The beginning of my journey.

[Peanut 21]

I think her mother is heavily involved in this situation. Your ex and her mother never cut the apron strings so she's brought her daughter home where she "belongs". I'm so sorry this is happening to you. But as Ash said it does seem like a simple case for a CAO.

That was my first thought. They have an enmeshed relationship.
Is her dad about?
It sounds like her mother relies on her daughter as a 'friend'. I have real issues with this because if your mother is your best friend, who is your mum?

This is actually quite common it seems.

 

[Peanut 21]

text all day every day

My step daughters mother does this. It doesn't bode well for the future.

 

[JayMC]

That was my first thought. They have an enmeshed relationship.
Is her dad about?
It sounds like her mother relies on her daughter as a 'friend'. I have real issues with this because if your mother is your best friend, who is your mum?

This is actually quite common it seems.

Her dad is not, he too was pushed out early in her life.
They have a family friend who she calls “dad”.

Might have been missed earlier but does anyone have an opinion on crowdfunding for legal expenses?

 

[Peanut 21]

History repeating then
I don't have any advice on crowdfunding info.

 

[mikeayo1891]

Check first if the child is yours. Maybe she's ashamed cos she cheated and got pregnant for another man hence the sudden change in attitude. Strange that she's already chatting to a 'new' guy just weeks after delivery. Most likely seeing someone else before the pregnancy as is now confused.

 

[JayMC]

Her dad is not, he too was pushed out early in her life.
They have a family friend who she calls “dad”.

Might have been missed earlier but does anyone have an opinion on crowdfunding for legal expenses?

He is definately mine, there is no mistaking that. He is the absolute spit of my other kids (me)

 

[mikeayo1891]

He is definately mine, there is no mistaking that. He is the absolute spit of my other kids (me)

I get that but still check to be on safe side. You can even ask her. Seen too many episodes of paternity court where child is splitting image of false father.

 

[Hobnob]

History repeating then
I don't have any advice on crowdfunding info.

I can see it with my ex's family. And based on the history I've seen with this family my daughter will choose to live with me when she's 13. My daughter is the black sheep.

 

[Hobnob]

My step daughters mother does this. It doesn't bode well for the future.

Mother has told me in no uncertain terms that my daughter has to have her phone on 24/7 whilst she is with me so she can call or message whenever she wants (the mother). She's tried this so many times, I just say "I will continue to allow **** to have her phone, if she chooses contact you that's for **** to decide "

 

[JayMC]

I just can’t believe she has made allegations out of no where.
I know it’s a common thing, but I really didn’t expect her to sink to this.

Solicitor says crowdfunding is a no and there’s some case law on it somewhere.. so that’s that out of the window.
Feel like I’ll be doing most of this on my own

 

[Hobnob]

I just can’t believe she has made allegations out of no where.
I know it’s a common thing, but I really didn’t expect her to sink to this.

Solicitor says crowdfunding is a no and there’s some case law on it somewhere.. so that’s that out of the window.
Feel like I’ll be doing most of this on my own

Unfortunately it's standard practice. I've said this before, I sure there is a secret handbook they all use. Do not underestimate the lengths she and her mother will go to

 

[Ash]

It's just a game with lots of dirty tricks unfortunately. There's probably a handbook for single Mothers out there. And lawyers advise them of the tricks as well and sometimes even encourage them IMO. Because they are acting in their client's best interests - also they only know what the client has told them.

Your ex will have guessed you're planning to apply to court because she was invited to mediation, so claiming abuse is a way of getting legal aid to get free lawyers. Happens all the time.

She won't have much of a leg to stand on based on the scenario you described though. It might even get dismissed by Cafcass and not go anywhere. Whether that happens partly depends on how you deal with Cafcass and whether they warm to you.

 

[mva]

Has anyone ever crowdfunded legal fees before? This is my biggest issue, I don’t have savings or the disposable income required.

I think the problem you would have is you can’t put specifics regarding any family court case on social media. Your ex would find out and then the judge would potentially do you for contempt.

 

[JayMC]

Have had contact this morning from CSA, £294 a month they want. I am sunk I don’t have it.

 

[Ash]

Hang in there. They will have made the assessment based on what she has told them and they may have checked your tax returns with CMS (Child Maintenance Service). She will have told them you have no nights with the child so it will be the maximum assessment. There isn't a CSA any more.

Have you tried using the online Child Maintenance calculator to check if their calculation is correct? How have they said it is to be paid? Directly or are they taking it from your account and charging interest for doing that? When you've checked the child maintenance calculator you can then call them to discuss it - depending on what the calculator says. But check on here first. If it's a correct calculation you'll probably have to pay it until you get a Child Arrangements order when it will reduce depending on the number of nights your child is with you. You could tell them it was 1 night a week but she has suspended that and it's currently going through court to get time back. But check this first and post back. Unfortunately they don't take things like mortgage payments or bills into account. Some people have had to change a car or get a lodger in eg. It could be an idea to ask for a paternity test as part of your court order.

Calculate your child maintenance

Use this calculator to work out an amount of child maintenance for your children.

www.gov.uk

 

[JayMC]

Hang in there. They will have made the assessment based on what she has told them and they may have checked your tax returns with CMS (Child Maintenance Service). She will have told them you have no nights with the child so it will be the maximum assessment. There isn't a CSA any more.

Have you tried using the online Child Maintenance calculator to check if their calculation is correct? How have they said it is to be paid? Directly or are they taking it from your account and charging interest for doing that? When you've checked the child maintenance calculator you can then call them to discuss it - depending on what the calculator says. But check on here first. If it's a correct calculation you'll probably have to pay it until you get a Child Arrangements order when it will reduce depending on the number of nights your child is with you. You could tell them it was 1 night a week but she has suspended that and it's currently going through court to get time back. But check this first and post back. Unfortunately they don't take things like mortgage payments or bills into account. Some people have had to change a car or get a lodger in eg. It could be an idea to ask for a paternity test as part of your court order.

Calculate your child maintenance

Use this calculator to work out an amount of child maintenance for your children.

www.gov.uk

I did do the calculator, and it’s came out at £294.
Not said how they taking, I put my preference down to pay her direct, not that I can.

I have no car, don’t drive only have a 2 bed flat and my son lives with me so couldn’t take in a lodger.

 

[Ash]

It's an unfair system. Even so I would phone them - they can sometimes be quite helpful on the phone. Explain that you regularly had your son one night a week but recently she has stopped this which is why there is now a family court process starting and you think the assessment should allow for the one night a week with you, even though that is being temporarilt witheld, Also ask if there are any allowances can be deducted as you have no disposable income after paying mortage and bills and have another child to support.

How old is your son? You might be able to get it reduced if supporting another child. Do you have a mortgage or do you rent? With a mortgage, you can sometimes remortgage onto interest only to free up income.

 

[JayMC]

I did speak to someone on the phone, did discuss that he was staying and now that has stopped. He told me that until I have a court order this is the estimate to pay.

My son is 15, I did include him the in the calculator and it still came out the same I presume because I am not having my baby overnight now and that’s why it’s so high.

 

[Ash]

Assume if you pay it you'll be going short on food?

 

[JayMC]

Assume if you pay it you'll be going short on food?

Either that, or not meeting other bills to accommodate either way, financial hardship