C100 and false allegations

[Hackedoff_dad]

Applied to court on C100 - separated a year. Ex stopped contact a few times and has made allegations to Cafcass

Hi, sorry to hear your story. I’ve not long done my call with CAFCASS. My ex has literally thrown every allegation she can think of at me. My experience with the CAFCASS officer was good, not everyone’s is the same though. They’d established early in the interview with me that my ex had lied.

I’m not sure they’d have advised her to cut contact. If like me they’ll advise you at the end of your interview what their recommendations to the courts will be.

Best thing you can do in your interview is stay calm and be child focused. They might say your ex said this or that or may not say anything regarding what she’s said at all. You need to be prepared for that and if they do say things regarding her allegations then just say something along the lines of “I’m afraid that’s not true, I just want the children to have a loving relationship with both parents and families”

Do not say anything negative about your ex that could be seen as hostility or animosity towards her, they don’t like that. Make notes for the interview if you need to so you can refer to them. I made notes for mine but I didn’t need to use them with mine as the CAFCASS officer guided the conversation.

Just remember stay calm don’t loose your temper no matter what they said your ex said. You can argue those things later down the line in court.

Cheers for your support mate, it does mean a lot, what makes it harder for me, is I am one man, no family here just me, I feel like this has all been planned out by my ex, it's just so sad we have gotten to this point in society as a whole, it would suggest that lying is the new currency, and a cancel culture it the way forward, sorry for the rambling, I have had about 2 hrs sleep in 48 hrs, one question I have for the forum does anyone have a generic timeline for how long all this takes to sort from this point from the first call? maybe just so as I can plan better. Also is it worth investing in a solicitor at the court stage? does anyone have any advice for this? is it a waste of money?

 

[RJ25]

Cheers for your support mate, it does mean a lot, what makes it harder for me, is I am one man, no family here just me, I feel like this has all been planned out by my ex, it's just so sad we have gotten to this point in society as a whole, it would suggest that lying is the new currency, and a cancel culture it the way forward, sorry for the rambling, I have had about 2 hrs sleep in 48 hrs, one question I have for the forum does anyone have a generic timeline for how long all this takes to sort from this point from the first call? maybe just so as I can plan better.

No problem my friend you’ll find support here. I think you’re right about lying as it seems very common place for an ex to lie to get what they want.

As for a timescale it’s difficult to say. From my interview to first hearing took 3 months. Then at the first hearing she didn’t show up so they set a date for the next one. Roughly six weeks later, so definitely delay’s everything if your ex is not willing to play ball and do what they’re asked.

Depending on what your ex has said CAFCASS might recommend some form of contact for the interim. Once it goes to court you can request what you’d like, eg 50/50 shared care and so on. Did your ex start the court process or was it you?

 

[RJ25]

If she stared the process and you’ve received the application paperwork what has she requested?

 

[Hackedoff_dad]

If she stared the process and you’ve received the application paperwork what has she requested?

what happened was I just could not stand living with her anymore, it was such a drain I had to make a tough choice, so I did, I left and moved in a new place, thinking this was what she wanted too, then it just got worse, really and I mean really poor communication from her and from there I was on the back foot, she made a couple of basic allegations to social services, she cut access for 6 months, poor kid had nothing :-( so I filled in the C100 and paid for and sent it in. I had no choice, so about 10-12 weeks ago she wanted us to get back together, I could not do it lads... I just could not, so now scorned as she is she lets me have access, just like that, weekends we have been having a right time, then Cafcass ring her as the court stuff must have moved on, she makes more allegations and then pulls the plug again, "and just like that!" tells me, Cafcass have advised her to cut contact altogether, same evening I get an email from the CMS, I get its hard out there for many with money, but really???? I need a holiday a long one :-(

 

[RJ25]

Right ok I see. So in your application you applied to the court what did you ask for in your order? Your ex will have received the application paperwork in there is a C7 form for her to reply to the court.

She can in that form also say she’s applying for a different order to yours if she wishes too. If like my ex she never filled it out just ignored it. But the court process still goes ahead anyway. You could email the family courts your case is being held at and ask if she ever responded to the original application you served on her.

That way at least you’ll know if she responded and if she has submitted an application for an order of her own.

If you were having contact then I don’t see why CAFCASS would recommend her to cut contact, they decide what they’ll recommend to the courts based on the information they have available.

You said Social Services are involved, are your kids under any orders or plans. They can be under child in need plan and so on. Do you have any dealings with the social worker? If you do you can approach them and ask if they’ve advised your ex to cut contact and so on.

Keep you chin up mate and try and find out what’s going on with the court and social services. The more information you have the better placed you’ll be going to court. Some ex’s will try anything to delay the court proceedings but as it’s been started unless you can agree with her on something that works for both of you either in or out of court then it will continue.

