Update on my case

[winger]

I would ask in court next thurs, to split costs for the disclosure as its alot for you to pay alone. They do charge for them. Judges want to see what was said in the police statements.

Yea it was already split between ex and I.
The judge during the hearing said he didn't have the time to look at it! But it's a good thing to have, as it's proof her allegations were rubbish, the police admit they struggle to find anything.

 

[Richie1989]

Thanks Richie!

Yes my barrister said the same thing today, about compromising.
I doubt anything positive will happen as we don't have any contact at all, I don't want to message her in case she tries to do a NMO. I do wish we could communicate it would make things easier.

At today's hearing the judge asked my barrister if I was looking for a lives with order, my barrister didn't say no, he went on to say about wanting an equal shared care. So can I still say I want a lives with order? At the next hearing, or the final hearing?

Thanks man, it feels like a victory, and 4 hours will be amazing, 8 hours will be incredible, and overnight will be, well I can't imagine how lovely it'll be to see her sleeping again. Although I will need to learn to get her to sleep, it's been a while, as she was always breastfed to sleep. Any tips?

Just an heads up in hope to offer some positivity. Back in March when I got the 4 pages of false allegations and I felt like my world was crashing in me and my ex didn’t talk, no messages or anything from then until Sept. Her mum did all dropoffs and pickups. It was only since my urgent order was accepted she then reengaged. We have shared every single dropoff and pickup since then. So it’s only been almost 3 months. So it could get better in that sense, who knows but if it does document it and don’t let your guard drop!! Don’t see it as they are being nice and things are changing. It’s part of the game believe you me! Just keep a strong head on of it does get better. It’s funny how some of these people can change once the courts seem to see through their Shite! Maybe their solicitor had a little whisper as well but out of the blue things definitely changed for me. So again if it does document absolutely everything as it will be good evidence for final hearing

 

[winger]

So I have read the police report, from the disclosure, and it is as my barrister said a complete load of rubbish, from the ex not the police.
I thought I would share a few things from the disclosure, it's an interesting read as it has the police officer talking to other officers, and notes on other things such as when ex rang up for updates, my mum, my brother etc, it gives you a full picture almost.

The officer who investigated clearly says throughout his report, at everything he looks at and what the ex or her mother have said or evidence sent to him, witness statements from ex and mother, messages, emails, FB posts etc, that there is no control coercive behaviour at all, it is just a difference in parenting styles or I am just trying to arrange to see my daughter. He says at one point that the ex made multiple recordings without me knowing, which amounts to hours.. I can't believe this, I knew afterward that she had recorded something, I was told there was some recording, so I thought it would be 10 minutes or something, but not hours. He goes on to say that it will take him some time to listen and go through, and a bit later on he states there was nothing at all CC or malicious, just us talking about her brother and how he had caused her upset, and our daughter and how to bring her up.

Another bit says how there is nothing at all that shows CC behaviour in any of the 'evidence'. Also he says in it she had access to my email account. I never knew this, and he should have told me as soon as he found out!

Absolutely crazy, it's good to have all this as proof though, it's an interesting read. I wonder if the freedom of information would get you the same thing?

It goes on to say how when my brother tried to get ex to make some arrangements for my daughter and I to see each other, ex reported that, says she felt 'pressured' (this was after 5 months of my daughter not seeing me) and my mum being labeled as a suspect, all because she was trying to do the same, just trying to get ex to make some arrangement for daughter and I.

Ex was also seeing my Facebook stories, which I did a lot of, of my daughter and I and memories together, she was even sending these to the police! They told her there is nothing wrong with that, and that I am just writing about my daughter. They told her there is no reason I shouldn't be seeing my daughter.

What on earth goes through these people's heads? I think they're on a power trip, labelled with 'victim' and they think they can do whatever they like, and people will believe them. Because they have gone through agencies such as women aid, which listen to them and agree with them, who don't know the full story or the truth, but still agree with them, making them worse because now people are saying 'Yes you're right, poor you, that must have been awful' because they're trying to help someone they believe has actually experienced abuse, when in. actual fact the truth is, it wasn't like that at all and they are not victims of anything. It is reaffirming it in their minds and making everything worse.
Of course, there are women sadly who are real victims and these organisations do a fantastic job of protecting them. But in cases like mine and many thousands of others, they make things worse. I guess they can't differentiate easily, they have to treat every person the same.

