My Story - As it Happens

[Ash]

Yes. I would maybe say something like

"Hi. As co-parents we are supposed to make arrangements between us and not use the children as messengers. It's not good for them as it can make them feel in the middle or conflicted."

If she doesn't want to communicate with you, maybe you could suggest a parenting app for communication so it's less direct.

 

[MagicJ]

Can anyone tell me what the implications of a PROTECTIVE INJUNCTION against myself for apparently causing emotional harm to STBX & Children would be?

 

[mva]

Has this come term in a solicitors letter from ex ?

What context

 

[MagicJ]

Yes.

They have threatened a protective injunction for apparent emotional harm to STBX & Children on the basis that:

- They feel I am directly communicating activities & arrangements with the children
- THe children have a meltdown when STBX refuses to agree to those activities

I understand this may be a non-mol but ultimately I could also allege the same & the police will probably just bat both of us away given the children are happy spending time with both of us?

 

[mva]

Sounds like it’s not a police matter but a threat of civil ( family court ) attempt at a non - mol against you.

You need to tread very carefully now otherwise you could be facing non mol & possibly fact finding, both of which could lead to you not seeing your kids unless supervised. Any thoughts you have of fairness in so much as you could claim the same could backfire.

Others on this forum are more experienced at the legal process.

I strongly advice no communications with your ex unless you have legal advice or solid advice from this forum.

 

[Ash]

It sounds like she is gearing up and may realise you've applied to court. As mva says you need to be very careful. While she is making things up, it is very easy for a Mother to get an ex parte NMO without any real evidence. I think what they have claimed sounds fairly lightweight in a way but it's still a bit ominous. If you can message me the solicitors letter I could maybe see what I think they're actually threatening. It's very common to get threatening letters from solicitors, just to make you back down on some issue, but it's possible they may follow through on the threats.

 

[Ash]

Sounds like it’s not a police matter but a threat of civil ( family court ) attempt at a non - mol against you.

You need to tread very carefully now otherwise you could be facing non mol & possibly fact finding, both of which could lead to you not seeing your kids unless supervised. Any thoughts you have of fairness in so much as you could claim the same could backfire.

Others on this forum are more experienced at the legal process.

I strongly advice no communications with your ex unless you have legal advice or solid advice from this forum.

He has only been doing the odd biff email over arrangements. Clearly she doesn't like it.

 

[Ash]

Yes.

They have threatened a protective injunction for apparent emotional harm to STBX & Children on the basis that:

- They feel I am directly communicating activities & arrangements with the children
- THe children have a meltdown when STBX refuses to agree to those activities

I understand this may be a non-mol but ultimately I could also allege the same & the police will probably just bat both of us away given the children are happy spending time with both of us?

That is hardly a good reason if the children have a meltdown because STBX says no to something you wanted to do with them that they are used to doing with you. And you did try communicating with the ex so you weren't organising activities without the ex and it was on your time anyway.

It sounds a bit like a threat to let ex have her own way, and dictate arrangements, rather than a reality. An injunction could be prohibited steps order rather than NMO because they don't really have grounds for an NMO.

If you allege the same I suspect you may come off worse. The system is biased towards women.

So they've threatened it but not said they are doing it?

 

[MagicJ]

That is hardly a good reason if the children have a meltdown because STBX says no to something you wanted to do with them that they are used to doing with you. And you did try communicating with the ex so you weren't organising activities without the ex and it was on your time anyway.

It sounds a bit like a threat to let ex have her own way, and dictate arrangements, rather than a reality. An injunction could be prohibited steps order rather than NMO because they don't really have grounds for an NMO.

If you allege the same I suspect you may come off worse. The system is biased towards women.

So they've threatened it but not said they are doing it?

Correct.

It's pretty much what you've said, a lot of posturing, they've caught wind that the Mediation ended but I wouldn't put it past them to try to ratchet this up, given general history on how these cases go.

So nm and pso, those are the 2 options, I think it's probably the second

 

[Ash]

I'm not sure - if she wants you out of the house she may go for the NMO - except I don't really think they have grounds when you live with the kids.

The problem at the moment is - there is no agreement over who sees the kids when. Whatever agreement was there before, can be changed at the drop of a hat, once one party doesn't agree any more. Clearly your ex doesn't agree to your week-ends with the kids any more and wants to dictate everything.

 

[MagicJ]

All,

what's the baseline view of the courts a minimum care where there are no welfare concerns, is it alternate weekends or are there other schedules that the court orders, from a courts perspective where parties are disagreeable?

Cheers

 

[Resolute]

My understanding of the 'default arrangement' is: alternate weekends, one school night a week, half the holidays, alternating or shared special days. This is broad though, age, distance between homes and other factors can have an impact. I don't think there is a minimum as such, there is discretion for the court depending on factors of the case.

