No it's nothing to be concerned about, it's a good thing mate.
It will be what's called a "conference " with your barrister. They will inquire as to what has been happening and you can tell them so they are prepared well for your hearing
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At The Start Of A Long Journey
- Thread starter Kev19
- Start date
It will be what's called a "conference " with your barrister. They will inquire as to what has been happening and you can tell them so they are prepared well for your hearing
I was at court on Friday, my case has now been referred to the district judge. My barrister said this is a good thing and may start to get things moving forward. Contact has failed at the family centre so I am now not seeing my daughter until the next hearing, where I will be pushing for an ISW to assist in establishing a relationship between my 15 month old daughter and me. Hopefully this will easy her separation anxiety ( or similar). My ex is against an ISW , my thoughts being she will not like her parenting skills being questioned and that the involvement of an ISW may work. I do feel my opinion of having a relationship with my daughter are coming to a head and I am pinning my hopes on the ISW coming good for me. If anyone has any thoughts or experience on these matters I would be grateful for your advice.
Would be normal to me I would think
That’s good news. I don’t have experience of an ISW but they are usually pretty astute if anything iffy is going on.
Hopefully the court will order the assistance if an ISW. When it comes to contact my ex will be wanting it on her terms and location, where as I would prefer it at my home, which would also have my daughter become familiar with my home and settle quicker especially once the ISW has finished their work for us. As the ISW would be present does anyone think my request for contact at my home would be granted despite my exs objections?
I have a hearing coming up shortly and I thought I had a way forward until yesterday when my barrister has changed our stratagy.
I have had minimal contact with my 18 month old daughter since birth and the handful of minutes I have seen her she becomes tearful and anxious so the sessions are cut short, and now I am not seeing her at all. I put it down to separation anxiety or similar.
The plan for our next hearing was to introduce an ISW to assist in seeing how my daughter would react not being with the mother, and introduce me gradually again to her. (I don't think she goes to many if any mother and toddler groups and does appear shy etc). Now my barrister has changed our primary position for the next hearing for contact to simply take place with maternal grandmother supporting. Our second position is the ISW involvement.
My ex is opposed to the introduction of an ISW even though I am willing to pay the full cost. She will welcome her mother supervising contact as she knows it will not be a success for me.
The problem with this stance is the maternal grandmother is far more spiteful than my ex and will not support me in a positive way. In the eyes of the court she will support but in reality will do everything she can to make contact fail and then stop contact, saying my daughter is to upset to continue. I will again be back to square one with valuable time lost.
If I speak up about how spiteful the maternal grandmother is I'm afraid it will show conflict.
I am going to email my barrister telling him this will not work, he knows how horrible the maternal grandmother is so I do not fully understand his change of mind. Maybe he know something about the system and how it works that I am unaware of.
My thinking is I need the ISW first to establish meaningful contact, then maybe have the maternal grandmother supporting but this must be at my home not hers.
I would be grateful for any thoughts and opinions you may have on this.
I have had minimal contact with my 18 month old daughter since birth and the handful of minutes I have seen her she becomes tearful and anxious so the sessions are cut short, and now I am not seeing her at all. I put it down to separation anxiety or similar.
The plan for our next hearing was to introduce an ISW to assist in seeing how my daughter would react not being with the mother, and introduce me gradually again to her. (I don't think she goes to many if any mother and toddler groups and does appear shy etc). Now my barrister has changed our primary position for the next hearing for contact to simply take place with maternal grandmother supporting. Our second position is the ISW involvement.
My ex is opposed to the introduction of an ISW even though I am willing to pay the full cost. She will welcome her mother supervising contact as she knows it will not be a success for me.
The problem with this stance is the maternal grandmother is far more spiteful than my ex and will not support me in a positive way. In the eyes of the court she will support but in reality will do everything she can to make contact fail and then stop contact, saying my daughter is to upset to continue. I will again be back to square one with valuable time lost.
If I speak up about how spiteful the maternal grandmother is I'm afraid it will show conflict.
I am going to email my barrister telling him this will not work, he knows how horrible the maternal grandmother is so I do not fully understand his change of mind. Maybe he know something about the system and how it works that I am unaware of.
My thinking is I need the ISW first to establish meaningful contact, then maybe have the maternal grandmother supporting but this must be at my home not hers.
I would be grateful for any thoughts and opinions you may have on this.
The only thing I can think is that the Barrister is thinking of the child seeing you when someone the child knows is there - as opposed to all "strangers" - ie the contact staff. Is there a maternal grandfather maybe? ie if she is comfortable with another man that might help.
