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False allegations by partner, advice
- Thread starter bristol360
- Start date
Thanks for the advice folks.
In my case, I haven't engaged a private solicitor (yet) but just have the contact of the duty at the time. Would I contact them or engage someone else?
I suppose I'd have to pay the duty solicitors firm to start engaging in this way anyway?
I was kind of hoping disproving one allegation at least would cast doubt on the others - she's lied about all of them, but this is reasonably concrete evidence for one.
In my case, I haven't engaged a private solicitor (yet) but just have the contact of the duty at the time. Would I contact them or engage someone else?
I suppose I'd have to pay the duty solicitors firm to start engaging in this way anyway?
I was kind of hoping disproving one allegation at least would cast doubt on the others - she's lied about all of them, but this is reasonably concrete evidence for one.
You can contact the duty solicitor they should assist for free.
Proving one to case doubt on the others is a good way to go, although seek advice from the duty solicitor because without knowing the allegations or the evidence and facts of the case it’s difficult to advise. If you give evidence to disprove one the CPS may conclude that she is an unreliable witness/victim and NFA due to evidential difficulties.
Sorry to hijack, wasn’t aware of the acro nfa thing… and I spent 14 years in the service
so that was a great piece of info.Now if only I could get my OIC to actually take the evidence I have offered…
Your welcome. And if the police who arrested you refuse to remove the NFA there is the option to appeal.Sorry to hijack, wasn’t aware of the acro nfa thing… and I spent 14 years in the service
Now if only I could get my OIC to actually take the evidence I have offered…
Have you emailed the OIC? If you have and they haven’t answered, call 101 and ask for the email address of their Sgt and inspector and then email them.
Also if your case doesn’t appear to be moving it may be worth calling 101 and asking for an update because some cases aren’t worked on until you push for an update.
I have a thread open in the story area so don’t want to hijack this one too much.
In short though, have interview suggested the evidence I had and a witness, not taken up either in interview or after.
No evidence provided by ex, the oic stated his Sgt is putting it to CPS even though evidence threshold is not met, because they think she will complain (because I used to work there)
The arrest itself was unlawful, not compliant with pace code g either… but that’s a seperate issue I’m taking up
Thanks, I've not really asked for any sort of update since being bailed and it's been a few weeks now? I've sort of been put off emailing the OIC as the last thing they told me is that their priority and concern is the victim and not me so they can't really do anything to help me(!!)
I've heard stories of cases being NFA'd but the police failing to inform either parties or solicitors, it only became apparent when answering at the station on the specified dates 3 months later so perhaps it's worth a shot.
As for the code G thing, I was wondering if there was a guideline there had to adhere to..is there a layman's guide somewhere?
Thanks!
I've heard stories of cases being NFA'd but the police failing to inform either parties or solicitors, it only became apparent when answering at the station on the specified dates 3 months later so perhaps it's worth a shot.
As for the code G thing, I was wondering if there was a guideline there had to adhere to..is there a layman's guide somewhere?
Thanks!
Good morning bristol360.
When I read your post I instantly could feel what you are going through as I went through exactly the same thing.
I was a hands on father from day one and living life as normal in my jointly owned home with my stbx and all seemed well.
We had even talked about going away, were planning her birthday, had recently built an extension on the house, etc.
Then suddenly one evening I come home and the police arrest me. It is either a very well planned thing or my stbx had some sort of mental breakdown. I will never know. She had accused me of assault out in the back garden. My home security cameras showed nothing happened.
My stbx was making constant allegations. Several got NFA.
eg. She accused me of harming my children. Within a day it was NFA. And suprise suprise she then had no problem with me having my children for a weekend sleepover. If you had genuine concerns for the safety of your kids then you wouldnt let them anywhere near that person. It just showed what a load of b0llucks it all was.
What these women do not realise is the absolute hell that we have to go through. To be taken into a police cell, to have to prove our innocence, etc.
I've lost friends due to these lies that have been spread by my stbx. It is harassment and psychological abuse however they get away with it.
