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Kyle

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Finding this site and forum is both comforting and concerning in equal measures. It's reassuring to know I'm not alone but it's also worrying how common it is for fathers in the UK to be denied access to their children.

It seems my story is the same for many others. My ex and I parted ways after things fell apart and I moved out. Leaving my one year old baby boy behind was the worst day of my life. But things couldn't carry on. I have a very demanding job and was coming home at the end of the day and the house was in a state. My boy was still in his bedtime jumpsuit at 6pm, covered in yogurt and sticky. She was saying she had been busy all day and that it was now my turn to look after him as she was tired! I didn't believe her. I am not saying I am perfect. I am stubborn and sometimes grumpy but she is very lazy. She is also extremely controlling and manipulative. Always having an excuse that somehow seems to end up being my fault.

We had a verbal agreement that I had my son for four hours one evening in the week then overnight on Saturdays. About a month after moving out, I discovered that social services had gotten involved as the health visitor reported concerns that my ex was not looking after my son properly. I soon found myself in a Child Protection Conference with the local authorities where my ex began saying that I was the reason why my son was being neglected!

A whole year of social services involvement ensued with my ex blaming me for all of the problems. She claimed that the Child Protection Plan was all about me and why my son was not being looked after. The details were deliberately being kept from me and I later learned the truth, that the Child Protection Plan was all about her. All about getting her functioning and nothing to do with me. But at every opportunity she tried to drag me down with her. She refused to cooperate with social services and at one point it was looking like the local authorities would take my son away. But out of the blue, my ex began to comply and eventually social services ended their involvement.

The verbal contact agreement remained in place but she began denying me access every now and then if we had a disagreement about anything. Looking back, I should of began the Child Arrangements Order process back then. I didn't acknowledge the warning signs of what was to come.

Now after 5 difficult years, she has begun to make false allegations of alcohol abuse against me to deny me access to my son completely. I only go out on a Friday after work for a couple of pints with colleagues! I have not seen him since the 5th March. She is not communicating with me to sort things out. We have attended mediation but she stands by her allegations and refuses to budge so I submitted a C100 form on 4th April. A First Hearing and Dispute Resolution Appointment is scheduled for the 10th August! I will not have seen my son in six months by the time the court hearing comes around.

How in the world is this right?

I don't know what I am going to do if the court believes her and doesn't grant me access again.

K
 
Finding this site and forum is both comforting and concerning in equal measures. It's reassuring to know I'm not alone but it's also worrying how common it is for fathers in the UK to be denied access to their children.

It seems my story is the same for many others. My ex and I parted ways after things fell apart and I moved out. Leaving my one year old baby boy behind was the worst day of my life. But things couldn't carry on. I have a very demanding job and was coming home at the end of the day and the house was in a state. My boy was still in his bedtime jumpsuit at 6pm, covered in yogurt and sticky. She was saying she had been busy all day and that it was now my turn to look after him as she was tired! I didn't believe her. I am not saying I am perfect. I am stubborn and sometimes grumpy but she is very lazy. She is also extremely controlling and manipulative. Always having an excuse that somehow seems to end up being my fault.

We had a verbal agreement that I had my son for four hours one evening in the week then overnight on Saturdays. About a month after moving out, I discovered that social services had gotten involved as the health visitor reported concerns that my ex was not looking after my son properly. I soon found myself in a Child Protection Conference with the local authorities where my ex began saying that I was the reason why my son was being neglected!

A whole year of social services involvement ensued with my ex blaming me for all of the problems. She claimed that the Child Protection Plan was all about me and why my son was not being looked after. The details were deliberately being kept from me and I later learned the truth, that the Child Protection Plan was all about her. All about getting her functioning and nothing to do with me. But at every opportunity she tried to drag me down with her. She refused to cooperate with social services and at one point it was looking like the local authorities would take my son away. But out of the blue, my ex began to comply and eventually social services ended their involvement.

