Update on my case

[winger]

My daughter and I saw each other on Wednesday for a couple of hours in the morning, it's unsupervised so we went on a good adventure outdoors, home for a snack and some painting, reading, then out again and softplay. The handover is at softplay so we went early and had an amazing time. She wouldn't let me go at the end, got very upset when the lady tried to get her to follow and go to mummy, which ex saw from a distance.

The lady was great, she understood. I said the most important thing is that our daughter is happy, and she agreed and said if I was to just leave it's trauma, and it shouldn't be like that. She basically said if it takes longer then it does because the most important thing is her happiness. And she said she's a witness to all of it, which is great. So I got at least another 20 minutes. We carried on playing, she clung to me every time she thought she was being taken away. Eventually she was able to be distracted with a puzzle and I kissed her and went. It was the best interim time ever.

So the next hearing is on Tuesday, the judge will look at both our statements, ex's allegations and my replies to it, plus some evidence attached too, to contradict what she's saying.
I'll be pushing for more interim time, a whole day or two a week because as amazing as the interim time has been for my daughter and I it isn't long enough obviously.

 

[Ash]

Glad the supervisor was helpful there. I think at that age they do need to adjust to change gradually at the end of time with you rather than a sudden goodbye after lots of fun. Also maybe gradually start saying see you very soon a few times before the end of the session.

 

[winger]

I have the next hearing on Tuesday so I'll put another update after that.
The aim at that one is the judge will throw out her allegations and see a fact finding is unnecessary.
Would it be a final hearing after that? I assume I need to write something up with exactly how I would like the CAO to be?

 

[winger]

He only thing is, I've had to pay for a police disclosure, is that normal? It's extortionate, the whole thing is over £1600!! Absolutely crazy. You get falsely arrested, and just want to see your daughter so you go to court for a CAO, and made to pay for a police disclosure for something you didn't even do, and we're NFA'd. It's disgusting.

 

[Ash]

I have honestly never heard of such a thing before - sounds outrageous. Are you using the same Barrister for the hearing?

 

[winger]

Seriously?
Yes same barrister.
I couldn't believe it. I intend on making a massive fuss about it to be honest, it's so wrong. I did half of it, ex did half, but she's got legal aid.

 

[nothernsoul]

only thing is, I've had to pay for a police disclosure, is that normal? I

I have never heard of such a thing.

 

[Richie1989]

He only thing is, I've had to pay for a police disclosure, is that normal? It's extortionate, the whole thing is over £1600!! Absolutely crazy. You get falsely arrested, and just want to see your daughter so you go to court for a CAO, and made to pay for a police disclosure for something you didn't even do, and we're NFA'd. It's disgusting.

What’s all that about!! I did a voluntary police interview after false accusations of stalking and harassment (one of many!) and all I had to do was wait for a letter confirming NFA. I also chased up the PC several times as my ex and family was going around telling everybody I had been formally cautioned which was rubbish and affecting my working relationship with some people. They even messaged my mum saying this as well. It took a whole bit eventually I did get the official letter and the PC also emailed me personally as well. It cost me nothing and wa sized as evidence and the police also confirmed this in level 2 cafcass report. It did take a while though!! Like several months before I got the letter. Luckily I gave loads of notice. Was it maybe because it was short notice so they charged you for the privilege? That’s crazy! And really unfair. Sorry to hear this! I hope it’s not something the police are going to start doing to make some extra money from an already very expensive process

 

[winger]

What’s all that about!! I did a voluntary police interview after false accusations of stalking and harassment (one of many!) and all I had to do was wait for a letter confirming NFA. I also chased up the PC several times as my ex and family was going around telling everybody I had been formally cautioned which was rubbish and affecting my working relationship with some people. They even messaged my mum saying this as well. It took a whole bit eventually I did get the official letter and the PC also emailed me personally as well. It cost me nothing and wa sized as evidence and the police also confirmed this in level 2 cafcass report. It did take a while though!! Like several months before I got the letter. Luckily I gave loads of notice. Was it maybe because it was short notice so they charged you for the privilege? That’s crazy! And really unfair. Sorry to hear this! I hope it’s not something the police are going to start doing to make some extra money from an already very expensive process

I have no idea. All I know is that it's a court ordered thing, they want the information on the case.
The investigation went on for 4 months I think.
I thought there was a thing called freedom of information where you are entitled to the information etc, I was told about this, it's free.

I'm going to try and get this back if I can, it's so wrong.

 

[MagicJ]

Who did you pay this to, the local force?

In central England a SAR is usually free but if incurred, its max fee is 450.

Not sure whether a SAR gets you the information needed.

 

[Ash]

It sounds like they asked to see the whole police file and the court ordered it.

 

[winger]

It sounds like they asked to see the whole police file and the court ordered it.

Yes I think so Ash. It was NFA'd, so surely that's a good thing and in my favour. The officer at the time was shocked at the amount of stuff the ex sent as 'evidence' I remember him saying it's taking so long because of the amount he has to look through. But he also said what he had seen so far, when I spoke to him, all looked civil. And then a few weeks later it was NFA'd.

Also hsd the GP printout, which was supposed to be the whole record but currently it's only from July this year, solicitor is asking why it's only from July, as it should be the whole thing.
Anyway in it, it says she's started depression/anxiety medication. No reference to the allegations or anything like that, other than she started getting anxious and having panic attacks when my mother messaged her asking for my daughter and I to see each other, as it had been months, and nothing was happening.

