Very vulnerable and feel afraid. False allegations against me.

[DB2021]

Skip parents evening on this occasion. You could email the school saying unfortunately I am unable to attend parents evening on this occasion. Please let me know if you have any concerns about the children and if they are doing ok in school, as at present there is litigation underway between their mother and myself. Kind regards, you.

Good evidence for the future as well as its child focused.

A break sounds good but send your C100 draft to me first

Ahhh is that would you would advise Ash?

Just so I know for future reference in case ex try’s anything with me.

Apologies I thought I’d seen letting the police know beforehand would stop any issues.

 

[Kyle]

Vital to spend some time away from the struggle, both physically and mentally. You still have a life to live. The wheels will still be turning while you're away. Go and try and have some fun if you can. Go see a comedy show. Watch some live music. Go sight seeing. Try to bring some sense of enjoyment back for the duration of your visit. (Go careful on the alcohol if you like a beer etc, alcohol is a depressant).

I would want to attend the Parents Evening personally, so I am also torn, but given the circumstances it might be best to give it a miss this time, just to avoid any inflammation. There will be others in the future when the conflict has been stabilised.

 

[Peanut 21]

Have a good weekend @MountainGoat

A break it exactly what you need!

 

[Ash]

Ahhh is that would you would advise Ash?

Just so I know for future reference in case ex try’s anything with me.

Apologies I thought I’d seen letting the police know beforehand would stop any issues.

As Kyle says, there will be other opportunities and an email can be effective.

 

[nothernsoul]

Can they do a call on zoom?

 

[MagicJ]

Can they do a call on zoom?

The Schools can be helpful but that tends to usually be within the confines of their existing structures.
If there is sufficient number of exceptions to the rule, good schools then tend to put additional procedures in place.

It's definitely worth asking the question, as you never know, this may lead them to change!

 

[MountainGoat]

Hi everyone,

I went away to London and had a great weekend. Plenty of nice food, way too much to drink, but a much needed getaway. And for once the trafic on trhe M25 seemed in my favour. A very easy drive!

Now I'm back to face the music and take the bull by the horns!

Solicititor has said that since stbx has taken extra time to do her statement and got an extension (as solicitor was on holiday), we can also take our time and my witnesses can update their statements so this is what is being done. This also means they will be more up to date.

I'm finishing off my evidence reply to hers.

I have contacted the childrens social worker on multiple occasions to help in sorting out child care and enphasising the need for a father in childrens lives but she is not at all helpful. I wonder if there is someone higher I can go to.

Theres got to be something I can do to stop stx cutting me off like this.

 

[winger]

That's great glad you've had a nice time away!
Did you manage to get the C100 done?

 

[Peanut 21]

Theres got to be something I can do to stop stx cutting me off like this.

I imagine every single dad on here has asked that question.
Sadly it's a frustrating process of going through the motions.
There is no punishment towards the mothers who do this.

 

[Kyle]

I went away to London and had a great weekend.

That's good to hear. There needs to be an outlet for maintaining self-preservation somewhere.

Solicititor has said that since stbx has taken extra time to do her statement and got an extension (as solicitor was on holiday), we can also take our time and my witnesses can update their statements so this is what is being done. This also means they will be more up to date.

Solicitors do enjoy dragging things out. Why wouldn't they? They get paid £300 an hour! Remember you're the client. Ask questions. Demand explanations. Don't be dictated to.

I have contacted the childrens social worker on multiple occasions to help in sorting out child care and enphasising the need for a father in childrens lives but she is not at all helpful.

From my experience, Childrens Services in this country couldn't be any worse. They are only there to oversee the welfare of the children on behalf of the Local Authority. They won't get involved in the dispute between you and the ex.

Theres got to be something I can do to stop stx cutting me off like this.

Yes, there is. Apply for that Child Arrangements Order with your own C100 application. Your Order is a legally binding schedule with your children that should prevent the ex dictating when you see them. It doesn't stop them trying and breaching it though, but at least there is some kind of authoratitive back-up that can be called upon when they do. Which is better than nothing, despite the back-logs and lengthy waits for hearings.

 

[MountainGoat]

Hi everyone,

I have been told that we are going to take my C100 and then reply to her C100.

Right now i have to focus on my evidence against her non molestation and non occupation order that I am contesting.
I have written a book nearly the amount of things I want to say. It needs to be in by Friday.