The verbal contact agreement remained in place but she began denying me access every now and then if we had a disagreement about anything. Looking back, I should of began the Child Arrangements Order process back then. I didn't acknowledge the warning signs of what was to come.

Now after 5 difficult years, she has begun to make false allegations of alcohol abuse against me to deny me access to my son completely. I only go out on a Friday after work for a couple of pints with colleagues! I have not seen him since the 5th March. She is not communicating with me to sort things out. We have attended mediation but she stands by her allegations and refuses to budge so I submitted a C100 form on 4th April. A First Hearing and Dispute Resolution Appointment is scheduled for the 10th August! I will not have seen my son in six months by the time the court hearing comes around.

How in the world is this right?

I don't know what I am going to do if the court believes her and doesn't grant me access again.

K

Did they not offer supervised contact on 4th April . If not what grounds
 
Hello Kyle,

Indeed it is hard for single fathers. The antiquated family court system doesn't reflect the societal changes where fathers are now actively involved in the upbringing of children, and mothers are going to work, and as a result, the starting position in the CAO process is that the father has to prove he can care for the children, whereas it is assumed the mother can care. CMS also adds to the difficulties by tying number of days to maintenance.

What I have learnt from this forum and others is that it is a trial by fire, and that to succeed, you have to endure the pain and not show that you are troubled by it. I learnt that you have to accept the barriers and hurdles and face them rather than avoid. You have to speak the same language as the judges, CAFCASS and other family court stakeholders.

Like you I regretted applying for a CAO very late following a couple of years of informal arrangements that left me under the control of psycho-ex who used the kids to hurt me. I finally did and it has made a noticeable difference.

Don't delay your CAO application! We are here to support you.

EDIT - I JUST SAW THAT YOU APPLIED FOR CAO.
We can support you throughout the process. Courts see these kind of accusations all the time. You just have to remain cool and if asked about them, you categorically refute them.
 
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Did they not offer supervised contact on 4th April . If not what grounds
No. There is nothing on the letter confirming the FHDRA other than it's date and time. Isn't this something that might be offered after the FHDRA?
 
Hello Kyle,

Indeed it is hard for single fathers. The antiquated family court system doesn't reflect the societal changes where fathers are now actively involved in the upbringing of children, and mothers are going to work, and as a result, the starting position in the CAO process is that the father has to prove he can care for the children, whereas it is assumed the mother can care. CMS also adds to the difficulties by tying number of days to maintenance.

What I have learnt from this forum and others is that it is a trial by fire, and that to succeed, you have to endure the pain and not show that you are troubled by it. I learnt that you have to accept the barriers and hurdles and face them rather than avoid. You have to speak the same language as the judges, CAFCASS and other family court stakeholders.

Like you I regretted applying for a CAO very late following a couple of years of informal arrangements that left me under the control of psycho-ex who used the kids to hurt me. I finally did and it has made a noticeable difference.

Don't delay your CAO application! We are here to support you.

EDIT - I JUST SAW THAT YOU APPLIED FOR CAO.
We can support you throughout the process. Courts see these kind of accusations all the time. You just have to remain cool and if asked about them, you categorically refute them.
Thank you proud_dad.
 
No. There is nothing on the letter confirming the FHDRA other than it's date and time. Isn't this something that might be offered after the FHDRA?
Sorry misread - yep hopefully they will reinstate some form of contact at FHDRA
 
That is a long wait time for the first hearing. It seems to vary with different regions. But it can also be affected by what you put in your initial application. I think they treat some as more urgent than others. The main tip is to never say anything negative about your ex in the application, even if it's true. Can you get a copy of any reports or closure reports from social services? They could be useful evidence later. If she's accusing you of drinking they will probably require hair strand tests so it could be an idea to get those done ready to avoid further delays. Four months is unacceptable for a first hearing date. What region are you in and how old will your son be by then?
 
