Update on my Case

[algregor]

Hi Chaps,

I have my FHDRA due on 13/02/2025.

Cafcass report came back on 06/01/2025 and no safeguarding concerns, allegations from ex of alcohol misuse and cocaine misuse. I have 2 clean liver function tests from April and December of 2024 showing normal as well as 97+ clear breathalyser tests showing I have not been drinking when my son has been in my care. Cafcass states it's upto the court to decide if these are enough or whether I need to do a hair strand test.

I've preempted the court requesting this and have done a 3 month hair strand test of my own accord. Results came back today. Cocaine - not detected. Alcohol - not detected. Hair length taken 5cm.

Do you think I should send this to the court in advance of my hearing or take it with me on the day?

Do you think there's any chance of the results being read negatively by the courts or twisted by her barrister?

I am litigant in person FYI.

 

[childfirst]

I am not best to advise but I must give you a handshake - personally what more could you have done? Doing the test yourself to me shows how commited you are to seeing you child/ren.

Well Done You.

 

[algregor]

Thanks. Do I have to submit it to my ex before court also?

 

[dada1]

In my case, after the C1A alcohol abuse allegations, I anticipated what was coming. As a result, I voluntarily took a PETH test, which returned a negative result.

During my CAFCASS call, I mentioned this test. Consequently, the S7 report stated that one copy of the results needed to be provided to CAFCASS (which I sent via email) and another to the court during the FHDRA.

I brought three copies of the results to the FHDRA. The other party seemed confused by the voluntary test but ultimately agreed to accept it. However, no one requested to see the results that day.

The court ordered me to submit the results within seven days but did not require any further testing.

 

[nothernsoul]

I Completed a test of my own back.

Hair strand testing.

Everything came back showing abstinence.

Accusations of alcohol misuse simply stopped and was never mentioned in court.

Great job by you. This should be now knocked on the head.

I'd love to see some sort of reciprocation introduced. They say of you want to know what a narcissist is up to, listen to what they are accusing you of.

"You're accusing me of drinking, I'll do a test. After you..."

"You're accusing me of not feeding the children properly, here's the evidence. After you..."

"You're accusing me of not providing stimulating activities, I'll share our full itinerary, but after you do likewise..."

 

[algregor]

I still have the feeling that it won't be enough and I will face the obvious allegations from her side:

"Well, he applied to court so he knew to stop drinking for this period to just pass the test, he will start drinking again"

"Why did he only do 3 months, can't he provide nails as well?"

"I still want him to continue providing breathalysers"

Etc etc.

 

[nothernsoul]

Whataboutery won't go for in court.

You've got a clean test. Case closed.

 

[algregor]

I have a feeling nothing is going to get hashed out in this first hearing. But I'm hoping that with my voluntary hair strand test I can put in place interim contact allowed in my home (my son's home). So that we can spend meaningful time together until a decision can be reached.

She's making me out to be a drug dealer, addict and alcoholic with no proof. This was only accused when I had opened court proceedings. Since then no contact allowed in my home, but before that there were no issues.

 

[nothernsoul]

Awful but sadly pretty standard for the dads in here.

I had similar but without the dealing. If you has regular contact before the allegations, zero police records and a clean test then the alcohol issue won't be one to use up your precious energy on.

 

[algregor]

We had 50/50 shared care in place until she made the unilateral decision that our son was unsettled in her care and needs one bed. So she removed all overnights. Nothing I could do but reopen mediation proceedings, which she declined attend so therefore I filled out the C100.

I have zero history with the police, social services, anything. Clean test also proves I'm not abusing drugs or alcohol. Not sure what else I can do really.

 

[Razbert]

I have a feeling nothing is going to get hashed out in this first hearing. But I'm hoping that with my voluntary hair strand test I can put in place interim contact allowed in my home (my son's home). So that we can spend meaningful time together until a decision can be reached.

She's making me out to be a drug dealer, addict and alcoholic with no proof. This was only accused when I had opened court proceedings. Since then no contact allowed in my home, but before that there were no issues.

The same happened to me. I had evidence she had used cannabis on holiday and thought it might be ongoing in the UK, so mentioned it in my C1A. She admitted foreign use but denied it was ongoing, but in her C1A she accused me of continual alcohol abuse, cannabis, cocaine and MDMA which I denied. At the FHDRA the judge ordered we both take 6 month tests. Mine came back completely clean which supported my denial but hers came back suggesting ongoing use...

