At The Start Of A Long Journey

[Ash]

That sounds really positive - if they've recommended interim time then I don't think they can be taking the allegations too seriously. I don't remember you making any - what were they? Mind you sometimes you can just say something general and they read it as an allegation when it wasn't! No need for character references.

 

[Kev19]

During the Cafcass call my ex made allegations I had raised a fist at her, this is completely untrue . In response a said she had previously struck me on the temple and on another occasion pushed me on the stairs. In hindsight I should have said nothing, you feel the urge to defend yourself. I have learnt and will do better at the FHDRA.
All I can think about is seeing my daughter, hopefully real soon.

 

[Ash]

It's easy to slip into during a call - they almost set you up for it when they confront you with an allegation.

Assume they are now saying both parents accuse physical abuse. Yes you have chance to get things back on track Hopefully it will get sorted at FHDRA and no need for a fact find. Do you think there's any chance she'd agree arrangements by negotiation so you could get a consent order at the first hearing? Barristers are very good at negotiations. If agreement is reached then any allegations are dismissed and case closed.

 

[Kev19]

My ex does not agree to anything, and is incapable of seeing things from anyone else’s point of view. On the report she is saying I should not have any contact with my daughter, even thigh Cafcass suggest otherwise. She will want to stretch things out for as long as she can, and I guess she knows this. Thank you for the advice, I will ask my barrister to push for a consent order.

 

[Ash]

If your ex has a lawyer, and you have a barrister I am sure there will be attempted negotations - lawyers are virtually required to attempt negotiations and both can not only use leverage and threats to each other to reach agreement, but also put pressure on their own clients to agree sometimes. By saying things like if you don't both agree now it could go on for a very long time and cost a lot of money and make things harder for the kids. But some ex's don't care about that! Especially if they have free lawyers. Mine wouldn't agree anything until right before final hearing, and even then the negotiations went on for hours as she didn't really want to agree some things. But she was scared of the outcome of a final hearing as I had a strong case. So yes you may not get a consent order at FHDRA. And yes you could say to the Barrister that you want them to try for a consent order but the main focus needs to be on persuading the Judge there doesn't need to be a fact find.

 

[Gaz77]

It’s a sorry state and yet having recently joined and seen a few posts already it seems far too common for partners to resort to essentially dirty tricks, lies and using their child as a pawn to cause pain in the relationship.

Going through my own situation which I’ll post separately on, it also highlights how difficult it is in practice to resolve child access issues when the partner seems unwilling or unable to put their child’s life and best interests before their own.

I wish you luck in resolving things quickly and in a way that gives you reasonable access to your child

 

[Kev19]

Found out today my ex has legal aid, and she does not want me to have any contact with my daughter at all, so she will be dragging things out for as long as possible and to financially push me into debt. As said earlier in this thread I made one remark about being hit in the temple by her, the Cafcass report is saying we have both made allegations. My barrister will be pushing for no Fact Finding due to costs, even though she has made several allegations about me.
Two question I keep thinking about are:
Is pushing for no Fact Finding due to cost a strong enough reason?
If the case does go to a Fact Finding Hearing I do not really want to talk about this incident, what are my options?

 

[Gaz77]

Well I can’t comment on most of your options but bear in mind most of the costs stem from using solicitors or barristers.

I cannot afford either and fortunately neither can my wife so we both attend court and represent ourselves. Judges can be surprisingly understanding and might even lean more towards the party that is not represented as they know the other party’s solicitor will be in the stronger position on paper.

 

[Gaz77]

I am awaiting a section 7 report from CAFCASS who will then advise the court concerning their recommendations for living arrangements with my 3 year daughter, who we currently share 50/50.

 

[Ash]

Is pushing for no Fact Finding due to cost a strong enough reason?

I doubt it very much. A fact find would be ordered if the court considers it is needed, regardless of ability to pay laywers. Your barrister would need to argue it's unnecessary. If you have a consultation with the barrister (which isn't cheap but they may do a bit all in with the cost of the hearing) then they could advise you whether you could now say you wish to withdraw allegations and have considered them a historical part of the relationship breakdown by both parties. Barrister could say if that's an option or give other options. But the main thing is to say to the barrister you want them to argue that a fact find isn't necessary. Sometimes the Judge can decide the allegations don't warrant a fact find or just order another DRA and ask both sides to submit 5 allegations for example and responses to each other and then he decides things there (a lesser thing than a fact find).

 

[winger]

You'll have an hour before the hearing to talk to your barrister, who will negotiate with the other side, your ex's solicitor I assume.

