Guest viewing is limited
- You have a limited number of page views remaining
- 2 guest views remaining
- Register now to remove this limitation
1 night stand pregnancy
- Thread starter Bigredmachine
- Start date
Of course there is, if she claims CMS then a DNA test is the ONLY way that will resolve the issue. The court will order it’s done.
she can’t claim CMS and say oh by the way I’m not letting the baby have A dna test, just take my word for it Now give me the money.
Without A DNA test there is no CMS payment. period
I'm not so sure about that. The info above was from a reputable site. Gov site says this. Basically it means you have to pay if she says you're the Father unless you say you're not. But then they want proof. And you have to pay until there's proof you're not, then you get a refund. She has no incentive to get proof as she's getting paid. So the onus would be on you to prove you're not. That's how I read it anyway.
But yes you want proof one way or the other, if she is saying you're the Dad. Or just let it go and hope she doesn't ask for CMS. If she decides to two years later they could send you a backdated bill until you prove otherwise I think.
I don't want to add to your worries though. You don't think she will claim CMS from what she's said about bringing the child up on her own. And in some ways maybe it's better not to know definitely as if a test proved you were the Father you'd still need to decide whether to be involved or not. But surely she must realise you can't agree to be involved if you don't know for certain you're the Dad! She should just agree to a legal dna test after birth.
www.gov.uk
But yes you want proof one way or the other, if she is saying you're the Dad. Or just let it go and hope she doesn't ask for CMS. If she decides to two years later they could send you a backdated bill until you prove otherwise I think.
I don't want to add to your worries though. You don't think she will claim CMS from what she's said about bringing the child up on her own. And in some ways maybe it's better not to know definitely as if a test proved you were the Father you'd still need to decide whether to be involved or not. But surely she must realise you can't agree to be involved if you don't know for certain you're the Dad! She should just agree to a legal dna test after birth.
Child Maintenance Service
How to set up or manage a child maintenance arrangement, including what to do if a parent does not pay, how to contact the Child Maintenance Service, and signing in to your account.
Ive seen a solicitor.I'm not so sure about that. The info above was from a reputable site. Gov site says this. Basically it means you have to pay if she says you're the Father unless you say you're not. But then they want proof. And you have to pay until there's proof you're not, then you get a refund. She has no incentive to get proof as she's getting paid. So the onus would be on you to prove you're not. That's how I read it anyway.
But yes you want proof one way or the other, if she is saying you're the Dad. Or just let it go and hope she doesn't ask for CMS. If she decides to two years later they could send you a backdated bill until you prove otherwise I think.
I don't want to add to your worries though. You don't think she will claim CMS from what she's said about bringing the child up on her own. And in some ways maybe it's better not to know definitely as if a test proved you were the Father you'd still need to decide whether to be involved or not. But surely she must realise you can't agree to be involved if you don't know for certain you're the Dad! She should just agree to a legal dna test after birth.
Child Maintenance Service
How to set up or manage a child maintenance arrangement, including what to do if a parent does not pay, how to contact the Child Maintenance Service, and signing in to your account.
Yes she can claim CM and I can either deny it and refuse dna but will probably end up paying or deny but accept dna.
Then if she says no to a dna test then CMS close the case and id go to court to get a decleration of non-parentage. If any payments made they will be refunded but a lot of the time non are taken if willing to do dna from the off.
Think about it, if what you said was true then millions of men would be getting strung Up by women refusing to do dna and take the Money. That would be crazy.
Last edited by a moderator:
I was just linking the articles with info on it from the .gov website - good that you have had advice from a solicitor.
This forum is to help people with things and we usually say get legal advice if you're not sure and need something confirmed. I linked some info that said different to your solicitor. I don't personally know which is correct but perhaps ask another solicitor and see if they say the same.
This forum is to help people with things and we usually say get legal advice if you're not sure and need something confirmed. I linked some info that said different to your solicitor. I don't personally know which is correct but perhaps ask another solicitor and see if they say the same.
Last edited:
I think we may have got crossed wires.
yes She can go to the CMS and say im the father and I can take her word for It and say yes ok and pay
or dispute and then the CMS will ask for a dna test which all parties agree on.
if
father doesn’t agree then hes presumed to be father.
mother doesnt agree then CMS closes case and no payment Paid.
like I said earlier, society would be a mess if single mothers could accuse anyone of fatherhood without proof, deny a deny test and still get paid.
The local pharmacy to buy Durex?
In terms of parenting now though, you're classed as separated parents even though you were never together 
If it moved on to agreeing schedules for parenting and you were involved. And it starts with DNA tests! If DNA test shows you're not the Father, then no you're not separate/separated parents.