I have now been charged for controlling and coercive behaviour and she has got 6 friends to write statements to support her. All those statements look extremely similar. Included are things like: I didnt let her attend the gym with her friends, used findmyiphone (which many families use), used the home cctv to spy on her, controled what she could do around the house, forced her to eat, never let her out the house, etc. Total rubbish!
Ofcourse, the CPS just handed it over to charge me and I am awaiting the trial.
Bail is hell as it makes it very difficult to pick up and return my children and it is not at all good for them. I cant go anywhere near my home.
It is like your whole world changes overnight.
Do not be suprised if your bail gets extended several times. It is sadly, a slow process and more needs to be done to show the fear and worry this can do to people.
Now that I have been charged, I have now been asked to produce my evidence (a defense statement). From the very beginning I have kept a diary of evidence.
Whilst it is fresh in your head I would suggest writing everything down, screenshotting messages, emails, texts. Gather as much evidence as you can.
Protect yourself too. It is very easy to react or want to see your children badly and say something to your ex. Dont.
She will use any little thing to say you are making her feel scared, being abusive, or whatever else she can find.
My stbx has even gone down the sexual abuse route saying I did all sorts to her, but once again, it is complete lies.
She even had an accident a few years back and now she is saying it is me who did that to her.
Soon, these stbx's will make mistakes. Keep a log of everything.
An example is the accident she suddenyl now blamed me for. One of her own witnesses even says in her statement that she rememebers stbx having an accident....which just goes to show the contradictions.
Don't give up. I go to sleep every night wondering what is going to happen. But keep posting on here and you can make it through. It is the worst time of your life and I've often wondered how I could continue, but do it for your kids. The truth finally comes out.
When I read your post I instantly could feel what you are going through as I went through exactly the same thing.
I was a hands on father from day one and living life as normal in my jointly owned home with my stbx and all seemed well.
We had even talked about going away, were planning her birthday, had recently built an extension on the house, etc.
Then suddenly one evening I come home and the police arrest me. It is either a very well planned thing or my stbx had some sort of mental breakdown. I will never know. She had accused me of assault out in the back garden. My home security cameras showed nothing happened.
My stbx was making constant allegations. Several got NFA.
eg. She accused me of harming my children. Within a day it was NFA. And suprise suprise she then had no problem with me having my children for a weekend sleepover. If you had genuine concerns for the safety of your kids then you wouldnt let them anywhere near that person. It just showed what a load of b0llucks it all was.
What these women do not realise is the absolute hell that we have to go through. To be taken into a police cell, to have to prove our innocence, etc.
I've lost friends due to these lies that have been spread by my stbx. It is harassment and psychological abuse however they get away with it.
I have now been charged for controlling and coercive behaviour and she has got 6 friends to write statements to support her. All those statements look extremely similar. Included are things like: I didnt let her attend the gym with her friends, used findmyiphone (which many families use), used the home cctv to spy on her, controled what she could do around the house, forced her to eat, never let her out the house, etc. Total rubbish!
Ofcourse, the CPS just handed it over to charge me and I am awaiting the trial.
Bail is hell as it makes it very difficult to pick up and return my children and it is not at all good for them. I cant go anywhere near my home.
It is like your whole world changes overnight.
Do not be suprised if your bail gets extended several times. It is sadly, a slow process and more needs to be done to show the fear and worry this can do to people.
Now that I have been charged, I have now been asked to produce my evidence (a defense statement). From the very beginning I have kept a diary of evidence.
Whilst it is fresh in your head I would suggest writing everything down, screenshotting messages, emails, texts. Gather as much evidence as you can.
Protect yourself too. It is very easy to react or want to see your children badly and say something to your ex. Dont.
She will use any little thing to say you are making her feel scared, being abusive, or whatever else she can find.
My stbx has even gone down the sexual abuse route saying I did all sorts to her, but once again, it is complete lies.
She even had an accident a few years back and now she is saying it is me who did that to her.
Soon, these stbx's will make mistakes. Keep a log of everything.
An example is the accident she suddenyl now blamed me for. One of her own witnesses even says in her statement that she rememebers stbx having an accident....which just goes to show the contradictions.