It really does come down to who the judge is, what your barrister says etc etc.

The allegations from my ex were investigated for months by the police, so they had already been looked into, I think this looked good so the judge threw out the allegations the ex was making.

It's gone from the ex refusing any contact, to then in court saying only 2 hours every 2 weeks, to now I have overnight in the week, and she's being all nice and wishing us well, it's ridiculous it makes you think why couldn't you just be amicable in the first place?

It's crazy how they are labeled the victim, when in actual fact it's innocent fathers who are the real victims. Not just by ex partners but by the whole system.

Anyway, I tell you all this as things will change, and they can change quickly. Have a good chat with your barrister before the hearing, it's likely they will throw the allegations out. As long as your child has never been subjected to any welfare issues or abuse, they will most likely order some kind of time.

 

[Kev19]

Had my FHDRA today, from the off my ex did not want a FF Hearing, I’m so pleased, guess she knows everyone would see through her false accusations. A Section 7 is still a possibility and the fantastic news is I will be getting 2 hours twice a week at a contact centre. The FHDRA was adjourned due to taking a long time, ex (was playing hard ball with all other aspects). Anyway if things go well at the contact centre my barrister is hopeful the section 7 could be dropped and in approx 8 to 12 weeks my time with my daughter could be increased. I have gone from feeling so low to having such hope in the matter of hours. Stay strong everyone.

 

[Ash]

Great news Kev

 

[Kev19]

I have an online zoom meeting called Planning Together hosted by Cafcass on Monday, this will be interactive and include approx 5 other parents.
My ex refuses to communicate with me and as a consequence I have no see my daughter for six months.
It goes without saying I will be positive and willing, child focused during the call as I wish to see my daughter again.
I would be grateful if anyone has any experience of the zoom meeting they can share with me?

 

[MagicJ]

Hey @Kev19 , I have been on the course, it is pretty straightforward, will drop a post later today for you.

 

[MagicJ]

So, Planning Together for Children, is the cafcass course that was developed and is being delivered by the charity Action for Children.

You will have done the interactive elearning modules which effectively ask each parent to see every situation from a child's viewpoint.

The session isn't run by Cafcass but the first is looking to see that you've learned from the course and that this attending.

The sessions for each parent in a proceedings are independent and there is no correlation between attendees.

In my session, I answered effectively as they'd expect albeit I raised questions that were child focused where there was maybe not enough balance.

You are with other parents & so a lot of it for me persobally was showing them there are two ways of looking at a situation where I could impact another's view.

There were 3 dads and 2 mums in my session and from a range of situations.

Note they expect you not to be disturbed, so in a private place and I think we had 1 x10m break in the middle.

At court the Judge just asked, have both parents attended? Then moved on after maybe a 30s reference to the fact it should have showed us court want the best place to resolve childcare disputes.

Hope That Helps, any questions let me know!

 

[Kev19]

Thank you MagicJ, much appreciated you spent time replying to my question.

 

[MagicJ]

Thank you MagicJ, much appreciated you spent time replying to my question.

Just realised how many spelling and grammer mistakes were in that post!

 

[Kev19]

After my FHDRA the court recommended I spend at a contact centre 1 hour twice a week for the first week moving to 2 hours twice a week from the second week until my 10 month old daughter gets use to being in my presence. This I thought was a good start as I haven’t seen my daughter for 7 months.
Today I took my court order to the contact centre to be told that my daughter and her mother (my ex) had been to the centre to sign up and it was discovered she had separation anxiety being apart from her mother so bad that she kept crying.
As a result the staff at the contact centre said i will only be having session on 30 minutes maximum for the foreseeable future due to separation anxiety.
As you can imagine I feel saddened by this , but what can I do, they are the experts and if my daughter can’t be away from her mother for long periods I have no choice. Hopefully this situation won’t be forever, it just feels I am getting nowhere fast.
I am back in court in 2 weeks time and will only had one visit with my daughter beforehand, I was hoping for more so the contact centre staff would have given a good report about me. How can I get to a final hearing when seeing my daughter regularly is going to prove problematic?
Any thoughts and advice is more than welcome.

 

[MagicJ]

That is disheartening to hear, but remember she does know who you are, her Father, and she will subconsciously remember you once you're back in contact.

I have no experience with Contact Centres and will let others provide their experience.

My only comment would be that once you get going then go back and push for the court order to be followed on the same pattern - once she remembers you all that anxiety will hopefully go away!

What is the next heaing type that is in 2 weeks?