If it moved on to agreeing schedules for parenting and you were involved. And it starts with DNA tests! If DNA test shows you're not the Father, then no you're not separate/separated parents.At this point in time though I’m not classed as a parent, let alone a separated one. I won’t be on that birth certificate.In terms of parenting now though, you're classed as separated parents even though you were never together
As you say, until dna test is done then I am nothing to either of them in the eyes of the law
I know it’s a difficult situation you’re in. And you have time to think now anyway. Of course you don’t want to get involved if you don’t know if you’re the Dad or not. But one thing to consider might be - if she does do a legal dna test after birth and you are the Dad - it could be more difficult to be amicable then if she has had the mindset that you weren’t going to be involved throughout the pregnancy.
In a way if she continues to refuse a legal dna test then you know where you are and problem solved. But she maybe only offered the prenatal test thinking you wanted to know asap if you were the Dad or not.
Anyway good that you’ve had some legal advice and see what happens.
In a way if she continues to refuse a legal dna test then you know where you are and problem solved. But she maybe only offered the prenatal test thinking you wanted to know asap if you were the Dad or not.
Anyway good that you’ve had some legal advice and see what happens.
Possibly but she’s stressed enough times that I dont have to be involved from the off so I think deep down that’s what she wants, to be a single mum but morally felt she had to tell a “father” it was his.
crapped herself with mention of dna test and refused it but then Realised it would be on her in the future why the child doesn’t have A dad so then offered this crazy non legally binding Expensive one knowing full well I wouldn’t go for it but then would clear her conscience and now has what she wants.
thats my Guess anyway. She’s turned out to have Lied about dates, who knows she’s pregnant etc etc she in my mind Is pure evil and I definitely couldnt coparent with this woman
The news is now out there thanks to a social media post of hers. She had told her friends 2 weeks ago and that the father Wants no involvement.
some of her friends thought it was me but once worked out dates have ruled me out.
A mutual friend of both of us also told me she had been meeting up with 2 other men in the lead up and her friendship group assume it’s one of theirs (one having children already that he refuses To have anything to do with) and that I’m totally right in asking for a paternity test.
My friends also back me up on this and think I’d be crazy to just accept her word And to demand an at birth paternity test if she comes After me.
Also a picture she posted of her bump looks a far lot bigger than what the average 3 to 4 month bump should look like. A far lot bigger.
still hoping she was pregnant before our mistake
some of her friends thought it was me but once worked out dates have ruled me out.
A mutual friend of both of us also told me she had been meeting up with 2 other men in the lead up and her friendship group assume it’s one of theirs (one having children already that he refuses To have anything to do with) and that I’m totally right in asking for a paternity test.
My friends also back me up on this and think I’d be crazy to just accept her word And to demand an at birth paternity test if she comes After me.
Also a picture she posted of her bump looks a far lot bigger than what the average 3 to 4 month bump should look like. A far lot bigger.
still hoping she was pregnant before our mistake
Still struggling here emotionally.
Found out today on grapevine she’s having a baby boy. Struck me hard that as I’d love a boy.
still in same position havent spoken in a Almost a month.
our mutual friend met her other night and put my points across but she’s still insistent it’s mine and refusing paternity test at birth and thinks because I turned down the stupid, good for nothing prenatal one I dont want involvement.
mutual friend thinks I should be checking in With her and being involved but I think that’s stupid as I dont know it’s mine
Found out today on grapevine she’s having a baby boy. Struck me hard that as I’d love a boy.
still in same position havent spoken in a Almost a month.
our mutual friend met her other night and put my points across but she’s still insistent it’s mine and refusing paternity test at birth and thinks because I turned down the stupid, good for nothing prenatal one I dont want involvement.
mutual friend thinks I should be checking in With her and being involved but I think that’s stupid as I dont know it’s mine
This is when it becomes more real and human. I went through that too. Then it’s - I’m having a child. I ended up taking ex’s word for it and from that point he was mine anyway - especially once he was born and I looked after him.
So you’re in a difficult position brcshse you want to know if he is yours.
Maybe try not to think of that pre test as stupid and rubbish but a way of having a high degree of certainty. It can’t be fudged because the Mother needs a blood test which would be done by a Doctor. Personally I would accept a 99% pre test. It might not be a legal test but a legal test is only really needed if you want to prove it’s not yours. Kind of.
You can’t have a legal test till the baby is born and by then she’s of the mindset it’s hers and you’re not involved - then if court orders a test and he os yours , things get harder because sge’s been through the whole psychological process of being a single Mum throughout the pregnancy and birth.
I think the whole idea of the pre test os it’s a “peace of mind test”. If it showed you weren’t the Father then that’s that. If it showed you were then it almost certainly is your child. I am not even sure that the legal test id more than 99% accurate.