 

[Ash]

As Resolute has said. The standard is every other week-end, a midweek overnight and half the school holidays. Basically that means "quality time" is 50/50. Quality time is week-ends and holidays. Midweek time is "care time". So a "standard" order allows for most of that with the Mother (3 nights) and 1 night a week with Dad. So if you have two midweek nights each it's then a full 50/50 (providing you have Sunday nights at the end of your week-end.

 

[Jumper85]

Hi Magic, new to the party hear but sounds like you've got some major challenges on your hands I'm sorry to read! Keep your head up. Whilst it may not make you feel any better, I'm facing every type of allegation under the sun from my ex as well as emotional abuse to our children, it isn't nice at all but from what I've read you seem to have a very sensible head on your shoulders and are undoubtedly a caring and considerate father.

One thing I honestly don't get is what you're alleged to have ACTUALLY done when I read the below? What does that actually mean? You've already acknowledged arrangements shouldn't be made through the children and it's more the ex that is doing that, but beyond that, what is actually the problem as I see very little in the below (is it just me!)?

- They feel I am directly communicating activities & arrangements with the children
- THe children have a meltdown when STBX refuses to agree to those activities

@Ash - interestingly, I've ready about a child arrangement C100 being submitted and the importance of doing that. I submitted mine first then 2 months later I received counter allegations of abuse but I've actually got 2 separate court dates, should they be managed all under the one court hearing? I can't see how my court date in which we're seemingly meeting in the middle at 50/50 (we've both informally agreed to this) could be discussed and agreed then a month later abuse allegations be heard separately. It's bizarre even writing this! So my ex is happy to agree 50/50 shared care but she's separately alleging I'm an drug taking aggressive drunk that's abused her and my children but she's happy they still spend 50% of their time with me!? Bizarre hey!

Sorry Magic, not meaning to deflect from your story here, there are similarities that I see however in your scenarios. Stay strong brother!

 

[Ash]

Sounds complicated Jumper. If you get the 50/50 agreed by consent at the next hearing, that will be a final order and all other hearings will be vacated (cancelled).

 

[MagicJ]

Thanks All for the confirmation.

@Jumper85 , appreciate all the positive support & the more the merrier, we're here to support each other

You raise a good point, I'm stuck in a situation which is fairly ridiculous and like another member, it amounts to a large amount of legal bills for a lot of nothing, money that I should have spent on the children and the house but no longer have!

What it amounts to is interference of my relationship with the children because of attempts to control my quality time by disagreeing directly with the children when in their excitement they share plans with STBX, instead of telling me - laughably then accusing me of the very same thing.

I'll be the first to say, I'm in a better situation than most, seeing my children every day, so whilst it's tough putting up with the nonsense, its is a small price in the overall picture.

 

[MagicJ]

Sounds complicated Jumper. If you get the 50/50 agreed by consent at the next hearing, that will be a final order and all other hearings will be vacated (cancelled).

@Ash speaking with no knowledge here but wouldn't they request an adjournment on the basis there is a later hearing that maybe related?

@Jumper85 have you got that consent drafted and agreed in writing ready to take with you?

did the seperate hearing come about before or after you both reached a consensus?

 

[Ash]

The courts always want parents to agree. Once they agree all allegations are seen to be dropped.

 

[Jumper85]

Sounds difficult Magic but keep looking on the positive side as you're doing and keep your focus on those kids.

My first hearing is early July. I've not drafted a consent order as of yet, from a previous thread it was suggested I get representation at that hearing in order to draft a consent order and make necessary changes there and then to get it finalised than rather it proceed further through the courts. I submitted my c100 early Feb, the allegations came mid April. My situation I would say is rare, I took my children from the ex back in January which was supported by the local services. Prior to this date, we had an informal 50/50 shared care arrangement. In short, the ex's stance has always been that she wants to return to 50/50, my stance has always been 50/50 is the end goal however she needed to sort herself out as the children were being neglected because she was abusing alcohol and drugs and her mental health has been unstable.

Whilst I appreciate I'm in a stronger position than most Dad's here, I also opted to manage most of this myself and up to now paid only 1hrs worth of legal advice. I maybe naive and I'm more than happy for others to warn but I know the allegations against me are rubbish and I don't feel the need to have representation to try and defend myself. If anything, the abuse was the opposite way round in that I often was subject to verbal abuse and the occasional punch and kick. Whilst I've not raised a domestic abuse case, I've clearly marked on my c.100 that my ex struggled with anger issues, attended anger management and therapy regularly and that I had been hit and kicked on occasion but this was not reported to the police as I had no intention of taking legal action against my wife at the time for criminal charges.

 

[MagicJ]

All,

I wanted to check the usual timeframe for the safeguarding call from Cafcass.

I confirmed my details with them on Monday but haven't yet heard anything back from them about scheduling a call.
Do you usually get an email with some options or do they just give you a date/time or do they just call without notice?

Thanks