Advice What can I do???

[DB2021]

So sadly Wx has now cancelled the arranged time with my daughter at soft play on Sunday .

This is due to her claiming our daughter is scared of her leaving and the sw then recommending that she cancel it as she is very concerned and worried by this.

It’s a complete joke now sw saw at the meeting that my little girl was happy and completely comfortable with me yet again all ex has to do is claim something and all that is just ignored.

What’s the point anymore as it doesn’t matter what I do or how well things go infront of these people it just takes ex to claim our little girl has said something else and wrote another note and I’m cut out again.

Has anyone successfully had a Social Worker removed from there case? As I just don’t see any other option because if this is allowed to continue I won’t ever see my little girl again

 

[DB2021]

This is what I have wrote to send to the sw. I haven’t sent it yet though as would like anyone’s thoughts.


Dear xxxxx.



I have received today a message from xxxxx saying she is cancelling Sunday’s time with xxxxx at soft play due to your recommendation.



I am extremely disappointed at this as I’m sure you can agree after seeing both xxxxx and myself together on Thursday that she was perfectly happy and comfortable with me and showed no signs whatsoever of being scared of me nor has she ever raised concerns like this throughout the last 4 years so I completely disagree that she is scared of me.



It concerns me very much that despite such a positive outcome on Thursday where xxxxx openly expressed her wishes about spending time with me, again this has dramatically changed overnight.


I would like to suggest that, in future, until the next hearing, I spend time with xxxxx at a contact centre weekly, where there will be supervision but she will also be able to spend time with me without her Mum being present, as I think she will not be able to relax and be herself if she knows Mum is there.



I would also like to suggest that alternative support is looked into given the extreme separation anxiety xxxxx is showing as I don’t feel this is healthy for her as she has 2 perfectly safe and loving parents and spending time with me whilst her mum is present is not only confusing for her but doesn’t help alleviate the anxiety I feel it actually makes it worse.



Regards

 

[winger]

This is what I have wrote to send to the sw. I haven’t sent it yet though as would like anyone’s thoughts.


Dear xxxxx.



I have received today a message from xxxxx saying she is cancelling Sunday’s time with xxxxx at soft play due to your recommendation.



I am extremely disappointed at this as I’m sure you can agree after seeing both xxxxx and myself together on Thursday that she was perfectly happy and comfortable with me and showed no signs whatsoever of being scared of me nor has she ever raised concerns like this throughout the last 4 years so I completely disagree that she is scared of me.



It concerns me very much that despite such a positive outcome on Thursday where xxxxx openly expressed her wishes about spending time with me, again this has dramatically changed overnight.


I would like to suggest that, in future, until the next hearing, I spend time with xxxxx at a contact centre weekly, where there will be supervision but she will also be able to spend time with me without her Mum being present, as I think she will not be able to relax and be herself if she knows Mum is there.



I would also like to suggest that alternative support is looked into given the extreme separation anxiety xxxxx is showing as I don’t feel this is healthy for her as she has 2 perfectly safe and loving parents and spending time with me whilst her mum is present is not only confusing for her but doesn’t help alleviate the anxiety I feel it actually makes it worse.



Regards

Sorry to hear that DB, keep fighting buddy.
Do you have anyone in the community who could do a handover, and be the 'supervision'? Such as paternal grandmother, or a friend who knows your daughter well? Don't know if the ex would go for that but it would be nicer for you and your daughter than a contact centre, plus it's free.

I hope there is a way you can change SW's as like you say that one sounds like she isn't experienced enough to deal with what is going on.

 

[DB2021]

Sorry to hear that DB, keep fighting buddy.
Do you have anyone in the community who could do a handover, and be the 'supervision'? Such as paternal grandmother, or a friend who knows your daughter well? Don't know if the ex would go for that but it would be nicer for you and your daughter than a contact centre, plus it's free.

I hope there is a way you can change SW's as like you say that one sounds like she isn't experienced enough to deal with what is going on.

I do but really given the narrative both ex and sw are trying to build having it supervised by a contact centre will give me evidence that it’s complete bullshit.

I don’t want to be in one but I’m getting hammered constantly by them both whilst the conspire behind my back and act like I’m a danger when there’s zero evidence of that and especially sw has seen many many times how happy and comfortable my little girl is with me.

Something needs to change dramatically because this continuing as it is will only lead to me being cut out her life completely.

 

[Ash]

I think a contact centre would be a good move as you'll get contact centre reports - but it wouldn't surprise me if your ex scuppers it saying child refuses to attend.

 

[Peanut 21]

I think a contact centre would be a good move as you'll get contact centre reports - but it wouldn't surprise me if your ex scuppers it saying child refuses to attend.

Can then be used it court highlighting mother not encouraging the child.

 

[Ash]

I think he's already tried the "Mother not encouraging child" and the Judge didn't accept it. Which was pretty bad. DB could do with a different Judge.

 

[winger]

Independent SW?

 

[DB2021]

Independent SW?

That’s what I asked for Winger and judge didn’t even bother to look properly at application.

Said at hearing he hadn’t read it but he wouldn’t be ordering one as he doesn’t believe it’s alienation as we would know by now was his words.

Small positive is it does say in order that he may re look at appointing a guardian but given what sw and ex are doing now I’ll be surprised if I’m not given indirect contact.

 

[Ash]

Appointing a guardian could help though. That at least would be a Cafcass officer and not SW. I don't think they can say go away and indirect contact only when you've done nothing wrong. Next stage would be to ask for a Guardian.

