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Advice What can I do???

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I think it's fairly standard that they want a report either from SW or Cafcass before anything else. But the ISW report would have done the same thing. No doubt SW said your daughter knows her blah blah. It's very unfair when you actually have a court order as well.
 
Ash said:
I think it's fairly standard that they want a report either from SW or Cafcass before anything else. But the ISW report would have done the same thing. No doubt SW said your daughter knows her blah blah. It's very unfair when you actually have a court order as well.
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That’s exactly what judge said, because she has a good relationship with her blah blah blah and she said the same.

I had lost before I even went in there as first thing judge said was he didn’t think it was Parental Alienation because we would know that by now his exact words. So he was pretty much saying little one would have divulged this by now.
 
Hey @DB2021, sorry to hear things didn't go your way.

We all park a small amount of hope in the corner for our desired outcome, as I run up to my FHDRA I know deep down that worst case scenario I probably won't want to speak to anyone afterwards - feel your pain in having to live through these moments.

When the dust settles, when you're fighting hard, done what you can, documented your journey and kept the lines open then you are the best Dad.
No one will ever take that away from, be it a incompetent SW or a short-sighted judge.

This is a community you are always part of once you're here 🫂🙏
 
MagicJ said:
Hey @DB2021, sorry to hear things didn't go your way.

We all park a small amount of hope in the corner for our desired outcome, as I run up to my FHDRA I know deep down that worst case scenario I probably won't want to speak to anyone afterwards - feel your pain in having to live through these moments.

When the dust settles, when you're fighting hard, done what you can, documented your journey and kept the lines open then you are the best Dad.
No one will ever take that away from, be it a incompetent SW or a short-sighted judge.

This is a community you are always part of once you're here 🫂🙏
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Thanx Magic I appropriate that 😀.
 
Keep going DB.

The SW report might end up giving you what you need by revealing how clueless she is. If she is going to base her recommendations on reports of what such a young child says, it might be possible to discredit.

You are on the road to an outcome now. The first hearing does not decide that outcome.

👊

Stay on track.

Edit
And maybe let the dust settle for a week or two before any interactions with the social worker. Make sure you do not give her the rope to hang you with.
 
Resolute said:
Keep going DB.

The SW report might end up giving you what you need by revealing how clueless she is. If she is going to base her recommendations on reports of what such a young child says, it might be possible to discredit.

You are on the road to an outcome now. The first hearing does not decide that outcome.

👊

Stay on track.
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Sadly the judge said he couldn’t ignore the note the social worker did with my little one so he’s taking her so called wishes seriously. He also wouldn’t order theraplay because he said she could say no and that was that.

There’s no reasoning with these people they just don’t care. And now my ex has another 3/4 months to cause even more damage whilst they allow her to.

The judge pretty much destroyed any chance I have of saving my relationship with my little girl.

Yet I’m expected to continue working with these parasites
 
DB2021 said:
Sadly the judge said he couldn’t ignore the note the social worker did with my little one so he’s taking her so called wishes seriously. He also wouldn’t order theraplay because he said she could say no and that was that.

There’s no reasoning with these people they just don’t care. And now my ex has another 3/4 months to cause even more damage whilst they allow her to.

The judge pretty much destroyed any chance I have of saving my relationship with my little girl.

Yet I’m expected to continue working with these parasites
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Has the case been reserved to the judge you had today?
 
I agree that it's shocking and it is further enabling your ex to try and turn your daughter against you. But your daughter is still in there - she will have memories and feelings but may not be able to show them right now. The issue was the SW. I can't see how any Judge, otherwise, would not think it strange a 5 year old would write such a thing of their own free will.

As Resolute says - this is a stage now. SW will have to submit a report and I don't think even she could recommend no time with you - I am sure even that Judge wouldn't agree with that when you've done nothing wrong. No allegations.

It could end up being a gradual reintroduction but I think an expert report would help still. I think the Judge said it was too soon for that didn't he? (Very frustrating). But at some point it could help. It may the Judge is tick boxing - welfare report first - then see what's what.
 
Good morning mate.

Really sorry to read that this latest outcome isn't what you wanted. But, as others have said, it isn't the final outcome.

Please, please, sit tight for a while. Vent away on here but do not allow this injustice to influence your daughter's future with you.
 
Ash said:
Judge seemed a bit useless - on the one hand decided categorically this wasn't an alienation situation (even though the word hadn't been mentioned), on the other hand described some concerning influencing behaviours on child. Sounds like a lot of bluster and no action.
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This is the same as what the judge reported in my partners case. Judge agreed that my partners ex had been trying to get daughter to believe my partner had kidnapped her twice and found that ex had been calling my partner names and belittling him to daughter, but said there was no evidence of alienation by the ex.

