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The beginning of my journey.
- Thread starter JayMC
- Start date
She was quick off the mark then. She must have had a sign off from the mediator quicker than you then. Or gone to another mediator and got signed off on the day. I think you still need to get your application in and they should consolidate the two. Chase your mediator and say you need it NOW!
Your ex was really quick off the mark then. This is the problem with inviting ex's to mediation, even though you're supposed to. Those who use the internet, especially Mum forums, know that means you're thinking of applying to court so they get in first. It seems very rare for an ex to actually agree to mediation.
So you already know she is going to claim domestic abuse. And if she is she has maybe applied without a MIAM. Expect to receive a C1A as well as a C100. A C1A is for abuse allegations. Try not to worry, it happens a lot and sometimes things are just dismissed very early on. Especially if they are ridiculous allegations or badly written. Another reason it happens a lot is it means she can get legal aid for free lawyers.
So you already know she is going to claim domestic abuse. And if she is she has maybe applied without a MIAM. Expect to receive a C1A as well as a C100. A C1A is for abuse allegations. Try not to worry, it happens a lot and sometimes things are just dismissed very early on. Especially if they are ridiculous allegations or badly written. Another reason it happens a lot is it means she can get legal aid for free lawyers.
I expect it was for the free lawyer purpose.
I am not sure what allegations she has made however, but I’m struggling to think of what she could raise that would even make any sense , my 15 year old son lives with me and is always here when she is so he could see his brother
I am not sure what allegations she has made however, but I’m struggling to think of what she could raise that would even make any sense , my 15 year old son lives with me and is always here when she is so he could see his brother
This all sounds like it was planned with the her and her mother. You need to protect yourself now, do not enter into any direct contact, only email, messages etc. And do not let either of them in your home for any reason at all, even if that means you cannot see your child.
My only communication is via her solicitor these days
Keep it that way. I'm so sorry you're going through this.
Sorry if I'm going off the initial topic a bit.
I think it's really important to work out what sort of people you're dealing with.
This is just my opinion based on what you've said and as there's generally nothing new under the sun.
I believe the grandmother is a controlling woman who has a deeply enmeshed relationship with her daughter. Being close is normal. Texting incessantly and being in each others pockets is not normal. I think she encouraged her daughter to find a man to get her pregnant. Some women are desperate to become grandmothers so they can have another go at raising a child.
Your ex is now the next in line for this pathological parenting style.
These women have personality disorders or other mental health issues.
Do not under estimate what they will do to achieve complete control over your child.
They do not want you and your child to have a bond. It's them and the child and no involvement from you, other than your money. Which they will gladly take every month.
Don't expect them to change and one day be reasonable.
Blocking out the father and being a bitch, is not normal!!! It's emotionally immature and pathetic.
Many people break up but can put their dislike of an ex aside for the childrens sake.
I don't say this to create fear or for you to lose hope.
You need to know your enemy. Which sadly in family court is what the other party becomes.
I'm sorry for the long rant.
It just really angers me the way some women treat men and how fair and reasonable men get blindsided.
Generally men come from a place of looking for solutions and using logic. You won't get it from these types of women. They're led by misplaced trauma response and emotions.
I'm glad you've found this forum for guidance and report.
Rant over.
I think it's really important to work out what sort of people you're dealing with.
This is just my opinion based on what you've said and as there's generally nothing new under the sun.
I believe the grandmother is a controlling woman who has a deeply enmeshed relationship with her daughter. Being close is normal. Texting incessantly and being in each others pockets is not normal. I think she encouraged her daughter to find a man to get her pregnant. Some women are desperate to become grandmothers so they can have another go at raising a child.
Your ex is now the next in line for this pathological parenting style.
These women have personality disorders or other mental health issues.
Do not under estimate what they will do to achieve complete control over your child.
They do not want you and your child to have a bond. It's them and the child and no involvement from you, other than your money. Which they will gladly take every month.
Don't expect them to change and one day be reasonable.
Blocking out the father and being a bitch, is not normal!!! It's emotionally immature and pathetic.
Many people break up but can put their dislike of an ex aside for the childrens sake.
I don't say this to create fear or for you to lose hope.
You need to know your enemy. Which sadly in family court is what the other party becomes.
I'm sorry for the long rant.
It just really angers me the way some women treat men and how fair and reasonable men get blindsided.
Generally men come from a place of looking for solutions and using logic. You won't get it from these types of women. They're led by misplaced trauma response and emotions.
I'm glad you've found this forum for guidance and report.
Rant over.
I completely agree with this. I was reading an article from Karen Woodall regarding PA. It's incessant in certain families, the whole family are involved. And this is certainly the case with my ex and her family. These mothers are controlling of every aspect of the child's life, it is definitely learned behaviour from the mother (grandmother). They never cut the apron strings. The kids are treated as possessions, like an animal. They cannot think for themselves.
The only reason dad's are on this forum is because of of families like this. The dad is just a nuisance and gets in the way of the "loving relationship". So let's remove him from the kids lives but then we'll take him for everything we "deserve" and let him rot in a sea of misery. I'm not doubting there are some dad's that don't care about their kids of course.
In my opinion it would be very simple to fix this problem. No contact for the dad equals no liability to pay for the children. I guarantee this would reduce the number of court cases significantly and would allow the courts to focus on families with genuine issues.
As an example my ex kept demanding I don't drink alcohol when I had my daughter as she might want to come home, I simply replied if xxxx wants to come home I will ensure I get her there. *If* she truly had safeguarding issues why did she allow the contact to go ahead? And surely mum didn't safeguard my daughter as she allowed contact without my agreement not to drink alcohol. As we all know this is just one of many tactics they use.
