Very vulnerable and feel afraid. False allegations against me.

[MountainGoat]

Ok, so I've just completed the call. It was about an hour and 10 minutes.

As I've been told before I talk too much so I probably ranted a little.

The key thing I kept saying though is that it is so important for children to have their mum and dad in their lives and how much the children have repeatedly said they want to spend more time with me.

I was asked about the allegations so I said I completely denied them and becuase so many actions from my Ex have had an impact on this and me seeing the children I did bring up all the situations which have caused the children to be affected by all this.

I had to say how much it has spiralled into a ball of lies as it is absolutely ridiculous. I mentioned that I had and did complete mediation and that she refused to take part and that it would have prioritised the children if we had done this.

I told them my concern had always been my wife and our family and that it was key that I wanted everyone safe and well.

Probably made tonnes of mistakes but what is done is done.

She said she is going to now be interviewing my wife. I don't know whats worse, going first or second.

 

[Ash]

That's interesting - they usually interview the Mother first - but not always. You'll just have to wait and see what the report says.

 

[MountainGoat]

Thankyou.

She kept saying that she could see how important the children were to me and could clearly see that I love them, but I'm guessing they will say that to everyone. What you hear on the phone can be completly different in the report I guess.

As if today hadnt been hectic enough, I had a banging headache all day, and on the way home I get a text from my solicitor to say the stalking/coercive behaviour allegation bail has yet again been pushed another month. The CPS still cant make up their minds!

I really dont need this hanging over me! I don't know what on earth they are doing!

 

[Ash]

I think that sounds positive - and no they don't say that to everyone. However what they say and what they write in the report aren't always the same! So see what the report says - but I think it sounds positive. Sorry the bail has been put back again, but hopefully once that has been cleared, there are no allegations against you and things can move forwards. It sounds like they don't have any (or enough) evidence to charge you.

 

[MountainGoat]

Hi everyone,

I hope you all had a good weekend. With the weather improving I have been going walking and it is doing me some good to get out.

My stbx has agrred for me to see the children a few days over Easter so I'm pleased about that but as with her recent behaviour I can not predict what she is upto.

I have a few questions if you don't mind me asking.

So, I've done my Cafcass call, shes doing hers, and then the social worker is also sending a letter to the court with her recommendations.
This social worker was brought in when she was told "father has been involved with domestic abuse and allegation of assault" so from the very beginning she's seen me in a bad light when in fact the police never persued this and no further actioned it. It is all lies yet my stbx still believes it all as true facts!
This is all heading to a child arrangement hearing in 3 weeks. So I'm going to need my solicitor involved in that.

The problem is I've run out of money. So reguarding the divorce, can and would you recommend I sort this myself?

I can see it coming......the next part is the finacial statement and theres going to be negotiaitons and emails bouncing left and right and thats going to make for sky high solicitors bills. I want to get rid of the solicitor now and just keep them for the court.

I don't want to be charged £26 for a letter they've forwareded me that two days later I got in the post anyway.

Am I doing the right thing to cut ties with the solicitor but somehow retain them for court? Will this make them peed off with me and fail me in court?

Thanks for your help.

 

[MountainGoat]

Sorry to bump but could appreciate some help if anyone’s around. Very worried about all this and making wrong decisions.
I’m broke now. No more money.

 

[Peanut 21]

Am I doing the right thing to cut ties with the solicitor but somehow retain them for court? Will this make them peed off with me and fail me in court?

Sorry just seen your post.

You just say to the solicitors you've run out of funds for now.
They're not going to ban you for that.

 

[Peanut 21]

the social worker is also sending a letter to the court with her recommendations.
This social worker was brought in when she was told "father has been involved with domestic abuse and allegation of assault" so from the very beginning she's seen me in a bad light when in fact the police never persued this and no further actioned it. It is all lies yet my stbx still believes it all as true facts!

Local childrens services are awful.
They've come to unfounded conclusions about my partner without speaking to him. Cafcass have said complete opposite to them.

 

[MountainGoat]

Thankyou everyone for your help.

