suggesting you talk to child about court matters! Usual advice is just say to child - I'm asking some people to help sort things out as Mum and I can't agree. SW doesn't seem well trained to spot liars either!

At least she has toned it down a bit - probably because she knows court will be involved now so she has to live up to things.

You would think she would have twigged about your ex by now when the child refused play therapy. But at the back of it, some of them are so Mum biased and they know that if it is shown the ex is doing this she could lose residency, and that's when they can gang up with the Mother because they have this warped belief that children belong with Mothers and it would be harmful to the child not to have that. So they are in denial that Mothers can do harm really, but also it's an attitude that sees a Dad as dispensable. If she was really worried you'd lose your relationship with your daughter, then she should take what your ex was doing more seriously. The fact she said that hints that she thinks it will be your fault if it happens because you applied to court!

So yes someone else would be better.

This could be helpful for your PS before the hearing though - informing the court that SW had proposed play therapy but it's not taking place because you've been informed that your daughter refused to do it and you feel that your daughter would not refuse such things if encouraged by her Mother.

Of course your ex doesn't want play therapy, because then it might come out what she's been doing.

 

[Ash]

I am quite gob smacked really. Your child is 5 years old! Of course her wishes won't be taken seriously.

 

[Resolute]

When she was stopping you from going to court it was all peaches and cream. Your daughter was happy coming to you for a week. Everything could be sorted.

When it wasn't going to court. There was no effort to make things work and your daughter might want to send a postcard when she hits 16.

Now it is going to court again. She is doing everything she possibly could to promote the relationship with you.

It is so transparent.

Sit back and wait for the right moment to shed light on the inconsistency and incompetence.

You are in the better position if you play your cards right.

 

[DB2021]

I am quite gob smacked really. Your child is 5 years old! Of course her wishes won't be taken seriously.

It’s what she has been saying from start.

“I have a 5 year old saying this and that’s what’s important” no mention of why but the Child and Family's assessment I’ve finally received and she does say she doesn’t understand why it’s changed so suddenly but then goes on to say she is worried about little ones emotional well-being which I guarantee they try and say having me around isn’t good for her etc it’s so obvious what’s happening, only plus from it is she does mention her previous wishes and feelings which I think I can use since there has been such a quick and sudden change I hope a judge will look at that and be like hang on this isn’t normal etc.

But this is how deluded this social worker is and there supposed to be professionals they are a national disgrace.

Ex tells little one straight away about court but she will be using it as a way to make out I’m trying to take her no doubt will all be planned and she knows exactly what she’s doing.

 

[Ash]

This is all fairly typical of social workers who aren't trained to understand alienation.

 

[DB2021]

When she was stopping you from going to court it was all peaches and cream. Your daughter was happy coming to you for a week. Everything could be sorted.

When it wasn't going to court. There was no effort to make things work and your daughter might want to send a postcard when she hits 16.

Now it is going to court again. She is doing everything she possibly could to promote the relationship with you.

It is so transparent.

Sit back and wait for the right moment to shed light on the inconsistency and incompetence.

You are in the better position if you play your cards right.

She isn’t promoting it at all even with court I don’t think she ever has really. She will in front of people ie social worker but that’s just for show.

She is pushing her hatred of me onto our little girl and wanting me gone so she can replace me with her fella little one has said previously he’s her dad now not me so obvious. And this all started when he was finally allowed to move in with her and he and his kids are fully involved in the hatred of me also again little one has said this many times.

Only hope is a judge listens to everything and sees it’s just not right that’s all I have left now if that doesn’t work I’ll sadly join the horrible statistic of fathers ripped out of there kids lives for nothing.

 

[winger]

She isn’t promoting it at all even with court I don’t think she ever has really. She will in front of people ie social worker but that’s just for show.

She is pushing her hatred of me onto our little girl and wanting me gone so she can replace me with her fella little one has said previously he’s her dad now not me so obvious. And this all started when he was finally allowed to move in with her and he and his kids are fully involved in the hatred of me also again little one has said this many times.

Only hope is a judge listens to everything and sees it’s just not right that’s all I have left now if that doesn’t work I’ll sadly join the horrible statistic of fathers ripped out of there kids lives for nothing.

Unbelievable reading all this DB, you're doing well mate, keeping calm and level headed, keep it up man.

If it was me to the social worker, I'd be like 'I think the question is, why is a 5 year old saying she doesn't want to see her dad? She's 5! It's clearly the mother having an influence and telling her how to feel, act, and what to say.' But this may not be the best thing to say obviously, but yea I'd be tempted to educate that SW a bit, she sounds terrible.

