so i contacted my ex solicitor today to find out if my first contact with my son is to go ahead tomorrow as planned, hours later i receive an email from my own solicitor saying that as i have instructed them that i should not be contacting my ex solicitor direct, her solicitor didnt reply to me but chose to go through my solicitor. every time i send or receive an email from them it costs me so i was trying to save money where it didnt need to be spent. Is this right, i have to use my solicitor to contact hers every time. It just seems another way of paying them to do what i can do myself.
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solicitors
- Thread starter SJP
- Start date
Yes that's not great is it - that they charge you for every letter or email. I did have a solicitor who, to keep my costs down, would say - you can just deal with that one and send a simple email. But at that point it was after a court case and she wasn't instructed by me any more - just there to offer the odd bit of advice if I needed it (and she would just charge her time for that).
At the moment, the way things are with trying to make sure your ex keeps with the interim order, it might be an idea to continue using the solicitor for now. Or - if you have another hearing coming up soon you could decide to uninstruct the solicitor and just get a direct access barrister for a hearing. Then you'd do any correspondence with her solicitor yourself (actually there really doesn't need to be any apart from the odd brief thing if really necessary - all your ex needs to do is comply with the order). If she doesn't comply with the order (and I know it's just an agreement in an order at this stage) then at the next hearing you raise that issue and get it tied down more.
At the moment, the way things are with trying to make sure your ex keeps with the interim order, it might be an idea to continue using the solicitor for now. Or - if you have another hearing coming up soon you could decide to uninstruct the solicitor and just get a direct access barrister for a hearing. Then you'd do any correspondence with her solicitor yourself (actually there really doesn't need to be any apart from the odd brief thing if really necessary - all your ex needs to do is comply with the order). If she doesn't comply with the order (and I know it's just an agreement in an order at this stage) then at the next hearing you raise that issue and get it tied down more.
I reckon it's cost me about £200 today with emails back and forth, but they're not even advising me, just, " we have received this letter...." then I'm writing a response, seems a complete waste of money, on the plus side , she has agreed to school pick up tomorrow but still wants me to go to her dad's house for drop off which I'm not happy about, I've suggested a local tesco, with cameras but had no reply yet, no budge on extra time with my son or having daughter on a different night, as she may be tired from school, I know the real reason of course, get it all done the same day then free time again
I take it your son and ex are back from the holiday now? Hope things haven't been too tough for you while you waited.
Solicitors taking your money every time they complete a legal activity for you? Sounds about right I'm afraid.
Fingers crossed for you for tomorrow.
Solicitors taking your money every time they complete a legal activity for you? Sounds about right I'm afraid.
Fingers crossed for you for tomorrow.
SJP...ok, here's my advice re your solicitor and instruction.....don't over think matters (eg "Tesco"), don't knee jerk (I know it's hard when tmrw's deadline is approaching) but do take a strategic view. In essence a war is not won by individual battles. If tmrw goes 'wrong' ie you don't have what you should have....that is a battle lost but counts towards winning the war.
You did not do the right thing by emailing the ex's solicitor although I totally understand your action. Instead of saving ££ you have incurred greater ££, because protocol means when sols are appointed they act as intermediaries. You cannot shortcut that.
By taking a step back and considering matters you will get better value from your expenditure.
If tmrw's battle is lost it's a shame for you and your son but the ex's failure is now in your back pocket. Properly documented and therefore produced as evidence at a later date.
While @Ash and I are at odds re sols, it's always good to have differing views. One day (ha ha) I will be able to reveal all of my views and experiences which I hope will justify my position that being able to instruct is crucial.
It just needs careful thought about what the end game is.
SS.
You did not do the right thing by emailing the ex's solicitor although I totally understand your action. Instead of saving ££ you have incurred greater ££, because protocol means when sols are appointed they act as intermediaries. You cannot shortcut that.
By taking a step back and considering matters you will get better value from your expenditure.
If tmrw's battle is lost it's a shame for you and your son but the ex's failure is now in your back pocket. Properly documented and therefore produced as evidence at a later date.
While @Ash and I are at odds re sols, it's always good to have differing views. One day (ha ha) I will be able to reveal all of my views and experiences which I hope will justify my position that being able to instruct is crucial.
