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Coping with grief
- Thread starter DadLad
- Start date
Mate, I really wish you all the best and hope this nonsense stops soon for you and your kids. Keep going and like you say nobody can ever take away you doing all you could during this period. I really wish you the best 2024 to you and your kids. Keep strong brother
Yeah just allow for the emotions, the past has already happened. I have my ups and downs, but I always find the strength to carry on.
This is a new chapter, a new change, lots of opportunities and we WILL be reunited with our children.
Consistency is always the key, never giving up..
Wow! I can only imagine! Wishing you all the best for 2024
Keep strong matey! Definitely allow them emotions. Really hope 2024 is a more positive year for you and the little ones
There is something like circa 17,000 children in England and Wales, stuck in the Child Arrangements Order process every quarter of a year according to the latest figures. 17,000 kids without the benefit of peaceful and routine co-parenting between their mothers and fathers post relationship.
As if coming to terms with not having their parents together in a "traditional family unit" was hard enough. They also have to endure all the joys of a parental dispute. Welfare allegations and Parental Alienation.
What drives me the most now are the thoughts of the future. At the most painful of stages in this fight, at the begining, I could easily have given up.
But that old saying; never make an important decision when you're emotional, is spot on.
Chilren grow, and learn and see the world for themselves. As long as we stand our ground and keep being the better parent in the face of wickedness, because lets face it, denying a child a parent is downright wicked, they will see who is to blame for ruining their childhood.
As painful and distressing as it is to lose some of those childhood years fighting for your right to be there. Keep one eye on the future. The time will come when our children are young adults. And thats an entirely new phase of being a parent.
And of course, there's every possibility we will become grandparents one day. To our childrens children
Our kids will remember us for fighting for them and for always being there, or trying their damned hardest for being there.
The wicked ex has a limted amount of time in which to attempt to derail your position as father, as parent.
When you compare that time to the life you will most definitely have with your child. It puts it all into perspective.
Never give up!
As if coming to terms with not having their parents together in a "traditional family unit" was hard enough. They also have to endure all the joys of a parental dispute. Welfare allegations and Parental Alienation.
What drives me the most now are the thoughts of the future. At the most painful of stages in this fight, at the begining, I could easily have given up.
But that old saying; never make an important decision when you're emotional, is spot on.
Chilren grow, and learn and see the world for themselves. As long as we stand our ground and keep being the better parent in the face of wickedness, because lets face it, denying a child a parent is downright wicked, they will see who is to blame for ruining their childhood.
As painful and distressing as it is to lose some of those childhood years fighting for your right to be there. Keep one eye on the future. The time will come when our children are young adults. And thats an entirely new phase of being a parent.
And of course, there's every possibility we will become grandparents one day. To our childrens children
Our kids will remember us for fighting for them and for always being there, or trying their damned hardest for being there.
The wicked ex has a limted amount of time in which to attempt to derail your position as father, as parent.
When you compare that time to the life you will most definitely have with your child. It puts it all into perspective.
Never give up!
It is f-ing brutal. Idk how anyone endures it. Have no idea how I'm still here. Good luck to you mate, there are a few of us who know the full horror of what you and yours are going through. I know the process inside out but I can't give advice as am genuinely not sure there is any, beyond look after yourself. You are a decent man, never forget that. And if they fuck you up, don't let them take you down.
When I received a letter out of the blue 9 months after separation causing me of allsorts!! Mentally incapable, neglect, mentally I’ll, alcoholic, emotional and psychological abuse, potential child abduction, apparent safeguarding concerns from nursery, stalking and harassment, control & coercive behaviour, financial control and then stupid things like sending my daughter back to mum unwashed, un fed, teeth not brushed, sending her home in no socks or underwear…… and as a result my daughter will no longer see me!
I can only describe as going into shock! Didn’t sleep for 3 nights, couldn’t even look at my daughter belongings without breaking down into tears! I couldn’t get out of bed for about a week. I cut off all family and friends and didn’t answer my phone, I didn’t go to work. I just went into massive shock! Was violently sick when ever I eat. It was horrendous!!!
First I started talking to family, then friends, they convinced me to go to doctors, i started therapy but it took a good 2 months before I could function properly. First I went back to work, then started to socialise, then started playing drums, then came the football. It took me about 3-4 months but even still I was crying a lot, losing weight still. I really found strength in my daughter and being me again for her. Then I started reading self help books to understand what narcissism was which ran alongside my therapy. This helped me understand how my ex was and what she was doing, why she was doing it and I found quite a lot of comfort in this. Breaking it down and analysing it. Over the 3/4 months I also discovered a massive determination to do all i could to prove them wrong. Once I realise they actually wanted to break me it actually started to heal me. I’m still in therapy now and I’m still reading books about co parenting with a narcissist etc and also researched other things that’s been posed on here for example “parental enmeshment”. I went to the library and got books on family law which has lead to me going back to uni in Sept to actually study law. Family law being my specialist area. Basically my experience is making me want to support other dads out there in the future. My sleep is back to normal, i have put a stone back on although I could have done without that. I’m not suffering with shortness of breath anxiety like I was before, verging on panic attacks. I have met a new partner recently who is massively supportive and understands my dedication to my daughter and the court case.
It still saddens me on a daily basis what these people have done to me and my daughter and what they are doing to you guys as well. I don’t think that will ever leave me for the rest of my life if I’m honest. It’s a matter of reaching ourselves how to cope with rot whatever that may be
What you have written is a massive inspiration. Thank you.
Also, give yourself a pat on the back.
how are you doing richie? have things improved? i hope soYes, I can’t imagine how much strength it takes for you dads who are going crazy lengths of time without seeing the little ones. Like @Ash longest I went was about 3-4 weeks and it took me to the brink of despair and possibly making silly mistakes. Luckily I got strength from the little one and how upset she wound be if I fell into their trap and proved them right. Power to all you dads who are coping with long periods of time and keep getting out of bed fighting for them every day