 

[Richie1989]

So I have read the police report, from the disclosure, and it is as my barrister said a complete load of rubbish, from the ex not the police.
I thought I would share a few things from the disclosure, it's an interesting read as it has the police officer talking to other officers, and notes on other things such as when ex rang up for updates, my mum, my brother etc, it gives you a full picture almost.

The officer who investigated clearly says throughout his report, at everything he looks at and what the ex or her mother have said or evidence sent to him, witness statements from ex and mother, messages, emails, FB posts etc, that there is no control coercive behaviour at all, it is just a difference in parenting styles or I am just trying to arrange to see my daughter. He says at one point that the ex made multiple recordings without me knowing, which amounts to hours.. I can't believe this, I knew afterward that she had recorded something, I was told there was some recording, so I thought it would be 10 minutes or something, but not hours. He goes on to say that it will take him some time to listen and go through, and a bit later on he states there was nothing at all CC or malicious, just us talking about her brother and how he had caused her upset, and our daughter and how to bring her up.

Another bit says how there is nothing at all that shows CC behaviour in any of the 'evidence'. Also he says in it she had access to my email account. I never knew this, and he should have told me as soon as he found out!

Absolutely crazy, it's good to have all this as proof though, it's an interesting read. I wonder if the freedom of information would get you the same thing?

It goes on to say how when my brother tried to get ex to make some arrangements for my daughter and I to see each other, ex reported that, says she felt 'pressured' (this was after 5 months of my daughter not seeing me) and my mum being labeled as a suspect, all because she was trying to do the same, just trying to get ex to make some arrangement for daughter and I.

Ex was also seeing my Facebook stories, which I did a lot of, of my daughter and I and memories together, she was even sending these to the police! They told her there is nothing wrong with that, and that I am just writing about my daughter. They told her there is no reason I shouldn't be seeing my daughter.

What on earth goes through these people's heads? I think they're on a power trip, labelled with 'victim' and they think they can do whatever they like, and people will believe them. Because they have gone through agencies such as women aid, which listen to them and agree with them, who don't know the full story or the truth, but still agree with them, making them worse because now people are saying 'Yes you're right, poor you, that must have been awful' because they're trying to help someone they believe has actually experienced abuse, when in. actual fact the truth is, it wasn't like that at all and they are not victims of anything. It is reaffirming it in their minds and making everything worse.
Of course, there are women sadly who are real victims and these organisations do a fantastic job of protecting them. But in cases like mine and many thousands of others, they make things worse. I guess they can't differentiate easily, they have to treat every person the same.

Great news! I absolutely hear you loud and clear. Extremely similar to my situation. It sounds like you are over this huge hurdle.
It also resonates what you say about toxic behaviour being reinforced. My ex went to elm foundation and when I received a copy of what I had apparently been doing it was shocking! She managed to convince them that I was that much of a threat they chose to send a panic button through the post just in case I turned up while they was there. Absolutely bonkers!! .
Fantastic news matey and I’m glad you are wading through it all. Keep going and keep doing what you are doing. Another massive step in the right direction

 

[winger]

Great news! I absolutely hear you loud and clear. Extremely similar to my situation. It sounds like you are over this huge hurdle.
It also resonates what you say about toxic behaviour being reinforced. My ex went to elm foundation and when I received a copy of what I had apparently been doing it was shocking! She managed to convince them that I was that much of a threat they chose to send a panic button through the post just in case I turned up while they was there. Absolutely bonkers!! .
Fantastic news matey and I’m glad you are wading through it all. Keep going and keep doing what you are doing. Another massive step in the right direction

Thank you buddy
Another adventure awaits in the morning
It's going to be wonderful to spend much longer together, bring on the full days, it'll get better and better

 

[Ash]

Could be good evidence for final hearing!

 

[winger]

Hiya everyone,

So today was the first day of my daughter having a whole day with me, and it was incredible, she was so happy and we had an amazing day.

The handover today was unfortunately ex's dad, as handover lady wasn't available, and the church was closed, so it was outside the front doors.

In the morning it was fine, didn't chat much at all, daughter ran to me straight away and wrapped her arms around me, everything was great, albeit awkward as it was ex's dad. I always thought he was ok, but I'm changing my mind now.