Don't give up. I go to sleep every night wondering what is going to happen. But keep posting on here and you can make it through. It is the worst time of your life and I've often wondered how I could continue, but do it for your kids. The truth finally comes out.
Thanks for the message. Your situation sounds dreadful. I've just had one set of allegations and then nothing since, I think she took advice from someone to ensure I'd be removed from my home. And yes, the mental turmoil of being yanked away from your life is unbearable, so I know what you're going through.
She's been fairly easy going with the kids and freely allows them to see me etc, how old are your kids? Was there an outcome from social services?
It's a very dangerous game for 6 people to give false statements, I'm assuming you're barred (due to bail) from talking to her friends to see what the heck is going on? If this backfires on her all of them will be in some deep do-do I'd imagine.
She's been fairly easy going with the kids and freely allows them to see me etc, how old are your kids? Was there an outcome from social services?
It's a very dangerous game for 6 people to give false statements, I'm assuming you're barred (due to bail) from talking to her friends to see what the heck is going on? If this backfires on her all of them will be in some deep do-do I'd imagine.
The one thing I would take away, statements are not evidence.
They are words on paper, and you should dismiss as many as you can.
Ultimately they aren’t going to prove “beyond all reasonable doubt” you did anything unless there’s some actual evidence to what they are saying.
They are words on paper, and you should dismiss as many as you can.
Ultimately they aren’t going to prove “beyond all reasonable doubt” you did anything unless there’s some actual evidence to what they are saying.
I've read information on solicitors websites which states that a statement can be considered evidence, which is mountains case is scary, unless this is not accurate? I'm surprised and shocked the CPS wouldn't spot vexatious allegations when presented with such facts and the suspect showing evidence that the incidents didn't occur.
Hi bristol360,
My children are under 10 so still very young and they do not understand everything that is going on. Sadly, stbx has talked to them about court matters which she is not allowed to do in the current interim child arrangement orders. It has been a year of court sessions where she just keeps adding allegations.
Unfortunately it is very easy for people, especially women, to get a non molestation order and non occupation order. She managed to get that so essentially got me out of the house, and she is living there whilst I still have to pay 50% of the mortgage as we own the property 50/50. It is a very well planned thing which means she is living the good life whilst I'm trying to survive. I tried to contest it but got sky high solicitor bills and didnt realise at the time I could fight this without a solicitor.
Social worker was useless and sided with stbx as she arrived when she found out about the allegations but there is now a new one who is being a lot fairer.
Section 7 report is now being written which will recommend what happens with the children. For example the old social worker said my ex would not come and share journeys for dropping off and collecting the children. Social worker did nothing about this. The new social worker is telling her that she has to do half the journeys. It is only fair.
The sad thing is that I wish I could be the one providing for my children in my house but due to stbx chucking me out the house this is not possible. It once again shows it is very well planned.
I have been keeping evidence from day one which I am now going through with the social worker before they write their final report.
Statements are indeed very worrying to read but often if you see a witness statement that says "I heard that such and such", or "John told me that this was going on in their house"....It is not evidence. Anyone could say that. It needs to be backed up with evidence.
Just going back on this thread - what's the best option for an update? Is dialling 101 going to yield any info or is emailing the OIC a better option? Thanks.
The best option is to email the OIC for an update for where the case is at if you have an email address for them.
If the threshold is not met they cannot refer it to the CPS for a charging decision, you can complain if that is what they are doing as it’s against their own rules and regulations.
All DV/DA must go to CPS unless the evidence threshold is not met then they can opt to NFA.
Yet that’s exactly what they have done. They told me it’s because they want to be transparent and open so she can’t complain.
No actual evidence was provided beyond a statement - I have evidence that discredits sections of that statement but there was also a a third person in the property ( she told them there wasn’t) so far they have not taken either my evidence or spoken to the third party but rather put it to CPS.
I have put in a complaint, unlawful arrest and not compliant with code G. No attempt at voluntary in the 5 weeks they sat on it. Sent it over a week ago, no acknowledgement yet from PSD
What is the evidence threshold set at? Never really understood this. Thanks.