At The Start Of A Long Journey

[Peanut 21]

My partners ex kept pushing her mother supervising in the past. This woman has made it clear how she feels about my partner.
The court said dads parents, brother or me to 'supervise' as it's more natural.
Obviously ex said none of us were suitable. So predictable

 

[Ash]

I remember that Peanut - didn't she just say child refused to leave the car or something? So yes avoid the toxic Mother in Law

 

[Peanut 21]

I remember that Peanut - didn't she just say child refused to leave the car or something? So yes avoid the toxic Mother in Law

I think that may have been @KF31
She's in a similar position as me. Supporting a dad with daughter and son. Her partners ex and m.i.l similar to my partners with interfering nan.

 

[KF31]

@Peanut 21 yes my partners ex and her mother are as bad as each other. Her mother just goes along with whatever the ex wants her to do/say.
My partner had lots of comments from the ex claiming his daughter didn’t want to see him and claiming she refused to get out the car etc when the ex was at handovers before he started being allowed to do handovers at school instead. If it was the ex’s mother doing handover, my partners daughter wouldn’t even be there, the ex’s mum would just claim daughter hadn’t wanted to come.

 

[Kev19]

Forgot to mention I was to submit a C2 application for my mother to become part of the proceedings and assist me with supervision due to the ex objecting to everything, my solicitor replied saying “There is a risk that the other side will seek to adjourn the hearing if an application to joint your mother is made, and it runs the risk of complicating matters unnecessarily.”
This is not good news as my relationship with my daughter has been minimal and her anxiety has previously prevented meaningful contact and a female being on my side during contact could prove very beneficial.
My ex offers nothing, I have got know where and feel like I have minimal options available that will provide progress.
I am not sure if this is a distraction or I should continue with the C2 application?

 

[Conan]

Forgot to mention I was to submit a C2 application for my mother to become part of the proceedings and assist me with supervision due to the ex objecting to everything, my solicitor replied saying “There is a risk that the other side will seek to adjourn the hearing if an application to joint your mother is made, and it runs the risk of complicating matters unnecessarily.”
This is not good news as my relationship with my daughter has been minimal and her anxiety has previously prevented meaningful contact and a female being on my side during contact could prove very beneficial.
My ex offers nothing, I have got know where and feel like I have minimal options available that will provide progress.
I am not sure if this is a distraction or I should continue with the C2 application?

How close are you to your next hearing date? I submitted a C2 back in early April but hearing didn't take place till mid May and then my hearing was in June, I was penalised by Judge stating it was premature. It related to wife cutting off access as her mate couldn't do supervision any more after Easter and I was left high and dry. Be careful with a C2 as other side can claim costs back from you.

Can the issue of supervision be argued in court at your next hearing?

 

[Kev19]

@ Conan, Thank you for the advise. The hearing is a few days before before Christmas. Anyhow after speaking with my solicitor there is a reason why we should not submit the C2. Due to my ex denying any access or compromise at all for me having any contact whatsoever with our daughter she is optimistic the judge will be far from impressed and this will work in my favour, hopefully giving me interim access under one of two different conditions we will be requesting. That said I have had to many set backs this year and I can never afford myself the comfort of optimism. I am still at the beginning of my journey.

 

[Kev19]

An Independent Social Worker is to assist with me getting to know my 18month old daughter. She has just called me saying she will be visiting me tomorrow to discuss the way forward and has asked me to make two video recordings for my daughter. One is of me reading a story and the other is of me just talking. The story reading will be relatively straightforward, where as the video of me just talking will be trickier. I am really wanting to make a good impression
With the talking video, I will obviously say how much I’m looking forward to us seeing each other and having lots of fun time together, playing games going out etc, meeting family members , but after that I am unsure as I know nothing about her.
Any suggestions of other things to say please let me know.
Thank you all in advance

 

[mva]

That’s so tricky at 18 months as so much communication is tactile rather than verbal. You can’t really talk about your week as it will mean nothing at that age. All I can suggest is get some prompts ( toy dinasours/ farm animals), and try and make up a fun imaginative scenario.

 

[Kev19]

Hopefully I may be seeing my daughter again on 20th Jan which is great news. In the past we used a contact centre which was a disaster, mainly due to my daughter being so young. We have a court order using an ISW and I assumed contact would be with her anywhere but the contact centre, however my ex is insisting it be there which I am obviously not happy about.
Is it right that my ex is dictating the location and controlling matters for her own benefit or should I insist the ISW finds a more suitable location? I just know my ex will not budge an inch and could end up being in breach of the court order as she has to make our daughter available for the ISW and myself.

 

[mva]

Unfortunately exes do seem to hold all the cards. When I was doing supervised contact. If ex didn’t agree to my location didn’t happen.

However you have an ISW so she can’t claim child is at risk.

Which location would you prefer?

 

[Kev19]

Hi mva I am happy with anywhere but the current contact centre or the ex mother’s home. Unfortunately where I live the us only one contact centre available for miles. That said I would like to think the ISW could possibly have some ideas which I have not thought of. It’s more the staff at the centre who appear very bias towards the mother and have never supported me.

 

[mva]

There must be a soft play within travel or even a library toddler area.

 

[Kev19]

I am going to message the ISW in the morning as I agree with you. My ex has never given an inch and blocks all of my suggestions. She knows she holds all the cards and plays the game too well. My daughter is only 19 months old and I found out yesterday she is still being breast fed. No doubt a ploy on her behalf to keep our daughter close to her.

 

[Ash]

I think a softplay centre sounds a good idea and I'd suggest this to the ISW.

 

[Kev19]

With the interim court order stating my ex must make our daughter available for me to see her with the assistance of an ISW I was very much looking to see my daughter for the first time in months every Monday, Wednesday and Friday, starting in 3 days time.
I have just been told due to my ex not being available to meet with the ISW today Mondays session will now not happen and my ex has also gone on to say she may not be available for Wednesday session. She does not work therefore I feel any excuse is for her own benefit and not our daughters and ultimately a lie.
This is all very frustrating and annoying and the ISW said to me this is potentially obstruction, I began to wonder at what point does this become a breach of the interim court order, and what options may be available to me and when?

 

[JayMC]

With the interim court order stating my ex must make our daughter available for me to see her with the assistance of an ISW I was very much looking to see my daughter for the first time in months every Monday, Wednesday and Friday, starting in 3 days time.
I have just been told due to my ex not being available to meet with the ISW today Mondays session will now not happen and my ex has also gone on to say she may not be available for Wednesday session. She does not work therefore I feel any excuse is for her own benefit and not our daughters and ultimately a lie.
This is all very frustrating and annoying and the ISW said to me this is potentially obstruction, I began to wonder at what point does this become a breach of the interim court order, and what options may be available to me and when?

You need to let it play out a bit, once or twice won’t be deemed obstructive behaviour.

 

[Kev19]

As mentioned above the ISW is arranging for me to see my daughter every Monday Wednesday and Friday, which was to have started today though I knew would not happen, now Wednesday will not be happening and I’ve been told I will definitely be seeing my daughter on Friday. I have only seen my daughter once since May 2024 , that was in October.
The reason given by my ex is she is very anxious and wants someone to be with her at the contact centre. Even though she would not see me, I can’t help but feel she is up to something.
She has created the situation and is probably anxious as she doesn’t want our daughter to have a relationship with me and has brought this on herself.
I realise I have to play this out for a while however am I being to suspicious or is she still trying to control the situation?

 

[Peanut 21]

Very frustrating as the longer it plays out the more the potential alienation occurs.
I feel for you Kev19. I watched my partner go through this and it's awful feeling helpless.