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I continue to exercise trying to get a walk or weights workout done daily. Moving the body helps to get the mind unstuck.Evening folks,
A topic which would be good to get some insight on; is how you cope with the grief of not seeing your children.
Each person is different and each person has a different approach, but it would be good to hear your thoughts.
I continue to exercise trying to get a walk or weights workout done daily. Moving the body helps to get the mind unstuck.
For three months I cried every day and acknowledged the trauma. Seven months later I still sob on occasions, I let it come. I talk with friends and family and try and be totally open about how low I feel. I know that I have been deeply depressed and I requested anti-depressants. The gp agreed that they were needed but the prescription never arrived. As I've made it this far I will push on without them and keep it off my medical records. Time seems to be helping a little.
I wake up throughout the night, processing all the stuff. I play a podcast and set a 15 minute timer to turn it off which enables me to shut the monkey mind off and fall asleep. Some nights I wake 5 or 6 times.
It makes me think, if adults feel this awful, the helplessness and extreme sadness, how do the kids feel?
I've supported my partner through the sleepless nights and dark days. It's gut wrenching not being to help.
Sometimes all I can do is encourage him out on a walk or just be there.
If you can survive this grief. You can survive anything.
Sadly as Kyle points out with the welfare check list, the courts have to assume the worst in case any allegations are true.
It sucks because they're dragging everyone down to the level of real scumbag abusers.
When I received a letter out of the blue 9 months after separation causing me of allsorts!! Mentally incapable, neglect, mentally I’ll, alcoholic, emotional and psychological abuse, potential child abduction, apparent safeguarding concerns from nursery, stalking and harassment, control & coercive behaviour, financial control and then stupid things like sending my daughter back to mum unwashed, un fed, teeth not brushed, sending her home in no socks or underwear…… and as a result my daughter will no longer see me!
I can only describe as going into shock! Didn’t sleep for 3 nights, couldn’t even look at my daughter belongings without breaking down into tears! I couldn’t get out of bed for about a week. I cut off all family and friends and didn’t answer my phone, I didn’t go to work. I just went into massive shock! Was violently sick when ever I eat. It was horrendous!!!
First I started talking to family, then friends, they convinced me to go to doctors, i started therapy but it took a good 2 months before I could function properly. First I went back to work, then started to socialise, then started playing drums, then came the football. It took me about 3-4 months but even still I was crying a lot, losing weight still. I really found strength in my daughter and being me again for her. Then I started reading self help books to understand what narcissism was which ran alongside my therapy. This helped me understand how my ex was and what she was doing, why she was doing it and I found quite a lot of comfort in this. Breaking it down and analysing it. Over the 3/4 months I also discovered a massive determination to do all i could to prove them wrong. Once I realise they actually wanted to break me it actually started to heal me. I’m still in therapy now and I’m still reading books about co parenting with a narcissist etc and also researched other things that’s been posed on here for example “parental enmeshment”. I went to the library and got books on family law which has lead to me going back to uni in Sept to actually study law. Family law being my specialist area. Basically my experience is making me want to support other dads out there in the future. My sleep is back to normal, i have put a stone back on although I could have done without that . I’m not suffering with shortness of breath anxiety like I was before, verging on panic attacks. I have met a new partner recently who is massively supportive and understands my dedication to my daughter and the court case.
It still saddens me on a daily basis what these people have done to me and my daughter and what they are doing to you guys as well. I don’t think that will ever leave me for the rest of my life if I’m honest. It’s a matter of reaching ourselves how to cope with rot whatever that may be
Grazie mille!Without sounding patronising, you need to be extremely proud of yourself. You did all of the above by yourself for your kids.
All we can do as parents in these awful situations is to ensure that we are the best version of ourselves for our kids.
That is one thing that these monsters can’t take away from us.
Agree with Kyle you need to channel it into fighting and not giving up. But with such long waits and long court cases that isn’t always easy. I went through it when my son was semi alienated. I was actually still seeing him but it’s like he wasn’t there and was suffering. PA is so evil - the alienator damages the child to get to you and hurt you. I nearly gave up just to stop his suffering and stop my ex turning him into this damaged confused hostile child. Then I imagined giving up and realised I’d never know how he was and was leaving him with this abusive person - so that helped me keep fighting.
Also had periods where “contact” was stopped a few times - I think the longest was three weeks but it was a living hell. So I can’t imagine how hard it is when it’s for a really long time. All I do know is - the kids think about you. They hope - that Dad will fix it. They want to see you but have to hide it.
There is a distinct lack of emotion and empathy on the family court process for the grief caused.
At times I used to write emails to a separate email account - to talk to my son. I’ll probably never show them to him though as they would upset him.
Yes, I can’t imagine how much strength it takes for you dads who are going crazy lengths of time without seeing the little ones. Like @Ash longest I went was about 3-4 weeks and it took me to the brink of despair and possibly making silly mistakes. Luckily I got strength from the little one and how upset she wound be if I fell into their trap and proved them right. Power to all you dads who are coping with long periods of time and keep getting out of bed fighting for them every dayAgree with Kyle you need to channel it into fighting and not giving up. But with such long waits and long court cases that isn’t always easy. I went through it when my son was semi alienated. I was actually still seeing him but it’s like he wasn’t there and was suffering. PA is so evil - the alienator damages the child to get to you and hurt you. I nearly gave up just to stop his suffering and stop my ex turning him into this damaged confused hostile child. Then I imagined giving up and realised I’d never know how he was and was leaving him with this abusive person - so that helped me keep fighting.
Also had periods where “contact” was stopped a few times - I think the longest was three weeks but it was a living hell. So I can’t imagine how hard it is when it’s for a really long time. All I do know is - the kids think about you. They hope - that Dad will fix it. They want to see you but have to hide it.
There is a distinct lack of emotion and empathy on the family court process for the grief caused.
At times I used to write emails to a separate email account - to talk to my son. I’ll probably never show them to him though as they would upset him.