I'm confused with this because if you reach agreement and a CAO ordered by consent then the proceedings will be concluded. There will be no ongoing proceedings to merge a SIO to; it would be a completely new application and the process will start again which is not something you want as proceedings can be lengthy and expensive. If the surname is important then you need to apply at the same time, just tick the box on the C100. The surname will likely go to final hearing as there isn't really anything to negotiate on, it is either changed or not. I'm not sure a surname change would be something you could use as leverage for agreement for a CAO as it has no relevance to safely caring for the child unless I'm not understanding you correctly.
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Communication breakdown
- Thread starter Pj66
- Start date
I think he's worried that asking for the surname at the same time as a CAO will drive his ex into greater hostility and is wanting to keep the application low key. I don't know the answer to this. It depends how strongly you feel about having your name added.
It possibly will drive her into greater hostility but I think if you're going to apply it should be done straight away, not after because I doubt it would be awarded at a later date if not included in the original proceedings. Also, you don't want to agree a CAO, start seeing your daughter and then start a new application for the surname because that will definitely cause more hostility.
This, i feel if i got CAO she may be pissed but if i SIO and CAO shes is going to be livid forever. Its hard because it is important to me, but at the same time im trying to make my own life easier and its going to generate hostility no matter even if im in my right to request it. My thoughts were that i may be able to SIO later if she breaks order, if shes well aware of the importance of the surname to me then il always have it as leverage in the back of her mind if she plays up and for an order by consent. call it crafty but invetibily i can see her playing up again tbh. Only downside is i really dont know if it can be applied for later or not if i have to enforce or vary. i wouldnt apply for it again seperatley, but it really coudl be the differenc ebtween an agreement by consent and a full on legal battle to a final hearing which if can be avoided id like to be able to.
I have a suggestion (which I just messaged) that you do a middle ground thing whereby, in the application you just say you would like your surname to be incorporated in daughter's name and you hope ex will agree to this as part of this process.
Rather than asking for a specific issues order. Then in a final statement (if it gets that far) you can ask for it to be ordered if she hasn't agreed by then. This is less threatening to her as you're not specifically asking for it to be ordered in the application. You've just raised the issue and it can be dealt with along the rest of the process.
Rather than asking for a specific issues order. Then in a final statement (if it gets that far) you can ask for it to be ordered if she hasn't agreed by then. This is less threatening to her as you're not specifically asking for it to be ordered in the application. You've just raised the issue and it can be dealt with along the rest of the process.
Do you think this way I don't actually need to apply for a specific issue order in initial c100? But would be asking for specific issue if she doesn't agree?
Seems like strange legal grounds and might need to seek further advice on this as surname changes aren't taken lightly form what I understand.
It depends. You'd have to see how it goes with Cafcass. You could ask for progression set out in a position statement. Eg one afternoon a week and a couple of hours midweek for 4 months, progressing to a full day at week-ends and a couple of hours a week for 4 months, progressing to Saturday 5pm to Sunday 5pm weekly and a couple of hours midweek until age 2 then progressing to every other week-end and a midweek night until age 3 then two midweek nights at age 3. Just a suggestion.
Good idea about the legal advice - as to whether it actually needs a specific issues application or can be incorporated as part of the C100. I'm inclined to think the latter is possible as I had a specific issue on my final order about schooling, because I asked for it, even though it wasn't on the C100 form.
Good idea about the legal advice - as to whether it actually needs a specific issues application or can be incorporated as part of the C100. I'm inclined to think the latter is possible as I had a specific issue on my final order about schooling, because I asked for it, even though it wasn't on the C100 form.
Hi guys, is have sent of a c100 however it has been held up as I filed myself with my solicitors name down and they have requested a notice of acting from my solicitor.
I am yet to have reached out to the mother about reinstating contact, strategically I am still unsure of the best way forward on that front. It's very clever what they have done by calling the police but attending mediation to reveal it in there. They can claim they didn't stop me but I have serious concerns about further allegations will be made as soon as c100 drops.