That is a long wait time for the first hearing. It seems to vary with different regions. But it can also be affected by what you put in your initial application. I think they treat some as more urgent than others. The main tip is to never say anything negative about your ex in the application, even if it's true. Can you get a copy of any reports or closure reports from social services? They could be useful evidence later. If she's accusing you of drinking they will probably require hair strand tests so it could be an idea to get those done ready to avoid further delays. Four months is unacceptable for a first hearing date. What region are you in and how old will your son be by then?
I though it was best to be honest to ensure my case was treated as urgent! I would say that most of what I wrote in the C100 was negative, because it is. But what I wrote wasn't inappropriate. I learned a long time ago not to get sucked into the abyss of fighting spite with spite. I tried to articulate the situation professionally. My son is now trapped in the care of the parent who neglects him and is denied access to the parent who is morally and rationally sound. That is the truth. I'm in Gloucestershire. My son will be six the week before the hearing! I have never missed his birthdays. I will never get that time back.
 
Ok I've lost a timeline somewhere. So you mentioned he was one when you separated. That suggests then that the informal arrangements continued for about 5 years until now, is that right? The court like to see both parents being positive about the child's relationships with both parents. Even though the Mother is in the wrong for preventing this time, unfortunately it reflects badly on you if you aren't positive about her. Best way is to keep it 100% child focused in that the child should have happy significant relationships with both parents. If they sense any animosity then they see the child as in the middle of conflict and best left with one parent - it's not normal life we're dealing with - it's a system.

That is far too long for a first hearing. When did you last see him? And did you have any holidays booked to take him on. Do you know what triggered this after all this time? Did she get a new partner, or you get a new partner?

I'm just wondering - if you had a holiday booked before she stopped you seeing him you could apply for an urgent order for the holiday (bizarrely holiday time takes priority) and ask for that to be the first hearing as well.

It's usually advised to ask for an interim order at the first hearing - but if you didn't you can do that in a position statement nearer the time.
 
Ok I've lost a timeline somewhere. So you mentioned he was one when you separated. That suggests then that the informal arrangements continued for about 5 years until now, is that right? The court like to see both parents being positive about the child's relationships with both parents. Even though the Mother is in the wrong for preventing this time, unfortunately it reflects badly on you if you aren't positive about her. Best way is to keep it 100% child focused in that the child should have happy significant relationships with both parents. If they sense any animosity then they see the child as in the middle of conflict and best left with one parent - it's not normal life we're dealing with - it's a system.

That is far too long for a first hearing. When did you last see him? And did you have any holidays booked to take him on. Do you know what triggered this after all this time? Did she get a new partner, or you get a new partner?

I'm just wondering - if you had a holiday booked before she stopped you seeing him you could apply for an urgent order for the holiday (bizarrely holiday time takes priority) and ask for that to be the first hearing as well.

It's usually advised to ask for an interim order at the first hearing - but if you didn't you can do that in a position statement nearer the time.
That's right. The informal arrangements have always been a roller coaster though as when she feels offended or disrespected or is just on one she'll turn round and say; "right well he's staying with me this weekend!" and I'm stuck. 5th March was the last time I had him stay and haven't seen him since so technically 6th March when I took him back to her. I have a holiday booked but she would never let me take him in a million years. She has a new partner and I have a new partner. Things had been working out since September '21 but all of a sudden she calls me to tell me she thinks I spend too much time in the pub and I clearly have a problem and he wouldn't staying overnight with me anymore. I argued that was absurd. My job means I could never have an alcohol or substance issue. Not that I'd ever want one. A beer on the odd Friday is all it amounts too. She finally said that if I wanted contact I would have to pursue it through the courts. So that's what I'm doing. I'm thinking of getting some quotes for some hair strand tests if this will help me during the FHDRA.
 
