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At The Start Of A Long Journey
- Thread starter Kev19
- Start date
The contact centre decided this, I have no idea what my ex said. They said they do what is best for the child and being away from mother for too long is initially not in her best interest and the mother must be near by. This will add to any tension.
Does the contact centre or Cafcass have the final say, I feel as if the contact centre is correct my bonding with my daughter will be a very long draw out process.
Does the contact centre or Cafcass have the final say, I feel as if the contact centre is correct my bonding with my daughter will be a very long draw out process.
On Thursday I finally got to see my daughter for the first time in 6 months, I’m so happy. She has grown so much ( not surprised as she is almost 11 months old).
The session at the contact centre lasted approx 30 minutes which I was please about and hopefully they will start lasting longer as she becomes more familiar with me.
On a side issue my ex did however tell the staff that unless I had a drugs test she would not let my daughter see me. At the first hearing she requested a drugs test three times and it was turned down, then at the contact centre her stipulation left me no choice but to take the test. I assume this is something I should bring up at the next hearing?
I can’t wait until next week, all the hard work and jump through hoops is starting to pay off.
The session at the contact centre lasted approx 30 minutes which I was please about and hopefully they will start lasting longer as she becomes more familiar with me.
On a side issue my ex did however tell the staff that unless I had a drugs test she would not let my daughter see me. At the first hearing she requested a drugs test three times and it was turned down, then at the contact centre her stipulation left me no choice but to take the test. I assume this is something I should bring up at the next hearing?
I can’t wait until next week, all the hard work and jump through hoops is starting to pay off.
I had some disappointing news today from the Contact Centre and feel the day I get to see my daughter again is a long way off.
I final got to see my 10 month old daughter four weeks ago for the first time in six month at a contact centre, the session lasted 30 minutes before she became upset with separation anxiety. The two further sessions since then lasted approx 10 to 15 minutes before she became distressed.
Today the centre sent me an email saying my daughter had been to the centre and spent 15 minutes with a couple of staff members before once again becoming distress. The email said”based on this and the three attempts it is our professional opinion that contact is not protecting my daughter’s emotional wellbeing.” They went on to say “ we would be willing to attempt video calls to establish a trust between me and my daughter “.
As my daughters wellbeing is paramount I feel I have no choice but to try video calls. This will obviously take months for a bond to form, that is assuming I can get her interested in Loki g at me via a computer screen.
I guess I need to push for these calls to happen very frequently a minimum of three times per week.
I have four weeks to my next court hearing, if anyone has any experience of this I would be grateful for you sharing your thoughts.
I final got to see my 10 month old daughter four weeks ago for the first time in six month at a contact centre, the session lasted 30 minutes before she became upset with separation anxiety. The two further sessions since then lasted approx 10 to 15 minutes before she became distressed.
Today the centre sent me an email saying my daughter had been to the centre and spent 15 minutes with a couple of staff members before once again becoming distress. The email said”based on this and the three attempts it is our professional opinion that contact is not protecting my daughter’s emotional wellbeing.” They went on to say “ we would be willing to attempt video calls to establish a trust between me and my daughter “.
As my daughters wellbeing is paramount I feel I have no choice but to try video calls. This will obviously take months for a bond to form, that is assuming I can get her interested in Loki g at me via a computer screen.
I guess I need to push for these calls to happen very frequently a minimum of three times per week.
I have four weeks to my next court hearing, if anyone has any experience of this I would be grateful for you sharing your thoughts.
Sorry to hear that. That sounds unusual to me for a 10 month old. My son was in nursery from 6 months old and used to being left in a childcare place with staff and toys. I wonder if your ex is doing something to create this - ie delaying a feed or something. Obviously you can't say that or suggest it. Does your daughter go to nursery at all? Yes I'd ask for the video calls.
unfortunately my ex does not communicate with me despite my efforts emailing her once a week for the last six months without a single reply. Therefore I have very limiting knowledge of my daughter and if she attends any nursery classes.
I have a court hearing early June and will be bringing the lack of communication up.
I have a court hearing early June and will be bringing the lack of communication up.
I would stop attempting communication with her if you have been emailing once a week for six months with no reply. This could be used against you as domestic abuse in the form of harassment.
You could mention in court that you have tried to communicate with the mother regarding your child with no response. This is restricting you from learning about your child etc.
Try and push for some photos and a written update then at least you have something for now.
Thank you Dadlad for the advice. I get absolutely nothing back from the mother of my child, so asking for a photo or written reply will be unanswered. She wouldn’t every reply when I said I had Christmas cards and presents from my family and myself for my daughter. I dared not take them to her house as that may have seemed like harassment. I feel by sending one email a week is all I currently have in regard to my daughter. If I don’t send it I will loose her. My ex wants my daughter not to have a relationship with me and she has said this in her response to my C100 application.
This is why you ask for it in court and get it written in the court order, that way it's documented and if she breaches the order you have the evidence.
Im speaking from experience, communication can be manipulated into harassment and then used against you. I simply offered the ex mediation and this was used as unwanted contact and harassment.
They will use absolutely anything against you. You have to think logically.
