At The Start Of A Long Journey

[Kev19]

@Peanut 21 I have made note of a couple of alienating behaviours (with documented proof) and possibly a couple of other impossible to prove actions.
When I naively completed my C100 I asked for every other weekend and one night per week, however now due to my ex behaviour I am thinking about a shared lives with order, even though this will affect my work it would greatly improve my wellbeing.

 

[Kev19]

My interim court order states my ex must make our daughter available for the ISW.
Since the order I have started to see my daughter twice at the contact centre. Both sessions were wonderful however after the 2nd session finished my ex made a scene and was asked to leave four times refusing until she’s spoken to someone. This was witnessed by our daughter and my ex tone was aggressive.
Today my ex failed to turn up with our daughter blaming her anxiety as to the reason why. If she fails to reengage with contact I will be requesting an urgent court hearing ( yet more expense I can’t afford).
It is obvious her anxiety is false and a cover for her blocking contact but I am unsure how to approach this. My thoughts are to request she submits an in-depth list of her anxieties so I can dismantle them in an attempt to discredit this front.
Has anyone any thoughts on my best way forward?

 

[Peanut 21]

It sounds to me that the anxiety she shows is an act but also deep down people with this type of personality genuinely do have fear of not being in control and it can manifest as anxiety. I'm in no way sticking up for her as she clearly has a lot of issues and could do with professional help. The issue with you bringing up her mental health could go against you.
Would the contact centre write a report or statement for you about your exs behaviour?

 

[Peanut 21]

To add, if her anxiety is stopping her dropping off your child the questions are:
why is it causing her anxiety?
What is a solution to this?
Can someone else drop off your child?

 

[Kev19]

@Peanut 21 , thank you for you input, it is very much appreciated. I already have a written report stating her behaviour. She comes over as aggressive and not thinking about our daughter in the report, only herself. It appears clear she is wanting the process to fail.
I have noted your comment about only mentioning her behaviour and not her mental health, so I will steer clear of that minefield.
If her mental state of mind is brought into question what could this potentially mean?

 

[Peanut 21]

If her mental state of mind is brought into question what could this potentially mean

I'm not sure because unless there was a reason a judge ordered GP records, I don't know how else it could be raised.

 

[bujanin]

My interim court order states my ex must make our daughter available for the ISW.
Since the order I have started to see my daughter twice at the contact centre. Both sessions were wonderful however after the 2nd session finished my ex made a scene and was asked to leave four times refusing until she’s spoken to someone. This was witnessed by our daughter and my ex tone was aggressive.
Today my ex failed to turn up with our daughter blaming her anxiety as to the reason why. If she fails to reengage with contact I will be requesting an urgent court hearing ( yet more expense I can’t afford).
It is obvious her anxiety is false and a cover for her blocking contact but I am unsure how to approach this. My thoughts are to request she submits an in-depth list of her anxieties so I can dismantle them in an attempt to discredit this front.
Has anyone any thoughts on my best way forward?

My sessions at the family centres were unsupervised, supported. A summary of the session was typed up and sent to me and the mother.
It sounds like the mother being repeatedly asked to leave the centre is information to validate your difficulties.

 

[Kev19]

@bujanin my ex has made it so difficult for me to see my daughter these last 15 months or so and I do have the two written reports summarising contact, and in a strange way it almost feels like a relief that others have finally witnessed her behaviour, even though it saddens me our young daughter experienced this.

 

[Kev19]

Omg there is no end to my ex’es objections. She is relentless in her pursuit to stop our daughter seeing me. Out of the 6 contact sessions my daughter and I should have had since the interim court order we have only had two, this is down to my ex. The two sessions we have had were wonderful and it’s clear to all involved progress has been made with glowing reports on my daughter and I bonding.

My ex sent an email with nearly 20 objections to the current process, and they are ridiculous, including badmouthing the ISW , even down to her objecting that the size of the room is too large.

She has said she will not continue with contact unless her conditions are met. This is her wanting to control everything and ultimately make progress fail.

My solicitor has said it is very clear she is hostile, pays no attention to the court orders and is saying we should consider an urgent hearing asking for a guardian so my daughter can have representation in court and we should apply for a change of residency due to my ex behaviour in front of our daughter and her having no intention to promote daughter father relations.

I have very favourable reports on the 2 sessions plus an email from the ISW highlighting continued barriers to contact my ex has put up from day one. I have emails from my ex saying she will not communicate any details about our daughter to me and also email from Cafcass saying she does not want our daughter having a relationship with me.