Did you have mediation first? Ok so you have a holiday booked - doesn't matter whether she agrees or not. If you have confirmation of a holiday booking you can apply for a 48 hour hearing to get the holiday ordered (ie for your son with you). Is it a family type suitable holiday? However you can only get a 48 hour hearing if the holiday is fairly imminent - within a week or two. Otherwise a hearing would take just as long as your first hearing probably.

You also need to start building up some evidence. Anything you put in writing can be used for or against you. Likewise anything she puts in writing can be as well. She is not putting the child's interests first. But I guess she's making an excuse that there are welfare issues. If she said you can't have him for overnights, did she offer any other time? So you can still see him.

If you've got a court date through then she will have had notification of the hearing as well. So she'll know you've applied. That doesn't mean you can't still negotiate meanwhile. And anything you try and negotiate could be helpful evidence later.

So reading between the lines - she thinks you spend too much time drinking in the pub on Friday nights - that to me suggests she doesn't like you leaving your son with your partner. Many of these issues are caused by the Mother's jealousy of a step parent. But maybe I'm wrong.

From now on keep any communications polite and civilised - biff emails or texts (brief, informative, friendly, formal). As if writing to a business colleague.

If not using a solicitor then a formal email could help a) provide evidence that you've tried to reason with her and b) make her feel a bit apprehensive that it might not go her way. By the tone of it. So I'd suggest somehting like

"Dear Ex Name

I am writing to ask how my son is and when I can next see him. I am concerned that this is such a sudden change for him, when he's had two parents in his life for most of his life, that he must be under stress. I have applied to the court for an order to re-establish our son's regular time with me, but we can of course still reach agreement between us. It is in our son's best interests to have both his parents in his lives - and boys need their Dads. I ask that we try and resolve any issues so he can continue to spend regular and significant time with both parents and both families. In the meantime, I ask that a video call once a week is allowed with him - at 6pm on Wednesdays, and if you will not agree to him staying overnight, then at least him spending time during the day with me on Saturdays.

I hope we can both put our son's needs first.

Best wishes, you"
 
Did you have mediation first? Ok so you have a holiday booked - doesn't matter whether she agrees or not. If you have confirmation of a holiday booking you can apply for a 48 hour hearing to get the holiday ordered (ie for your son with you). Is it a family type suitable holiday? However you can only get a 48 hour hearing if the holiday is fairly imminent - within a week or two. Otherwise a hearing would take just as long as your first hearing probably.

You also need to start building up some evidence. Anything you put in writing can be used for or against you. Likewise anything she puts in writing can be as well. She is not putting the child's interests first. But I guess she's making an excuse that there are welfare issues. If she said you can't have him for overnights, did she offer any other time? So you can still see him.

If you've got a court date through then she will have had notification of the hearing as well. So she'll know you've applied. That doesn't mean you can't still negotiate meanwhile. And anything you try and negotiate could be helpful evidence later.

So reading between the lines - she thinks you spend too much time drinking in the pub on Friday nights - that to me suggests she doesn't like you leaving your son with your partner. Many of these issues are caused by the Mother's jealousy of a step parent. But maybe I'm wrong.

From now on keep any communications polite and civilised - biff emails or texts (brief, informative, friendly, formal). As if writing to a business colleague.

If not using a solicitor then a formal email could help a) provide evidence that you've tried to reason with her and b) make her feel a bit apprehensive that it might not go her way. By the tone of it. So I'd suggest somehting like

"Dear Ex Name

I am writing to ask how my son is and when I can next see him. I am concerned that this is such a sudden change for him, when he's had two parents in his life for most of his life, that he must be under stress. I have applied to the court for an order to re-establish our son's regular time with me, but we can of course still reach agreement between us. It is in our son's best interests to have both his parents in his lives - and boys need their Dads. I ask that we try and resolve any issues so he can continue to spend regular and significant time with both parents and both families. In the meantime, I ask that a video call once a week is allowed with him - at 6pm on Wednesdays, and if you will not agree to him staying overnight, then at least him spending time during the day with me on Saturdays.

