How to cope with serious false allegations?

[Ash]

So is that what Cafcass said? Do a section 7 report and SS do it? I wondered if that might happen with SS being involved and hear your concerns. However a section 7 is quite detailed and they should talk to the kids in school without Mum present. If they only talk to the kids with Mum present and the report seems biased or flaky you can actually put Cafcass on the stand at final hearing and point these things out to the Judge. People have done that before.

It’s often a good thing that SS are doing the report though as they can be less biased than Cafcass and be more thorough.

The outcome will probably be as they are now - sitting on the fence saying Mum says this, Mum doesn’t want Dad to see kids, kids say this. Normally they should see the kids with you and comment on how they seemed. If that doesn’t happen then another reason for the report to be undermined if it’s not favourable to you. But they may state if they picked up someone was lying or inconsistent. And they will also interview you. Where are you living now? You said kids in another county - so do you have to travel?

One thing they do look at in a section 7 is Dad’s accommodation (and Mum’s). As to whether it’s suitable to have the kids living there (as opposed to staying there).

If the report is on the fence - which it could well be unless they have clear evidence that there is lying- then a finding of fact is likely to be ordered.

I think one option as well could be to ask for psychologists reports in both parents at first hearing (this will show up your ex as an alienator and be high level evidence over and above a section 7 report). And I would still ask for supervised citing you should be innocent until proved guilty and supervised is a safe environment in the interim.

You can do that in a position statement and if your hearing is coming up soon you need to get a position statement done ASAP.

 

[RJ25]

So is that what Cafcass said? Do a section 7 report and SS do it? I wondered if that might happen with SS being involved and hear your concerns. However a section 7 is quite detailed and they should talk to the kids in school without Mum present. If they only talk to the kids with Mum present and the report seems biased or flaky you can actually put Cafcass on the stand at final hearing and point these things out to the Judge. People have done that before.

It’s often a good thing that SS are doing the report though as they can be less biased than Cafcass and be more thorough.

The outcome will probably be as they are now - sitting on the fence saying Mum says this, Mum doesn’t want Dad to see kids, kids say this. Normally they should see the kids with you and comment on how they seemed. If that doesn’t happen then another reason for the report to be undermined if it’s not favourable to you. But they may state if they picked up someone was lying or inconsistent. And they will also interview you. Where are you living now? You said kids in another county - so do you have to travel?

One thing they do look at in a section 7 is Dad’s accommodation (and Mum’s). As to whether it’s suitable to have the kids living there (as opposed to staying there).

If the report is on the fence - which it could well be unless they have clear evidence that there is lying- then a finding of fact is likely to be ordered.

I think one option as well could be to ask for psychologists reports in both parents at first hearing (this will show up your ex as an alienator and be high level evidence over and above a section 7 report). And I would still ask for supervised citing you should be innocent until proved guilty and supervised is a safe environment in the interim.

You can do that in a position statement and if your hearing is coming up soon you need to get a position statement done ASAP.

CAFCASS have said as SS are already involved they’ll do the section seven report as that’s normal procedure. For visiting I’d have to travel hundreds of miles so it’s not exactly convenient.

I explained to CAFCASS that I have no problem with co parenting as I feel it will benefit the children having both parents and families in their lives, however due to mrs ex and her continuing line of allegations she is essentially making co parenting impossible. Officer replied with “that’s completely true it does”

On the 28th there is a gatekeeping meeting in court of which I don’t have to attend. I’m told I’ll more than likely be given a date for the first hearing after that. How long that will be as they have to do the report I’m unsure.

I have no problem with supervised visits or even just a video call would be something and with SW present as it protects me and the children from ex saying he said this or did that. I told the CAFCASS officer I don’t know what my children have been told about me and why I haven’t contacted them, also child’s birthday is coming up. She said to send a card via SW as that’s completely acceptable. I told her it’s the first birthday I’ll have ever missed she said I know it will be incredibly hard for you. I said yes and the children need to know that yes I do still love them and I always will, she agreed and told me I’m absolutely right.