Do you think it is worth including the valentines cards in my evidence too which shows she is saying "together forever", that she "loves me and is "so happy for all our time together" as part of my collection of evidence as it shows she is obviously not suffering from domestic violence throughout the relationship. Or is this clutching at straws? I am thinking the more evidence the better?

Thankyou all.

 

[winger]

Hi everyone,

I have been told that we are going to take my C100 and then reply to her C100.

Right now i have to focus on my evidence against her non molestation and non occupation order that I am contesting.
I have written a book nearly the amount of things I want to say. It needs to be in by Friday.

Do you think it is worth including the valentines cards in my evidence too which shows she is saying "together forever", that she "loves me and is "so happy for all our time together" as part of my collection of evidence as it shows she is obviously not suffering from domestic violence throughout the relationship. Or is this clutching at straws? I am thinking the more evidence the better?

Thankyou all.

Good get the C100 done, the longer it isn't done the longer your process.

I don't think I'd bother with the cards, I know what you're saying though. Text messages from her are better, audio, video, that contradicts what she is saying about you.

 

[MountainGoat]

Thankyou for your help.

Just a question, whilst she is stopping me seeing my children I can therfore not be doing a 50/50 split of child care or any split of child care. This is not by choice. It is due to her refusing to let me see the children.
So should I still be paying child maintenance when I have said I would have the children on set days.

Thankyou.

 

[winger]

Thankyou for your help.

Just a question, whilst she is stopping me seeing my children I can therfore not be doing a 50/50 split of child care or any split of child care. This is not by choice. It is due to her refusing to let me see the children.
So should I still be paying child maintenance when I have said I would have the children on set days.

Thankyou.

I have no idea about this, sorry. Ash might know more.

 

[nothernsoul]

My understanding is yes.

It's a rotten situation.

You want 50/50

You are denied this.

And you'll pay for the privilege of not having it.

Use the government calculator to get a guide of what you should be paying.

 

[MountainGoat]

Thanknyou. It absoutely sucks doesnt it. When will the law become fair!

I am not going to wait months/years to see my children and will go to the moon and back if it kills me to get justice.

 

[Ash]

Unfortunately yes, you're legally obliged to pay, based on what your ex tells the CMS. Unless you have a Child Arrangements order saying otherwise. What is the situation with the C100 now? Has she actually submitted one? Did you check with the court if one had been received? I wouldn't delay, despite what the solicitor says. Delay is the enemy. I understand your focusing on the other matter, but getting the C100 done doesn't take long, send it off and put it out of mind while dealing with the other thing. The longer it's delayed, the longer before you can see your kids.

It's not necessarily the case that success or failure re the other case will dictate whether or not you see your kids, but without a Child Arrangements application in progress, you won't get to see them at all.

 

[MountainGoat]

Hi everyone,
I hope all the dads out there are doing alright.

It has been a few weeks since I last posted and I thought it was time to give an update.

I needed a little time away to get myself in a better place and to take a break. Constantly over thinking and over analysing things was not good.

As some of you may know I am contesting a non occupation and non molestation order. My stbx was meantto have her evidence in by the 4th December but failed to do so and instead on that day, her solicitor sent a letter saying it would be much better if we avoided legal costs, better for the kids, overshadow the divorce, etc, if we decided to not continue. Basically anything they could think of to try and persuade me to back down...yet have to accept her orders.
No chance that was happening.
You would have thought someone who wanted to quickly make a non occupation and non molestation order would have had their evidence ready!

So she got an extension because her solicitor had been on holiday. That sounds like absolute b0llucks!

Finally I received her statement with her witness statements. I've never read so much lies in my life. It is lies covering lies.
It even goes to say that injuries she had when she was ill and fell were now stated as saying I did them!

So many things would contradict each other.....such as saying I used to "force her to eat cake" in one sentence but in the next sentence "He would require me to lose weight and force me to be slim so he could fancy me".

And let's not forget a bit of sexual abuse thrown in..... "He would demand we have sex every morning of the week".
What a load of crap. As most of us dads will know, thats very unlikely anyway. Plus unless you are living the life on holiday I don't know one couple who have sex every day. Apparently she would have to get out of bed early to avoid me coming on to her.
Funny that, since I would be up first as have further to get to work and would be making the kids packed-lunches and setting up their breakfast whilst she was fast asleep.

