FDHRA help

[Jayy_]

Hi I have the FDHRA coming up in just over a week.

Cafass spoke to me first as mother was unavailable.

There was concerns about the welfare of child as child reported mother to school for an abuse incident.

Cafass also told me mother had reported me last year (when child was being withheld from me) for abuse. However this is the first I’m hearing of it. They likely will need to speak to child (8 years of age) which is extremely frustrating especially if child has been coached.

I am aware this will be a very long road.

Just wanted advice on if I should go with a position statement? As I’ve seen some posts say it’s pointless.

Also, as mother is being spoken to after me, will I be able to see further allegations made?

I am self rep, would I be able to take notes into court? I suspect she will mention some of the allegations she’s made directly to me.

Cheers!

 

[Razbert]

Hi I have the FDHRA coming up in just over a week.

Cafass spoke to me first as mother was unavailable.

There was concerns about the welfare of child as child reported mother to school for an abuse incident.

Cafass also told me mother had reported me last year (when child was being withheld from me) for abuse. However this is the first I’m hearing of it. They likely will need to speak to child (8 years of age) which is extremely frustrating especially if child has been coached.

I am aware this will be a very long road.

Just wanted advice on if I should go with a position statement? As I’ve seen some posts say it’s pointless.

Also, as mother is being spoken to after me, will I be able to see further allegations made?

I am self rep, would I be able to take notes into court? I suspect she will mention some of the allegations she’s made directly to me.

Cheers!

At the FHDRA, the allegations from each party will have been disclosed to each other on the C1A form, with a response to each point made by the other party. Cafcass use the C1A allegations and responses in the safeguarding call to ask questions which are relevant to safeguarding of the the child. It's really only when you see the safeguarding letter from CAFCASS will you know how much they were influenced by your call and hers.

Are you saying you only heard about the abuse allegation against you from CAFCASS? How did they find out if they called you first, if it wasn't from the mother? Who did she report you to?

It's quite unlikely they will speak to the child at this stage - it's normally done later as part of a section 7 enquiry. If the child has spoken to the school, this will be disclosed to the court at the next hearing.

 

[Jayy_]

At the FHDRA, the allegations from each party will have been disclosed to each other on the C1A form, with a response to each point made by the other party. Cafcass use the C1A allegations and responses in the safeguarding call to ask questions which are relevant to safeguarding of the the child. It's really only when you see the safeguarding letter from CAFCASS will you know how much they were influenced by your call and hers.

Are you saying you only heard about the abuse allegation against you from CAFCASS? How did they find out if they called you first, if it wasn't from the mother? Who did she report you to?

Yes I only heard the abuse allegation from CAFASS that the mother reported this to social services last year. They went through any social services and police report that they had. The time she reported this was when child was being withheld from me. It was at least a month after I had last seen child. Yet, social services have never contacted me about it..

In that case, I would not need to do a separate position statement as I will respond to the allegations on the C1a form?

 

[DannyK]

Hey @Jayy_

RE CAFCASS report; I'm surprised you haven't received their safeguarding letter (their summary of the 2x calls and their guidance to the court) ahead of the FHDRA. I might consider contacting the CAFCASS officer to (very politely) ask where the letter is, explaining that it's urgent. I can't see a FHDRA even taking place without the CAFCASS report being filed first, which could delay your proceedings for months.

RE responding to false allegations; I have experience of this, having been the subject of false allegations - like many Dads on this forum.

I was advised (and it seems to have been good advice based on the outcome of recent proceedings) not to give the allegations too much "airtime" - and definitely not to make counter-allegations..

The more "attention" the false allegations are given, the more you could be labelled as being defensive, adversarial and not "child focused".

I know first-hand how heart-breaking to read this stuff, but as I was told myself; you are not on trial.

If your goal is to reestablish regular (even overnight) contact with your child/ren then perhaps a one line "These allegations are spurious, unfounded and are not helpful to our coparenting relationship" to make it clear that you consider these allegations nonsense, could be more effective than overly detailed denials and counter-argument.

If we Dads open the 'can of worms' with complex denials or counter allegations then CAFCASS or the court will probably decide to conduct their own investigations (maybe even a very expensive and time consuming Fact Finding) into your case which could delay proceedings up to a year or longer.

Or worse, they decide there is too much "conflict between parents" - and will rule you get indirect contact only.

Of course every case is different and it depends on the nature of the allegations your Ex is making - and other Dads on this forum may well feel differently to me.

But this is what I was advised and (based on results) it turned out to be good advice.

Good luck!

 

[Scotay]

Your ex can coach the child all she wants, the social worker is trained to see right through it.

My ex tried this on with my 7 year and was found out pretty quick that she had been coached on what to say.

 

[Jayy_]

H

Hey @Jayy_

RE CAFCASS report; I'm surprised you haven't received their safeguarding letter (their summary of the 2x calls and their guidance to the court) ahead of the FHDRA. I might consider contacting the CAFCASS officer to (very politely) ask where the letter is, explaining that it's urgent. I can't see a FHDRA even taking place without the CAFCASS report being filed first, which could delay your proceedings for months.