She was very good I can’t complain, I was nervous I’d have a pit bull of an officer but feel I actually got lucky with who I got so that’s something. She even apologised to me because it’s not the outcome I wanted. But due to the seriousness of the allegations she has no choice in recommending no contact for now.

 

[Ash]

Very unfair but glad she was ok. I think allegations like these need seriously investigating because it’s such a devastating slur when you’re innocent. I haven’t heard of a gatekeeping meeting before a first hearing but I guess it’s to decide stages for the case - what is needed when. Social services should ge given a deadline to do the section 7 by. Glad to hear you can send a card via social services.

 

[RJ25]

I just thought gate keeping hearing first was normal as I’ve no experience of this kind of thing. I would get a card to the SW if they ever get in contact with me. I always have to wait a week or more before they get back to me.

 

[InvisibleIntellectual]

It sounds like you guys may be forced to go to mediation or a SPIP.

 

[RJ25]

It sounds like you guys may be forced to go to mediation or a SPIP.

You could be right there, I’ve been reading up on gate keeping and what’s involved and suspect that’s what’s going to happen.

 

[Ash]

Just added some info on gatekeeping hearings in the news section. It is apparently a recent innovation to speed up serious cases. The gatekeeper deciding what to order next based on the Cafcass C2 letter findings - whether it’s further reports or statements. Or whether there should be an urgent hearing. A gatekeeper is a District Judge.

This should save delays with further hearings before SS further investigations are ordered. It’s good that they are treating this seriously.

 

[Ash]

It sounds like you guys may be forced to go to mediation or a SPIP.

Apparently Cafcass are saying not suitable for SPIPP (presumably not for mediation either in that case) - maybe because of the seriousness of the allegations.

 

[RJ25]

Apparently Cafcass are saying not suitable for SPIPP (presumably not for mediation either in that case) - maybe because of the seriousness of the allegations.

Yes that’s right, mediation was ruled out very early on.

 

[InvisibleIntellectual]

Where the feck was the gatekeeping system when I started this five years ago ?

 

[RJ25]

Shame it didn’t exist then. The only thing I’m unsure of is if all cases go through gatekeeping. It would be interesting to know if it’s done by case and based on the grounds given for the application to the courts.

 

[InvisibleIntellectual]

There will be some cases that dont really need gatekeeping - though in the interests of fairness and law I would assume that all cases go through it, that may speed up the process, until someone decides that they dont agree with X on document Y.......

 

[RJ25]

There will be some cases that dont really need gatekeeping - though in the interests of fairness and law I would assume that all cases go through it, that may speed up the process, until someone decides that they dont agree with X on document Y.......

That’s a good point actually, can you imagine that… the family courts actually being interested in fairness. It doesn’t seem like that at times.

 

[Sector7GJ]

Hi RJ25,

Yes, I went through 4 years of false allegations from my ex in court, which included a non molestation order application against me which failed. I used to post on the separated dad's forum, my case is complicated but sadly I no longer have any contact with my two children - The court didn't at all take the abuse I've been through seriously and the final order was unacceptable, only promoting more parental contact. It's sad, I want to have a relationship with my children but I (or anyone that's been abused) should not have to deal with and face my abuser weekly just so that I can do so. I would be willing to do handovers at a contact centre so that I don't have to come into contact with my ex but the court insist we meet for handovers and make arrangements between ourselves. My health suffered during the court process and I had a stroke. I feel so let down by the court and cafcass it's difficult to even think about.

 

[RJ25]

Hi, I’m so sorry to hear what you’ve been through. I’m only just starting my journey and it’s exhausting. They had a gatekeeping hearing almost two months ago and I’ve not heard anything at all yet.

I hope and pray that I get someone good who understands the hell it’s been and the affect it’s had on me but most of all the children. It’s incredibly frustrating that no one seems to listen to the father, even when there’s evidence that the father is telling the truth and the mother not.