So for the past few weeks I have been focussing on my evidence which has now been handed in.

As I mentioned a little while ago, She had recently put in for a child arrangement order. This was after my kids had 9 fantastic days with me over the Chriustmas break. They wanted to spend more time with me, she got annnoyed my son had requested to spend his birthday with me, she didnt like the fact we phoned her gran with the kids to say happy new year, and she said the kids overheard a conversation with my solicitor. This is manipulating the children and using them against me. What she has done is ten times worse! Telling the kids to lie. etc.

Needless to say, she had a child arrangement order that I received and that my solicitor said we had to reply to.

So over a month of hell where I was not able to even wish them a happy birrthday.
They've been away on their first trip with school and I know nothing about it.

Thankfully I was able to attend the parents evening. I got in there before she could book her slot. I had every right and don't want to be cut off from knowing how they are.

Stbx's solicitor suggested supervised access to see the kids but I'd done nothing wrong so I know I should be grateful for every opportunity but I said no. My kids have also told me they do not like having to talk and be around this lady. I wasnt going to put my kids through that.

So....On Monday I felt I had enough. Something needed to change and I booked an appointment with the family support social worker. She is, at the end of the day meant to be putting the children's welfare first. I'd talked to her before but she wasnt doing much. I said things have got to change and that I'm escalating this, I'm not putting up with this any longer. Please talk to my stbx and tell her she is damaging the children and has no right to be cutting them off from me. I was not giving up on this and being fobbed off again.

Last night I am told that she has spoken to my stbx and that she has now agreed to re-start letting me see the children. She says I will get a letter from her solicitor but that she will be letting me see them every other weekend again. I await to see this letter as no doubt she wll be dictating her own terms again.
Ofcourse this is great news to see the kids who mentioned that they miss me immensely to school and to the social worker.....but at the same time it is exactly what she likes to do. She was able to stop me seeing them and thereby punishing me, she was in control and she loves that.

It is exactly the same as when she accused me of harming my children yet when the police dropped the matter, she had no issue letting me have them for a sleepover the following weekend. If you had any REAL concerns you wouldnt let them anywhere near your kids!

The thing I'm noting in all this is by doing this she is basically saying 1) they dont need supervision so why say that in the first place, and 2) we could have avoided all this time apart that just makes the children suffer. It is evil to do that to the children. I will be noting this and mentioing it as it is putting the children through hell for no reason.

So this is where we are right now.

On the criminal side of things, I was meant to answer my bail last week but they've pushed it another month for the second time now.
It is getting ridiculous. I think they are wanting to wait for the non molestation and non occupation orders and are relying on that. It is really bad as I can't sleep properly with this criminal investigation on top of me. Coersive behavior and stallking. I've told them everything. I don't know why it is dragging so long!

They seem to think I am obsessed with her still and I have made it very clear in my evidence to the court that until November time I did care and just wanted my family back. you dont just throw away 13 years and a family life when everything was one minute "i love you and want to plan our weekend away" to then say "I'm sending you to prison for stalking".
I have however made it very clear that although I care for her and have always been there for her, there is no chance in hell I would go back to her after all the lies and hurt she has put me through.

 

[Peanut 21]

I'm glad you posted @MountainGoat
I was wondering how things were going.
Still early days isn't it but you sound more positive

 

[MountainGoat]

Thanks Peanut. I think I spent way too long trying to fix things when instead I should have been focussing on my children.
The only way I can describe it is a complete head-fuck! She played with my feelings and whether it was because she is ill or not, I hung on to the fact she would be saying she loves me one minute and then throwing me to the wolves the next. I didnt want to break my family and would have done anything to get us back together.
But when she cut me off from my kids this was the final straw. I realised I needed to be strong for my kids and to fight for them.

I have also got some help from my workplace to get some private councelling and have just started this. I think this will be a very positive step as when all of this started I have had to understand police investigations, courts, divorce, not being able to get access to my things and my home, and most importantly the pain and devastation of not being with my children. You have zero time to process anything and the councelling is going to help address this all.

A friend actually sent me an article about someone who was accused of rape and he spent 2 years fighting it and due to the drawn out police investigations it led to him losing his employment, friends, basically labelled him a criminal.....There is no innocent until proven guilty and this is where the law is so messed up in this country now. A persons life can be turned upside down with life changing consequences due to the Police and the time it takes.
It is very wrong.