It just needs careful thought about what the end game is.
SS.
What you can do is email your solicitor and request that they don't read or respond to any correspondence from the other side, but just forward it to you so you can consider whether you'd like them to respond or not. Tell them you're concerned about mounting costs. It's ridiculous having to make simple arrangements via solicitors (who should have put specific times in the interim order in the first place!). If you can get it agreed for this week though, there might not be much need for correspondence from now on. So you've got the arrangements sorted for this week? Now it should just continue. There should be no need for correspondence - she just has to follow the order and an agreed place and time for your daughter to be dropped off.
I don't think you can quibble really where she spends her supervised time as long as the supervising person is there. If you're concerned about being accused of something at drop off then maybe take someone with you as a witness, and drop your daughter off at the pavement a few yards before the house.
I don't think you can quibble really where she spends her supervised time as long as the supervising person is there. If you're concerned about being accused of something at drop off then maybe take someone with you as a witness, and drop your daughter off at the pavement a few yards before the house.
Thanks, yeah they got back on Sunday, he was video calling me 6-7 times a day as he was bored poor sod, he called one day from the hotel room at 3 in the afternoon and I could see his mam and her aunt in bed asleep no doubt hungover, this is the first holiday he's had without me and it just wasn't the same, can't wait to see him tomorrow, thanksI take it your son and ex are back from the holiday now? Hope things haven't been too tough for you while you waited.
Solicitors taking your money every time they complete a legal activity for you? Sounds about right I'm afraid.
Fingers crossed for you for tomorrow.
Thanks, I'm not over thinking things, I'm just trying to protect myself and my kids, my ex is very confrontational as are her family, in the last few weeks I've been falsley accused of smashing our car windows, holding her hostage in my home, punching her, stalking her and her family, throwing eggs at her house, not to mention being an alcoholic suicidal coke head, none of which are true hence her dropping the non mol against me, but I don't want to be at her families home with all of her family there as false witnesses to anything they concoct.
I wasn't aware that I couldn't contact her solicitor as in fact my own solicitor advised me to on our first meeting as there was a couple of things I needed clarifying, but you're right, it cost me more in the long run. I agree that solicitors are vital, for me anyway, as she has one, but to be honest mine is absolutely useless, I get no advice from them at all, I had to do my own statement for last hearing after they told me I wouldn't have to do it myself all because she was taking 2 weeks annual leave, they just typed up my statement and sent that, no advice or anything, best part of 4 grand in now and 90% is just emails letters etc
I've had three solicitors and none of them achieved anything except run up bills! There are good ones out there and a solicitor barrister team can be good if you can afford it. But after two court applications I couldn't, so just used a direct access barrister - saved a load of money and it was easier dealing direct with the barrister. However there are some things it's a good idea to have a solicitor for, even as a one off job - to exchange statements - and maybe to prepare the court bundle. I have had too many badly written orders from solicitors (one disastrously worded one) whereas the barrister always got it right and did it there and then.
There are also Dads who swear by diy throughout. In some cases that works fine, but it really depends on the circumstances and your personality. Fact finds can go horribly wrong if self repping. However some Dads have no option but to self rep throughout, which is what this forum is partly for - to help them through it and share tips.
In your current situation, it's probably a solicitor in the background that is keeping your ex on her toes.
In your current situation, it's probably a solicitor in the background that is keeping your ex on her toes.
Yeah, I'm not impressed with this solicitor at all, no advice or anything, basically just sending me emails from her solicitor and that's it, it seems to me that they just don't have time for me. I need to keep them on board at least until legal aid is dealt with one way or the other then I'll start looking, 2 hearings I've had now and twice they've booked barristers for me and twice they've cancelled and they've had to run around last minute finding replacements which isn't ideal. I didn't realise the solicitors get involved with fact finds, or do you mean at the final hearing? That's the bit I'm worried about when we finally get there if I have no one to rep me and she does I'll be screwed over. Don't get me wrong, I'm an intelligent man and won't be intimidated either but they just know things don't they, they know how to win either by dirty tricks or whatever else. If legal aid is denied then I'll have no choice but to self rep anyway but I'm hoping her money has ran out also, I can't see that she has much If any left, especially for a final hearing
It's not really the solicitors fault - its the way the system works - they have many many cases to juggle and they charge you for every call and letter so are kind of saving you money by not communicating but it is unsettling - and if they don't return calls or get back to you within a week or two I would definitely change. But as you say, they're currently dealing with a legal aid application so it's a case of sitting it out I guess for a while.