Has anyone any advice as to when you should apply for a change of residency and even if the courts take these matters seriously when coming from fathers?

Also this is a blatant breach of the court order so how serious would this be, or does she have to breach a few more to show a regular pattern?

 

[Pj66]

Omg there is no end to my ex’es objections. She is relentless in her pursuit to stop our daughter seeing me. Out of the 6 contact sessions my daughter and I should have had since the interim court order we have only had two, this is down to my ex. The two sessions we have had were wonderful and it’s clear to all involved progress has been made with glowing reports on my daughter and I bonding.

My ex sent an email with nearly 20 objections to the current process, and they are ridiculous, including badmouthing the ISW , even down to her objecting that the size of the room is too large.

She has said she will not continue with contact unless her conditions are met. This is her wanting to control everything and ultimately make progress fail.

My solicitor has said it is very clear she is hostile, pays no attention to the court orders and is saying we should consider an urgent hearing asking for a guardian so my daughter can have representation in court and we should apply for a change of residency due to my ex behaviour in front of our daughter and her having no intention to promote daughter father relations.

I have very favourable reports on the 2 sessions plus an email from the ISW highlighting continued barriers to contact my ex has put up from day one. I have emails from my ex saying she will not communicate any details about our daughter to me and also email from Cafcass saying she does not want our daughter having a relationship with me.

Has anyone any advice as to when you should apply for a change of residency and even if the courts take these matters seriously when coming from fathers?

Also this is a blatant breach of the court order so how serious would this be, or does she have to breach a few more to show a regular pattern?

from what I've read your scenario seems like it could possibly having a guardian involved however it's not preferable to have more third party involvement unless absolutely necessary.


I would have a look into "conditional residency orders" - conditional transfer of residence.

Due to daughters age and lack of contact so far, highly doubt the court will order change of residency, but they may consider a conditional residency order (transfer of residence)

It's not a direct transfer but puts an immense warning and terms on ex to comply if there is a intractable contact dispute:

reversal of residency cases — Advice

www.familycourtsupport.social

 

[bujanin]

Omg there is no end to my ex’es objections. She is relentless in her pursuit to stop our daughter seeing me. Out of the 6 contact sessions my daughter and I should have had since the interim court order we have only had two, this is down to my ex. The two sessions we have had were wonderful and it’s clear to all involved progress has been made with glowing reports on my daughter and I bonding.

My ex sent an email with nearly 20 objections to the current process, and they are ridiculous, including badmouthing the ISW , even down to her objecting that the size of the room is too large.

She has said she will not continue with contact unless her conditions are met. This is her wanting to control everything and ultimately make progress fail.

My solicitor has said it is very clear she is hostile, pays no attention to the court orders and is saying we should consider an urgent hearing asking for a guardian so my daughter can have representation in court and we should apply for a change of residency due to my ex behaviour in front of our daughter and her having no intention to promote daughter father relations.

I have very favourable reports on the 2 sessions plus an email from the ISW highlighting continued barriers to contact my ex has put up from day one. I have emails from my ex saying she will not communicate any details about our daughter to me and also email from Cafcass saying she does not want our daughter having a relationship with me.

Has anyone any advice as to when you should apply for a change of residency and even if the courts take these matters seriously when coming from fathers?

Also this is a blatant breach of the court order so how serious would this be, or does she have to breach a few more to show a regular pattern?

When's your next hearing?

 

[Kev19]

@bujanin Last hearing was only the 20th Dec with the next hearing at the mid May, no doubt next week will bring more drama and who knows what may play out I. The coming weeks.
@Pj66 thank you for the link and information given. Even though I have had very minimal contact these last 15 months it’s all down to the ex and her tactics. As we all know we have to play the long expensive game, loosing out as our children develop and grow without us in their lives.

 

[Peanut 21]

Definitely apply for urgent hearing as these conditions sound all about the ex and not your child.
She's breached 4 sessions, is that correct?
It seems unlikely a court will agree with change of residency but maybe apply for 50/50 shared care.
You have more than enough evidence to prove the ex is being obstructive.

 

[bujanin]

@bujanin Last hearing was only the 20th Dec with the next hearing at the mid May, no doubt next week will bring more drama and who knows what may play out I. The coming weeks.
@Pj66 thank you for the link and information given. Even though I have had very minimal contact these last 15 months it’s all down to the ex and her tactics. As we all know we have to play the long expensive game, loosing out as our children develop and grow without us in their lives.

