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Mother has stopped or contact with the children

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Kev3_Sole

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At Christmas, there was a break up from the family. I was harmed by my ex-wife who actually called the police on me. I’ve been a loving father of three children been with them all of their lives taking them to school for the past three years been the main carer taking them to school reading stories , take care of them on daily basis. After 3 years struggling in the marriage, we decided to call it a day and separated. The ex-wife has gone on a rampage with the courts and accused me of domestic abuse , child abuse , alcoholism not able to provide for the children and not understanding their best interests.

I did everything I possibly can do to maintain contact with them from calls, texts and trying to arrange a visit from school, but every every attempt has been stopped by the wife , even been threatened with prohibited steps order. I’m undergone an alcoholic test to prove that I’m not alcoholic. How can this be allowed and how is this address in the Courts I’ve not committed any negative behaviours towards her I’ve not raised any negative emails or messages to the ex-wife. I’ve not even spoken to her Can someone please give me some clarification and advice.

I’m currently in the court process and the courts haven’t identified any safeguarding issues. However I’ve not seen my children for 10 months. My oldest daughter now doesn’t want to speak to me even though we had a loving connective later before hand when was daughter has been constantly asking for me. The wife is also violated a court order where she has not allowed FaceTime contact. What is actually done in the Courts or is it just “oh well never mind, let’s move on”
 
Really sorry to hear this. What stage are you at with the court process? You say there's currently an order for facetime calls - is that an interim order and are you waiting for a final hearing?
 
Thanks ash, yes it’s interim for now, I’m waiting a 3rd court hearing on November in May she was ordered to set up FaceTime with kids, she didn’t comply to order, judge didn’t seem to bothered and just said can we establish This. She has done everything possible to stop, restrict contact with kids. I have been a loving, caring, fun father. Given them everything a dad can. I have court date in November to discuss the directions given in July.

I have paid for a ISW who has done mental health assessment and safeguarding. And from what she has mentioned but not yet written as a report. She doesnt see any safeguarding issues and my alcohol test was negative as I knew it would be. She tried to use this to delay contact and make me a bad dad in eyes of court.

I have remained calm all through the court process. I haven’t sent any negative messages. I haven’t caused any problems. I’ve just complied with the unfair rules and unfair terms to try and get 50-50 contact. She doesn’t want this because she’s a low income worker and wants to make sure that I pay the maximum Child allowance for her to get the best outcome of the finances in the house.

They have been so many lies, which have been proven against it, but it seems that Courts don’t really give a damn and that I’m guilty till proven, innocent all the way through

I’m in Alienating at the children I’ve had restricted contact. My children been wanting to see me but she’s made every effort to try and turn them against me even hiding behind doors. I’m trying to talk to my FaceTime and trying to make out that I’m a bad dad and they need to stay away from me.

I’m mentally suffering with all this unfairness and I’m sure my children are emotion stressed with it too, I have been hands on dad and always present in their lives
 
I hear you. Just hang in there. Do you know what the next hearing is? A DRA or fact find? Good you are getting an ISW report. Out of interest did you need permission from the court and to get that ordered?

Yes you are treated guilty until proved innocent because your ex has made allegations. Having said that, she has to prove them (if it's a fact find) or they can be dismissed by a social worker report.
 
Ok. Sorry yes you said the courts didn't identify any safeguarding issues. Was that via the initial Cafcass report then? Assume the next hearing is a directions hearing then, to report back alcohol tests? Do you know if it is or is it going straight to a final hearing? Your ISW report should help. If you're only getting facetime calls in the interim (which I know aren't happening), that seems strange. Normally they would order at least supervised time. Have you been represented at all at any point? Or acting for yourself.
 
Hello @Kev3_Sole
I'm sorry to hear of your situation. It sounds very familiar to my partners case and other dads on here.
Sadly it is extremely common for unstable and bitter exes to go on the war path after a break up. They then come up with false allegations as it's a way of controlling you after you have the audacity (in their eyes) of leaving.

The family courts are there for the kids rights. They couldn't give a toss about the parents rights, although they do tend to sway towards mothers because of an outdated ideology.

It's bloody hard and frustrating but you just have to go with the system. The truth will out but sadly I doubt there will be repercussions for her lies. In a criminal court people are punished for perjury. Not in the family court system.

