Advice What can I do???

[Peanut 21]

When I look back now, I'm disgusted that my partner had 6 months of seeing his son in a CC, at his expense, when there are no safeguarding concerns about him.
I'm glad he did it to get reports from different staff members to prove he is no threat. But I wouldn't go through that if it's not necessary.

 

[Peanut 21]

Cc services

 

[Ash]

See what happens at the first hearing. There is no reason for supervised time.

 

[Ash]

I take Peanut's point though, that a contact centre report could say there are no issues with you. But see how things go. There are no issues with you anyway because you've already got a court order.

This is more or less what happened to me - the first order wasn't tight enough and my ex took advantage of it and started alienating my son and I had to apply to vary for a shared care order. Which I got. The alienating behaviours were noted and commented on and my ex stopped after that and followed the order as she had been rumbled and lost sole residency - so feared another court application.

 

[DB2021]

See what happens at the first hearing. There is no reason for supervised time.

I’m not looking for supervised time at all but given daughters behaviour towards me at the minute even if judge orders ex to comply with existing order I don’t think my little girl will come with me that’s why I mentioned supported so that I can get back to seeing her and spending time with her.

I feel Pick ups and drop offs at exs to me are no longer viable given ex’s behaviour so was more what are the options I could put forward.

And I have zero intention of a contact centre as you both say there is no reason for that.

 

[Ash]

Posted at the same time I just posted above your last one. I think it's too soon to think about that just yet.

 

[DB2021]

Posted at the same time I just posted above your last one. I think it's too soon to think about that just yet.

I do sometimes get ahead of myself haha.

I’m just going to focus on the now wait for the costs from CFS fingers crossed then go from there.

Position statement is the most important thing for now not what may happen down the line got to remind myself of that sometimes

 

[Ash]

Yes it's better to wait till nearer the time to do the PS as you won't know what will happen between now and then, to update "the position".

 

[DB2021]

Yes it's better to wait till nearer the time to do the PS as you won't know what will happen between now and then, to update "the position".

Yes exactly and I have the email ex sent to put in the statement as clearly shows she’s now of the view I’m out our daughters life until she’s at least 16.

 

[Ash]

Unfortunately you can’t put that in the position statement. Evidence can only be submitted with a final statement- but maybe that’s what you meant.

 

[Resolute]

Not sure I can have the original order followed as little on is fully aligned with mum now so even if ordered she won’t come with me.
[/QUOTE]

A judge would expect a child your daughter's age to do as they are told by their parents. If time with you is court ordered it is not an option for her to consider, it is what happens.

The court might set your ex straight on this. She cannot prime your daughter to refuse and stand there passively while it happens. She has to tell the child what is happening.

Perhaps a line or two of the position statement can cover this. I defer to Ash, but I'd be tempted to ask the court to make expectations clear to your ex.

 

[Peanut 21]

Unfortunately you can’t put that in the position statement. Evidence can only be submitted with a final statement- but maybe that’s what you meant.

Although he can alude to this in the statement. He could say something like:

"I feel that Ms ex has been influencing my daughter in not wanting to spend time with me. On (date) Ms Ex emailed me to suggest creating contact details for my daughter to contact me when she's 16. Apparently this is what my 5 year old daughter has asked for. I am concerned this is putting a huge burden on my daughter."

Something like that?

 

[Ash]

Yes it could be explained in the position statement. Some thought would need to be given as to how much you want to reveal now and how much you want to keep for evidence later but it could be mentioned partially at least.

The court are sure to order a section 7 report and then more things could be mentioned perhaps.

 

[Resolute]

Yes it could be explained in the position statement. Some thought would need to be given as to how much you want to reveal now and how much you want to keep for evidence later but it could be mentioned partially at least.

The court are sure to order a section 7 report and then more things could be mentioned perhaps.

I would mention what is happening without giving any specifics for the first hearing. Just general statements about the negative behaviour and lack of support from ex. Give her a chance to deny it. Evidence is better used much later down the line in my view. I'd even be reluctant to share much key evidence with author of S7 report. You may end up having their faulty analysis to overcome before you can get through to the court. Your evidence might already have been deemed irrelevant by the court's adviser. If it is fresh there is more chance of a knockdown.

EDIT
Might be an idea to include things your ex could do to help with the order being followed, e.g. taking your daughter to a neutral handover location, having her ready to leave, reassuring and encouraging through any uncertainty... She'll probably say she does and will continue to do this stuff. Set herself up for a fall.

 

[DB2021]

Yeah that’s what I meant about mentioning it in the position statement but actually I think keeping that back is a better option. Hopefully I’ll get the judge to allow a ISW and I’ll then raise it with them either normally or if there is a section 7 ordered which I suspect there will be.

Biggest hurdle is making sure current social worker doesn’t get to write any further reports apart from the initial one.

 

[Resolute]

Biggest hurdle is making sure current social worker doesn’t get to write any further reports apart from the initial one.

Hopefully the initial one will give you enough to discredit her. If she puts too much weight on your daughter parroting your ex, and does nothing to account for the drastic change since her earlier assessment. She might give you the rope to hang her with.

P.s. Do you have a copy of the assessment where your daughter said she wants more time with you?

 

[Ash]

I asked that too and it seems it was just verbal - is that right DB2021? So I suggested he do a SAR to see what was written.

 

[DB2021]

I asked that too and it seems it was just verbal - is that right DB2021? So I suggested he do a SAR to see what was written.

Yes it was verbal. I have done a SAR just waiting on them now.

Was supposed to have had a child’s and family’s assessment completed already but haven’t received that despite being told it would be finished 2 weeks ago.

I wonder do I email social worker and ask if I’m going to receive this?

 

[Ash]

I'd let her contact you.

 

[DB2021]

Hi All.

So I’ve just had the Child In Need meeting which actually just turned out to be a call with the social worker school didn’t bother to attend.

Went as expected social worker again saying “I have a child saying x y z”

“Mam has re assured me that she is doing all she can blah blah blah”

She did say to start taking round little cards etc for my little girl and ex is happy for me to do this supposedly but again I have to trust ex to give her them etc. again social worker has said “mum reassured me that she would”

Play therapy is not happening as little one has refused to go so social worker has said there is nothing she can do.

She asked me out right if I think mum is behind this and I said yes maybe not the best idea but I’m not going to lie didn’t go into the whys etc just said yes. She then said “you will obviously speak to court about that”.

She knows I’m asking for an ISW which she just said “we will have to see what the court orders” but she wasn’t rude about it or anything.

Still goes on about how the court needs to know what my little girl is saying and her wishes etc.

Wasn’t as bad as I was expecting though Tbf she didn’t talk down to me or anything like that and didn’t dismiss me just said “she doesn’t know what else to do to try and get to the bottom of this” and also she worries that I will lose my relationship with her.

Also that I should have spoken to my daughter about going back to court “but she understood I didn’t get the chance with ex stoping my time with her”

I’m going to send a card off Moonpig with a few pictures of us to start with and think about what else I can do as I don’t feel comfortable going round her house anymore so makes it more difficult to drop little things off each week.

Any advice would be appreciated as always.