Because when my daughter had to go, it was really awful, and the way he was, was terrible.

So we went a bit early to be there outside so my daughter was calm and it wasn't rushed. As soon as I saw him I said 'Grandads there!' And she initially ran to him, so I thought she was going to be ok. We had a cuddle and she held his hand and it seemed ok. I went off round the corner and walked on. He followed me not far behind, and my daughter got inconsolably distressed, shouting daddy daddy, crying her eyes out.

The handover lady is adamant that my daughter needs to be happy, calm, relaxed, when she goes from one person to the other. This is very important. I'm really happy she has this view. We take things slow and she is very good with my daughter.

My daughter wasn't calming down, she was really really upset, and he doesn't know how to calm her, and this wasn't a great situation or how it should be. So I walked over to calm her. He kept turning away from me, saying loudly 'You can't do this! You have to go!' He kept doing this. Very negative and not nice. In front of my daughter. In the end after a few minutes of him doing this, and my daughter getting worse, I got her in my arms and comforted her, she calmed down very quickly. I said to him 'she's my daughter, don't think you can tell me what to do'.

I said to him that she is priority, she is the most important thing here, not me, not you, not XXXXX. He didn't say anything.

She kept saying 'Grandad go' 'bye grandad'. And saying about staying with daddy.

He just laughed and said 'I'm not going anywhere!'

I tried to reassure her by saying she would be with daddy and grandma very soon, and be at daddy and (daughters name) house very soon.

I saw ex's grandad just shaking his head, he was so negative and I could feel such an atmosphere, let alone my daughter picking up on it.

She calmed down, and I again said about going with grandad, and having hugs with mummy, and put her down, she held his hand, walked towards the car and got really upset again. I was walking away, distraught myself, because I felt helpless, I didn't want to leave her like that.

I feel what I did was absolutely the right thing, I'm looking out for my daughter's best interest, I'm caring for her and making sure the handover is as calm, positive, as possible, and it usually is with the handover lady.

Ex's dad was the opposite, he didn't care at all, it was awful, his attitude was palpable, he was not bothered how upset my daughter was, he didnt care that she needed comfort, and was asking for love, comfort.

I will be refusing to do handovers with him again, he doesn't know how to handle the situation, and certainly isn't bothered about my daughters emotional welfare.

Is this a good thing to mention to the section 7 person? I mean, say I am dedicated to my daughters happiness, welfare, that she is priority. But grandad made things very hard, he didn't comfort her at all. Something like that.

It's been a wonderful day together, it's just this last bit that wasn't nice.

Would like any thoughts, thanks.

 

[MagicJ]

Hey, I'm glad you had a good time today.

Don't let the ending impact what is a great move forward for both of you.

It sounds like you handled the situation as best as can be, calmly pointing out that the welfare of your daughter is the priority.

I'd note that as one of the parent's it's paramount you avoid conflict and rising to any bait.

I can't recall why GD is doing the pickup but I'd think carefully before refusing, in case that becomes an excuse to withhold - what are the other options available?

Can you do the handover somewhere that allows you to disappear quickly?

I think it can be like a plaster, they're will always be a few tears but might be easier for her adjustment if she sees you've already gone rather than ask there - just a thought!

Sorry it was a pain, can feel the emotion in what you've written!

Keep at it!

 

[winger]

Hey, I'm glad you had a good time today.

Don't let the ending impact what is a great move forward for both of you.

It sounds like you handled the situation as best as can be, calmly pointing out that the welfare of your daughter is the priority.

I'd note that as one of the parent's it's paramount you avoid conflict and rising to any bait.

I can't recall why GD is doing the pickup but I'd think carefully before refusing, in case that becomes an excuse to withhold - what are the other options available?

Can you do the handover somewhere that allows you to disappear quickly?

I think it can be like a plaster, they're will always be a few tears but might be easier for her adjustment if she sees you've already gone rather than ask there - just a thought!

Sorry it was a pain, can feel the emotion in what you've written!

Keep at it!

Handover should continue as normal next week, with the usual lady. I just don't want it to be the GD going forwards, not if it means it's like that every time.

Court order says it has to be at the church. But I assume if both parents agree a separate place then that's ok?

For instance in the morning it could be at the church. Evening could be at a different location. It makes a difference ex being there, she wasn't today, I think if my daughter saw mummy was there it would be better.