I hope we can both put our son's needs first.

Best wishes, you"
My visits to the pub for a Friday pint or two after work are the day before I have my son and they are not every Friday consistently. I'm not sure what her issue is but you're not the first person to suggest jealousy. Yes we've had independent mediation already. It might be worth sending the letter for the sake of showing my intent to the court but she made it quite clear in the last text she sent to me before she blocked me that If I ever wanted to see my son again I would have to take her to court. There is no other way to communicate with her except by post.
 
Sorry to hear this. It is sadly all too familiar a story.

Definitely Ash's advice on the letter. I was advised to do this by my solicitor when I went through court. I also got blocked and didn't see kids for about 6 months.

Have you consulted a solicitor at all. Not to incur big costs but if you explain your situation they may be able to give a view and a few handy pointers along with letter of advice.
 
My visits to the pub for a Friday pint or two after work are the day before I have my son and they are not every Friday consistently. I'm not sure what her issue is but you're not the first person to suggest jealousy. Yes we've had independent mediation already. It might be worth sending the letter for the sake of showing my intent to the court but she made it quite clear in the last text she sent to me before she blocked me that If I ever wanted to see my son again I would have to take her to court. There is no other way to communicate with her except by post.
Do you have that text still? If you have it in writing in a text that she is saying if you ever want to see your son again you'd have to take her to court, that is good evidence of obstruction. Did she give a reason for that in the text? In my experience they do that when you have either said no to something they want you to do or done something they have said they don't want you to do (in my case it was all about excluding my partner). ie you have annoyed her. A court will not look kindly on someone witholding a child because they are annoyed about something. She probably knows this so has brought up drinking. I'd suggest, if you haven't already, be whiter than white and quit going to the pub on Fridays. It's annoying but I found childcare took over my life in the early years. I never did drink much socially - maybe just one glass if I went to something and left my partner babysitting - mainly because I was driving. My ex couldn't complain as she drank like a fish! At home usually. That used to worry me actually.

So she has blocked you by email and text? But she went to mediation?

How about sending this as a letter:

"Dear Ex Name


I am writing to ask how my son is and when I can next see him. I am concerned that this is such a sudden change for him, when he's had two parents in his life for most of his life, that he must be under stress. I have applied to the court for an order to re-establish our son's regular time with me, but we can of course still reach agreement between us. It is in our son's best interests to have both his parents in his lives - and boys need their Dads. I ask that we try and resolve any issues so he can continue to spend regular and significant time with both parents and both families. In the meantime, I ask that a video call once a week is allowed with him - at 6pm on Wednesdays, and if you will not agree to him staying overnight, then at least him spending time during the day with me on Saturdays. I am at a loss to understand why you are not agreeing to my son seeing me and can assure you there are no issues, as there never have been. But I am happy to listen to anything you feel needs resolving.

I hope we can both put our son's needs first.


Best wishes, you"

I was going to add - just to let you know I no longer go to the pub on Fridays - but that's a bit risky as it suggests there was an issue.
 
At the moment she is manipulating the system. She is witholding your son knowing nobody can do anything about it until it goes to court. If she persists in refusing any contact at all, I would suggest changing what you asked for, to a shared care order in a position statement for the next hearing. Five nights a fortnight. That would be every other week-end from Friday to Monday and one midweek overnight. What did you ask for in your application to be in an order? I would also do anything you can to speed things up, so if you have a holiday booked (that is child friendly and shows accommodation for at least three) then use that to try and get an earlier hearing.

Could you get the school involved? Presumably you're in contact with the school. If not then start that up. There's a letter templace in the Legal Resources section in the top blue bar. For getting communication started. It needs to be something formal in writing. Offer to meet/speak to the headteacher. Tell them that child's Mother has recently prevented you seeing him since March, a court application is in progress, and you are concerned your son will be under stress and ask them to give any support they can to him in the meantime.

