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Dealing with betrayal
- Thread starter Peanut 21
- Start date
Kind of similar. In that one of my parents partners (my Mom and Dad aren't together) has sided with my ex and to this day I believe is still in touch.
As a consequence I maintain a relationship on a superficial level only for the kids sake. Mainly as it's not my parents doing (but they do look the other way if that makes sense).
As a consequence I maintain a relationship on a superficial level only for the kids sake. Mainly as it's not my parents doing (but they do look the other way if that makes sense).
Unfortunately I an going through a similar situation, in that one of my brother and his partner decided, upon finding out what was going on, to run the Spanish inquisition on me instead of offering unconditional support.
It was a very difficult to cope with and had me very low and upset for several weeks.
I am now in the same position above, I will keep a superficial level of relationship for the children's sake but beyond that I understand their loyalties lie elsewhere.
It is a difficult pill to swallow but better to know about it than not.
It was a very difficult to cope with and had me very low and upset for several weeks.
I am now in the same position above, I will keep a superficial level of relationship for the children's sake but beyond that I understand their loyalties lie elsewhere.
It is a difficult pill to swallow but better to know about it than not.
Absolutely
I think it's difficult for people to deal with. They may be sympathetic for a time but as time moves on they'd rather forget about or kind of pretend it's not happening. It's not surprising people that end up in these situations feel very isolated if they don't have someone to turn to.
People will also take sides without getting the other side of the story if there are negative statements made.
For example, if a child school friend has parents that you both know, it can become a battlefield which results in either a full distancing of all parents and child or worse the ostracisation of one parent without asking the other party what actually happened.
The latter is the easy option for most people exposed to this type of situation
For example, if a child school friend has parents that you both know, it can become a battlefield which results in either a full distancing of all parents and child or worse the ostracisation of one parent without asking the other party what actually happened.
The latter is the easy option for most people exposed to this type of situation
I've had similar.
A close childhood friend, who I had introduced to my ex, quickly took sides and without ever talking to me, chose to believe my ex. She then proceeded to want phone calls, where she would pass on the ex's propoganda and was clearly just information gathering.
There's a phrase for it: "Flying Monkeys" and it's super common.
I had to completely cut that friend off as I couldn't trust them anymore and I also realise that they may not realise that they are being used or the impact of their actions.
There's a lot of good literature and videos about this.
A close childhood friend, who I had introduced to my ex, quickly took sides and without ever talking to me, chose to believe my ex. She then proceeded to want phone calls, where she would pass on the ex's propoganda and was clearly just information gathering.
There's a phrase for it: "Flying Monkeys" and it's super common.
I had to completely cut that friend off as I couldn't trust them anymore and I also realise that they may not realise that they are being used or the impact of their actions.
There's a lot of good literature and videos about this.
Yes. From the person closest to me. My own mother. Has been having the girls all the time for my ex partner but when I needed help to keep some contact during run up to court it couldn’t be done. Now assists with the new partners kids that side too!
Crikey.
I am full of suspicion and peoples motivations at the moment. I've had parents of my little ones friends now blanking me and school teachers that were cordial now blank me too. In support of her case my wife offered the court a number of letters from friends that had been in our lives talking about me being the supa baddie. Hearsay nonsense but really upsetting.
I just feel this huge sense of betrayal, after all I have done for my ex, and all the lies and then false allegations for which she knows full well are unfounded, it is such a betrayal of one person to another.
It’s hard but you have to detach and see what the allegations are, namely provocation for you to react and her to go “see I told you what he was like”. Step back let her accusations fly with no response and people will see she is merely projecting.
It’s hard for sure, but the way I’ve always dealt with it is to step back, see the allegations for what they are (provocation for a reaction) and treat them accordingly (namely no response needed). It’s all a game to them
claiming I financially controlled her and that I planned to abduct my child and that I changed arrangements to see her to control her etc etc, it could not be further from the truth, plenty of evidence, but, yeah, stay calm , it's just so hard to ignore the sense of betrayal
It is not down playing that at all. But you have to focus on the reasons why it’s being said rather than what is being said. You have the evidence, you know the truth and outsiders opinion don’t matter. Yes it hurts that someone that was so close to you would do that but motive is very telling
That's the only way I've coped.
You spend a significant period of your life time committed to another human being & this reciprocation is then returned as above.
The only way to move forward from that is to draw a line, consider yourself done with their BS & consider this a new work project.
You spend a significant period of your life time committed to another human being & this reciprocation is then returned as above.
The only way to move forward from that is to draw a line, consider yourself done with their BS & consider this a new work project.
I'll add, waiting and being calm doesn't equate to accepting the childcare situation as being perfect for the future, as a lot of EX will no doubt interpret it.
Rather it means we are the parent who understands and respects the children's long term development needs and have the strength and patience to get them to a better life.
Rather it means we are the parent who understands and respects the children's long term development needs and have the strength and patience to get them to a better life.