I don’t understand how these judges can agree that these mothers are doing actions like these but not see it as alienating. What other reason would a mother have to influence her child if it was not to alienate and destroy the relationship between the child and father? To me that’s just common sense.

I’m sorry the hearing didn’t go the way it should have for you. I hope the judge can take their blinkers off in time for your next hearing and do right by you and your little girl.
 
To me that’s just common sense.
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Exactly! The Judge seems to have been blinded by the SW - who will have put the case of the child's welfare in the middle of this no doubt. Well yes but who is causing the issues?!! The problem is the SW was supporting the Mother.

As Northern Soul says - sit tight - this isn't the final outcome. Something may yet come out of this. There is an expression "give them enough rope and they'll hang themselves" and if your ex gets too confident she may well slip up and then it will be clear to all.
 
Hi all.

So wanted to update you all.

I had a meeting today with sw ex and my little girl which really wasn’t a meeting it was just time for me and ex to speak with little one and for me also to hopefully have a bit of time with her on my own.

And I can say it went amazingly ❤️, once sw and mum left the room she was her usual happy self playing with me and zero hostility and anger. To say I’m made up is an understatement I had to hold back tears as she is absolute world and finally seeing her again and being able to be how we used to was the best feeling ever. She even took a photo with me 😀.

To me it shows that I’m not the problem and never have been but I’m under no illusion that I have a long way to go as sw was still saying things and ignoring things as she usually does which makes this fight so much harder but a huge amount of positives came out of today. I’m seeing her again on Sunday at soft play where mum may stay she may not we have said that little one can decide as I don’t want to pressure her to soon given how things have been.

I think I might also get to see her on her bday and Xmas it might only be for a little bit but I’ll take that for now.

I’m again back where I was all those months ago so I’m not getting my hopes up to much but I do know that my little girl loves me and she does want me around today proves that.
 
DB2021 said:
Hi all.

So wanted to update you all.

I had a meeting today with sw ex and my little girl which really wasn’t a meeting it was just time for me and ex to speak with little one and for me also to hopefully have a bit of time with her on my own.

And I can say it went amazingly ❤️, once sw and mum left the room she was her usual happy self playing with me and zero hostility and anger. To say I’m made up is an understatement I had to hold back tears as she is absolute world and finally seeing her again and being able to be how we used to was the best feeling ever. She even took a photo with me 😀.

To me it shows that I’m not the problem and never have been but I’m under no illusion that I have a long way to go as sw was still saying things and ignoring things as she usually does which makes this fight so much harder but a huge amount of positives came out of today. I’m seeing her again on Sunday at soft play where mum may stay she may not we have said that little one can decide as I don’t want to pressure her to soon given how things have been.

I think I might also get to see her on her bday and Xmas it might only be for a little bit but I’ll take that for now.

I’m again back where I was all those months ago so I’m not getting my hopes up to much but I do know that my little girl loves me and she does want me around today proves that.
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Yes man!! I bet you're on cloud 9, I know how you feel. Well done for keeping calm. Keep going! Your daughter adores you, ofcourse she does. Glad it was all positive DB.
 
So this is when they say - child isn't alienated. You can argue that she isn't but that she doesn't have emotional permission from Mum to be with you, when SW isn't involved.
 
winger said:
Yes man!! I bet you're on cloud 9, I know how you feel. Well done for keeping calm. Keep going! Your daughter adores you, ofcourse she does. Glad it was all positive DB.
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Thanx Winger I am it was very emotional but I held it together and just enjoyed that time with her.

It’s the first steps on another long road but one I will be happily going down no matter how long it takes.
 
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Ash said:
So this is when they say - child isn't alienated. You can argue that she isn't but that she doesn't have emotional permission from Mum to be with you, when SW isn't involved.
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I thought the exact same thing and am mindful and wary of everything.

Just got to take one step at a time and deal with each situation when it happens.
 
How long were you with your daughter?
Every minute is wonderful, it means everything, and the time goes too fast. But this will change, I keep reminding myself of that, and not dwell on the things that don't matter, but look to the positive future. It's coming. keep strong 💪🏻
 
winger said:
How long were you with your daughter?
Every minute is wonderful, it means everything, and the time goes too fast. But this will change, I keep reminding myself of that, and not dwell on the things that don't matter, but look to the positive future. It's coming. keep strong 💪🏻
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Apologies Winger don’t know why it changed the name to magic above 🤦‍♂️.

Only an hr but it’s the first hour in 3 months so it was the most amazing hour and I’ll take that for now just being with her again and having her be how she used to be with me is what mattered the most. But your right the time just doesn’t last long enough.

I try my hardest everyday to have that mindset but it is tough sometimes especially when you know what’s really going on yet your ignored at every turn but today is a huge huge positive and one I really needed so I’m looking forward with hope and excitement but also not getting ahead of myself
 
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