So, Cafcass have said they will be doing a Section7 report. Is that good or bad?
They will NOT be doing a fact finding or fact heatring.

The solicitor recommends agreeing to the recomendations in the Cafcass safegarding letter, which essentially says that contact coniues with one phone call a week and seeing the kids alternate weekends. So to get an agreed order in place.
This would avoid having to go to a hearing in 12 days time.
Then a hearing would be scheduled after the Section 7 report which would be about 15 weeks away.

What would you guys recommend I do?

I mean there are some things I disagree with and that I would want to change including the children spending more time with me, however I assume this will get talked about at the hearing after the Section 7 report?

Should I try and get the hearing next week cancelled? Or does it show I agree to the things the report says?

- In my stbx's section it states she suffered a traumatic head injury due to assault of being pushed down the stairs. (This never happened, and in her statement it was she was pushed through the conservatory doors as well as a million other stories)
- That I am controlling and used her health condition to control her. Again this is untrue and I've always been there for her. Never stopped her from doing anything.
- Saying I used to call her a bad mother.
- Saying that I installed CCTV on the house to track and stalk her and the children. She never had any problem with it when i put it in 4 years ago and this is on the outside of the property only, and for security purposes. I wouldnt even have time to be looking at the cameras all day. This use of the CCTV cameras is all to further her stalking and coercive behaviour claim.
- Says I lose my temper just because she has a video of me shouting one time.
- Says that I contacted family members when the allegations started and this was a breach of the non molestatiomn order. It wasnt as far as I know and was because I couldnt understand what on earth was happening.

I'm wondering what the hell will come of all this!

 

[NewcastleBrownAle]

Thankyou everyone for your help.

So, Cafcass have said they will be doing a Section7 report. Is that good or bad?
They will NOT be doing a fact finding or fact heatring.

The solicitor recommends agreeing to the recomendations in the Cafcass safegarding letter, which essentially says that contact coniues with one phone call a week and seeing the kids alternate weekends. So to get an agreed order in place.
This would avoid having to go to a hearing in 12 days time.
Then a hearing would be scheduled after the Section 7 report which would be about 15 weeks away.

What would you guys recommend I do?

I mean there are some things I disagree with and that I would want to change including the children spending more time with me, however I assume this will get talked about at the hearing after the Section 7 report?

Should I try and get the hearing next week cancelled? Or does it show I agree to the things the report says?

- In my stbx's section it states she suffered a traumatic head injury due to assault of being pushed down the stairs. (This never happened, and in her statement it was she was pushed through the conservatory doors as well as a million other stories)
- That I am controlling and used her health condition to control her. Again this is untrue and I've always been there for her. Never stopped her from doing anything.
- Saying I used to call her a bad mother.
- Saying that I installed CCTV on the house to track and stalk her and the children. She never had any problem with it when i put it in 4 years ago and this is on the outside of the property only, and for security purposes. I wouldnt even have time to be looking at the cameras all day. This use of the CCTV cameras is all to further her stalking and coercive behaviour claim.
- Says I lose my temper just because she has a video of me shouting one time.
- Says that I contacted family members when the allegations started and this was a breach of the non molestatiomn order. It wasnt as far as I know and was because I couldnt understand what on earth was happening.

I'm wondering what the hell will come of all this!

Raining false allegations, is par for the course, mine is the same, as are many many others. The court is fully aware of this and grow tired of it quickly. Remember, it is not for you to prove they are false, it is for the ex to prove they are true. Calmly deny false allegations, the court will not infer from them unless they are proven. Stay child focused and not allegation focused.

 

[Ash]

So ignore all the allegations and focus on what Cafcass have recommended, which is absolutely brilliant and a lot better than most Dads get during the interim - seeing your kids at week-ends and a phone call week. The very fact that there will be no fact find, makes it clear they have ignored your ex's allegations. So yes just agree with the Cafcass letter. And take note that Cafcass are not accusing you of these allegations - they are just reporting, literally, what both parents have said. It's never a nice read, but the important bit is at the end. They're probably doing the section 7 because your kids have special needs and your ex has said she had a traumatic brain injury (regardless of how she got it).