By some coincidence I had an email from my ex’s solicitor today asking me to stop sending my weekly email asking about my daughter’s wellbeing, it said, “ xxxxx has provided assurances that if there is anything of “significant concern” she will notify you. It appears xxxxx is not going to provide you with any meaningful information regarding your daughter , and on the basis that she has now provided confirmation that she will make contact with you if there is anything significant”.
I am struggling for information about my daughter and to me everything is significant, I am missing out on so many milestones. My solicitor has requested an urgent court hearing to address this total lack of communication and also about my contact with my daughter moving to video calls due to her becoming distressed.
Is it in a child’s best interest for the mother to shut the father out of her life and what do you think the court will make if this?
I am struggling for information about my daughter and to me everything is significant, I am missing out on so many milestones. My solicitor has requested an urgent court hearing to address this total lack of communication and also about my contact with my daughter moving to video calls due to her becoming distressed.
Is it in a child’s best interest for the mother to shut the father out of her life and what do you think the court will make if this?
I'm only sharing a little experience but really forming a bond through a video screen is tricky. My daughter at six has done remarkably well over nearly a year to sit and have video calls/phone calls with me a few times a week, she just can't sit still though. It's quite unnatural really for a little one. But I worked at getting as much contact as possible. Nothing can substitute your infant knowing your touch, your smell and your prescence so even if it's fifteen minutes or five minutes building up from there I'd push for that. They charge a fortune family centres** I know but if you can get the minutes, build up the familiarity. You haven't been given long enough at three sessions.
**please don't undermine yourself by refering to it as a contact centre. Use a different term even when speaking to the staff of the family centre.
No it's not.
A child's right is to have an equal and loving relationship with both parents.
Something which isn't always portrayed and often ignored.
Afew post back I wrote saying due to my daughter’s separation anxiety being away from my ex for more than 10 to 15 minutes the family centre are recommending video calls, which I am not confident will prove beneficial due to my daughters age of 10 months. Since then the internet court order has fail, my solicitor had been waiting for my ex to reply as to her agreement, however unsurprisingly she has not responded and I have not seen my daughter for 4 weeks.
We have a DRA in two weeks time and I am concerned that any court order will fail again due to her young age, not wanting to be away from her mother, my ex being completely unwilling to promote my daughter having a relationship with me and the family centre being over cautious with taking thing to slowly.
I feel there needs to be an expert at the court hearing on matters relating to very young children and separation anxiety. Are Cafcass experts and what can I do to ensure a robust court order is put in place?
One more thing, the family centre have implied they have authority to overrule the court as they are the experts. If this is so should they be involved in the hearing in some way?
We have a DRA in two weeks time and I am concerned that any court order will fail again due to her young age, not wanting to be away from her mother, my ex being completely unwilling to promote my daughter having a relationship with me and the family centre being over cautious with taking thing to slowly.
I feel there needs to be an expert at the court hearing on matters relating to very young children and separation anxiety. Are Cafcass experts and what can I do to ensure a robust court order is put in place?
One more thing, the family centre have implied they have authority to overrule the court as they are the experts. If this is so should they be involved in the hearing in some way?
If the allegations are historic and not relevant then your Barrister can produce precedent, case law where FF was ruled as not necessary. This is what happened in my case and the Judge ruled based on case law precedent.
Any welfare concerns or issues will be picked up during the s7 report process and it moves further away from her narrative. You won't be allowed witness statements at this stage as it is only position statements between you and your ex.
A update on my progress as it’s stalled. The video calls with my daughter have not been very successful and they have now stopped so I am not seeing my daughter at all. The family centre sent an email requesting an urgent family review is required. I fail to see that there is anything I can do about this but wait for the part 25 to be submitted for an ISW. It appears obvious to me that my 12 month daughter is still experiencing separation anxiety, however this will need to be proved and will take several months until process and all the time my daughter is getting older with me missing from her life. The family centre keep using the word trauma and it just seems so unfair. I do wonder if they have been listening to my ex and her untruths.
Struggling to see when a breakthrough will happen for me , I have no support from the family centre and have always done as told, but feel like I’m always at arms length and that environment is not conducive for us to form a bond, especially via video calls.
Struggling to see when a breakthrough will happen for me , I have no support from the family centre and have always done as told, but feel like I’m always at arms length and that environment is not conducive for us to form a bond, especially via video calls.
Yes Ash interim. Where my daughter is so young and my assumption is she kept close to the mother, who does not take her to mother and toddler classes etc her social experience is very limited and I must appear as a stranger which could distress her. Am I correct in thinking If the mother always needs to be close by and there could be more set backs, my case will be very slow moving until the final hearing?
I am sat here worrying that I have only seen my 12 month old daughter 6 times in 9 months and I may not see her again for several months as I am currently waiting on a report from the family centre (due this week) then locating the correct independent social worker before the Part P can be completed. All of which takes time.
My question is, are my chances of seeing my daughter reducing as time passes due to the fact she is not seeing me and this becomes the Status Quo? It’s not for trying, but my situation has not improved from day one and I’m not feeling any positive vibes.
I’m having a bad day and any thoughts and encouragement is very much appreciated.
My question is, are my chances of seeing my daughter reducing as time passes due to the fact she is not seeing me and this becomes the Status Quo? It’s not for trying, but my situation has not improved from day one and I’m not feeling any positive vibes.
I’m having a bad day and any thoughts and encouragement is very much appreciated.