She must be aware that I've signed of as mediator emailed her same form. Part of me feels like the best way forward is to ask for contact centre from a strategic perspective, she can't really refuse it or drop that contact. I feel the only way forward to avoid problems is to keep her at a distance for now as much as possible due to the potential for volatility, but I don't want the distance to be seen as un-cooperation by cafcass. When they call there's not much of a relationship there at the moment so they are going to ask why, I literally have no other option but to tell them that I've felt pressure out under police action, but say I just want to get along and work together for daughters sake etc. I still think the best strategy is to flip the situation as I'm being frozen out at all angles and now with police calls. that not sure why it was made as mediation wouldn't have been deemed appropriate if there was a problem.
I understand trying to avoid the conflict label but mother is essentially feigning conflict here so it already appears that way anyway, despite zero negative correspondence by me in text.
Pretty sure because of my particular circumstances she will revoke contact even if I went to the play centre when she receives notice. Honestly not sure what to do, either ask if I can see her at my home with my family or in a contact centre. Would asking to see daughter in my own home and with my family for an hour or so in my own time be seen as unreasonable? Wouldn't the court order a contact centre without her present anyway? So if she doesn't want to let me have daughter on my own then she has the choice of either that or same arrangement in contact centre? Which she didn't want.
I am yet to have reached out to the mother about reinstating contact, strategically I am still unsure of the best way forward on that front. It's very clever what they have done by calling the police but attending mediation to reveal it in there. They can claim they didn't stop me but I have serious concerns about further allegations will be made as soon as c100 drops.
She must be aware that I've signed of as mediator emailed her same form. Part of me feels like the best way forward is to ask for contact centre from a strategic perspective, she can't really refuse it or drop that contact. I feel the only way forward to avoid problems is to keep her at a distance for now as much as possible due to the potential for volatility, but I don't want the distance to be seen as un-cooperation by cafcass. When they call there's not much of a relationship there at the moment so they are going to ask why, I literally have no other option but to tell them that I've felt pressure out under police action, but say I just want to get along and work together for daughters sake etc. I still think the best strategy is to flip the situation as I'm being frozen out at all angles and now with police calls. that not sure why it was made as mediation wouldn't have been deemed appropriate if there was a problem.
I understand trying to avoid the conflict label but mother is essentially feigning conflict here so it already appears that way anyway, despite zero negative correspondence by me in text.
Pretty sure because of my particular circumstances she will revoke contact even if I went to the play centre when she receives notice. Honestly not sure what to do, either ask if I can see her at my home with my family or in a contact centre. Would asking to see daughter in my own home and with my family for an hour or so in my own time be seen as unreasonable? Wouldn't the court order a contact centre without her present anyway? So if she doesn't want to let me have daughter on my own then she has the choice of either that or same arrangement in contact centre? Which she didn't want.
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So essentially I'm trying to avoid a fact find and if contact center is best approach, without a shadow of a doubt the mother is going to mention the police call and that I haven't seen daughter because of it in a play center. I don't know whether that is already enough for her to say to cafcass and they will automatically ask for a fact find because of it.
Well done for getting your C100 in. You could just email the court and say you don't have a solicitor acting, it was an error, and please could they deal directly with you.
I'll reply more when I'm less tired - about how to handle Cafcass call.
I'll reply more when I'm less tired - about how to handle Cafcass call.
Try to stay calm and stop worrying about the worst things. You haven't been arrested or interviewed so your ex has nothing to claim. You will be ok - I'll reply properly tomorrow.
It wasn't actually submitted to the court as the court referred me to the regional justice centre which accepts application via email. So do just not use a solicitor then? Won't they prepare things like the bundles? Solicitor is senior so could I just use them for legal advice and not on retainer for paperwork and letters?
You don't need a solicitor to submit your application. You can use one or not use one after that, but you won't need a lawyer until you have a hearing really. But yes you could say to solicitor you just want to keep them on a retainer for advice at the moment and not for any correspondence or work. They'll probably just charge you for the advice now and then.
So did you actually send it in to the court and they rejected it? Not quite sure why you would need to send a C100 to a regional justice centre! I've never heard of that before. I'd just bite the bullet and submit the C100 yourself.
