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My Story - As it Happens

I'm not sure I'd have suggested 60/40 in her favour - she might say that sets a precedent at a later hearing. Maybe just follow up with suggested dates the children to be with you (which is maybe what you have done already). Or if she hasn't responded then up the game a little perhaps, and email again saying, you have your time managed more and can have the children x hy and z (schedule) (ie more half the time) and say you will assume this is acceptable unless you hear otherwise. Even if a final order isn't 50/50 - holidays are always 50/50 (unless Dad wants less).
 
Edit - I should say 50/50 holidays are the norm - there are some cases where it’s less but not often and usually if a Dad is ok with it.
 
Ash said:
I'm not sure I'd have suggested 60/40 in her favour - she might say that sets a precedent at a later hearing. Maybe just follow up with suggested dates the children to be with you (which is maybe what you have done already). Or if she hasn't responded then up the game a little perhaps, and email again saying, you have your time managed more and can have the children x hy and z (schedule) (ie more half the time) and say you will assume this is acceptable unless you hear otherwise. Even if a final order isn't 50/50 - holidays are always 50/50 (unless Dad wants less).
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I've written it as dates for me '...and on this occasion followed by 9 days with STBX'

I'm looking to prevent a back and forth, hence the suggestion of the split in her favour.

If she wants to deny it, then more evidence for me on reasons for a court order.

All official submissions state 50/50 holidays and we haven't deviated from that.
 
Sometimes a back and forth every few days is better over the Christmas period - the kids see both parents regularly. And the ex isn’t stressing about them being away for a whole week.

Although I know you’re just trying to get any time at all agreed. Will you need to send a solicitors letter if you don’t get a response in the next few days?
 
I'm not sending it directly for a different reason - have asked the solicitor to do it to avoid a back & forth.
 
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I think my STBX has chosen to gift me 'freedom' for Christmas this year, as she has unilaterally decided to keep the kids for most of the holidays.

So I've decided to decorate the forum with some cheer 🍻 although schools not yet out and Halloween is still far away, craziness is still rearing it's unwelcome head for a lot of members.

You'll get your time in court and your kids will get their time with you.

Let your EX or STBX get busy running her karma into the ground and destroying her chance of being a welcome grandparent.

We've got an important mission.

Its time to start that journey to a better us, for tomorrow, for when our kids need us, for when they become parents.

Health Check
Emotions Check
Skills Check

Let's take stock and grab the keys to our future by planning our personal improvement goals for 2024! 💪 🙌 😀
 
All,

quick bit of research, on Form E it states do you want to take account of bad behaviour during the marriage.

If you tick NO doors this mean you she that there has been no form of financial control or no form of bad behaviour of any kind like coercive control or emotional control?

Can saying NO be used against you if in the childcare case you then present allegations of all of these.
 
All,

Hope everyone is doing well, 2024 a year of change for many, hopefully in the positive!

I'd like some feedback from anyone who has or is currently writing up a WS, specifically those making the case for full 50/50:
  1. How are you to facilitate this around your work i.e. School Runs, Meals, Homework, Holidays
  2. Why is shared care the right option for your Child
I know the answer, that it is, not because I want it to be but because I'm an involved Father with their development & interests at heart. However how do we translate that across into a WS in a manner that is undeniable to a DJ or MAGS reading the WS.

Thanks in Advance.
 
Ash said:
I'll reply later, but a good Barrister would say to a Judge "well why shouldn't it be shared care"? ie give me a reason why it SHOULDN'T be.
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Yes exactly.
How would you respond if the other side starts saying 'It's too much back and forth' or it's disruption, or they're not settled as well because of the back and forth?
 
Hello mate.

I'm in the process of writing my statement.
I'm pushing hard on the education front. Proposing that 2 overnights midweek would give me ample time to support them whereas 1 wouldn't give me that opportunity.

I'm also suggesting handovers are done via school. I've found these to be fair more preferable than trying to liaise with my ex about them.