RE responding to false allegations; I have experience of this, having been the subject of false allegations - like many Dads on this forum.

I was advised (and it seems to have been good advice based on the outcome of recent proceedings) not to give the allegations too much "airtime" - and definitely not to make counter-allegations..

The more "attention" the false allegations are given, the more you could be labelled as being defensive, adversarial and not "child focused".

I know first-hand how heart-breaking to read this stuff, but as I was told myself; you are not on trial.

If your goal is to reestablish regular (even overnight) contact with your child/ren then perhaps a one line "These allegations are spurious, unfounded and are not helpful to our coparenting relationship" to make it clear that you consider these allegations nonsense, could be more effective than overly detailed denials and counter-argument.

If we Dads open the 'can of worms' with complex denials or counter allegations then CAFCASS or the court will probably decide to conduct their own investigations (maybe even a very expensive and time consuming Fact Finding) into your case which could delay proceedings up to a year or longer.

Or worse, they decide there is too much "conflict between parents" - and will rule you get indirect contact only.

Of course every case is different and it depends on the nature of the allegations your Ex is making - and other Dads on this forum may well feel differently to me.

But this is what I was advised and (based on results) it turned out to be good advice.

Good luck!

Hi Danny

Sorry if I’ve confused it but there is no report because the mother wasn’t available for the first call. So they called me first and should be speaking to her before the hearing but I haven’t got clear details on when they will give her a ring.
Nor would I be surprised if she makes another excuse to miss the call.

The allegation I’ve heard so far ( I know there is more to come) was from a social work report she made last year. Which I was never made aware of until now. The social worker went through with me my child’s my social work reports.

I’m yet to see what other allegations she comes up. I believe this should be done ahead of the hearing (next week Thursday) so hopefully should see the report soon

Cheers for the other advice. It all sucks but I will try keep positive for child

 

[Jayy_]

Your ex can coach the child all she wants, the social worker is trained to see right through it.

My ex tried this on with my 7 year and was found out pretty quick that she had been coached on what to say.

Thanks for this. This gives me confidence. I just can’t believe someone would be so ill minded to lie on and about their own child. I’ve read it happens but more shocking when it happens to you.

 

[Oneofmany]

@jayy have you not had the email via egress??? perhaps you missed it?? They should have contacted you via email to confirm your contact details??

 

[Jayy_]

@jayy have you not had the email via egress??? perhaps you missed it?? They should have contacted you via email to confirm your contact details??

Hi not sure what you’re referring to. I have spoke to CAFASS so they have my details. It’s the mother they haven’t spoken to

 

[Oneofmany]

Hi not sure what you’re referring to. I have spoke to CAFASS so they have my details. It’s the mother they haven’t spoken to

Sorry I miss understood. I thought there was a question around the report not being done. They will have to speak to the mother before writing it.

You'll get an email notification via agress once its complete...... think its supposed to be at least 5 days before the hearing. But you should have had an email from then when the case was opened.

But as you say they need to speak to your ex.

 

[Jayy_]

Sorry I miss understood. I thought there was a question around the report not being done. They will have to speak to the mother before writing it.

You'll get an email notification via agress once its complete...... think its supposed to be at least 5 days before the hearing. But you should have had an email from then when the case was opened.

But as you say they need to speak to your ex.

No worries pal! Once CAFASS has sent the report with her allegations (I except them) is there a specific way I’d need to refute the claims?

My original post was asking if it’s worth going in with a proposal/position statement to refute any claims made

 

[Jayy_]

No worries pal! Once CAFASS has sent the report with her allegations (I except them) is there a specific way I’d need to refute the claims?

My original post was asking if it’s worth going in with a proposal/position statement to refute any claims made

Expect *

 

[Oneofmany]

Don't, they are allegations. Allegations with no evidence are simply words, nothing more. What are you expecting her to say?

I think its just best to just ignore the allegations to be honest bud, I think your best off just focusing on how you can best co parent on your position statement and set out how you want the CAO to look in terms what the time split is etc

If your ex does one, then I would prepare for her writing a bit of a horror story. When I read my ex's position statement a few days before court it was horrible. It just gives them a chance to really try and give you a kicking following the bullshit they spew to Cafcass. Just stay calm, don't rise to the bait. They want you to react.

 

[Jayy_]

Don't, they are allegations. Allegations with no evidence are simply words, nothing more. What are you expecting her to say?

I think its just best to just ignore the allegations to be honest bud, I think your best off just focusing on how you can best co parent on your position statement and set out how you want the CAO to look in terms what the time split is etc

If your ex does one, then I would prepare for her writing a bit of a horror story. When I read my ex's position statement a few days before court it was horrible. It just gives them a chance to really try and give you a kicking following the bullshit they spew to Cafcass. Just stay calm, don't rise to the bait. They want you to react.

I understand. It’s just very hard to hear those things and not refute them when they are not true.