So did you actually send it in to the court and they rejected it? Not quite sure why you would need to send a C100 to a regional justice centre! I've never heard of that before. I'd just bite the bullet and submit the C100 yourself.
No I phoned my county court and they gave me the email for the justice centre as they said they don't deal with applications directly. I send my c100 pdf to that email and they email me back saying to confirm notice of action. The application wasn't rejected but seems to be in a pending state until I notify them or solicitor notifies them.
It's rather confusing though because if I don't put a solicitor, the other tick box option is representing myself (LIP)?
But I won't be if I use a barrister which I plan too, but I haven't found one yet. So I assume I have to file a n434 notice of acting myself or by a barrister at a later date?
Is your application being processed at the right place now? If so, I'd wait a bit now. I think you could create problems that don't exist, if you make too much about the fact she says she reported you to the police (when you've heard nothing at all from the police). So if speaking to Cafcass just say you didn't feel comfortable seeing child with Mother present as she has threatened to contact the police before and that has made you nervous about being alone with her. But even saying that would immediately make Cafcass think - why has she threatened to call the police? What has he done?
You're in a tricky situation there, as you were offered time and didn't take it due to not wanting to be around ex. If you don't mention her threat then it looks like you're not interested. So it's finding the right way to get across that you felt intimidated by being in her presence due to threats. But maybe don't mention the police.
You're in a tricky situation there, as you were offered time and didn't take it due to not wanting to be around ex. If you don't mention her threat then it looks like you're not interested. So it's finding the right way to get across that you felt intimidated by being in her presence due to threats. But maybe don't mention the police.
Yes it seems that the police mention to carcass is unavoidable, if I don't mention it, she will. The only thing I can think off is say that I made a subject access request and there were no reports pertaining to my name and I've no background of anything so I'm not sure why she said that.
The other thing is its confirmed she has taken a life time restraining order out on an ex partner, which is my main concern if she really is mental. That's the risk I cannot take as it could delay me seeing daughter if she goes down that route, which is why I sent the message that visits with her present may not be the best way forward at the moment ( I never mentioned specifically why). Don't know if that's worth mention to cafcass?
In terms of reinstating, are you saying it may be best I wait for notice to arrive and then ask for contact? Where?
I thought of a few options, she said she didn't want a contact centre in mediation because it was "beneath her" and not good for daughter, and if you remeber correctly, she was claiming she didn't want to bump into me or see me, but wanted to be present, classic contradicting behaviour.
I could ask due to the police call I'd like to see daughter in contact centre for the time being until my relationship is on a firmer footing, but as you said, I'd be bringing it up again ie force my visits into into a contact centre so I get unsupervised interim in my own home with contact centre built up by the first hearing.
If she says no to contact centre or reiterates play centre, at least I have it in writing. If she says no to contact centre , I could ask in my own home with my family present, she will say no due to my "supposed behaviour" as she wants to be present.
Likely if she responds to any message she's going to claim the "you've shown zero interest so mediation needs to take place" card , id have to decline in writing (might make me look bad) or just go to mediation and just get hurled abuse at and get nowhere again because mediating with people like this is pointless, it's just a way of hurling things at you behind closed doors. Specifically I want to get things out of behind closed doors and in writing at this stage, such as her not wanting a contact centre.
I also do not know what may happen once she gets notice, and whether it's worth asking to see daughter before notice lands or after. If I ask before or engage in anything, it could end up giving her some ammo or wind her up before the cafcass call. If she gets the notice and cafcass call, she will say to them that she called the police because if xyz allegation, but wanted to be present and never stopped me seeing daughter.
Cafcass will then essentially know that there is no risk if she's willing to be present, and may put it down to mother anxiety. Then I say to cafcass well I'm not sure why she did that as we just disagreed on arrangements, if cafcass ask why I haven't seen daughter, I could say that because I've felt pressured out so much I've had to consider my involvement but ultimately I want to be involved and find a way forward etc
What are everyone's thoughts in this?
Wait for notice to drop prior to requesting contact, or reach out first? Where should contact take place? I want to be in the best position possible strategically. A potential non mol is the worst thing right now.
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