 

[DB2021]

Appointing a guardian could help though. That at least would be a Cafcass officer and not SW. I don't think they can say go away and indirect contact only when you've done nothing wrong. Next stage would be to ask for a Guardian.

Yeah you would think they can’t but with ex and sw pushing this she’s scared of me and full of anxiety the judge could easily say it’s best I’m not around to stop that. And also sw has said many times if I think one of the parents is doing what’s best for xxxxx it’s a threat and is trying to push me into accepting everything they say and do which I’m just not willing to do anymore.

But yeah that’s what I’ll be asking for at next hearing.

 

[Ash]

It's a shame you can't have someone fighting your corner at hearings. Very unfair when people can't afford legal representation. But you can have a good position statement, and you can appeal if it doesn't go well. And I would as well because then you'd get a different Judge. But all that is jumping the gun a bit. One thing you maybe could try and get, if a Guardian was appointed, is psychological assessments - again ask Peanut about that.

 

[DB2021]

It's a shame you can't have someone fighting your corner at hearings. Very unfair when people can't afford legal representation. But you can have a good position statement, and you can appeal if it doesn't go well. And I would as well because then you'd get a different Judge. But all that is jumping the gun a bit. One thing you maybe could try and get, if a Guardian was appointed, is psychological assessments - again ask Peanut about that.

Ohh I know I just have to see what happens at next hearing.

But it’s tough to sit and wait when you can clearly see what is happening ever after been seen with little one where she was so happy and comfortable it’s just madness and is pushing me to my limit

 

[Ash]

I think patience is the key but it is very unpleasant for you and knowing your little girl wants to see you. But I do think she will be thinking - Daddy will sort this out. She knows you haven't gone away. That's something that kept me going. My son saw I tried everything. And hadn't given up. If I had failed he would still know I tried and wanted him.

 

[DB2021]

I think patience is the key but it is very unpleasant for you and knowing your little girl wants to see you. But I do think she will be thinking - Daddy will sort this out. She knows you haven't gone away. That's something that kept me going. My son saw I tried everything. And hadn't given up. If I had failed he would still know I tried and wanted him.

I hope so that’s the toughest part about all this is wondering how she is feeling and if she knows that I’m fighting so hard for her and us.

But patience is not a good feeling not in this and the worst time of year for me with it being her birthday soon and Xmas really does push me to the edge

 

[Peanut 21]

Sadly it takes bliming ages to prove the pattern.
I've private messaged DB recently about my partners situation re:guardian.
The Judge can order it. Individuals can't request it but no harm in nudging the judge in that direction if they've hinted at it before.
DB hasn't done anything so needs to keep priving a pattern.

 

[DB2021]

Sadly it takes bliming ages to prove the pattern.
I've private messaged DB recently about my partners situation re:guardian.
The Judge can order it. Individuals can't request it but no harm in nudging the judge in that direction if they've hinted at it before.
DB hasn't done anything so needs to keep priving a pattern.

There’s a clear pattern that’s for sure. There has been from the very start. Kids don’t come happily for a cpl of months then turn on a parent as much as my little on has. And now every time there positive things ex brings something new up. But sadly social worker laps it up banging on just how concerned and worried she is now yet has no concerns at all over things ex has said and the such drastic change in my little girl in the space of literally 12hrs.

Even said in emails yesterday that she is sure ex will do what is best for xxxxx it’s infuriating to see such bias and such ineptitude. But one day I’ll expose the sw and my ex I’m certain of that no matter how long it takes.

 

[DB2021]

Hi All.

So it’s my little girls birthday today .

And sadly she didn’t want to see me and she didn’t want me take her presents around.

I did and she was at the door but she was very hostile and horrible to me and then said “I don’t want any ugly stupid presents from you” so I just said Happy Birthday and I love you and left.

I’m just so heartbroken by it all it’s tearing me apart and I just no longer feel like a dad anymore I’m not going to get to see her at Christmas either and now the power has been given back to ex I just don’t see it ever getting any better.

How does anyone cope at this time of year being alone and living so close to your little one but knowing your so so far away from them.

 

[winger]

Hi All.

So it’s my little girls birthday today .

And sadly she didn’t want to see me and she didn’t want me take her presents around.

I did and she was at the door but she was very hostile and horrible to me and then said “I don’t want any ugly stupid presents from you” so I just said Happy Birthday and I love you and left.

I’m just so heartbroken by it all it’s tearing me apart and I just no longer feel like a dad anymore I’m not going to get to see her at Christmas either and now the power has been given back to ex I just don’t see it ever getting any better.

How does anyone cope at this time of year being alone and living so close to your little one but knowing your so so far away from them.

Oh man, DB I feel for you, you're story is heart wrenching, I'm sorry you're going through this, it's just so wrong.

All I can say is that it will get better, your daughter may sound and look hostile but she doesn't understand what she is doing, she's being told what to do, or even re enacting what the mother has said. It's very wrong, and it must be hard to see that. I would try to focus on that though, it's not her, and that it will change, keep going keep fighting for you both and for what is right, things will change.

 

[DB2021]

Oh man, DB I feel for you, you're story is heart wrenching, I'm sorry you're going through this, it's just so wrong.

All I can say is that it will get better, your daughter may sound and look hostile but she doesn't understand what she is doing, she's being told what to do, or even re enacting what the mother has said. It's very wrong, and it must be hard to see that. I would try to focus on that though, it's not her, and that it will change, keep going keep fighting for you both and for what is right, things will change.

Thanx Winger I really hope so and I will just a horrible time of year for this to be happening.

We are only human and only have so much in us. Seeing her like that just hurts more than anything I’ve ever been through.