Being apart from your children for so long is heart breaking. A feeling my partner knows well. It sounds like your eldest daughter has been triangulated into the situation by the ex.
It may help you to understand what your children are going through by reading articles by Karen Woodall.

karenwoodall.blog

Homecoming: The Treatment of Splitting In Alienated Children

Children who reject a parent outright after divorce and separation, when this is accompanied by idealisation of the parent to whom they are aligned, are seen in clinical observation, to use the inf…
karenwoodall.blog karenwoodall.blog
 
Oh I could believe! It is all on attack and psychological warfare. Can I ask - do you have a new partner? That is sometimes when they really go on the attack. Some Mothers just don't like the idea of another woman being involved.

With your eldest - you said she is 10. When does she turn 11? You need this tied up as quickly as possible and an order in place, because once they get to 11 or 12 their "wishes" are taken more seriously and Cafcass don't spot things like alienation. However they can spot if a child has been coached. Your ISW should pick it up though.

It's hard to suggest anything else though, unless we know what stage you're at in proceedings. ie is the next hearing a directions one or a final hearing and what are you required to produce for the next hearing?

It can help to use a direct access barrister for a hearing - and avoid delays. The other side's motivation is to cause as many delays as possible (and it's pretty sick that lawyers for an ex will do this but they do) - the idea being is if they can delay it long enough either you'll give up and go away (don't), or they can then argue - children are settled with Mum (which won't wash but if she has a lawyer and you don't they can cause a few issues).
 
Also, once a final order is made, your ex, may let up because she's not trying to fight to win any more. All the while it's in the interim they keep up hostility in the hope they will win. But when a Judge makes an order, they can kind of settle down a bit. There can often be low level disruption though, after an order, but there are ways to handle that and still get on with your life with your kids.
 
My eldest was 12 Xmas, she wrote me a letter saying I’m controlling and she doesn’t want me to pick her up from school, last time I saw her/spoke she was chatty and happy. Now she is scared to be in same building, won’t talk to me/ FaceTime.

The mother has stolen and used credit card of £1000, accessed my personal bank accounts and took screenshots to try and use as proof of funds in financial. She has said I was a child abuser, abuser to her, alcoholic, mental health issues.

None of this is true, and scratching my head as to why she has come out with these lies, apart from she is trying to gain best financial outcome.

It’s so sad after 15 years of being together she would do this.

I do have new partner, but she doesn’t know about her

The ISW interviewed me and mentioned she could only see purely love for me and children, cannot identity any safeguarding issues, and doesn’t have any mental health concerns. She spoke to mother who said she wants co parenting.

I have not had mouthed mother even though I wanted to. I just kept stiff upper lip and said she has been good mum and I’m confused why she is making allegations and denying children right to father.

I just want my kids back in my life so I can adore them like I always have.

If there is nothing against me in courts and her allegations are unproven based off ISW Assesment and negative hair strand test. I work from home and can look after children in week like I have done for past several years. What’s my chances do you think of 50/50.

The fact she has denied children a meaningful relationship with me for past year I don’t think she has children’s best interests at heart just her own selfish needs
 
I do have new partner, but she doesn’t know about her
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Maybe she does?

I hear you and it's all very distressing, but we still don't know what your next hearing is for! Or whether you're self repping. Which would help when making suggestions about how to deal with things.
 
Your eldest daughter sounds to be partly alienated and has been manipulated. This is reversible if you can get an order for time with her. And if a Judge is heavy enough with your ex and says she must follow an order and if the ISW is clear that these are not your daughter's true wishes and feelings, but are the Mother's wishes and the child has been influenced.

It's because of these situations, that it would help to know what the next hearing is for so we can advise on what to put in a position statement and what to ask for. Also to help advise on starting to put evidence together and organise it for a final hearing.
 
Kev3_Sole said:
None of this is true, and scratching my head as to why she has come out with these lies, apart from she is trying to gain best financial outcome.
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You're not the first and you won't be the last to feel this way.
Never underestimate what people can do when they feel angry or slighted.
What is your exs relationship like with her own family?
There may be a history of not being able to deal with rejection, even if it's perceived rather than actual rejection.
These types of women think the children are an extension of themselves and they must think and feel the way they do.
 
Her mother is the most controlling matriarch I have ever met, everything is everyone else’s fault. She has had a very poor relationship sleigh her mum since child hood. Her dad is nice though
 
It depends. Every case is different. If you were newly separated I'd say there was a reasonable chance, or if you'd had an existing pattern for years and she was hostile and stopping things regularly there's a chance also (ie to take away sole "residency" from her and equalise things). But if you've had an existing pattern of four nights a fortnight, the courts sometimes like to keep things to a previous established schedule.

So the answer is I don't know - you can try but be prepared to have less. The main thing is you need a Child Arrangements order that clearly states when the children are with you, that she has to follow. Ideally with defined dates and times during term time and holidays so there is no wriggle room or room for ambiguity.
 
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