Given the support of the ISW, CAFCASS, and letters from the contact centre and the mothers self defeating communications you must be in a strong position to apply for enforcement of the order. But if you're paying a solicitor they should know that.
At one point in my proceedings the mother breached the order so blatantly that I bypassed my solicitor and their fees, applied myself and got a hearing.
You've got so much support from agencies Kev there has to be a case for enforcement!
Change of residency seems like a huge task.

 

[Kev19]

Thank you all for some great advice.
@Peanut 21 if my ex does not agree to reengage with contact by mid week then the application will be submitted. 4 sessions have been missed, I would put the first 2 sessions down to being a timing issue but the second 2 a definite breach.
@bujanin my solicitor did mention an enforcement order.
Pj66 posted about conditional residence order and if she breached then residence could change. This would put pressure on her to comply.
Is it possible to apply for both a change of residence and 50/50 a shared care order at the same time? My thinking is if residence does not transfer 50/50 could be ordered as a solution.

 

[Ash]

Omg there is no end to my ex’es objections. She is relentless in her pursuit to stop our daughter seeing me. Out of the 6 contact sessions my daughter and I should have had since the interim court order we have only had two, this is down to my ex. The two sessions we have had were wonderful and it’s clear to all involved progress has been made with glowing reports on my daughter and I bonding.

My ex sent an email with nearly 20 objections to the current process, and they are ridiculous, including badmouthing the ISW , even down to her objecting that the size of the room is too large.

She has said she will not continue with contact unless her conditions are met. This is her wanting to control everything and ultimately make progress fail.

My solicitor has said it is very clear she is hostile, pays no attention to the court orders and is saying we should consider an urgent hearing asking for a guardian so my daughter can have representation in court and we should apply for a change of residency due to my ex behaviour in front of our daughter and her having no intention to promote daughter father relations.

I have very favourable reports on the 2 sessions plus an email from the ISW highlighting continued barriers to contact my ex has put up from day one. I have emails from my ex saying she will not communicate any details about our daughter to me and also email from Cafcass saying she does not want our daughter having a relationship with me.

Has anyone any advice as to when you should apply for a change of residency and even if the courts take these matters seriously when coming from fathers?

Also this is a blatant breach of the court order so how serious would this be, or does she have to breach a few more to show a regular pattern?

If your solicitor thinks you should apply for an urgent hearing then that sounds good. If your ne t hearing isn’t until May. Your ex is breaching and frustrating the current order, so something needs to be done. Whether or not you should apply for residency or not at this stage - I’m not sure. That is likely to make your ex more maverick right now I would have thought. What is the next hearing in May? A final hearing or a DRA? If it’s a final hearing, that is where a barrister could argue for a change of residency. From the sound of it, a suspended residence clause wouldn’t be a deterrant. And yes 50/50 is an option to give her the chance to follow a court order but In inclined to think she will continue to be obstructive and frustrate orders. However residency from just two contact sessions is a big leap for a court when the child hasn’t regularly had a home with you.

So I think an urgent order now, for enforcement, would be a good idea and see what the Judge decides at that. It may give a stronger case for May if she continues to breach.

 

[Kev19]

@Ash its. DRA hearing. There have been 4 hearings so far with me only seeing my daughter a handful of times as there is always something getting in the way of proceedings. The system is appalling slow.
The two main changes are , my daughter is now over 18 months old and the two recent sessions have gone very well, and the second change is it must now be clear to the judge my ex is hostile.
I feel my position will be stronger and at the next hearing conditions must be put on her.
We are nowhere near the final hearing. I hear what everyone is saying about residency, and worry what mental harm may happen to my daughter. My ex never compromises and it’s her way or no way, what has just happened backs up what I know

 

[Ash]

I’d get your urgent application in and get enforcement. Hopefully the Judge will make very clear she is to follow the order. If she continues to try and sabotage things then you’ll be in a stronger position by the next hearing. Possibly as part of the urgent hearing you could ask for the next hearing to be a final hearing.

I’m not sure a guardian would be the way to go with an 18 month old.

 

[Kev19]

@Ash I assumed we were nowhere near a final hearing as things like communication, education medical maters etc would need addressing.
Once a FHDRA has taken place would this also mean any legal aid stops? My ex like many of us had received legal aid through allegations that are unfounded, and without this assistance my situation would have more than likely taken a much less bumpy path.
as always thank you for the advice, I have much to think about.

 

[Ash]

It may be the hearing in May has to be a Dra to progress the time with your child after enforcing the current order. But right now I think you need an urgent hearing to enforce the current order. Nip it in the bud