 

[Ash]

Hi Sector G. I’m sorry things turned out like that in the end. And sorry to hear about the stroke. Hope you are full recovered. It is something abuse victims all say about the family court process (both men and women) - that they are expected to communicate and that can be impossible if it’s someone who has abused you. I remember you did amazingly well and got an order. There is no reason there couldn’t have been handovers in a public place - it’s a nightmare getting the details right on these orders and then being stuck with something that doesn’t work for you. I think your kids will find you when they’re older.

 

[Ash]

Hi, I’m so sorry to hear what you’ve been through. I’m only just starting my journey and it’s exhausting. They had a gatekeeping hearing almost two months ago and I’ve not heard anything at all yet.

I hope and pray that I get someone good who understands the hell it’s been and the affect it’s had on me but most of all the children. It’s incredibly frustrating that no one seems to listen to the father, even when there’s evidence that the father is telling the truth and the mother not.

Have you not even had a hearing date yet?

 

[Sector7GJ]

Hi, I’m so sorry to hear what you’ve been through. I’m only just starting my journey and it’s exhausting. They had a gatekeeping hearing almost two months ago and I’ve not heard anything at all yet.

I hope and pray that I get someone good who understands the hell it’s been and the affect it’s had on me but most of all the children. It’s incredibly frustrating that no one seems to listen to the father, even when there’s evidence that the father is telling the truth and the mother not.

That is the toughest part for me. Not being listened to even when there is evidence to prove what a father says is true. The judge in my case made findings against me even in instances where there is conclusive evidence that 100% proves that what they say is not true. Seeing that kind of biase take place first hand really made me realise how I didn't stand a chance from the start and unfortunately only serves to compound the ex's sense of control over me. The irony of my ex trying to put a non-mol on me, failing, and then insisting handover takes place at her front door. You have to laugh or you'll cry

 

[Ash]

Yes that is ridiculous. They play the system and what I find, sadly, is there is no continuity of information between one case and the next or between one Judge and the next. So at one hearing it will all be about an NMO. Then that is dismissed and the next hearing will all be the Mother insisting on various ways of things being done (with the NMO not even being known about probably as she has changed her tack once she lost that attempt).

That is what some of these ex's do - try it on, fail, change tack. Try it on in some other way. If they can't get allegations to stick they then start playing the anxious concerned Mother and behave as if the kids only want to be with them and they try to encourage them but ..... And yes they always want pick ups and drop offs from their house (when it should be to and from school so no contact between parents). It's all control.

It can go either way but if the ex has a Solicitor it's an uphill climb. Having a good barrister can help steer a Judge in the right direction, but many of us can't afford that.

It's an adversarial system with one side winning an argument and the truth seems to have very little to do with it (they either assume neither are telling the truth or take one side or the other depending on a whim of how they perceive that person). But Cafcass nearly always seem to side with the Mother and they often advise the Judge. So evidence and someone arguing your case is about the only thing that helps. Even with evidence there can still be bias - pro or anti Mothers/Fathers etc.

It's wrong that Dad's have to go to court at all to see their children but the whole system is fuelled by the current culture of extreme feminism classing all men as abusers - and some ex's jumping on that bandwagon and lying.

 

[Sector7GJ]

Yes, I can relate to all of this; and I think it's important for any dad's reading this about to go through the system to bare this in mind. For example at one of my hearings the magistrates put in place an order whereby I could collect my son from school on a Friday and drop him back at school Mondays (3 nights), my ex argued against it but the magistrates agreed with me - This was during the height of Covid so this arrangement never took place but once things got back to normal this arrangement would begin...Then at the next hearing my ex argued against me taking him to school and so the new magistrates changed it to pick up in person and return on the Sunday to the ex. The original magistrates said they put the school pickups in place because of my concerns around my ex and were understanding, but the next magistrates just undid the whole thing...not even taking the last hearing and order into consideration!