 

[DB2021]

Unbelievable reading all this DB, you're doing well mate, keeping calm and level headed, keep it up man.

If it was me to the social worker, I'd be like 'I think the question is, why is a 5 year old saying she doesn't want to see her dad? She's 5! It's clearly the mother having an influence and telling her how to feel, act, and what to say.' But this may not be the best thing to say obviously, but yea I'd be tempted to educate that SW a bit, she sounds terrible.

No point even trying with the social worker she just doesn’t care and all ex has to do is say she’s doing x y z and she believes her without question.

I’ve tried asking social worker a few questions when I’ve said so you think that’s appropriate etc her response

“I am the professional I’m not here to be questioned”

Says it all really they really do believe there untouchable.

She’s always re assured when ex says “yes I am doing x y z” that’s all she needs to believe her and for some reason everything that’s been said and done by a 5 year old to her is not concerning and normal. 1hr it took for her to go from a happy little girl sleeping at her daddy’s to “I hate him” but again that’s not enough to actually look into things.

I’ve been belittled for months by all so I’ve just come to accept it and not let her wind me up I’ll challenge her at court and hope a judge actually has some sense.

 

[DB2021]

Hi All.

So I’ve been to court today and sadly it couldn’t have gone any worse.

Judge was so bad pretty much straight away said he didn’t believe it was Parental Alienation I hadn’t even spoke so he’d read application and got what I was trying to say.

Wouldn’t order an ISW said even before that it would be a Cafcass guardian first but he didn’t believe that was necessary because of the work social worker was doing and had done already.

Wouldn’t order theraplay either saying I can’t order it because if xxxxx says no then what can we do.

Social worker produced letter my daughter had supposedly written to him and said he can’t ignore what was written on it despite the fact it was 1% daughters handwriting and 99% social workers which he did bring up but didn’t see that as an issue.

Only plus point of today was ex mentioned the family tree book and he asked ex where she got that idea from and she told him it was from her partners daughter who doesn’t see her mum. He did say he is concerned what this 12 year old is saying to our daughter.

Unfortunately it was me versus ex Cafcass and social worker who all agreed with judge so I was outnumbered completely and had no chance to argue my point as judge had obviously made up his mind already before we went in.

He has set a directions hearing for Feb 24 where social worker is to write a small report not a section 7 he didn’t order that either but have her 12 weeks to do this.

So tbh I feel like my fight is run now as unless this social worker actually does her job which given how she has been so far we all know she won’t there’s nothing left I can do.

Not having the money for a barrister has cost me dearly but sadly it’s the position I’m in.

I will always hope that one day my daughter sees through what is happening but I know now that it will be many years before I ever get the chance to see her again or to tell her to her face that I love her.

Thank you to everyone who has commented and offered advice and support especially @Ash who went above and beyond with his help in writing applications and position statements. I wouldn’t have got where I have without it I’m just sadly another statistic in the shocking world of the family courts system.

 

[Peanut 21]

I'm really sorry you're in this boat DB.
It seems common that if a dad requests isw or therapy the court denies if the mother says no.

 

[Ash]

Apparently the Judge didn't even see/read the Part 25 application. But DB says Judge's mind was made up anyway - no interventions at this stage. Further hearing then see what SW says . Hope DB doesn't mind me reporting this but Judge seemed a bit useless - on the one hand decided categorically this wasn't an alienation situation (even though the word hadn't been mentioned), on the other hand described some concerning influencing behaviours on child. Sounds like a lot of bluster and no action.

 

[Peanut 21]

Apparently the Judge didn't even see/read the Part 25 application. But DB says Judge's mind was made up anyway - no interventions at this stage.

It's maddening. It just prolongs the problem.

 

[Ash]

I just added a bit more above - based on what DB described.

 

[Peanut 21]

Hmm. It seems like some judges/cafcass aren't keen on using the term parental alienation and saying it's anything and everything but that.

 

[Ash]

The term wasn't used at all in his application, but it seems the Judge could see what was being suggested.

 

[DB2021]

Sorry guys just took a bit of time to clear my head. No I’m more than happy for you to speak about it .

He was very much against even considering mam is behind this. I tried to raise things but didn’t get much chance.

I will stick to my guns even if I have to wait until Feb as I know what is going on and I no longer will allow social worker to ride rough shot over me I’m going to say what I think and feel respectfully but I’m not taking any more shit from her. I don’t care what her view is and I’ll be heard no matter what she does.