I did what I thought best for my daughter, absolutely, her welfare. I didn't do anything wrong. We are human, and you shouldn't be made to feel like you can't comfort your own child if they are at that point of being devastated. I don't think Cafcass or the court would disagree with that.

Thanks Magic, yea it was hard, but it goes to show how happy she is with me, and she knows I love her.

 

[Richie1989]

Hiya everyone,

So today was the first day of my daughter having a whole day with me, and it was incredible, she was so happy and we had an amazing day.

The handover today was unfortunately ex's dad, as handover lady wasn't available, and the church was closed, so it was outside the front doors.

In the morning it was fine, didn't chat much at all, daughter ran to me straight away and wrapped her arms around me, everything was great, albeit awkward as it was ex's dad. I always thought he was ok, but I'm changing my mind now.

Because when my daughter had to go, it was really awful, and the way he was, was terrible.

So we went a bit early to be there outside so my daughter was calm and it wasn't rushed. As soon as I saw him I said 'Grandads there!' And she initially ran to him, so I thought she was going to be ok. We had a cuddle and she held his hand and it seemed ok. I went off round the corner and walked on. He followed me not far behind, and my daughter got inconsolably distressed, shouting daddy daddy, crying her eyes out.

The handover lady is adamant that my daughter needs to be happy, calm, relaxed, when she goes from one person to the other. This is very important. I'm really happy she has this view. We take things slow and she is very good with my daughter.

My daughter wasn't calming down, she was really really upset, and he doesn't know how to calm her, and this wasn't a great situation or how it should be. So I walked over to calm her. He kept turning away from me, saying loudly 'You can't do this! You have to go!' He kept doing this. Very negative and not nice. In front of my daughter. In the end after a few minutes of him doing this, and my daughter getting worse, I got her in my arms and comforted her, she calmed down very quickly. I said to him 'she's my daughter, don't think you can tell me what to do'.

I said to him that she is priority, she is the most important thing here, not me, not you, not XXXXX. He didn't say anything.

She kept saying 'Grandad go' 'bye grandad'. And saying about staying with daddy.

He just laughed and said 'I'm not going anywhere!'

I tried to reassure her by saying she would be with daddy and grandma very soon, and be at daddy and (daughters name) house very soon.

I saw ex's grandad just shaking his head, he was so negative and I could feel such an atmosphere, let alone my daughter picking up on it.

She calmed down, and I again said about going with grandad, and having hugs with mummy, and put her down, she held his hand, walked towards the car and got really upset again. I was walking away, distraught myself, because I felt helpless, I didn't want to leave her like that.

I feel what I did was absolutely the right thing, I'm looking out for my daughter's best interest, I'm caring for her and making sure the handover is as calm, positive, as possible, and it usually is with the handover lady.

Ex's dad was the opposite, he didn't care at all, it was awful, his attitude was palpable, he was not bothered how upset my daughter was, he didnt care that she needed comfort, and was asking for love, comfort.

I will be refusing to do handovers with him again, he doesn't know how to handle the situation, and certainly isn't bothered about my daughters emotional welfare.

Is this a good thing to mention to the section 7 person? I mean, say I am dedicated to my daughters happiness, welfare, that she is priority. But grandad made things very hard, he didn't comfort her at all. Something like that.

It's been a wonderful day together, it's just this last bit that wasn't nice.

Would like any thoughts, thanks.

Hey Winger,

Hope you are well!
Chuffed to bits for you, that you started full days. Not long and it will be over nights and then consecutive over nights. Keep going! Keep doing what you are doing.

With regards to the grandad doing pickup I know it’s easier said than done but just let it go over your head. The lady from church is back next time so don’t let one incident be a step back for you. Theybwoukd just twist your reasons why and create an agenda which ultimately might show courts their is conflict. It’s heartbreaking I know but just focus on the good what happened and that end goal. I had my exs mum do every single pickup and dropoff from Mar-Sept and she is the most evil woman I have ever met. She is a pathological narcissist and it was extremely unpleasant at times. She was really cold with my daughter! Didn’t have a clue how to show love and empathy when she would be distraught. It’s heartbreaking it really is but just focus on the end goal. Eventually things will change. Hopefully soon you can use nursery or school for pickups and dropoffs once you get that final hearing. For Joe try and not kick the hornets nest.

