After my wife had an affair, I extended my wardrobe to try to find myself.After a while, I decided that, adopting various looks/personas really wasn't me, and abandoned attempts to 'find myself'. I'm happy now, studying, working out, planning with concrete goals for the future and, working somewhere I'm happy to be. I even thought "fuck it" and had a nose job to help remedy a defect and recapture my youth. In Feb I'm having a face-lift. Soon I will complete the OU math and physics courses I've been studying, which will hopefully help me get a PhD place next year or in 2026 (in the past I made a connection with a Harvard prof, who has said he will endorse my application). Recently, I received plans for the self-build home I'm looking at. Now need to find some land. It's a long way from the council estate I grew up on. Like many of you here, I too, am indomitable. Onward and upward....
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Blindsided. Would Welcome Advice, Thank You.
- Thread starter skydock
- Start date
Divorce-Related Malicious Mother Syndrome, also known as Malicious Parent Syndrome:
So...one of my solicitors says that prosecutions for perjury are rare (they're right, I've checked) but that my case may be an exception. He says that the system is backed-up with cases where people are lying (usually to get legal aid but I doubt that applies in my case) and that there's appetite to make an example to deter people (and provide some time to clear the bottleneck). Apparently my evidence is as solid as it gets. It's a decision for the crown to make (to prosecute) but, having spoken to people in the inner circle (talking hypotheticals) they think it's likely (an attempt to prosecute potentially two people who lied about me, or maybe just one -- there are technicalities I don't yet understand). The thing is, I would be required to submit lengthier video footage than I already have in order to maximise the chance of prosecution.
I'm not sure how I feel about that. I'm confident I will be exonerated/cleared of the criminal charges and, I think those who conspired against me were misguided. I wouldn't mind my mother-in-law doing community service for lying to the police but I'd feel bad if she were given a custodial sentence (even though she lied and that could have been my fate). It would be sad to think that my children might not spend time with her over Xmas 2025 or 2026 (as evil as she's been).
Thoughts?
I'm not sure how I feel about that. I'm confident I will be exonerated/cleared of the criminal charges and, I think those who conspired against me were misguided. I wouldn't mind my mother-in-law doing community service for lying to the police but I'd feel bad if she were given a custodial sentence (even though she lied and that could have been my fate). It would be sad to think that my children might not spend time with her over Xmas 2025 or 2026 (as evil as she's been).
Thoughts?
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@skydock , in which family court is this? Financials or CAO? I too have thought about this time and time again, yes its rare an ex in the family court is found guilty of perjury, or contempt,which is my scenario, I believe from digging it would at best be 14 days suspended, and as much as i want this to happen, and ots out of a deep feeling of, you did this to me, you made me feel less than nothing, you dragged out the process unnecessarily so you made your bed now lie in it, but , I know the ex would turn it around and use it to further alienate my son, I can see now, look what your dad did, look what he did to me, how he made US feel,when in all context we as the other ex can't say nothing, cos we are told time and time again do not bad mouth the ex,yet we get the pu ishment and they carry on like butter wouldn't melt
CAO. I think it's more likely they would go for my MIL...
At the end of the day the courts will ask "what's best for the children?"
In our fantasies it would be wonderful to be vindicated and see people do time for a bit just to prove to the world they've lied. Especially nasty MILs.
But how will it make the children feel to see a relative go to prison/do community service?
This is why it's rare for C79 applications to amount to much.
There may be some solicitors wanting to clear the backlog but realistically it's a field day for them. What incentive is there to reduce a never ending financial supply for them?
In our fantasies it would be wonderful to be vindicated and see people do time for a bit just to prove to the world they've lied. Especially nasty MILs.
But how will it make the children feel to see a relative go to prison/do community service?
This is why it's rare for C79 applications to amount to much.
There may be some solicitors wanting to clear the backlog but realistically it's a field day for them. What incentive is there to reduce a never ending financial supply for them?
This is criminal court, nothing to do with the children (in terms of prosecution). The driver is the crown, not solicitors. The crown is having to deviate from standard procedure in order to have cases heard, taking atypical steps in the form of 'pilot' cases to see what works and meets protocol.
Yes, I wouldn't want prison but community service would be some kind of justice (and the children wouldn't be aware of that). A criminal record would perhaps affect my STBXW's employment prospects and I wouldn't want that either.
My costs so far are £75k. I anticipated around £100k and it's only really just beginning. My STBXW is being funded by her parents who must be feeling the squeeze. I have borrowed 2/3 of my costs but I'm lucky (?) I can borrow 3x that...and will if need be. I will just have to work more years. I have a very good potential criminal case against my STBXW - on a few counts; my solicitor said "there are no guarantees" but that it's as certain as it can be that the crown would take it on as a prosecution (against my STBXW). That means I won't have to pay for it...but my STBXW would (at a cost of probably £100k given all the sub-charges I have, unless she decides to go for legal aid...good luck with that). At the moment my view is that I don't want to press charges unless the outcome for me and the children is unfavourable, in which case I will do my all to facilitate prosecution (people shouldn't be allowed to play with the law and people's freedom and reputation). On top of what I'm asking for, I want recompensed for the financial losses, so I can put that money where it should have been: in financial plans for the children's future. It's sad, my STBXW would not be able to do her current job with a criminal conviction. If justice prevails, I have nothing to worry about; unfortunately for her (and perhaps members of her family too), they cannot have the same comfort. Lies can destroy lives (as we all know).
I think there may also be a book or screenplay in this, "The Real Baby Reindeer"? I'm sure we all have a book in us on this subject.
Wishing you all well.
I think there may also be a book or screenplay in this, "The Real Baby Reindeer"? I'm sure we all have a book in us on this subject.
Wishing you all well.
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This is why unpaid community work should be the go to initially for enforcement, second should be costs but can see how the courts won't want to reduce the money that goes to the child. Unpaid community work with notice of fine or prison time should be the go to.
Courts need to come down harder on parents who stop the other seeing their child for no reason. Make them do litter picking for a few months in the cold.
Depending on outcome, I'm also considering trying to get on TV and/or story published to expose how people can lie and attempt to game the system. Given that portraying a false public image to people is what makes my STBXW and her mother tick, I'm hoping it would deter others if they have insight of long-term consequences of lying to children, family, friends, colleagues, judges, solicitors, the police, etc...but I hope that I won't feel motivated to do that.
Yep I spent 40K my ex 150K plus fees on mediation/ supervised visits etc . That cash could off got both my boys through Uni and beyond
Sent my story (with some particularly unique elements that would hopefully increase the likelihood of it being accepted) to This Morning. Also contacted an independent agency. They have legal teams to ensure no slip-ups while court matters proceed (always want to be law-abiding of course, unlike others). Interesting times. It could help pay for legal fees. I could stop this train of course...
This is turning out to be a really weird year. My boss asked today what my thoughts were on re-locating to NY or Texas for 2 years with the family. Her boss (NY-based) had sung my praises. Uncomfortable conversation ensued whereby I had to disclose my situation...