Did you present you case and situation to the barrister before hand, I assume barristers don't just walk in court not knowing anything about what's happening.
Guest viewing is limited
- You have a limited number of page views remaining
- 2 guest views remaining
- Register now to remove this limitation
Communication breakdown
- Thread starter Pj66
- Start date
Did you present you case and situation to the barrister before hand, I assume barristers don't just walk in court not knowing anything about what's happening.
Also note; she has sent me a message in the past threatening things wouldn't be ok for me, also informing people I may not be the father in order to get me to go away. Don't know how well mentioning any of those with cafcass will go down. She will 100 percent play the scenario that it all kicked off after birth certificate or shortly before, but then why did she invite me to it in the first place then so I can't be that bad. Cafcass may shrug this all off potentially as there's nothing to go off.
I’d ask for contact at my home with third party doing pick ups . If this gets refused then suggest supervised contact as last resort. If she says no to both then at least you have in writing.
So in that order and not wait till notice drops? Would it be seen as unreasonable to ask in my own hole without mother present contact for several months and no bond?
Shes 100 percent going to push it into mediation and I see no agreement without her present. She will throw the zero interest and no bond card so mediation needs to happen.
I'm starting to wonder if mentioning the word court after applying is now a viable strategy to get her to agree to something. Ie if I'm unable to spend time with our daughter in my home then I feel court assistance may be required to help resolve things as just want what's best for daughter to build a meaningful relationship etc etc. but in reality I've already applied .
I think you have to try and step back from all the ex rubbish and look at this impartially. Which I know is very hard. Why wouldn’t it be reasonable to see you child at your home starting of for a short amount of time. The problem with family court is it becomes a mind game trying to win tactical advantage rather than about the child. If she point blank says no then you could ask reluctantly for supervised contact in a centre. She becomes the unreasonable one if she says no to both. That’s my opinion, others might have a different angle.
Could you parents be present too? Might cover you if grandmother claims anything.
Yes my parents would be present, count they would ever agree to dropping daughter off when I don't even know much about her current care routine. Which is another thing because when I was visiting I was deliberately being kept a distance from anything like that or shown anything. Mother was just banging on about how she's a natural with babies etc
The direct access firm I used had an online facility to upload all the docs so the barrister could review my case. I spoke to barrister on the phone before court date.
I operate in full knowledge that there will be fresh allegations against me whatever I do. As a result, it doesn't make sense to avoid something that would benefit me, for fear of allegations. I do surreptitous recordings at points where I am vulnerable to allegations. But, I have never used them. They will only be used if needed for court or police. My ex has written long emails accusing me of things and threatening this and that. I do not get into evidence or make strong denials. Instead, I offer reassurance and make constructive suggestions.
Last edited:
I’m guessing any drop off would only be for a short amount of time. Mother would feed baby before hand , so it would only be changing a nappy at most and a cuddle. Even if mother refuses at least you have evidenced that you have tried.
Absolutely PJ - try to stop thinking what the ex might or might not do and just focus on the process. I am concerned, from some of the messages above, that you are going to come across as very negative about the ex, in an attempt to try and defend yourself - and if you do that, it will backfire and you will cause yourself bigger problems.
You have an application in - the process is starting. Now the process is started I would do nothing - and let the process take its course.
I would not raise the police talking to Cafcass, but just say your ex won't agree to unsupervised time now, and wouldn't agree to supervised time with your family. And leave it at that. You don't even have to mention that she offered you supervised time with her present (unless that's already been mentioned in your application?). If it has you just say - she had made some threats and you felt intimidated having supervised time by her.
Please listen to us - we've been there.
1) Your ex has no reason to take out an NMO as you don't have any contact with her or see her.
2) You don't even know she has reported to the Police - she just told you that.
3) Cafcass do their own checks and will see there is no record with the Police (if your ex happens to raise it).
4) The most important thing with Cafcass is that YOU come across as a parent who is child focused, wants to be there for your child and wishes to co parent amicably. That is the most important thing you need to do.
I am sure Cafcass will say there are no welfare issues and send it straight to a first hearing. Please stop thinking about what your ex might do or you'll go mad. Yes she is bound to say all kinds of nasty stuff to Cafcass - but you don't defend yourself to Cafcass - no evidence can be seen until a final hearing,therefore anything either of you says is just classed as "he said/she said". So the only things you can say, that will make any difference - are that "I just want our daughter to have happy loving relationships with both parents". That is the mantra.
If you start talking about ex, the police, allegations etc they will see you as both hostile to each other. And that could undermine your case.
If your ex DID mention she had reported you to the police to Cafcass, they might ask you about it - or - they might ignore it - as they do their own police checks and would find nothing. If they ask you about you say, yes she did threaten to go to the police after we had a disagreement about child arrangements at her home and I walked out.
And that's that.
You're in the process now - you have done nothing wrong - it is simply now to arrange Child Arrangements.
You will just have to wait and see what the Cafcass letter says. But your part of the Cafcass call needs to be spot on. Regardless of what your ex says. Cafcass are not the people to offload onto.
Ok i see where your coming from @Ash its just very hard to to feel defensive when you are being pushed out so hard.
No I didn't mention she won't allow me to spend time with her alone in application. I just asked to spend time with her and with family in my home.
So do you think i reach out then to ask to spend time in my home and just with my family or do I wait now until notice is served?
No I didn't mention she won't allow me to spend time with her alone in application. I just asked to spend time with her and with family in my home.
So do you think i reach out then to ask to spend time in my home and just with my family or do I wait now until notice is served?
I think I would wait PJ - now you have an application in. Rather than rock the boat. I doubt she'll contact you even when she gets court papers. She might say unpleasant things in her C7 response and to Cafcass but she might not. She might play the "I'm a willing Mother" card because that can be a good strategy as well, to try and get minimal time for you. eg - she could say I'm happy for him to see child - but only agree to one hour a week or something. But that would just be interim time. I don't think anyone in the court system would expect you to have supervised time with your ex present so don't worry about that. If she does say unpleasant things, try to remember - it's just words. All the court wants to know is - are you committed to wanting to parent your child, and not criticising the Mother. Criticise her on here, but not to Cafcass 
There's a lot of cat and mouse and leverage goes on once it's with the courts. If she's worried you may get more time than she wants, she might offer reasonable time supervised. Thinking that if she says no time or only 1 hour a week, the court might order much more in the long run as she wasn't showing willing.
You think you know how she will react - but we don't know that. It really surprised me that my incredibly hostile nasty ex played a completely different game when it was in court. Butter wouldn't melt in her mouth! She agreed to reasonable time because she didn't want me getting what I'd applied for.
There's a lot of cat and mouse and leverage goes on once it's with the courts. If she's worried you may get more time than she wants, she might offer reasonable time supervised. Thinking that if she says no time or only 1 hour a week, the court might order much more in the long run as she wasn't showing willing.
You think you know how she will react - but we don't know that. It really surprised me that my incredibly hostile nasty ex played a completely different game when it was in court. Butter wouldn't melt in her mouth! She agreed to reasonable time because she didn't want me getting what I'd applied for.
are you sure? it says on the c100 if no acting solicitor, to see section q of the c1b leaflet, section Q states:
"When the court sends you the copies of your application form, and any new forms, it will
also send you a leaflet, ‘CB3 – Serving the forms – Children Act 1989’. This leaflet gives
detailed instructions about what you must do."
CB3