You absolutely dod the right thing by comforting your daughter - bollocks to him! But don’t cause confrontation if he does then again and I repeat just let it go over your head. I know that goes against every grain in your body it did mine but again think of the end goal. Just be there to comfort your daughter if it happens again and try and defuse the situation. Pretend he isn’t even there!

When I told me ex she needed to do dropoffs and pickups due to the distress our daughter experiences, when it’s grandma. They twisted it to say I wasn’t over my ex and it was a way of me trying to see her as I wasn’t over her. They told cafcass I was obsessive and it was part of my controlling and manipulative games. They submitted a C1A against me for emtional and psychological abuse and reported me for stalking and harassment. So me expressing concern for my daughter was then used against me. These people use emotion as way to exploit! Showing emotion is tool of exploitation to narcissists so don’t give them an inch.

But yes 100% let cafcass know that you have concerns about your daughter getting upset when she has to leave you and when it’s not the lady from church Ie: grandad the exchanges are somewhat more distressing for her. Grandad isn’t great at understanding her emotional needs at that time.

Keep thinking to yourself the courts want to hear about improvements not negative stuff. For example. As crazy as it is if you was to say yes all handovers are really good know. But you know they are distressing! It does you more favours than expressing to them the emtional distress that your daughter was experiencing during last handover. It’s painful it really is but you need to focus on the end goal. The hardest thing is letting this stuff go over your head. It used to break my heart and still does sometimes.
For example last night I dropped my daughter off and when i drove away she always runs to the window and waves to me. I coikdbhear her crying form about 20m away and through the window. It’s heartbreaking! Of course I know it’s because she’s just gone a full week without any communication after spending 6 over nights with me during Christmas and new year. The first contact she has with me is 2 hours!!! My ex doesn’t give a shit! And I can’t say anything to my ex either as once again it will be twisted to where I am emotionally manipulating my daughter. It’s gutting it really is! Keep fighting matey! Keep one step ahead at all times. Keep strong

 

[winger]

Hey Winger,

Hope you are well!
Chuffed to bits for you, that you started full days. Not long and it will be over nights and then consecutive over nights. Keep going! Keep doing what you are doing.

With regards to the grandad doing pickup I know it’s easier said than done but just let it go over your head. The lady from church is back next time so don’t let one incident be a step back for you. Theybwoukd just twist your reasons why and create an agenda which ultimately might show courts their is conflict. It’s heartbreaking I know but just focus on the good what happened and that end goal. I had my exs mum do every single pickup and dropoff from Mar-Sept and she is the most evil woman I have ever met. She is a pathological narcissist and it was extremely unpleasant at times. She was really cold with my daughter! Didn’t have a clue how to show love and empathy when she would be distraught. It’s heartbreaking it really is but just focus on the end goal. Eventually things will change. Hopefully soon you can use nursery or school for pickups and dropoffs once you get that final hearing. For Joe try and not kick the hornets nest.

You absolutely dod the right thing by comforting your daughter - bollocks to him! But don’t cause confrontation if he does then again and I repeat just let it go over your head. I know that goes against every grain in your body it did mine but again think of the end goal. Just be there to comfort your daughter if it happens again and try and defuse the situation. Pretend he isn’t even there!

When I told me ex she needed to do dropoffs and pickups due to the distress our daughter experiences, when it’s grandma. They twisted it to say I wasn’t over my ex and it was a way of me trying to see her as I wasn’t over her. They told cafcass I was obsessive and it was part of my controlling and manipulative games. They submitted a C1A against me for emtional and psychological abuse and reported me for stalking and harassment. So me expressing concern for my daughter was then used against me. These people use emotion as way to exploit! Showing emotion is tool of exploitation to narcissists so don’t give them an inch.

But yes 100% let cafcass know that you have concerns about your daughter getting upset when she has to leave you and when it’s not the lady from church Ie: grandad the exchanges are somewhat more distressing for her. Grandad isn’t great at understanding her emotional needs at that time.

