Has your mediation run out now? A MIAM lasts for 3 months. So even if it was late June, it's now late September - so you'd probably need to have another MIAM anyway if you were thinking about applying to court. Ask the mediator about that.
Ok so the schedule isn't too bad even though it's only one night a week. But you have now had a lot of missed week-ends and presumably she didn't offer any alternative days or make up time - which is not good enough.
Yes try mediation first - the mediator might persuade her this is unreasonable and you could also try asking her for every other full week-end and a midweek overnight instead - so she still gets the opportunity for week-ends away and you still get significant time with your child.
Just ask the mediator to contact her and invite her and also ask the mediator if you need to have another MIAM.
Meanwhile - how has communication been between you and your ex during this period? Avoid getting into arguments by text or email - anything in writing can be used against you (eg to say you';re hostile or aggressive or something). Likewise it can also be helpful for evidence if your emails or texts are worded politely and reasonably and hers are hostile. That can help a lot at a later stage in court, and also proves various things and keeps them recorded.
So if you haven't already, the first thing to do is send her a brief email or message along the lines of
"Dear Ex Name (or just Hi)
I'm just writing to ask if we can agree some better arrangements for "child name" to spend regular time with me. The ongoing schedule of 9am Sat to 9am Sunday one week and 9am Sunday to 5pm Sunday the next week appears to have broken down, with four week-ends in the past two months being missed - so I have seen much less of "child name" and don't think this is good for stability of his relationships. I understand that sometimes you might want to go away for a week-end, but in that case, perhaps we could agree alternative times - for example if you're away one week-end I could have "child name" with me overnight during the week and a bit more time the following week-end. Please let me know if we can agree this please.. I hope you're well and look forward to hearing from you".
Ok you might not feel like writing something like that and it's a bit formal but send something like that anyway. It doesn't matter if she agrees or not or if she replies or not. What matters is you have evidence to show you tried to resolve things reasonably and amicably before applying to court (which may well end up having to happen). If you don't need to apply to court - fine, print it out and file it - you might need it in the future.
In these situations it's a case of always building up an evidence file just in case you need it. Keeping records of when you see your child, anything significant you did each time (like visit family, take them to play with friends, go away somewhere, a day at the seaside, or whatever). Keeping all correspondence between you and ex. Keeping copies of any reports or whatever from nursery.
If she ignores you then just start the mediation anyway. If she replies argumentatively or just says no, then just start the mediation anyway. But print out the reply and file it.
Even if you don't use these things as evidence, they can be memory joggers for what happened when if you do need to write something for court at some point.
One night a fortnight isn't really enough for a child that age I agree. One day a week is not too bad but not enough to have a relaxed time with a child who is no longer a baby but a toddler. The routine is good with it being weekly though. I think I did one night and day per week-end until my son was almost four - but I also had one or two midweek nights as well. It did restrict week-ends but if my ex was going away I'd get a make up night. But there is no reason why it shouldn't be every other full week-end, as long as you get at least one midweek night as well.
Thanks Ash,
The mediator said my MIAM was still valid so she offered me an application to court or to invite my ex for mediation I choose the mediation approach as its sensible and seems less aggressive although she seems to want to get solicitors on board . In reality she is happy with how things are and will drag her heels to delay /prevent any change .
I have ingaged with her through text but haven't got nasty or said anything that could be seen as threatening I've just said she's not been reasonable and put my point across . I have plenty of messages from her that could work against potentially. An example of this is I asked her how he was doing at his new nursery and my ex responded by saying yes great he likes it there . She went on to tell me they send her pictures etc . I asked why she didn't send them on or if I could contact them to get sent the same stuff and she said they wouldn't tk to me . I asked her the name of the nursery and she said she couldn't remember. I have gh. She is just trying g to be awkward .
I was pretty good with logging events dates and screenshotting text messages. I have logged a all the times I've had my son . I will update that in the next few days, just a case of going through my phone .
I'd like the following ideally
Every other weekend Friday 5pm - Sunday 5pm
1 weeknight every week 5pm - 8am (nursery drop off)
2 weeks (not consecutively) that I can take him on holiday a year
Shared access on his birthday
My birthday off with him
Christmas 2022, Christmas day 12pm - Boxing day 5pm
Christmas 2023 Christmas eve 9am - Christmas day 12pm
II christmas 2024 (as 2022)
pattern repeats ......
I also have a Christmas shutdown , which this year for example is from the 23rd of Dec- 3rd of Jan . She also gets similar . I would like to spend of some of that time with him (days between Christmas and New year ) but it's difficult to agree that as the days change each year and where Christmas falls etc .
The way I expect this to go given I know what she's like is that she will receive a mediation invitation (her MIAM ) but she tells me she is going to her solicitors this week ( she thinks the solicitors say is final and she can hide behind hers ) I'm guessing her solicitor will advise her to try to mediate but she won't agree to the above .
Her angle will be that she feels I'm asking for more time but I palm him off . This all stems from me asking her if its OK for my mum to get my son on the sunday morning of the 20th of November as I will be celebrating my 40th birthday the day/evening before and would be travelling back on the Sunday morning so would be 2-3 hours later .
She also is making out my mum and her partner are not fit/safe to look after my son as my mum has apparently got a bad arm and can't lift him and her partner has a heart condition ( this is very rich as her family are big drinkers and although I can't prove anything he will have been left in vulnerable situations before while in there care)
So I fully expect a letter from her solicitors during thd mediation process with some nasty stuff in . I'm unsure whether I can reply myself or seek a solicitor of my own , guess I cross that bridge when I come to it ? Paying 175 an hour for mediation and solicitors fees will certainly mount up .
From a previous comment on here some time ago I understand I will have a better chance if she has to reaxt to my court application rather than the other way around , being on the front foot rather than the back foot I guess.
Due to how she is unwilling to be fair I expect this to go to court and hopefully this will be after Jan 21st as my son will be 2 then and I should have his age more in my favour.whether I use a solicitor or a mckensie friend or just represent myself I'm unsure ? Jumping the gun abit I guess but I do think this will end up in court.