I'd welcome any advice also.
 
nothernsoul said:
Hello mate.

I'm in the process of writing my statement.
I'm pushing hard on the education front. Proposing that 2 overnights midweek would give me ample time to support them whereas 1 wouldn't give me that opportunity.

I'm also suggesting handovers are done via school. I've found these to be fair more preferable than trying to liaise with my ex about them.

I'd welcome any advice also.
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I am pushing for exactly the same!

I am wanting from 8.30am Wednesday until 8.30am Friday. After being suggested by @Ash to think about school times. So it falls from the minute they are dropped off they are in your care.

I am also proposing Wednesday 8.30am-Monday 8.30am Monday week 2.
Like you my absolute point is to make sure I am involved/supporting with homework, bath time, teeth brushing, bed time, cooking together showing my daughter dads are just as important in these activities! Equal input into nurturing and developmental activities. I am also suggesting nursery/school for changeovers so there is never any possibility of hostility between parents. Communication via a parenting app. Basically I am wanting to cut my ex out so she doesn’t accuse me of anything else after the court order.

Make sure all holidays are equally shared.
Split down the middle. I have also suggested my ex has full week in spring bank and I get full week in October so we can have an holiday then as well as summer evenly split 2-2-1-1 weeks each.

Demonstrate as clear as possible that what ever arrangement you propose is absolutely doable with the your current work structure.

Alternate crimbo day and New Year’s Day etc between parents as well as Easter holidays so evenly split and shared.

Good luck with it 👍💪
 
Wouldn't 9am to 9am be better? ie on or just after school days start. If your ex is anything like mine she could turn up in the playground at 8.45am and say it's her time until school starts!
 
Ash said:
Wouldn't 9am to 9am be better? ie on or just after school days start. If your ex is anything like mine she could turn up in the playground at 8.45am and say it's her time until school starts!
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Yes absolutely! The school we have selected starts at 8.45am so that’s why I have gone with that so yes like Ash says definitely make sure it syncs in with your time timetable. Yes, absolutely my ex is capable of that as well @Ash 😂🤦‍♂️
 
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MagicJ said:
So, good questions @winger , I'm facing the same challenge, I like @nothernsoul approach to focussing on the education.
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I heard someone say that a good thing to say as a defence is 'would the child be happier to sit in a room surrounded by 4 walls, rather than be with their other parent who loves them, and they get so much from? It's the same for nursery it's back and forth, so why shouldn't they go back and forth to their other caregiver?'

Something like that, the back and forth thing is ridiculous and just an excuse. Yes kids need structure but they adapt well and their structure is with their parents.
 
Okay, to borrow from the format of recent posts by members going to FH, here is my summary to date:

- 2 Children (7&10), seperated Q1 2022, stayed in FMH, filed Divorce Q2 2023, forced to file C100 1m later, Finances filed against me 2m later
- Effective failed marriage, STBX verbally and emotionally abusive to the kids as a proxy of her frustration with me, this led to separation after I stopped trying to convince her this wasn't right and just stepped in the middle, the shadow of potential divorce changed her approach in the 12m before I had the courage to actually file.
- Full time working Dad including regular weekends, even through Covid. When I wasn't working Kids were with me, STBX absconded her involvement even when pushed by children, whilst forcing me out of daily care, all runs, bath time etc, which I'd been fully involved in when the kids were younger.
- At c100 filing, was doing partial morning routine in FMH, all school dropoffs, regular homework and reading, all weekend time
- STBX Solicitor cut down quality time , tried to force out from FMH to remove care time, threatened NMO but didn't file
- Since c100 filling, denied proper holiday time, denied overnights outside the house

Been though 1x FHDRA, 1xDRA several rounds of mediation and now headed to FH this month.

I was offered 5 nights and teatime, I've asked for full 50/50 given no welfare concerns, no fact find, no s7, flexibility at work and proven involvement with education, medical, clubs etc

Let's see what life brings us!
 
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