Keep thinking to yourself the courts want to hear about improvements not negative stuff. For example. As crazy as it is if you was to say yes all handovers are really good know. But you know they are distressing! It does you more favours than expressing to them the emtional distress that your daughter was experiencing during last handover. It’s painful it really is but you need to focus on the end goal. The hardest thing is letting this stuff go over your head. It used to break my heart and still does sometimes.
For example last night I dropped my daughter off and when i drove away she always runs to the window and waves to me. I coikdbhear her crying form about 20m away and through the window. It’s heartbreaking! Of course I know it’s because she’s just gone a full week without any communication after spending 6 over nights with me during Christmas and new year. The first contact she has with me is 2 hours!!! My ex doesn’t give a shit! And I can’t say anything to my ex either as once again it will be twisted to where I am emotionally manipulating my daughter. It’s gutting it really is! Keep fighting matey! Keep one step ahead at all times. Keep strong

Sound advice as always buddy, thank you.
Yes I did remain calm, no conflict on my part at all, I have so much more understanding that him. It's like when you talk to people about this stuff, they don't really understand how it is, how it all works, what you need to do or the mindset you need to have, etc etc. So I was very calm and explained to him that she is priority, not us, and she needed to be calm, and the lady from church advised the same, as anything else can be traumatic. Be argued that, but I ignored him and didn't rise to it.

I will try to let it go over my head, it just worries you, you know? You start thinking stupid things such as your kids thinking you don't care or whatever, which is complete rubbish I know that deep down. I need to follow my own advice and not let my thoughts get to me, as they aren't true! It's just easier said than done sometimes.

I will absolutely comfort my daughter if she is distressed at any point, I won't let anyone stop me from doing that, it shows I am fully dedicated to her welfare. I suppose I have the court order in my head and the timing etc, and sticking to it, but this is different, when it comes to reassuring and comforting your child and helping them through the process.

I am wondering if he has some type of autism or something, and that is where my ex and her brother get it from, as brother definitely has a few issues, if anyone is controlling / coercive he is by far. And I think ex shares some of the same autistic things, I didn't realise when we were together. But the way they all act sometimes has clear resemblance of autism, and they share a few similarities.

 

[Richie1989]

Sound advice as always buddy, thank you.
Yes I did remain calm, no conflict on my part at all, I have so much more understanding that him. It's like when you talk to people about this stuff, they don't really understand how it is, how it all works, what you need to do or the mindset you need to have, etc etc. So I was very calm and explained to him that she is priority, not us, and she needed to be calm, and the lady from church advised the same, as anything else can be traumatic. Be argued that, but I ignored him and didn't rise to it.

I will try to let it go over my head, it just worries you, you know? You start thinking stupid things such as your kids thinking you don't care or whatever, which is complete rubbish I know that deep down. I need to follow my own advice and not let my thoughts get to me, as they aren't true! It's just easier said than done sometimes.

I will absolutely comfort my daughter if she is distressed at any point, I won't let anyone stop me from doing that, it shows I am fully dedicated to her welfare. I suppose I have the court order in my head and the timing etc, and sticking to it, but this is different, when it comes to reassuring and comforting your child and helping them through the process.

I am wondering if he has some type of autism or something, and that is where my ex and her brother get it from, as brother definitely has a few issues, if anyone is controlling / coercive he is by far. And I think ex shares some of the same autistic things, I didn't realise when we were together. But the way they all act sometimes has clear resemblance of autism, and they share a few similarities.

Yes i know exactly how it will have made you feel. I’m exactly same! I used to be awake at night going over and over it. Picturing my daughter crying and it would really upset me. Early days I couldn’t even look at her clothes or toys. I wools go to the toilet and see her little shoes and I would break down. It’s horrendous matey. We are their protectors and that’s what these people are taking away from us. It’s in our DNA to protect our little ones during times of distress and when they take that away, well there is no words for these people. It’s hard! So hard to let these things go over your end. I left my daughter last night while crying and my ex doesn’t even care to let me know she settled etc. it’s part of the torture. The evil games to make us break, be irrational and then mess everything up for our court case. They want us to snap so it proves them right that we are aggressive, emotionally unstable.

Not long and it will all be in the past.

Maybe moving forward if your ex dad does pickup again try and record it or film it. Maybe a third party filming to make sure nothing is used against you. If he’s anything like my exs mum and he sounds like it he could fuel the fire with your ex. So proof is a good way to put out those fires if it was ever to be brought up.
I filmed every single pickup and dropoff and the t really does work! It put my mind at ease as well. But try and keep it covert so it doesn’t antagonise them. I eventually went overt and let them know as they were causing me so much anxiety. It worked! They started to behave.

