It say something along the lines of " if you do not follow the child arrangement order you maybe sent to prison and/or fined or made to do unpaid work"
Anything like that and you have a warning notice. It would be the c79 as Ash said above.
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Advice What can I do???
- Thread starter DB2021
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Anything like that and you have a warning notice. It would be the c79 as Ash said above.
So should I send that email to her now? Or wait and see how this next week goes?
Thing with Wednesday is we didn’t speak at all when we got back to her house so she could argue that I just brought her back which clearly I didn’t as why would I and I haven’t mentioned the things that our daughter said to me that day walking back.
I’m guessing though I need to be sending this email so it makes it clear I’m not okay with what is happening without outright accusing her.
Will be fun on Wednesday though as it’s our daughters sports day so we will both be there and I know when I send this email she will go atomic
It won't matter waiting a bit to refer to Friday. If it's sports day wednesday and you'll be there and it's your time after school - see what happens - you might get a repeat of Friday. Then see what happens Thursday then send the email addressing a few things.
So just been to the sports day.
And sadly no change.
Ex and partner were there but I stood away from them, when she was about to race she saw me and spat and told me I shouldn’t be there but then looked at mum and partner and gave a thumbs up so I’m left with no choice now as I know how picking her up from school is going to go.
So I need to access mediation first before I submit an application?
And should I send an email to ex reminding her etc of responsibility’s?
Sad part for me is I don’t really have any evidence of anything other than daughters behaviour but I know now that I have no choice but to at least try to challenge this.
It’s so obviously alienation but whether I can stop it or fix it I don’t know anymore.
And sadly no change.
Ex and partner were there but I stood away from them, when she was about to race she saw me and spat and told me I shouldn’t be there but then looked at mum and partner and gave a thumbs up so I’m left with no choice now as I know how picking her up from school is going to go.
So I need to access mediation first before I submit an application?
And should I send an email to ex reminding her etc of responsibility’s?
Sad part for me is I don’t really have any evidence of anything other than daughters behaviour but I know now that I have no choice but to at least try to challenge this.
It’s so obviously alienation but whether I can stop it or fix it I don’t know anymore.
I am very sorry to hear this. This will have been encouraged for her to do this publicly to make others think she doesn't like you. I had something very similar (also on sports day but not as bad as spitting). However the school, teachers and other parents, had all seen the good relationship I had with my son for years and knew it was abnormal and knew it was clearly expected of him because his Mother and Stepdad were there.
It’s horrible having to watch it happen. The scowls I get then the big smiles looking the other way tbh it hurt more as I saw her give exs partner a huge cuddle and kiss before she went into school and I haven’t had one of those for so long but it just shows even more than she is trying to erase me out of her life and get our daughter to only view her and partner as her family.
Obviously I’m supposed to be picking her up later from school but given this morning I suspect she will walk straight home again.
So do I just find a mediator and apply? Or do I get application ready before hand?
I want to start the ball rolling this week as enough is enough I just need some support in doing things completely right this time.
Also I don’t have what you had the school will have seen for a cpl of months that things were good when picking her up from school but apart from that I don’t speak to any parents as I’ve not been doing it very long.
I had a reply from headteacher who said she has forwarded it onto my daughters teacher to arrange but I’ve heard nothing from her yet.
Let us know if pick up happens today. It may still do. My ex still let my son come after school, despite all the games in public.
As for mediation and application. I would get a mediation appointment booked, and meanwhile get the application completed, ready to go as soon as you have the mediation appointment (if needed). So simultaenously really.
As for mediation and application. I would get a mediation appointment booked, and meanwhile get the application completed, ready to go as soon as you have the mediation appointment (if needed). So simultaenously really.
I will I’ll update later today.
Okay I’ll get that set up in next day or so.
Will you be able to help with how I word application etc and what to ask for as I don’t want to make any mistakes as I don’t have any real evidence of ex doing things only what my daughter has said to me and her behaviour.
I do suspect this may have something to do with starting her bedroom as it’s since then her behaviour has dramatically changed towards me.
This sentence really shows what is wrong with the situation. It seems your daughter is being burdened with the choice about who she spends time with. The arrangement should not be left to a young child, I hope the court would see that straight away. It is your ex's duty to tell the child what is happening and make the arrangement work.
It must be so hard for you to keep dealing with what is going on. It is great you are keeping at it so your daughter can see the problem is not with you. When I was in your situation the schools were closed because of Covid. Child would scream and shout, slam doors in my face, do anything to cause a scene when I turned up at ex's new flat. I don't know if there is a 'right' way to deal with this, but I stayed very calm and positive. Always refused to let a negative response to the performance be seen. My reaction was to show love, concern, and always focus on wanting to cooperate so we can have a nice time. You are probably doing the same, but wanted to share in case it helps. If talking about having a nice time or being friends hits home, she might come on board.
Good luck
That’s the problem ex has stated it’s not her responsibility to encourage it or say to our daughter those things, she said this at last conference we had before case was closed and social worker didn’t say anything which has obviously given her power in thinking she can do what she is doing.This sentence really shows what is wrong with the situation. It seems your daughter is being burdened with the choice about who she spends time with. The arrangement should not be left to a young child, I hope the court would see that straight away. It is your ex's duty to tell the child what is happening and make the arrangement work.
It must be so hard for you to keep dealing with what is going on. It is great you are keeping at it so your daughter can see the problem is not with you. When I was in your situation the schools were closed because of Covid. Child would scream and shout, slam doors in my face, do anything to cause a scene when I turned up at ex's new flat. I don't know if there is a 'right' way to deal with this, but I stayed very calm and positive. Always refused to let a negative response to the performance be seen. My reaction was to show love, concern, and always focus on wanting to cooperate so we can have a nice time. You are probably doing the same, but wanted to share in case it helps. If talking about having a nice time or being friends hits home, she might come on board.
Good luck
I try all sorts to make the situation better but it just doesn’t work, I’ve tried the distraction technique the letting her know where we’re going nothing works as she refuses to talk to me as soon as I try and speak I get hostility etc.
I’ve only ever got upset once at the beggining I tried not to but all of this hurts more than anything ive ever experienced and the toll it’s taking on me is immeasurable but I know I am strong enough to keep going and I will keep going no matter what.
I have been reading up about how to handle it when it happens so this afternoon I will speak and then go quiet and not give a reaction to it if it’s goes as I suspect it will.
The reason I mentioned negative responses is because I realised at the beginning that my negative response reinforced the problem I wanted to fix. When my kid managed to get a negative reaction from me it did my ex's job for her, confirmed the poisonous narrative.
When you say "she will walk straight home", do you mean with you? Or, is your ex there in the wings to take her when she refuses?
When you say "she will walk straight home", do you mean with you? Or, is your ex there in the wings to take her when she refuses?
No I know and I have made a few mistakes but I’ve got my mind right now to make sure that I don’t reinforce things and just to be calm and not to engage with any of it.
Well I wouldn’t say with me but I follow behind and make sure she’s safe. She doesn’t like this at all and usually says all the nasty stuff during this walk and that “her mam lets her walk home by herself”
Isn't she 5? That seems a little young to be walking home by herself to me. I thought the school would make sure a parent is there before letting a child that age leave. Is there a possibility of foul play? I mean your ex setting you up to look like you are not supervising your daughter.
Yeah she’s 5 so I know she isn’t allowed to walk home on her own by her mum it’s just daughters way of saying she doesn’t want me there I think.
No I don’t think so as the school doesn’t realise child until parent is at door it’s more I think she’s being told to walk home by mum and possibly partner which she obviously will do as she’s aligning with her mum her behaviour clearly shows that.
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