Presumably your ex is also applying for legal aid if she's made all those allegations? Main thing is you're going to get to see your son now
If you don't get legal aid then I would stop using a solicitor and self rep until final hearing (or possibly until a fact find which can become a final hearing sometimes anyway - if there is one). And save every penny you can for representation at final hearing because that is what can make or break the rest of life with your kids right now. Although if there's a fact find then you really need representation for that or it can go badly wrong. so then it would be a case of having to self rep at final hearing. But that's better than losing a fact find which can also be a make or break situation. And there might not need to be a final hearing after that. Hopefully there'll be no need for a fact find as Cafcass found no welfare issues I believe and agreement was reached at first hearing. The fact you've both agreed to let the other parent have time with a child means neither of you can claim welfare issues really so no need for a fact find. Except you managed to get supervised only with ex so they might need to establish if she's safe at a fact find. This will by why your barrister said it would be easier and cheaper if you could both agree things and drop allegations. Which is true - and it's a way to get a decent order - but not ideal if you're worried she isn't safe.
It could be a strategy though - keep things low key, quicker and cheaper, get a good final order - and then if there are any issues you get social services involved. In the meantime maybe you need to be asking for hair strand drug tests (she would probably do the same) and that would slow things up a bit with another hearing after those results possibly.
Presumably your ex is also applying for legal aid if she's made all those allegations? Main thing is you're going to get to see your son now
If you don't get legal aid then I would stop using a solicitor and self rep until final hearing (or possibly until a fact find which can become a final hearing sometimes anyway - if there is one). And save every penny you can for representation at final hearing because that is what can make or break the rest of life with your kids right now. Although if there's a fact find then you really need representation for that or it can go badly wrong. so then it would be a case of having to self rep at final hearing. But that's better than losing a fact find which can also be a make or break situation. And there might not need to be a final hearing after that. Hopefully there'll be no need for a fact find as Cafcass found no welfare issues I believe and agreement was reached at first hearing. The fact you've both agreed to let the other parent have time with a child means neither of you can claim welfare issues really so no need for a fact find. Except you managed to get supervised only with ex so they might need to establish if she's safe at a fact find. This will by why your barrister said it would be easier and cheaper if you could both agree things and drop allegations. Which is true - and it's a way to get a decent order - but not ideal if you're worried she isn't safe.
It could be a strategy though - keep things low key, quicker and cheaper, get a good final order - and then if there are any issues you get social services involved. In the meantime maybe you need to be asking for hair strand drug tests (she would probably do the same) and that would slow things up a bit with another hearing after those results possibly.
Yeah I get its not their fault I just didn't realise I had to do everything through them. I'm still confused over this fact find thing, I thought if it was ordered then It was a case of Cafcass or ss looking into everything and talking to the kids etc, would a solicitor be needed for that? Or do you mean at the hearing after that?It's not really the solicitors fault - its the way the system works - they have many many cases to juggle and they charge you for every call and letter so are kind of saving you money by not communicating but it is unsettling - and if they don't return calls or get back to you within a week or two I would definitely change. But as you say, they're currently dealing with a legal aid application so it's a case of sitting it out I guess for a while.
Presumably your ex is also applying for legal aid if she's made all those allegations? Main thing is you're going to get to see your son now
If you don't get legal aid then I would stop using a solicitor and self rep until final hearing (or possibly until a fact find which can become a final hearing sometimes anyway - if there is one). And save every penny you can for representation at final hearing because that is what can make or break the rest of life with your kids right now. Although if there's a fact find then you really need representation for that or it can go badly wrong. so then it would be a case of having to self rep at final hearing. But that's better than losing a fact find which can also be a make or break situation. And there might not need to be a final hearing after that. Hopefully there'll be no need for a fact find as Cafcass found no welfare issues I believe and agreement was reached at first hearing. The fact you've both agreed to let the other parent have time with a child means neither of you can claim welfare issues really so no need for a fact find. Except you managed to get supervised only with ex so they might need to establish if she's safe at a fact find. This will by why your barrister said it would be easier and cheaper if you could both agree things and drop allegations. Which is true - and it's a way to get a decent order - but not ideal if you're worried she isn't safe.