Thanks for the reply Ash. The maternal grandfather does not see his children two of them never talk to him and the maternal grandmother has even rewarded them financially for supporting her over him. Its like I am up against a brick wall.
I understand a familiar face could help with contact but there is only the maternal grandmother or my ex and they will only make the atmosphere nasty.
I know once my daughter becomes accustomed and comfortable around me I things will move forward, however the chance has never really materialised as the 5 times I have seen my daughter in the last year 4 off them were cut short and failed. The zoom calls were never going to work either, thats way I was pinning my hopes on an ISW
I understand a familiar face could help with contact but there is only the maternal grandmother or my ex and they will only make the atmosphere nasty.
I know once my daughter becomes accustomed and comfortable around me I things will move forward, however the chance has never really materialised as the 5 times I have seen my daughter in the last year 4 off them were cut short and failed. The zoom calls were never going to work either, thats way I was pinning my hopes on an ISW
I personally think the ISW is a better idea. She is more likely to help you bond rather than just assess. How about saying suggesting Maternal grandma supervises for three sessions and if that doesn't improve things then ISW to become involved.
Great idea Ash, or how about if at anytime contact fails before any follow on hearing an ISW can become involved and instructed by the court. Do you know if an order can be made for this potential outcome?
It is documented on more than one occasion by my ex that she does not want "her" daughter to have a relationship with me. If the above is a viable proposal it would definitely assist with her promoting our daughter to me.
It is documented on more than one occasion by my ex that she does not want "her" daughter to have a relationship with me. If the above is a viable proposal it would definitely assist with her promoting our daughter to me.
Hello Kev,
In my case I have an ISW supervising as court ordered. She introduced herself to the children but has remained objective and supportive during contact sessions in the community. Its been a mixture of places, pubs (for dinners), play centres, garden centres etc. She has provided fair and very positive reports after each session. No issues, children had fun and loved seeing, being with their dad. Much love and affection. Also, as she got to know me more and more - she gave advice along the way.
I initially had a friend of my wife doing supervision and contact which she afterwards tainted the picture in her feedback to Cafcass. I would not have a relative or friend of your ex-partner as a supervision if its a toxic relationship. It will be used against you and what qualification or specific role will they have. Only have people you trust or know that can be fair and objective or anything and everything will be used against you. Just been careful.
In my case I have an ISW supervising as court ordered. She introduced herself to the children but has remained objective and supportive during contact sessions in the community. Its been a mixture of places, pubs (for dinners), play centres, garden centres etc. She has provided fair and very positive reports after each session. No issues, children had fun and loved seeing, being with their dad. Much love and affection. Also, as she got to know me more and more - she gave advice along the way.
I initially had a friend of my wife doing supervision and contact which she afterwards tainted the picture in her feedback to Cafcass. I would not have a relative or friend of your ex-partner as a supervision if its a toxic relationship. It will be used against you and what qualification or specific role will they have. Only have people you trust or know that can be fair and objective or anything and everything will be used against you. Just been careful.
Hi Conan, this is one of my fears the ex and her family are toxic and I need a 3rd party involvement. I will leave my phone on record the whole time just in case. I have requested my mother supervised however my ex said she is not suitable. Strange considering she works with very young children, but as usual the courts favour the mother with low family values.
Your ex will block everything you suggest as she wants unfavourable reviews on you. Don't go there. Go with an ISW and let them do professional reports. just be calm, loving with your kids at every interaction no matter the barriers put up against you, I've had them all, every obstacle put up gainst me and its angered the ISW (but i kept calm and neutral) and still get positive reports. Its almost broken me but i have to keep going for my daughters. I have seen my bank statement this week and ex has taken over 2k out of the account (way over and on top of maintenance and support) and she blocked me from any communications on the children. its deliberate. She never done this before.
Final hearing in Jan 25. its all planned to provoke a reaction. Not going there but respond carefully.
God bless brother.
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No problem Kev, if needed i can recommend the ISW I've been using, court ordered (and advised by my Barrister, go with it) and the irony is she was pushed by my wife as iher preference on any contact with kids. I insisted on contact centres at the last hearing, but went with Barrister advice at the time to go with it. However,, her recommended ISW has to remain objective and professional.
Having experienced the ISW now and how its evolved, I would do that route, it protects you all the way as she, they have to be professional. write their reports. Do not go with amateurs in a toxic situation.
Stick with this, god bless brother.