Judges have seen all these DARVO tactics before, and rarely take anything said at face value without evidence. Hopefully the voluntary testing done by you will make a good impression on the court, but beware of what the Cafcass letter says.

Good luck in court today!

 

[algregor]

Only thing I'm worried about is I only did 3 month hair strand test as my hair was only 5cm long. Have a feeling her barrister might try and spin that I chose only 3 month when I could have done longer time period?

 

[Fiji107]

So I was in a similar situation to you. Accused of being an alcoholic. CAFCASS advised that a Hst was ordered so I did one myself and took it to the first hearing. It showed a negative result over 3 months.
At the next hearing her barrister started asking for another test saying “Ms X has been informed that Mr Y is in the pub drinking heavily every day, Mr Y did a hst without the order of the court knowing he had full control over the results”. Magistrate thought about it then said that they felt it was “unnecessary and not proportionate at this time”.
Next hearing they didn’t ask for another test and it was ordered that the results from my previous Hst be added to future bundles (her solicitor kept leaving them out of every bundle, probably to try and hoodwink the magistrate, which was a different one every hearing).
She still keeps saying I’m an alcoholic though.

 

[JayMC]

Came across this late, can’t enter evidence at a FHDRA so you should have provided the test result as early as possible.

3 month test should be fine, if your a drug addict or alcoholic your not going through a 3 month abstinence period unless your going through rehab and even then you’ll be weaned off….
So good luck to your ex twisting that one.

 

[Peanut 21]

There truly must be a textbook they use with a list of allegations.

Drinks too much, does drugs, anger issues, doesn’t feed the kids properly, doesn’t entertain the kids properly.

 

[Fiji107]

There truly must be a textbook they use with a list of allegations.

Drinks too much, does drugs, anger issues, doesn’t feed the kids properly, doesn’t entertain the kids properly.

When I first started this process I had an hour long call with the founder of families need fathers. She pretty much told me what would be likely to be alleged, and she was very near the mark. She also told me that there’s “online guides” for women on how to get legal aid and what to say and do.
She also told me that unscrupulous legal aid solicitors will give them the same guidance…
I have no doubt that there’s a textbook on what to say and do.
As one Mackenzie friend on YouTube calls it “the family court silver bullet… controlling and coercive behaviour”. Very hard to prove and very hard to disprove

 

[algregor]

She's done all sorts.

1. Told me social services have advised her against our son being in my house. I pushed for contact number of social worker to discuss this with them. Called and it was a not for profit and the case wasn't even open yet. Haven't heard anything since.
3. NSPCC, health visitor and her solicitor advised against her of letting me have our son at my house. I asked for confirmation of this advise. Not heard anything since.
2. She came round my house unannounced and blackmailed me to drop the case otherwise I'd be arrested. I asked for what? She said incriminating videos of me drunk. I informed her that's not a crime. I actually reported her to the police and they confirmed they have no outstanding report out against me. Heard nothing else after that.

I could go on. It's tedious really.

I really find it hard that when these allegations get disproven in family court, how the women that are making these false accusations are not held accountable for it and punitive actions taken. If there was a real overhaul of the system and these punitive actions put in place, maybe the family courts would not be overworked and children would not be negatively affected. As they make it clear that they are only interested in the wellbeing of the kids involved. It's hard to not see that there is clearly bias towards the mother before any case is even opened.

 

[Fiji107]

Something I’ve learnt in the process is that you need to make an application to the court to open a case for contempt of court… however I’ve been advised that would be viewed upon by CAFCASS etc as “creating conflict between parents”. So yeah. Basically they can say whatever they want in their statements without recourse.
Personally I blame the legal aid system. A requirement of LA is that there’s DV involved. That just encourages false allegations. Once those allegations are made it’s very difficult to retract as LA could revoke the certificate and order the receiving party to repay costs. So once they make allegations and receive LA, which basically only needs a letter from a DV organisation, who just take the allegations on face value, they have to follow through with it.

 

[Nujra Rof]

Wow! Well good luck for the 13th, please do keep us posted on how you get on - If I was a judge I’d be looking at the genuine attempts you made to “prove” you are a good father. Sometimes they do override cafcass letters but truthfully I am slightly behind you by a good few months so I am just saying from what I’ve read on here. I didn’t even know you get a copy of each other’s cafcass letter in advance - must make interesting reading.

Are you going for 50-50?

 

[Razbert]

Good luck in court today!

Sorry, I don't know what day it is anymore.

Good luck in court on Thursday!