Advice What can I do???

[Ash]

There are lots of things I'd like to say/suggest for the future, but right now - just look after yourself and keep her in your mind. And being proactive helps. As mentioned above - you have PR. Keep in contact with the school and ask for updates to be sent to you privately and confidentially. School reports, newsletters etc. For the future - I think it was Nick Woodall who said it's common for alienated children to "cyberstalk" a parent they are separated from. Your daughter may be a bit young for that at the moment, but she won't forget and once she gets to 10 or 11 she may think to look for you. To that end - create social media profiles so you're easy to find, and build up an amazing account of your life and activities, so when she finds you online she sees a great Dad. Start new hobbies or ventures to add to it and enrich your life. Do the Camino de Santiago (long walk, cheap accommodation, lots of photo opportunities). Always wanted to do that myself. And Karma to your ex.

 

[Ash]

When I say look for you I mean follow you. She wouldn't get in contact for a long time - but might do in her teens or later. And yes keep sending the birthday cards etc (and photocopy them before you send them and keep them in a file - one day, you can show them to her hopefully, in case she never received them). I wouldn't do the memory book mentioned previously, because that is too final. That's like saying goodbye - I willingly accepted this. If you do make one, keep it to show her in the future.

 

[Resolute]

There are lots of things I'd like to say/suggest for the future, but right now - just look after yourself and keep her in your mind. And being proactive helps. As mentioned above - you have PR. Keep in contact with the school and ask for updates to be sent to you privately and confidentially. School reports, newsletters etc. For the future - I think it was Nick Woodall who said it's common for alienated children to "cyberstalk" a parent they are separated from. Your daughter may be a bit young for that at the moment, but she won't forget and once she gets to 10 or 11 she may think to look for you. To that end - create social media profiles so you're easy to find, and build up an amazing account of your life and activities, so when she finds you online she sees a great Dad. Start new hobbies or ventures to add to it and enrich your life. Do the Camino de Santiago (long walk, cheap accommodation, lots of photo opportunities). Always wanted to do that myself. And Karma to your ex.

The Camino is on my bucket list too, great idea Ash.

 

[Peanut 21]

The Camino is on my bucket list too, great idea Ash.

Ditto. Maybe we needs a DWK hike in honour of the kids.

 

[Ash]

Not sure if I have the time or energy ha ha. Maybe one day.

 

[Peanut 21]

Not sure if I have the time or energy ha ha. Maybe one day.

Haha I know what you mean.

 

[DB2021]

@DB2021 , I had to come back to this post.

When I read what you've written, I can't but admire the strength that is conveyed in your acceptance, a difficult but important step moving forward into the future.

That commitment to her, continuing to keep her at the centre of your heart & mind - it is a rare quality and majority do not have the precious gift of a person like you, a father like you.

Ive saved your above post for when I need a role model of what Fatherhood means. I truly hope that we are around to see that day when she eventually finds you.

Thank you staying to support the rest of us, old & new, and always remember, as DWK has been here to support your battle, we all remain here to support you if ever needed for any other aspect of your life's journey, may it bring you happiness in other ways.

Thank you Magic that really means a lot .

I will always be around to help others and offer support as best I can my fight may be over for now but that doesn’t stop me from continuing to fight for everyone else and for there to be a better system for us fathers which I pray one day will happen.

 

[DB2021]

Thank you everyone your kind words and support mean the world to me ,

One thing I know is I’d travel anywhere in the country to meet you all, to have such support from strangers has changed my life and my gratitude can’t be underestimated. I only hope I can repay even just a fraction of what you have all given me.

My story ends in sadness for now but for now isn’t forever and that’s all the motivation I need.

If a walk ever happens I’ll be the first there

 

[DadLad]

Thank you everyone your kind words and support mean the world to me ,

One thing I know is I’d travel anywhere in the country to meet you all, to have such support from strangers has changed my life and my gratitude can’t be underestimated. I only hope I can repay even just a fraction of what you have all given me.

My story ends in sadness for now but for now isn’t forever and that’s all the motivation I need.

If a walk ever happens I’ll be the first there

Maybe treat yourself to a break away, take your mind off things and enjoy some scenery etc

Just remember that you tried and you did what you could with what you have at the time. We are up against a broken system which is setup against Fathers, where justice doesn't exist and child abuse is accepted.

Keep the fight within you, become the best version of yourself for the time your girl comes to find you. Maybe create a memory box of significant life events which you can show her later? Try to get regular updates from the school so at least you are involved in her life even if it's from a distance.

And if there are times when things become overwhelming, come on here and talk.

 

[Ash]

And you can also tell your daughter you tried everything and didn't give up - at some point in the future hopefully.