What that does is - show your concern for the child, ask for the school's help - without directly saying anything negative about your ex. Yet the school will certainly see that your ex is doing something nasty and may be quite helpful. They were with me. Cafcass contact the school as part of their initial letter so make sure you never slag off the ex to the school! You want the school onside and able to say the Father has expressed concern about the child and we have known him for ex years and seen him pick child up from school etc.

I am assuming you did used to pick him up from school midweek? Or was it always from your ex's house.
 
Sorry to hear this. It is sadly all too familiar a story.

Definitely Ash's advice on the letter. I was advised to do this by my solicitor when I went through court. I also got blocked and didn't see kids for about 6 months.

Have you consulted a solicitor at all. Not to incur big costs but if you explain your situation they may be able to give a view and a few handy pointers along with letter of advice.
Thanks. Yes so i t seems. I am thinking of the letter. It's quite hard because she is making her allegations against me public on Facebook and the advice I've been given is that is a whole other civil court matter so I'm still trying to get my head around what to do on both fronts. Obviously the situation with my boy comes first but she is trying to damage me at every opportunity so I've got to ask myself at what point do I accept that she is downright nasty and just let the courts deal with it?
 
Do you have that text still? If you have it in writing in a text that she is saying if you ever want to see your son again you'd have to take her to court, that is good evidence of obstruction. Did she give a reason for that in the text? In my experience they do that when you have either said no to something they want you to do or done something they have said they don't want you to do (in my case it was all about excluding my partner). ie you have annoyed her. A court will not look kindly on someone witholding a child because they are annoyed about something. She probably knows this so has brought up drinking. I'd suggest, if you haven't already, be whiter than white and quit going to the pub on Fridays. It's annoying but I found childcare took over my life in the early years. I never did drink much socially - maybe just one glass if I went to something and left my partner babysitting - mainly because I was driving. My ex couldn't complain as she drank like a fish! At home usually. That used to worry me actually.

So she has blocked you by email and text? But she went to mediation?

How about sending this as a letter:

"Dear Ex Name


I am writing to ask how my son is and when I can next see him. I am concerned that this is such a sudden change for him, when he's had two parents in his life for most of his life, that he must be under stress. I have applied to the court for an order to re-establish our son's regular time with me, but we can of course still reach agreement between us. It is in our son's best interests to have both his parents in his lives - and boys need their Dads. I ask that we try and resolve any issues so he can continue to spend regular and significant time with both parents and both families. In the meantime, I ask that a video call once a week is allowed with him - at 6pm on Wednesdays, and if you will not agree to him staying overnight, then at least him spending time during the day with me on Saturdays. I am at a loss to understand why you are not agreeing to my son seeing me and can assure you there are no issues, as there never have been. But I am happy to listen to anything you feel needs resolving.

I hope we can both put our son's needs first.


Best wishes, you"

I was going to add - just to let you know I no longer go to the pub on Fridays - but that's a bit risky as it suggests there was an issue.
Yes I have the text where she said if I ever want to see my son again I will have to take her to court printed out as well as a whole raft of other things she has said in text messages just in case I need to refer to them. I know I need to focus all of my attention on what is best for my boy but I am dealing with someone who is quite adept at the whole playing the victim thing even though I have done absolutely nothing to deserve this and she is denying me access based on a lie. I have a feeling she only attended mediation to make herself look good in court. That's unlikely to stand up if this text will not bode well for her?