I’m expecting the following:

1. She has alleged I hit my child last year and reported to to social services. The report was made May 2024 but I’ve only been informed now by CAFASS
2. Label me as aggressive as I had a heated convo with her partner who showed up unexpectedly to my house with child. I never touched or harmed her partner. She claims my child came out of the car and chased me which is not true (She wasn’t present so not sure if she’s lying or her partner lied to her)
3. Her partner received a malicious instagram message from an anonymous account. She says I’m behind it and I harass her family
4. She has labelled me as verbally abusive as I’ve said not so nice words to her before. I’ve only done it as a reaction to her initial so nice words but she somehow leaves that out.

1 is the biggest shocker for me as it’s direct relation to child. I suspect there will be more horror coming after her call with CAFASS.

Feels like a nightmare has started but I’ll keep focus on the end goal.

 

[JayMC]

From my recent experience…
Don’t give the allegations too much time in court, the FHDRA is probably the most important step to moving forward.

You should have filed a rebuttal statement denying any and all abuse. You do not need to state she is lying or making up, you just deny the allegations.
If there is something you have done, that’s minor it doesn’t hurt to own your mistakes.

Focus on the child, focus on co parenting and why it’s in the child’s best interests.
Be nice, very nice.

If there is reason to, compliment her parenting ability even though the two of you are currently not seeing eye to eye.

You need to work on avoiding a section 7 or fact finding hearing. Achieve this and the final hearing will be much eaisier.

 

[Jayy_]

From my recent experience…
Don’t give the allegations too much time in court, the FHDRA is probably the most important step to moving forward.

You should have filed a rebuttal statement denying any and all abuse. You do not need to state she is lying or making up, you just deny the allegations.
If there is something you have done, that’s minor it doesn’t hurt to own your mistakes.

Focus on the child, focus on co parenting and why it’s in the child’s best interests.
Be nice, very nice.

If there is reason to, compliment her parenting ability even though the two of you are currently not seeing eye to eye.

You need to work on avoiding a section 7 or fact finding hearing. Achieve this and the final hearing will be much eaisier.

Hi @JayMC at which point do I file the rebuttal statement and who to? Is this after CAFASS creates the report? Thanks for the advice.

I haven’t said anything bad about her. I will work on child focused responses for when the allegations appear in court.

 

[JayMC]

Hi @JayMC at which point do I file the rebuttal statement and who to? Is this after CAFASS creates the report? Thanks for the advice.

I haven’t said anything bad about her. I will work on child focused responses for when the allegations appear in court.

Once you’ve read the C1A which contains allegations you should file your rebuttal statement alongside your position statement ahead of the FHDRA
The CAFCASS report you may not have long before the hearing (in my case it was after the deadline to file statements)

One thing to note, CAFCASS have a job to report to the court what was said to them.
Ideally their wording should be neutral, but if mum says xyz happened then they must include it in their report.

 

[Jayy_]

Once you’ve read the C1A which contains allegations you should file your rebuttal statement alongside your position statement ahead of the FHDRA
The CAFCASS report you may not have long before the hearing (in my case it was after the deadline to file statements)

One thing to note, CAFCASS have a job to report to the court what was said to them.
Ideally their wording should be neutral, but if mum says xyz happened then they must include it in their report.

Got it. Cheers mate, this is extremely helpful to know what to expect next.

 

[Razbert]

Got it. Cheers mate, this is extremely helpful to know what to expect next.

As @JayMC said: deadlines are often ignored. Be aware that position statements can be submitted at the last minute - so don't expect to see hers before you complete yours. It's better to leave allegations out of a position statement - that's the purpose of the C1A from each party with their responses. Remember the purpose of the FHDRA is to resolve disputes arising from safeguarding concerns for the child that Cafcass will identify in their letter.

In my case I only got the safeguarding letter the evening before the hearing and saw the ex's position statement immediately before the hearing. Luckily I was able to talk to the duty Cafcass adviser in court before the hearing, as there were factual mistakes in the letter which I would have brought up in court, but the adviser was able to talk to the judge privately prior to the hearing to iron out the errors in the letter.

Normally, the safeguarding letter should be available in plenty of time to allow you to get any factual mistakes rectified by the author, and to make your own safeguarding responses to the letter in your position statement. Sadly it's often a last minute rush due to frustrating delays by others. It sounds like your ex is purposely not cooperating with Cafcass. I'm not sure what happens if they don't get to talk to her at all - it would mean they would have to sort it out in court on the day.

 

[JayMC]

I should have said, in my case arrangements with the Ex solicitor were made to exchange position statements on the same day as filing with the court.

Try not to exchange just yours early. But make sure you don’t miss the deadlines either.

The CAFCASS report will arrive when CAFCASS get their ass into gear, neither party can control that.
Mine arrived after statements had been filed, but fortunately it was positive towards me and not so positive towards my ex withholding contact.

Best advice I can give you, is simply try to be nice! It goes along way with cafcass and magistrates if they can see one parent is trying to rise above the games and focus on the children.

I complimented my exes parenting ability (yes it hurt!), in return the magistrates complimented me in open court because it’s not often they hear a parent be nice about the opposite parent.
Fortunately I got the same magistrate in the final hearing and I got everything I was asking for!