No safeguarding issues equals automatic 50/50 and no child maintenance. Problem solved .
The only reason dad's are on this forum is because of of families like this. The dad is just a nuisance and gets in the way of the "loving relationship". So let's remove him from the kids lives but then we'll take him for everything we "deserve" and let him rot in a sea of misery. I'm not doubting there are some dad's that don't care about their kids of course.
In my opinion it would be very simple to fix this problem. No contact for the dad equals no liability to pay for the children. I guarantee this would reduce the number of court cases significantly and would allow the courts to focus on families with genuine issues.
As an example my ex kept demanding I don't drink alcohol when I had my daughter as she might want to come home, I simply replied if xxxx wants to come home I will ensure I get her there. *If* she truly had safeguarding issues why did she allow the contact to go ahead? And surely mum didn't safeguard my daughter as she allowed contact without my agreement not to drink alcohol. As we all know this is just one of many tactics they use.
No safeguarding issues equals automatic 50/50 and no child maintenance. Problem solved .
However, there is a presumption that a child needs a relationship with both parents growing up and the usual strategy is to keep being the parent who is child focused and doesn't criticize the ex, give her enough rope and she'll hang herself. What you need is a tightly worded court order that she has to follow. And there is no reason you shouldn't get progression to 50/50 (try for it anyway) then that takes some of the power away from her, makes you both more equal in the eyes of the court and no child maintenance to pay. You just share the cost of bringing up the child and each provide in your home.
Wait and see what her allegations are - she'll have to prove them and if she can't because they didn't happen, they will probably get dismissed. A good Cafcass call will help your situation.
Anyway how's it going (did you get a mediation sign off and get your application in?).
Wait and see what her allegations are - she'll have to prove them and if she can't because they didn't happen, they will probably get dismissed. A good Cafcass call will help your situation.
Anyway how's it going (did you get a mediation sign off and get your application in?).
I have the mediation form, my advice was to wait and see what allegations she has raised.
Her c100 landed today and I am gobsmacked… total fairy tales or half truths or a single message picked out of context.
She even had the nerve to cite that me moving my 15 year old son in because his mum wasn’t looking after him was abusive to her because I didn’t ask permission.
That I took money from her and never returned it, my bank account shows I transferred her more money than she ever sent me.
That I can’t look after my son and can’t change his nappy, I didn’t get up for night feeds - she’s breast feeding, refused to express and I would sit up awake with her while she fed (on the one night a week she came over!)
Oh and that I used to dream of her dying in labour, and throwing her down the stairs…. That I am violent and unpredictable but hasn’t raised any concerns of violence …. Only emotional and psychological
My c100 is in progress and I obviously need to fill out the forms linked to her application.
Her c100 landed today and I am gobsmacked… total fairy tales or half truths or a single message picked out of context.
She even had the nerve to cite that me moving my 15 year old son in because his mum wasn’t looking after him was abusive to her because I didn’t ask permission.
That I took money from her and never returned it, my bank account shows I transferred her more money than she ever sent me.
That I can’t look after my son and can’t change his nappy, I didn’t get up for night feeds - she’s breast feeding, refused to express and I would sit up awake with her while she fed (on the one night a week she came over!)
Oh and that I used to dream of her dying in labour, and throwing her down the stairs…. That I am violent and unpredictable but hasn’t raised any concerns of violence …. Only emotional and psychological
My c100 is in progress and I obviously need to fill out the forms linked to her application.
So fill in the C7 and say you contest it and send your C100 with it. Did that blooming mediator ever sign you off? I would amend your C100 slightly to say that you were about to submit this application after seeking mediation but Mrs Ex immediately submitted a C100 when she was invited to mediation.
I don't think her allegations add up to much except possibly the bits about dreaming about throwing her down the stairs. But I wouldn't worry too much.
I don't think her allegations add up to much except possibly the bits about dreaming about throwing her down the stairs. But I wouldn't worry too much.
Sounds like a load of unsubstantiated crap to me, and the usual allegations made when they have to write something on the form to stop contact. It's what you can prove at the end of the day, and I'm sure with your previous background you can review her 'evidence' and counter it with your own when needed.
Don't be worried about doing this yourself either. I've had a solicitor (useless and waste of money), and a barrister for two hearings(she was good but told me I could do this myself and didn't need her!). You just need to be organised and level headed in court.
As for CSA, sounds like you are where you are with that. Just make sure it's based on your P60 for last year and any pension is taken off. Think that's how they did it with mine.
Sounds like you are in for the long run (like many of us), so may as well as focus on what you can change and do what you can to deal with the rest as and when you need to.
Don't be worried about doing this yourself either. I've had a solicitor (useless and waste of money), and a barrister for two hearings(she was good but told me I could do this myself and didn't need her!). You just need to be organised and level headed in court.
As for CSA, sounds like you are where you are with that. Just make sure it's based on your P60 for last year and any pension is taken off. Think that's how they did it with mine.
Sounds like you are in for the long run (like many of us), so may as well as focus on what you can change and do what you can to deal with the rest as and when you need to.
If this son is from a different mother it's irrelevant. Especially since he's now 15..
She'd have to prove this so then you could counter it.
Ridiculous.
Dreaming, hoe the hell does anyone provide evidence for that!!??
She would have to prove it.
If you can: eat well, limit alcohol (if you drink), exercise (even if it's only a daily walk), get into a routine of productivity, gather evidence for your defence. Remember to live. You're going to move through this and it's not going to defeat you. I didn't see my children for almost 2 months, having spent almost every day of their lives with them and, looking back, it allowed me time to get organised, forge a new routine, and work on the info' I needed for my defence. It sucked but, I wouldn't have been able to focus so much had I seen them. It galvanised me and gave me drive. You've got this brother.