The courts will see if there is anything you can both agree on, if you can then ideal. If not they may recommend mediation. Have you tried mediation or is that a no go? If it’s a no go did you get a MIAM form to send with your application?

 

[Hackedoff_dad]

cheers for the heads up, mate means a lot right now does all this, really it does.
So about a year ago she contacted social services and said I was loud and shouted a lot, then 6 months after that, she said that there was a bruise on the wrist, then she cut contact for 6 months so social services could not investigate anything, after that 6 months up until just recently say about 3 months I have had contact, she just cut it again after cafcass phoned her to ask about concerns as it was going to court, looks like from that phone conversation with Cafcass she made fresh allegations of parent alienation, not sure if this is any better or worse that a threat of child assault?? makes no sense to me, and I have never bad mouthed her mother whatsoever, that is a big no no!

I have setup and paid for mediation twice, both times she refused

 

[RJ25]

Ok so mediation is definitely a no go. When you did your application did you explain what’s going on to the court?

Parental alienation is serious yes but she’d have to prove it. It’s the other way around for me, my ex is the alienating parent. If she’s outright said to CAFCASS that’s what’s going on then it might look bad for her.

I know in my case I’ve explained to the courts what’s going on in a way to suggest that PA is what’s going on. I’ve not said it directly as I might be viewed in a bad light for doing so.

SS will not investigate as such as I was told it’s not a social workers place to do this. What would probably happen if the court suspect harm or risk to a child is to recommend a section 7 report to be done. This will be carried out by either SS or CAFCASS.

The findings of that report will be sent to the court and they’ll go from there to work out what’s best for the child.

In regards to her claims of shouting and the bruise what was your response. I think every parent has shouted at their kids at one time or another. Doesn’t mean you beat them or abused them. Though SS frown on that type of behaviour and say you should obviously avoid shouting or arguing with your ex in front of them as it’s damaging for them.

Make sure you continue to not bad mouth her and stay calm. If you can show you’re child focused and can provide for you child while giving them a loving stable family life then it all goes in your favour. Rant here not in court get it out your system and go fight for your child in the right way.

 

[Hackedoff_dad]

Spot on advice Cheers for this

 

[RJ25]

Spot on advice Cheers for this

No problem my friend. There’s plenty of posts on here you’ll find answers to lots of your questions, if not just ask someone will know.

Here’s a link to some information about parental alienation so you can better understand it. https://dadswithkids.co.uk/ams/dealing-with-parental-alienation-in-2021-click-to-open-article.12/

Remember you’re not alone in this. I’ve felt lost and confused by it all too, still do at times but people here will always help when they can.

 

[Ash]

Hi. It's a really stressful time and your ex is tormenting you. Try and stay calm if you can so she doesn't get you so stressed everything comes out wrong to Cafcass Which happens to us Dads a lot. You are not alone in what you're experiencing. It is very common for these exes to make false allegations - partly because they can then get legal aid and a free solicitor. But you just need to stay calm and jump through all the hoops that the court process entails. I doubt very much that Cafcass has told her to stop contact, but if they have, it's because she's lied. You could actually phone the Cafcass officer and ask her if she said that (although they can be hard to get hold of). Wait and see what the Cafcass letter says after speaking to you. And you will need to try and chill after that! Most people find the letter is not a pleasant read and Cafcass have got the odd thing wrong - but nothing you can do about it as they rarely amend things they've written. It'll probably be full of your ex's allegations - but the letter is basically just reporting what each parent has said - not judging what they've said. And at the end tends to make recommendations as to what happens next.

All that letter is for is initial safeguarding. It's par for the course for an ex to make allegations - but if she's accused you of parental alienation, then she has been reading stuff (probably on Mums sites about how to get out of court orders etc). Try not to worry.

I can think you can knock that on the head in a position statement by politely pointing out that the allegation that you are alienating your child against her is false, for the very reason that it is impossible as you have had no contact with your child for x months.

If she has made allegations then it's likely that supervised contact will be ordered at the first hearing, while Cafcass do a section 7 report to check up on police records and interview both parents. It can actually be an advantage when they meet you properly and talk to you properly.

 

[Ash]

So it's also par for the course that the ex won't go to mediation (she has no incentive). Don't worry about that. I think you need to start keeping notes and a kind of diary. A lot of what you've said above could be very useful for a statement and you might not remember it all in such detail. For example she wanted you to get back together - shows she can't have had any concerns about you (and also shows her allegations since may be revenge). There are ways of wording that kind of thing when you get to that stage. It also helps to record things as they happen - anything she does or says, or anything that happens along the way. I find emailing myself is a good way of keeping a diary for possible evidence (or to remind yourself of things). So you basically send yourself an email headed "Diary note" or whatever and write whatever it is. Set up a folder in your email and file them all in there so they're all together (also means they can't be deleted by anyone else if they hack your email! Stranger things have happened!). Getting organised with papers etc helps feel calm and focused to deal with it all.

