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Thanks Ash. So I have now received a response from the school. My email was quite polite and professional. I simply explained what was happening and that I am concerned for my son. The schools admin team are passing it onto the head teacher.Will post more when have time. Be careful writing to the school not to make it sound negative about your ex but to keep to the facts and ask them for any support for your child if showing signs of stress.
Have you got screenshot of this. Will make good evidence in court
My sons school have been brilliant. They are really nice people and have called me numerous times for chats and have sent me lots in the post. They have vowed to keep an eye on him and notify me of any sign of distress. This has made such a difference. I am getting through each day a bit better now and more focused on my court date. I just have to have faith that common sense will be on my side.Understanding it helps now how to deal with it. The most important thing is
1) As much time as you can possibly get with the kids. If they're away from her it wears off and she can't mess with their heads and even if you can't stop her trying to do that, they get half their life experiencing normality - which helps them when they're older.
2) I had to temporarily learn a whole different way of parenting - because it's not like parenting a normal child (if the alienation is having severe effects) and used all the tips in the Amy J Baker book linked on here. Thankfully that was only a temporary situation because number 1 above helps get things back to normal.
Glad the school were helpful. Schools have a legal obligation to deal with both parents who have parental responsibility. If they refuse (because the ex has told them to) you go over their heads to the local authority and then the school does what it's told!
Some schools are really helpful - they care about kids. Some are not - they just don't want to get involved with warring parents. But they have to respond to any concerns or reply to anything you write to them and keep you updated with reports etc.
Their systems are only geared to deal with one parent or a standard family - at primary school newsletters are just put in the school bag etc so only one parent gets them. But if you write to them and ask for copies for both parents and your copies to be emailed they will usually do that.
It’s not right, I have seen my 3 children since JanuaryFinding this site and forum is both comforting and concerning in equal measures. It's reassuring to know I'm not alone but it's also worrying how common it is for fathers in the UK to be denied access to their children.
It seems my story is the same for many others. My ex and I parted ways after things fell apart and I moved out. Leaving my one year old baby boy behind was the worst day of my life. But things couldn't carry on. I have a very demanding job and was coming home at the end of the day and the house was in a state. My boy was still in his bedtime jumpsuit at 6pm, covered in yogurt and sticky. She was saying she had been busy all day and that it was now my turn to look after him as she was tired! I didn't believe her. I am not saying I am perfect. I am stubborn and sometimes grumpy but she is very lazy. She is also extremely controlling and manipulative. Always having an excuse that somehow seems to end up being my fault.
We had a verbal agreement that I had my son for four hours one evening in the week then overnight on Saturdays. About a month after moving out, I discovered that social services had gotten involved as the health visitor reported concerns that my ex was not looking after my son properly. I soon found myself in a Child Protection Conference with the local authorities where my ex began saying that I was the reason why my son was being neglected!
A whole year of social services involvement ensued with my ex blaming me for all of the problems. She claimed that the Child Protection Plan was all about me and why my son was not being looked after. The details were deliberately being kept from me and I later learned the truth, that the Child Protection Plan was all about her. All about getting her functioning and nothing to do with me. But at every opportunity she tried to drag me down with her. She refused to cooperate with social services and at one point it was looking like the local authorities would take my son away. But out of the blue, my ex began to comply and eventually social services ended their involvement.
The verbal contact agreement remained in place but she began denying me access every now and then if we had a disagreement about anything. Looking back, I should of began the Child Arrangements Order process back then. I didn't acknowledge the warning signs of what was to come.
Now after 5 difficult years, she has begun to make false allegations of alcohol abuse against me to deny me access to my son completely. I only go out on a Friday after work for a couple of pints with colleagues! I have not seen him since the 5th March. She is not communicating with me to sort things out. We have attended mediation but she stands by her allegations and refuses to budge so I submitted a C100 form on 4th April. A First Hearing and Dispute Resolution Appointment is scheduled for the 10th August! I will not have seen my son in six months by the time the court hearing comes around.
How in the world is this right?
I don't know what I am going to do if the court believes her and doesn't grant me access again.
K