 

[DB2021]

I have a huge memory box it has loads of things in throughout the last few years and I will continue to put bits in for her. I also email her every couple of weeks as well as send a card every 2. The email was set up by me when she was born and I’ve been emailing her ever since and will continue to do so .

I do get updates from the school only when I ask mind you but they do come. I’m in a constant battle with them to be sent the same emails as mum I get them for a cpl of months then they stop I complain and they start again just the same cycle. My little ones teacher is good though I can message her directly through a school app and she does reply to me so that’s good.

I also got a new tattoo today it’s my go to thing I don’t know if the pain of them gives me that release I need or what but I love getting them it’s the only real thing I do for myself.

 

[Ash]

Assume the emails you send go to a special account and they don't actually go to her! An account you can show her one day hopefully.

 

[DB2021]

Assume the emails you send go to a special account and they don't actually go to her! An account you can show her one day hopefully.

Yes it’s a special account for her when she’s older .

I’ve always done it just didn’t realise how important it would become

 

[jafranks]

Sorry is it me or is everyone paying their respects for a dad who had (probably) the usual outcome for a male in the family court room? No disrespect.

Honestly I can only see messages to give up until a currently very young child is old enough to reach out to an adult?

I’m confused?

 

[Peanut 21]

Sorry is it me or is everyone paying their respects for a dad who had (probably) the usual outcome for a male in the family court room? No disrespect.

Honestly I can only see messages to give up until a currently very young child is old enough to reach out to an adult?

I’m confused?

Do you mean DB is giving up and we're supporting that?
If so, if you've read DBs previous threads you'll know he's been well and truly screwed over. It's drained him.
Sometimes you have to step back and reassess before you decide your next move.

 

[jafranks]

I’ve read the posts. All of them, from day one.

I would say every single post following his bad news in court is as if he won’t see his daughter again indefinitely or absolutely no time in the near future which to me seems absolutely absurd.

There is no time limit for DB2021 to file requests to the court. Unless he’s been instructed not to. Maybe I’ve missed this post for him not to?

Two years I went through court with just four hours a month of contact in a centre. I then stepped away for 8 months without any contact with my then 2 year old son. So I totally get the time to stand back, access and reflect.

The NACCC is built around the family court to allow parent and child time by the government. Supervised. There is absolutely no reason in why this is not a last resort for DB2021 right now.

 

[Ash]

I take your point @jafranks. He could return to court again in future. The main issue is his daughter is completely alienated now. Extremely hostile. Even a contact centre wouldn't work. And yes all the arguments were - it's the Mother's responsibility to ensure the child spends that time, but the court decided otherwise. His order was cancelled and it was left with no contact. It seems to go against everything and be a complete travesty but the courts seem to have decided no one can force the 6 year old child. The appeal application was strong - but seems to have been ignored.

 

[jafranks]

I honestly think this thread is the epitome of the system and the title of this forum.

And I know you know that how you helped me with my appeal Ash. I would not have my son in my life without this forum. Or maybe even be here now. But unfortunately I don’t feel good about where this thread is going, that’s just a personal feeling about what I’ve experienced and also what I’ve read of other people on here. Believe me I am very open and influenced by both happy and sad endings.

But I really think this is a perfect example of just keep going DB2021. I really do think not to give up right now and I also understand that is not what all the above posts are saying either.

I personally think if there is no order to say not to reapply in the near future, take a couple of months and get back in there. I believe there is absolutely no reason in this world and whatever you have done in why you are not in a contact centre at the least to have that time with your child. It’s why it exists. Alienated mum or not. The court built this option for contact for the most feral and the best…

And believe me I’m not in support of family court at all. You have to reapply and push for this. It’s their own infrastructure they created for people like us.

 

[Peanut 21]

I believe there is absolutely no reason in this world and whatever you have done in why you are not in a contact centre at the least to have that time with your child. It’s why it exists

I agree with you 100% but he's tried.
The system appears to be getting worse and they're all giving up on children too soon.
The big issue is that all the alienator has to say is "I tried to get the Child to go but they didn’t want to" and SW/cafcass/courts seem OK with this.
I totally understand your passion about it. I feel the same. It's outrageous but where do you turn when you have SWs against you, judges not allowing an appeal and people at a contact centre not helping?

 

[jafranks]

Absolutely with you.

I just don’t think it makes sense to be like this…. Sounds like a funeral. I really hope in the near future if you don’t have an order to say leave court alone. You are back here and asking for help for a position statement as there are people on here with seriously good knowledge.

I suggest reading the entire NACCC website and focus on getting back in there, not next week but soon. You are 1/2 of your daughters responsibility right now. Don’t leave that.