Can't remember if I've already said this, my head's full of information and I'm speaking to so many people

 

[MagicJ]

Yeah, I know how that feels, you eventually forget who knows what and who told you what !

Best to get it all on email, I've been using OneNote to help.

 

[Peanut 21]

Does your head in doesn't it!

 

[winger]

It sounds like they asked to see the whole police file and the court ordered it.

So I received the 'police disclosure' which cost nearly £900.

It was an email, with 5 pdf's, and 2 audio files, that's it. They have attached 7 things to an email, and charged over £1600 for it.

Unbelievable.

 

[Ash]

Does seem a rip off - I can imagine the bureaucratic costs involved but it seems strange that the other side would be allowed to ask for all this.

 

[winger]

So I had my second hearing today which was deciding whether a fact finding hearing was necessary or not.
I've got to say, my barrister is brilliant, not just because he's good at what he does, but he says it how it is.
We chatted before the hearing like last time, and he started by going over the police disclosure, and the first thing he said was that it was a pile of rubbish. I hadn't looked at it at all, as I received it yesterday and it was late, so didn't bother, no point in reading something that's completely fabricated, made up. So he went over it briefly, and what the officer had said, which was 'I struggle to find anything that resembles control or coercive behavior'. You know when you come away from something that you wish you could replay or hear again? I wish I could have recorded that conversation, it was great, as it cleared up the whole thing, that it is completely ridiculous. He also said that it's clear that the mother led my ex to doing all this, it was the mother who went to the police, and then took my ex the next time. Yes ex had a choice and could've not done what she's done, but it's as me and many people suspected, that her mother was a massive part of all this, and it isn't surprising. She's so so two faced. Is there anything that anyone knows, that I could do, regarding being arrested just because of her mother initially going to the police herself, and starting all this? She barely knew our relationship, let alone me, doing what she did proves that.

My barrister said he would like to clear everything up today, and come to a full child arrangement agreement, today, as there are no issues at all and he doubted a fact finding would be ordered. He went to negotiate with the other side, who weren't even trying to come to an agreement.

So he said we will put it to the judge, but it obviously depended on if a fact finding hearing was ordered or not.

In the hearing, briefly, the fact finding was talked about first - my barrister outlined our position and why a FF wasn't necessary, how interim contact was going, talked about the police disclosure, and wanting to move forward positively. The other side argued this, of course, and also said that a section 7 would be necessary.

The judge then spoke after listening to both sides, and said he easn't going to order a fact finding as it was not necessary. I can't remember the wording exactly, I wish you could watch the hearing again! This was when my ex once again got very upset, audibly annoyed, this time there was a screen so I couldn't see her, but you could hear she was distressed and not happy about that decision. More was said, along the lines of why he had decided that. Then interim time was discussed.

My barrister decided to take things slow and not go full on with trying to come to a full on child arrangement agreement, because the other side just weren't going to play ball, so it would have been a bit pointless. Instead he used his initiative and said about interim time increasing from 2 hours a week, to 4 hours a week, for a few weeks, then it should go to 8 hours, and then overnight. I can't remember what the other side said, but I remember hearing the ex whispering to barrister. The other side spoke, and said something weird which no one seemed to understand why or what the point was of saying it. He said that the ex had said 'after interim time and our daughter had gone to her, she had said 'sorry'. The judge didn't know what to say for a few seconds. He then said 'I don't know how I'm supposed to read into that, what does that even mean?' I don't think the other side said anything, I don't recall, but the judge didn't take any notice. The ex was obviously trying to do anything to paint the picture that my daughter was distressed or something, I think I remember them saying again that I must have said something to our daughter or make her upset or whatever, it's unbelievably crazy. Anyway he didn't take any notice.

The judge ruled that the interim time would increase as my barrister had said, 4 hours, then 8 hours, then overnight, each one a few weeks, then increasing.

The next hearing in April, which will look at the section 7 report.

So a great outcome again. The only other thing the judge said was a couple of things to both me and ex, being amicable, I think he was saying more to her as I haven't been anything but, but he didn't want to point the finger as she was upset already. And also he said that I may have to come to terms I may not get exactly what I'd like, in terms of CAO. I wasn't sure why he said this, would it be because of how the other side is being? I am going for completely shared care, lives with both of her parents, I don't know why he would say I may not get exactly 50/50. I definitely want to push for that, I don't see why it shouldn't be. I asked my barrister afterwards actually, and he said it could be a few things, Primary carer attachment, section 7 report. But it doesn't mean I won't get that. I will absolutely push for that, I want a lives with order that is shared.

My barrister said 'the section 7 will show positivity as the cafcass officer will see you with your daughter, in your home, and they’ll see your bond and how happy and content she is with you, and what a good nice guy you are.'

 

[nothernsoul]

Oh mate.

So, so pleased for you.

What a result for your little girl.

Stepped increases, in my opinion, are a really positive outcome for all involved.

Keep doing what you're doing.

Expect a load more nonsense coming your way but after today you should see how navigating all of it puts you in the best position.

One for the dads.

Well done mate

 

[Richie1989]

Amazing news!! Chuffed for you

 

[Peanut 21]

Is there anything that anyone knows, that I could do, regarding being arrested just because of her mother initially going to the police herself, and starting all this? She barely knew our relationship, let alone me, doing what she did proves that.

Sadly I think this is one you'll have to let go of. Be the bigger person and don't give that old hag the satisfaction of knowing her going to the police has bothered you.

Keep focused on your daughter. Great result!