It could be a strategy though - keep things low key, quicker and cheaper, get a good final order - and then if there are any issues you get social services involved. In the meantime maybe you need to be asking for hair strand drug tests (she would probably do the same) and that would slow things up a bit with another hearing after those results possibly.
I dont think she can apply for legal aid as she has a good salary.
If legal aid is denied then I won't have a choice but to self rep, I can barely afford their fees now, it's only because of help from family I've managed this for.
Is that still an option to drop allegations and go for an order? To be honest I'm seriously considering it as its driving me crazy not seeing my boy and 1 night per week is not enough for either of us. I know she has issues with alcohol and drug abuse but I can't really prove it bar a couple of texts and the kids see her drinking most days, but even then is it enough? They'll always have to see her and I don't want to stop that but I need to know they're OK when with her, as far as I know she's never physically hurt them its been more angry shouting at them and losing her temper, but again if they think that was because I was there they would say that shouldn't happen anymore. I just don't know what to do for the best, is it really worth keeping them apart for months on end just for them to say she has to see them anyway? But I know if I don't have an order then she will try to use me as a babysitter.
Cafcass sais the kids were in the middle of conflict due to allegations on both sides
I know this is going to sound selfish, but I'm really starting to get depressed over this, I have to go to the school everyday and see the ex or her dad, his house is next door to the school, I live 30 mile from my family so have no one around through the week and it's really getting to me, aswell as everything with the kids I'm also having to deal with the break up of my marriage which is hard, I can't move on while I'm having to see her most days. I need to be with my family aswell but also my kids and they need me, everything is getting on top of me, I just don't know what to do
Personally I would try and push for a consent order through solicitors. Which the court just signs off . Conflict between parents highlighted by caffcass isn’t good , a fact finding can be a nightmare. The delays in the family court system means it could drag on for ages to the detriment of all and cost thousands. It ends up being a loose / loose for all. Depends if your ex is willing to compromise and put kids first.
It does not sound selfish at all, not one tiny little bit. You will need every bit of inner strength to get through this and at times the only sensible thing to do is to scream or cry.
The process is likely to be made as hard as possible for you by all available means, you have to endure the utterly absurd and unreasonable just to avoid going backwards. Keep looking at why you are enduring it and balance what you have to do against being deleted from your kids' lives. You are not alone, lots of people on here know how hard what you are going through is, and we'll support where we can.
Men are often rubbish at getting help, reach out and get what is happening to you on record. The GP, a domestic abuse service, a counsellor, if you have reported something to the police then you get access to victim support. Conversations with these people can help, even if they do not, you have something that may help in future disclosures to the court.
I take my hat off to you for staying in the game despite all the bullshit
The process is likely to be made as hard as possible for you by all available means, you have to endure the utterly absurd and unreasonable just to avoid going backwards. Keep looking at why you are enduring it and balance what you have to do against being deleted from your kids' lives. You are not alone, lots of people on here know how hard what you are going through is, and we'll support where we can.
Men are often rubbish at getting help, reach out and get what is happening to you on record. The GP, a domestic abuse service, a counsellor, if you have reported something to the police then you get access to victim support. Conversations with these people can help, even if they do not, you have something that may help in future disclosures to the court.
I take my hat off to you for staying in the game despite all the bullshit
Believe me I scream and cry a lot, try not to in front of my daughter though
I am getting support through counselling but it's a slow process
Gp gave me anti depressants but I haven't used them.
I really don't know how much more I can take, I feel numb, I know she will string this out as long as it takes for me to give in or court decides what happens, she's a bad person. I just feel so weak and down, I'm so close to just packing up and going home, I need to forget that life I had and concentrate on me, she'll always let me see the kids I think but it would be under her control