The main idea of the legal test is legally prove it’s been done correctly for a court - but if you’re both there when the pre test is done - you know it’s been done correctly. And it would be a lot cheaper than a court case.
It’s good there is a mutual friend but it’s still something that needs resolving. There are two peoples emotions, fears and futures involved (three really). But ex wants to know if you’re going to be involved or not so she can make decisions about her life and make plans. You want to know so you know whether to be involved. It’s a catch 22 situation and the only thing that will give any answers is this pre natal test.
I don’t think she would have agreed to do that if she had any doubts or was yours.
There is still the possibility after birth of having a court ordered test if you have doubts. But as soon as my son was born I knew he was mine by a particular physical feature. He didn’t look like either of us at that age but they have fingers, toes, and other bodily genetics.
I would email her (or ask the mutual friend to speak to her) and just say - if it’s your child you want to be involved but need certainty and think that will give peace of mind for all and build trust from that point. That’s it not that you don’t want to trust her but these are complex things and you don’t know each other that well and you appreciate her offer of the pre natal test and you are happy to do this so decisions can be made by both of you.
So you’re in a difficult position brcshse you want to know if he is yours.
Maybe try not to think of that pre test as stupid and rubbish but a way of having a high degree of certainty. It can’t be fudged because the Mother needs a blood test which would be done by a Doctor. Personally I would accept a 99% pre test. It might not be a legal test but a legal test is only really needed if you want to prove it’s not yours. Kind of.
You can’t have a legal test till the baby is born and by then she’s of the mindset it’s hers and you’re not involved - then if court orders a test and he os yours , things get harder because sge’s been through the whole psychological process of being a single Mum throughout the pregnancy and birth.
I think the whole idea of the pre test os it’s a “peace of mind test”. If it showed you weren’t the Father then that’s that. If it showed you were then it almost certainly is your child. I am not even sure that the legal test id more than 99% accurate.
The main idea of the legal test is legally prove it’s been done correctly for a court - but if you’re both there when the pre test is done - you know it’s been done correctly. And it would be a lot cheaper than a court case.
It’s good there is a mutual friend but it’s still something that needs resolving. There are two peoples emotions, fears and futures involved (three really). But ex wants to know if you’re going to be involved or not so she can make decisions about her life and make plans. You want to know so you know whether to be involved. It’s a catch 22 situation and the only thing that will give any answers is this pre natal test.
I don’t think she would have agreed to do that if she had any doubts or was yours.
There is still the possibility after birth of having a court ordered test if you have doubts. But as soon as my son was born I knew he was mine by a particular physical feature. He didn’t look like either of us at that age but they have fingers, toes, and other bodily genetics.
I would email her (or ask the mutual friend to speak to her) and just say - if it’s your child you want to be involved but need certainty and think that will give peace of mind for all and build trust from that point. That’s it not that you don’t want to trust her but these are complex things and you don’t know each other that well and you appreciate her offer of the pre natal test and you are happy to do this so decisions can be made by both of you.
That’s the thing, it’s a finger prick of blood you do yourself, because it’s not court ordered theres no doctors involved, it’s like how a diabetic tests their blood Each day. She might want to be a single mother and give someone else’s blood OR knowing this woman IF it came back and I wasn’t the father I could still see her accusing me of faking the test. It’s just how it is. Also the legal advice I got was not to do it. I don’t think it would be true peace of mind.
As for doing it in same room, again as above, she could still say I did something or didn’t do it properly
I do understand what you mean though about going through it and being in mindset of being single. My mum did all this with me but kept telling my father he could have paternity at birth no problem (eventually he declined and accepted) this is why she finds it so strange her behaviour
This one is 100% accurate and is done by means of a blood test from the Mother (possibly skin prick blood test) and a cheek swab from both parents. But it's 100% accurate! You can't really argue with that The main thing is you agree someone is there to ensure the samples are from both parents when they're sent off. If she will agree to have this mutual friend present while you do the swabs and blood test and the mutual friend then takes the envelope/parcel to post it with you then it's pretty much foolproof.
www.alphabiolabs.co.uk
The main thing is you agree someone is there to ensure the samples are from both parents when they're sent off. If she will agree to have this mutual friend present while you do the swabs and blood test and the mutual friend then takes the envelope/parcel to post it with you then it's pretty much foolproof.
Prenatal Paternity Test | Non-Invasive Prenatal (NIPP) DNA Testing Kit | AlphaBiolabs UK
Non-Invasive Prenatal Paternity DNA Test from AlphaBiolabs. Home Prenatal DNA testing kit to determine the paternity before the baby is born. 100% Accurate, Safe & Fast Results
www.alphabiolabs.co.uk