You can de-instruct the solicitor by just sending them an email saying something like

"Dear xxxxxx

I will unfortunately have to de-instruct you for general work on my case, due to lack of funds, but would be grateful if you could confirm that I can retain you for hearings. My instructions are therefore not to deal with any correspondence or other work relating to the case, until further notice. Thank you.

Kind Regards, your name".

Yes you can do the divorce yourself but focus on the Child Arrangements first.

 

[MountainGoat]

Thankyou.

I've just told my solicitor that my stbx and her solicitors can contact me directly if they need something.

Today her solicitor has sent over a letter for me to return a spare car key which I have no problem doing but because it got sent via the solicitor then I am being charged. I'm sick of my stbx sending letters this way as then I get charged.

 

[Dirge]

It's what solicitors do, they love sending letters back and forward. My solicitor's favourite trick is to send detailed minutes of labourious phone calls, containing information that has already been sent previously. I'm sure mine is deliberately putting errors into documents, knowing full well you'll have to get them to correct them. Don't know which is winding me up the most, the way my stbx is behaving or the way my solicitor is exploiting the situation

 

[MountainGoat]

I've definately seen this.
There comes a time where you've got to stop otherwise I'll be in total debt.

The divorce I will sort out myself. Not going to let them pump more money that I've not got.

 

[MountainGoat]

So just been told my solicitor was a locum and has now jumped ship and vanished.
My case will be passed on to another solicitor.

Would have been nice to know sooner!

My solicitor was trying to cancel the court hearing on 4th April as there’s no point as Cafcass haven’t finished their research so I now have no idea what’s going on.

If it doesn’t get cancelled then I’m thinking I go alone.

Feel like saying to hell with solicitors.

But am scared how to ride out this whole journey.
To be honest feel liked everyone is fucking me over.
I’ve got a family support worker who was asked by the court and Cafcass to produce a report yet she is heavily biased and has not replied to any of my concerns over the way my stbx acts and just focuses on my faults.

Truly feel like everything is going against me and I’m going to get screwed over.
Can’t afford any more money on this and got to submit financials document shortly for the divorce which I’m going to send to her solicitor direct. Can’t afford any more.

 

[MountainGoat]

Sorry to go on and on but feel like I’m being screwed over. I’m drowning again and don’t know how to get out and she’s going to win.

 

[Ash]

Wait a minute. So solicitor wanted to adjourn the hearing until what? The Cafcass letter was back? How does she know it won't be back in time for the hearing?

 

[mva]

Wait a minute. So solicitor wanted to adjourn the hearing until what? The Cafcass letter was back? How does she know it won't be back in time for the hearing?

I would go to the hearing on 4th April whatever even if just LIP. Otherwise they might just delay everything for another 6 months. It’s their court , they set the dates and if it’s their cock up then at least you showed up and are engaging with court.

 

[Ash]

Sorry to go on and on but feel like I’m being screwed over. I’m drowning again and don’t know how to get out and she’s going to win.

Hang in there. This is a case for time and patience at the moment and jumping through hoops. It's an option for you to ask the court to adjourn the hearing as the Cafcass report isn't back yet. The difficulty is not knowing whether it will be at court in time for the hearing. I'm wondering if you can contact Cafcass and ask them if they'll have it done by the time of the hearing. Sometimes Cafcass contact the court themselves and ask for the hearing to be put back if they haven't completed something. But this isn't a Section 7, it's just the safeguarding letter.

I think, in your shoes, I would not cancel the hearing, and wait until 3rd April (ie the day before, and just after the bank holiday week-end) and see if you've had the Cafcass letter back. If you haven't and it's looking like the hearing might be adjourned, you could just go on your own anyway, as it could be adjourned on the day, but at least you'd have chance to submit a position statement and something might come of it.

Generally, though, it could be good to stop using/paying the solicitor and use a direct access barrister for hearings to get the best results and avoid too many delays.

 

[Ash]

I would go to the hearing on 4th April whatever even if just LIP. Otherwise they might just delay everything for another 6 months. It’s their court , they set the dates and if it’s their cock up then at least you showed up and are engaging with court.

Agree