Food for thought matey

 

[winger]

Yes i know exactly how it will have made you feel. I’m exactly same! I used to be awake at night going over and over it. Picturing my daughter crying and it would really upset me. Early days I couldn’t even look at her clothes or toys. I wools go to the toilet and see her little shoes and I would break down. It’s horrendous matey. We are their protectors and that’s what these people are taking away from us. It’s in our DNA to protect our little ones during times of distress and when they take that away, well there is no words for these people. It’s hard! So hard to let these things go over your end. I left my daughter last night while crying and my ex doesn’t even care to let me know she settled etc. it’s part of the torture. The evil games to make us break, be irrational and then mess everything up for our court case. They want us to snap so it proves them right that we are aggressive, emotionally unstable.

Not long and it will all be in the past.

Maybe moving forward if your ex dad does pickup again try and record it or film it. Maybe a third party filming to make sure nothing is used against you. If he’s anything like my exs mum and he sounds like it he could fuel the fire with your ex. So proof is a good way to put out those fires if it was ever to be brought up.
I filmed every single pickup and dropoff and the t really does work! It put my mind at ease as well. But try and keep it covert so it doesn’t antagonise them. I eventually went overt and let them know as they were causing me so much anxiety. It worked! They started to behave.

Food for thought matey

It certainly builds mental resilience, and patience, lots of patience. It's taught me so much, as horrible the experience has been I've learned so so much.

When he was turning away from me, while my daughter wanted to be with me and reaching out, I said to him 'I'm going to record this' and he quickly changed and stopped doing it. I wish I had recorded from the start, I do usually, but circumstances were a bit different. Anyway I doubt he will do it again, thankfully.

Stay strong mate

 

[Richie1989]

It certainly builds mental resilience, and patience, lots of patience. It's taught me so much, as horrible the experience has been I've learned so so much.

When he was turning away from me, while my daughter wanted to be with me and reaching out, I said to him 'I'm going to record this' and he quickly changed and stopped doing it. I wish I had recorded from the start, I do usually, but circumstances were a bit different. Anyway I doubt he will do it again, thankfully.

Stay strong mate

Yes it’s funny the things you learn about yourself when you find yourself in such situations. I have just finished the first draft of my final statement. Such a weight of my shoulders and I’m feeling really positive. Glass of wine later to celebrate.
To top it off I have got my daughter until Sunday evening now. So the wine might have to wait until she falls asleep. Going metal detecting for treasure at the beach if weather is good and I can’t wait. Think I’m more excited that she will be! It’s the stuff dreams are made off! If there is one thing I have learnt about myself is as long as my daughter is ok then so am I! Everything else in this world has far less worth that it did before. To see my daughter smile and to hear her laugh is worth more than all the money in the world. Keep fighting matey, keep strong and keep doing what’s right for your daughter

Have a good weekend

 

[winger]

Yes it’s funny the things you learn about yourself when you find yourself in such situations. I have just finished the first draft of my final statement. Such a weight of my shoulders and I’m feeling really positive. Glass of wine later to celebrate.
To top it off I have got my daughter until Sunday evening now. So the wine might have to wait until she falls asleep. Going metal detecting for treasure at the beach if weather is good and I can’t wait. Think I’m more excited that she will be! It’s the stuff dreams are made off! If there is one thing I have learnt about myself is as long as my daughter is ok then so am I! Everything else in this world has far less worth that it did before. To see my daughter smile and to hear her laugh is worth more than all the money in the world. Keep fighting matey, keep strong and keep doing what’s right for your daughter

Have a good weekend

mate, it puts things into perspective.

Treasure hunting at the beach sounds good, I did a bit of metal detecting, found some interesting stuff, old coins, a vintage VW space pen, a viking bead, a bronze ring. I'll definitely be taking my daughter when she's old enough I reckon she'll love it treasure hunting.

Same to you

 

[Richie1989]

mate, it puts things into perspective.

Treasure hunting at the beach sounds good, I did a bit of metal detecting, found some interesting stuff, old coins, a vintage VW space pen, a viking bead, a bronze ring. I'll definitely be taking my daughter when she's old enough I reckon she'll love it treasure hunting.