You asked on the other thread about whether you needed a lawyer. That depends. Many Dads have self repped. Most Dads can't afford huge legal bills. As Gurmukh mentioned though, it can really help to use a direct access barrister for the final hearing - so you get a decent court order.

So have you had the Cafcass call yet? What often happens is - situations like yours where it ends up having to go to court. You submit the application, the ex stops contact, you have the cafcass call and letter, then you have the first hearing - which is a directions hearing. That is basically to decide what happens next. At that stage the court could do a number of things. They could order mediation to try and sort things out (that means your ex has to go but she'd have fulfilled the requirement if she only went once). They could make an interim order for contact - which is the usual thing - so you get to see your child regularly while waiting for the final hearing with statements. If your ex has made allegations then that interim order may only be for supervised time with your child in a contact centre temporarily.

It can be an idea to have a solicitor at the first hearing, if your ex has a solicitor. An ex with a solicitor is not nice. Solicitors act for the clients, rather than in the best interests of the child so their tactic will be to keep delaying things or ask for unreasonable things. But deal with that situation when you need to. One step at a time.

So when is the date of the first hearing and have you had the Cafcass call yet? If not, we can help you prepare for it.

Might be an idea if you started a new thread under the Child Arrangements section - so all your posts are in one place and you can update now and then as things go along.

 

[Ash]

Cheers for your support mate, it does mean a lot, what makes it harder for me, is I am one man, no family here just me, I feel like this has all been planned out by my ex, it's just so sad we have gotten to this point in society as a whole, it would suggest that lying is the new currency, and a cancel culture it the way forward, sorry for the rambling, I have had about 2 hrs sleep in 48 hrs, one question I have for the forum does anyone have a generic timeline for how long all this takes to sort from this point from the first call? maybe just so as I can plan better. Also is it worth investing in a solicitor at the court stage? does anyone have any advice for this? is it a waste of money?

Timeline:

First hearing (assume you have a date). Used to be six weeks from time of application but Covid has delayed things - depending on what region you're in. Some are quicker than others.

About 3 months for Cafcass Section 7 report - if they decide to do one. If they're not doing one it will be listed for a final hearing - which could be three months.

So you're talking anything from 6 to 9 months with some waits in between. But after the first hearing you should get to see your child regularly in the interim. Money on lawyers isn't a waste of money - but you need the right one and minimise use of them or it can run up bills. There's a lot you can do yourself, and partly why this forum is here is to help other Dads dealing with the paperwork etc, and tips for hearings. At hearings you might want legal representation.

 

[Hackedoff_dad]

So Cafcass interview on the phone soon, if anyone has any more tips support or guidance for me to navigate through this part, it will be much appreciated, I have not started looking any further than this call for now, and just want to get the best out of it I guess, naturally keeping calm etc and not reacting, child focus is a must, then eat whatever shit sandwich I am given I guess.

Still not sure what is going to be asked of me or what the focus will be.

 

[Roblox]

So Cafcass interview on the phone soon, if anyone has any more tips support or guidance for me to navigate through this part, it will be much appreciated, I have not started looking any further than this call for now, and just want to get the best out of it I guess, naturally keeping calm etc and not reacting, child focus is a must, then eat whatever shit sandwich I am given I guess.

Still not sure what is going to be asked of me or what the focus will be.

Yes pretty much. If its the first interview just deny anything that isn't true unless there is proof to the contrary and convey you want time with the kids on a regular basis.

If your ex is obstructing this then mention.

Be wary you may be presented with various allegations. Just keep cool and explain anything that needs explaining but at the same time remember you aren't guilty of anything!

 

[Ash]

I find it helps to write things down first, things I want to say, things that might come up and what my responses might be. To kind of prepare for anything. I actually rehearsed it a bit with my partner. She'd throw fast ball questions at me to see how I reacted and from that developed a set of responses. So my strategy there was - pause. If a fast ball comment is thrown like "your ex says you beat up the neighbour in front of the children and then kicked her to the ground". Be prepared for anything! It may not happen but best be prepared. So it is ok to pause for a few seconds and clear your head after something like that - while you remember one of your prepared calm responses.

Well I of course deny that categorically and I am unsure why she would say that, but I think she may be having difficulty accepting our child spending time away from her/difficulty accepting our child having a new step parent/difficulty accepting the separation.

Delete as applicable! What you don't do is react and say "she's a bloody liar!". Because then you're also making an accusation and Cafcass say "conflict between parents".

All they really want to know is - are you a good parent. To them a good parent is one who doesn't say anything bad about the ex and is positive about co parenting and talks about the child and what they like etc.

So I managed to get in while having general chat, about how much my son loved swimming and how he learned to swim underwater before normal swimming. When talking about your kid, they can hear how you feel and you become human.