The week after she first denied me access my boss told me that our pay would change from weekly to fortnightly. I had been putting £50 directly into her bank account from mine every week but because she had blocked me I never got the opportunity to explain my wage change to her so when the money didn't go in her account the following Friday because I had to wait for fortnightly pay to settle in, she called the Child Maintenance Service to report me and requested they put a Deduction of Earnings Order on me. The CMS called me and informed me that she was requesting a DEO so I sat down and went through my earnings with quite a nice lady on the phone and worked out my weekly CMS payments. I've lost count of how many times I've told my ex that it's better if I give her £50 per week directly as going through the CMS could mean less for her, but she always disagreed. I never realised payments were based on your earnings from the previous financial year. So now instead of getting £50 per week directly from me, she gets £13.10 per week, paid into her account by the CMS, monthly! She has literally cut off her own nose to spite her face. But it doesn't end there.

She has taken a photo of the CMS letter that informs her of her £13.10 per week payment and posted it to Facebook accusing me of lying about my earnings to the CMS to "avoid paying for my child." She has accused me in this Facebook post of not declaring all of my earnings, so essentially tax evasion, and further accused me of this alcohol abuse allegation. To put the cherry on the cake she has taken a photo of me from my Facebook account and added that to her other comments in this post so she and her family can mock my appearance as I am in my oil rig all-in-one covered in filth.

I have called the police to report this as harassment but was told by a duty Sargent that this is actually an offence under the Malicious Communications Act 1988. The police investigated but frustratingly decided to do nothing about it. The post is still on her Facebook page I am told (she's obviously blocked me so I can't see it) but a friend of mine took screen shots and sent them to me as evidence.

So hopefully you can see why I have slight reservations about sending her amicable letters in the post. I've been advised by friends with better legal brains than mine that I may have a case to sue for Defamation or Malicious Falsehoods but with an impending First Hearing Dispute Resolution Appointment on the horizon I don't know whether this would be seen as me being the hostile party by the family courts. I'm under attack. I haven't done anything to her to warrant this. But should I take it all lying down?

K
 
At the moment she is manipulating the system. She is witholding your son knowing nobody can do anything about it until it goes to court. If she persists in refusing any contact at all, I would suggest changing what you asked for, to a shared care order in a position statement for the next hearing. Five nights a fortnight. That would be every other week-end from Friday to Monday and one midweek overnight. What did you ask for in your application to be in an order? I would also do anything you can to speed things up, so if you have a holiday booked (that is child friendly and shows accommodation for at least three) then use that to try and get an earlier hearing.

Could you get the school involved? Presumably you're in contact with the school. If not then start that up. There's a letter templace in the Legal Resources section in the top blue bar. For getting communication started. It needs to be something formal in writing. Offer to meet/speak to the headteacher. Tell them that child's Mother has recently prevented you seeing him since March, a court application is in progress, and you are concerned your son will be under stress and ask them to give any support they can to him in the meantime.

What that does is - show your concern for the child, ask for the school's help - without directly saying anything negative about your ex. Yet the school will certainly see that your ex is doing something nasty and may be quite helpful. They were with me. Cafcass contact the school as part of their initial letter so make sure you never slag off the ex to the school! You want the school onside and able to say the Father has expressed concern about the child and we have known him for ex years and seen him pick child up from school etc.

I am assuming you did used to pick him up from school midweek? Or was it always from your ex's house.
I have asked for every weekend on the C100 form. The holiday I have booked is abroad and my son does not have a passport yet. Can she not block attempts by me to take him out of the country?

I have emailed the school now and informed them of what is happening. Hopefully I hear back from them after the Easter Break. I didn't think it was appropriate to do this so I was quite nervous about what the fallout from this would be so thanks for your advice on this. If the email doens't work I will use the template to make a formal request to see the head teacher. I have picked him up numerous times before so they do know me.
 
Thanks. Yes so i t seems. I am thinking of the letter. It's quite hard because she is making her allegations against me public on Facebook and the advice I've been given is that is a whole other civil court matter so I'm still trying to get my head around what to do on both fronts. Obviously the situation with my boy comes first but she is trying to damage me at every opportunity so I've got to ask myself at what point do I accept that she is downright nasty and just let the courts deal with it?
Have you got screenshot of this. Will make good evidence in court
 
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