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Blindsided. Would Welcome Advice, Thank You.
- Thread starter skydock
- Start date
Spent night in the police station. Arrested in relation to coercion allegations. Questions about whether I've controlled money, swore at her in front of the kids, tried to stop her leaving the home, etc. All lies. The police didn't charge me. They've confiscated my phone -- which I need for work to sign-in to my machine, and tried their hardest to not let me return to my own home. They're going to pursue the allegations even if my STBXW doesn't want them to. I may have shot myself in the foot telling her friends to call the police if they think she's really at risk.
Think I need to speak with a criminal lawyer today. Have messaged my family lawyer to fill her in. We were in the process of making a proposal around assets and child arrangements.
Supposed to be working today...
Think I need to speak with a criminal lawyer today. Have messaged my family lawyer to fill her in. We were in the process of making a proposal around assets and child arrangements.
Supposed to be working today...
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Sorry to hear what happened, I had the same phone confiscated didn't get it back until one month after investigation had concluded then they lost the sim,tbh if they didn't charge you why did they keep phone, is it to search text messages in relation to what you was arrested for.are Are still investigating? Did they question you and was you offered a duty solicitor?
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I agree , yet it always amazes me that no action is levied against the accuser when such serious accusations are NFA'd
So, false statements to the police have been made. I was worried about reading them but, most are nonsense and parroting the lies. However, there are ones that claim I have been aggressive. This is categorically untrue and, thankfully for me -- but extremely worrying for those who have made the false statements (can anyone say "perjury"?!) -- I have audio and video of the events saved to the cloud! Hahahaha! F*ckers! Can't WAIT to play that in court if it goes to trial. How dumb can they be? I TOLD them I was recording myself for protection.
Btw, perjury carries a maximum sentence of 7 years (so that's at least 2 of you up for that) and anyone considered to have been aiding, abetting or inciting perjury can also be subject to that maximum penalty
Btw, perjury carries a maximum sentence of 7 years (so that's at least 2 of you up for that) and anyone considered to have been aiding, abetting or inciting perjury can also be subject to that maximum penalty
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Pro tip for anyone who may need to do similar: only let on that you're audio recording. When recording, you're only allowed to record yourself (and others in earshot) when you're in the home (you can't record if you're not there) and here's an important bit: to avoid detection, don't place cameras anywhere obvious, like in ceiling corners or anywhere at eye level. For example, a great place is if you have a vertical radiator with a natural shelf ledge part way up (like mine, on the landing) -- a small, fish-eye cam sits nicely there, undetectable, peering out from between the 'slats'. It records mother-in-law really well! 
That may transpire to be the best £50 I ever spent! £50 to exonerate myself and have justice.
That may transpire to be the best £50 I ever spent! £50 to exonerate myself and have justice.
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Am I allowed to put a video of the U2 song, "It's a Beautiful Day" in here?! Only got to read the statements on Tuesday. Wish I'd been able to have this sense of relief sooner. Thanks all for your support and wishing those of you on similar journeys good outcomes.
Only got to read the statements on Tuesday. Wish I'd been able to have this sense of relief sooner. Thanks all for your support and wishing those of you on similar journeys good outcomes.Haven't seen my children for over 40 days and I've been available to see them for almost every single one (obviously not the ones where I was in custody, which totals almost 70 hours). Seriously going to explore how to -- within the law -- get exposure to help stop this happening to others.
On a positive, I have been able to put my Rainman-esque forensic nature to use with the 'luxury' of time and have amassed a robust catalogue of defence evidence. I have been spoiled for choice as to what to select/include. Were I seeing the children, I don't think I'd have been able to do such a good job so, in one way, my poor STBXW and her criminal mother (lying on statements to the police) have done me a favour. Silver linings...
What people reading this need to be aware of is that some of the details are changed to remain anonymous. Despite the crap (lies) about me, I don't feel any badness toward my STBXW and think she's been an incredible mother. I'm convinced she has a mental health condition needing treatment (surely she must see that her actions aren't normal, that lying to so many people is just...a symptom of needing help?). Strange that, out of all those people around her, not one knows the true her. That's kind of sad when life should be about deep connections. I sincerely hope she gets help and frees herself from the curse of it all. I have my own challenges (which have unintentionally affected others) but I'm being helped. Because of that, in one of the darkest periods of my life, I'm thriving.
I actually don't wish to tell the kids about any of this -- and I can't see that I will unless they are told lies about me (especially ones saying I hurt their mother, as that's untrue). No good can come from telling kids that one of their parents made some terrible decisions (lied) which could have resulted in imprisonment of the other parent. It's sad I won't get an opportunity to clear my name with friends and people that have been my family for so long but if they truly cared about me they would have reached out for opinion and not believed the lies. Oh well. I wish to move on and start a new chapter. I forgive her (you) and mourn the person I once knew (but that too will pass). We're a long time dead...
I actually don't wish to tell the kids about any of this -- and I can't see that I will unless they are told lies about me (especially ones saying I hurt their mother, as that's untrue). No good can come from telling kids that one of their parents made some terrible decisions (lied) which could have resulted in imprisonment of the other parent. It's sad I won't get an opportunity to clear my name with friends and people that have been my family for so long but if they truly cared about me they would have reached out for opinion and not believed the lies. Oh well. I wish to move on and start a new chapter. I forgive her (you) and mourn the person I once knew (but that too will pass). We're a long time dead...
This!!! You're so right. People need to listen to both sides of the situation.
The truth in the end will come out. In the mean time rebuild your own life. I wish you loads of strength
I read this and admire your stance. I still dont know if i'll tell the children about whats been done to me and why when they are old enough. I really feel that at some point they should get "my side of the story" put in a non finger pointing way. Just to explain why things turned out they way they did including where I went wrong. I do feel they need to in some way be able to form their own opinions about such a life changing time of their young lives obviously only when they can truly understand
I used to think about this (what to say in future) but when they get to a certain age, they have usually worked it out for themselves and there's no need - they are keen on moving on with their own lives IME. Although different if a child is alienated.
Yes. They will know that people are complicated and moments in time -- even if representing behavioural themes -- don't entirely define people. Behaviour can be compartmentalised. It may seem bizarre to say it but I still have love for my STBXW. Despite the disgusting lies, she may have been backed into a corner and, she is tormented by a condition (lord knows I'm tormented by my own) which seems to dictate a fabrication of reality (different stories for different eyes). All this doesn't cancel-out her qualities and all the good moments. I wish I could have been better but things are two-sided of course and require work by both parties in a relationship. It may not feel this way but we're all lucky to be alive and we don't really live that long. Can anyone tell the glorious sunshine and exercise endorphins may be having an effect?!
It's raining, and I haven't exercised today (so it's not sunshine nor endorphins). No matter what she does to me, I love her (not romantically of course) but for the mother she is, the influence she had on me, and the memories. I valued her opinion and respected and loved so much about her. Regardless of what she may think, she was my only love. I can't see myself having another partner. I have zero interest. I have zero interest in reconciliation too. My wiring is a little wonky but some of it is hardwired correctly. The integrity and honesty circuits function perfectly. That all being said, I wondered if she did believe in god. If she does, then she should fear judgement. I also wonder if she sometimes thinks about the lies she's telling her friends, family, colleagues and solicitors and that, essentially, no-one really knows her apart from herself. Conditions can afflict people. How terribly lonely...
God does this ever ring true right now.