Same to you

Yes she will defo love it! Sadly we could t go with weather being cold. Daughters just got rid of a chest infection so didn’t want to risk it. The thought police will defo come knocking if she was to fall poorly again while with me! . I can’t wait to start doing it properly with her. They are some pretty cool finds! Sounds fantastic and right up my street . Sounds like you quite a dab hand at it!

We opted for indoor fun. Making edible marshmallow putty and chocolate dough slime. Then we made ladybirds and bees from coloured icing. Sugar fest! Luckily she still went to bed at normal time .

Roll in final hearing! So this nonsense of every other weekend changes to something more frequent. Not long to go now

 

[MagicJ]

Yes she will defo love it! Sadly we could t go with weather being cold. Daughters just got rid of a chest infection so didn’t want to risk it. The thought police will defo come knocking if she was to fall poorly again while with me! . I can’t wait to start doing it properly with her. They are some pretty cool finds! Sounds fantastic and right up my street . Sounds like you quite a dab hand at it!

We opted for indoor fun. Making edible marshmallow putty and chocolate dough slime. Then we made ladybirds and bees from coloured icing. Sugar fest! Luckily she still went to bed at normal time .

Roll in final hearing! So this nonsense of every other weekend changes to something more frequent. Not long to go now

Can you share the recipes, sounds like fun!!

 

[Richie1989]

Can you share the recipes, sounds like fun!!

3 Easy Ways to Make Edible Slime | Hobbycraft UK

Take slime making to the next level with edible slime! Learn how to make marshmallow slime, gummy bear slime and chocolate slime with your kids!

www.hobbycraft.co.uk

Really simple and quick to do so it keeps them engaged .
Not cheap to get set up but then you have loads to do it in future as well.

Enjoy

 

[winger]

Amazing sounds like you had a great day. Yea a bit cold to be walking around a field, save it for warmer days/evenings, could even take a picnic! I've done that before while treasure hunting, it's fun, my little one loves it, it's amazing what you see as well - hares, deer, birds of prey.

We opted for a soft play, which was brilliant

In the summer I'm also introducing her to paddle boarding!!
She's a water baby like her daddy

 

[winger]

Just a little update, our time yesterday was great, but little one wasn't well bless her, lots of snot but we had a great day again. She didn't run to me today like she always does, and at first I wondered why but I quickly realised she wasn't well and that's the reason. It's crazy how fast your brain starts thinking stupid things though. It's in those moments you need to pause, and think clearly.

The rest of the time was as usual, run around together, giggling, playing, just slightly slower and more tired.

When it came to handover afterwards, I left the house, and she said 'Stay at daddy's!' so I told her she would be staying soon, and we would be together lots and lots very soon. I find it hard and upsetting because she so so doesn't want to go, and I obviously don't want her to go, but I have no choice but to keep walking, and try and reassure her that it won't be like this, that she will be staying at daddy's very soon lots and lots. I know most of us go through the same thing, it's very hard. I was wondering whether to ask if the overnights could be brought forward, as XXXXX is asking to stay, and upset when she realises she is going. Would that go against the court order? In my view I'm thinking of my daughter, she wants to stay and is ready to, is asking to stay.

We played briefly at the handover. The lady who does the handover came over, and my daughter knows her well now, and is used to what happens, she said bye daddy, looked a bit down, at this point we were playing still, so carried on a little. I just wish she didn't have to go through this, and again it worries me what she thinks, but I know deep down there is no need and I need to think clearly, understand that, she is just used to the routine of going to the church for handover, seeing the lady who takes her to mummy afterwards, and she see's daddy again. She is visibly not happy about it all, but she knows the routine I guess. That's why she said to me, on the way to the church, stay at daddy's, as she knew where we were going.

Sorry if I'm rambling it helps to write it down, like a journal, and it's good to get others views.

I kissed her, and she went off with the lady, who is good at distracting her while she goes from mummy to daddy and daddy to mummy.

Should I be writing all this in a diary? Can this diary be shown to the Cafcass S7 lady?

The S7 lady rang me and we spoke briefly, she seemed pretty nice, and we were actually laughing on the phone together a couple of times. We arranged a time for her to come and be with me and my daughter, so that's good, I'm glad she will see us together, she then mentioned we would have a chat another time about how to go forward.