It very much depends what kind of Cafcass officer you get as to how easy it is. Some are quite friendly and informal (which you need to be a bit careful of as they are still analysing you!), some are a bit abrupt. It doesn't really matter. If you're prepared.

So after writing down my stuff about various different scenarios, I then had another sheet with about 6 bullet points on - to have in front of me - things I wanted to say or things I could say etc.

The process of having written things down first helped me remember things and not get tongue tied so I was more relaxed during the call.

Pretend it's a business colleague and you want their business - so be pleasant, helpful, listen, be polite. And if the opportunity arises you can start talking about things you'd like to say rather than just responding to what the Cafcass officer presents you with or asks you about.

So if she started to say - your ex says your son is very anxious about being away from her. Don't worry about that - use that as an opportunity to talk about your son (or daughter or both) and say - I've never found him anxious actually - he's happy as larry when here - he is really cheeky and is into toilet humour at the moment. That kind of thing.

What usually happens is they speak to the ex first - so when they speak to you they might say things she has told them. The thing to remember is they are not accusing you of these things - they are informing you what your ex has said and seeing what you have to say.

So main thing is - never say anything remotely negative about the ex. And it can help if you say something positive about her. Regardless of if she has made horrific allegations. Dont' get ruffled. So you could say - well the separation has caused some differences of opinion but my son loves all his family - Mrs Ex is a good cook and very organised and my son likes to do xyz when he;'s with me and is very fond of my Mother who lives up the road.

That kind of thing. It's actually more like a job interview.

After the interviews they will write a report - saying Mother said this, Father said that. They don't always draw conclusions from what's said, they sometimes literally just report it. And they may make recommendations. So if no allegations they may recommend regular time with both parents. Or if there are serious allegations they may recommend a Section 7 report.

You will probably never see or speak to that Officer again - the ones that are at court are not the same ones that do the telephone interviews.

At the first hearing they will probably follow any recommendations. If no section 7 recommended they try dispute resolution (ie try and get the parents to agree).

Sorry that's a bit long - it's late!

 

[Ash]

Just to add - as Roblox says - the thing that can put you on the spot is they just tell you statements rather than ask questions, and that's hard to respond to. I think of it as like tough interview technique. Instead of saying do you think this or asking you a question. You get

Your ex says xyz. And then they wait to see what you'll say. What do you say? That's why it's good to have a few things prepared so whatever the statement is you can calmly say you don't agree with that or it isn't true or you of course deny this - and then start talking about your child.

As in the examples above.

My first Cafcass call went really well. She was friendly and relaxed. In fact I got so relaxed I slipped up a bit near the end and was a bit too open. Because right near the end she suddenly said - your ex says you're controlling. I paused and said - well I have known her for many years and she has a very strong personality and likes to be in control so if you disagree with something she doesn't like it.

What came out in the report was - Mother says Father is controlling - Father says Mother is controlling.

So they made it sound like we were both as bad as each other and both making allegations. That's where you need to be careful talking about the ex. I was being honest about her personality - not negative. But I wasn't positive enough! But what do you say to that? What I should have said was - I am not sure how she can say that when we've never lived together. I think that has come about because I've applied to court.

 

[proud_dad]

I agree with all of the above. DO NOT SAY ANYTHING NEGATIVE ABOUT Ex!

Keep everything focussed on your kids and how they are happy with you (with examples).

Use examples of how you care for your kids day-to-day: school runs, homework, Dr appointments, bed times.

 

[Ash]

How did it go?

 

[Hackedoff_dad]

They Phoned - but the mobile network was down, ringing again tomorrow, and no doubt Friday bad news will spill into a weekend of angst, I will try to keep it together I guess

 

[Ash]

Stay cool. It's not pleasant it's true, and nerve wracking, but not necessarily bad news. And even if it is "bad news" this is only an early part of the process.

The system simply looks into safeguarding issues before progressing to dispute resolution and orders. Sometimes they ignore allegations when they are obviously just anger and vindictive or not that heavyweight.

It is almost par for the course for many Dads, that an ex makes allegations (to get legal aid for court), Cafcass does a section 7 report as a result (interviews with you, the Mother and the children in school) and checks out police and social services records. And then decides there are no issues and it moves to a final hearing.

Sometimes they do a fact finding hearing - where your ex has to set out her allegations, and basically prove them. and you have the opportunity to see what those are, written down, have time to prepare to respond to them and submit evidence. For example if she claims that on 21st January 2021 you hit her over the head with a frying pan - and you were somewhere else on 21st Jan - you can prove that as untrue.

If neither of you have much evidence, the Judge goes on who they believe and how each party comes across (plus other background information such as her attitude). They know people have animosity after separation and that allegations can be false for all kinds of reasons.

Plan something good for the week-end It's important, when going through these processes - to take yourself out of all now and then. Long walks help too.