My ex put in a non-mol ( false accusations) 2 years ago. I went from having my sons age 7&8 three days a week to no contact for 7 months. I defended myself in the 3 day fact finding hearing, and fell apart emotionally in court in front of judge. The fact finding was combined with the CAO and now I have to accept findings that are false and see my sons in a supervised setting for 4hrs fortnightly. My advise is never defend yourself in a fact finding unless you are extremely confident.
Guest viewing is limited
- You have a limited number of page views remaining
- 2 guest views remaining
- Register now to remove this limitation
Best way to serve NMO
- Thread starter BirminghamUK
- Start date
I am really sorry to hear that. Is there any chance of reapplying at some point? It is true that the advice is always to stay calm but easier said than done. Judges are only human and can be influenced by the behaviour of one party or the other. Court can be a cruel experience. Any normal person would know these things are highly emotional. Agree it helps if someone can speak for you.
I have a final contested hearing coming up in April, with representation this time. However I now have the judgement that Im a domestic abuser and due to my past mental health diagnosis then I fear the worst regarding contact going forward. I refused to do the Domestic Abuser course, however the caffcass officer has accepted a letter from a therapist. My ex has had expensive lawyers throughout the process and simply wants me out of the boys life. I understand why dads give up "the fight" due to emotional and financial fatigue. The trauma of suddenly overnight not being with my sons was completely overwhelming, I have full empathy with all the dads on this forum and if i had found the relevant advise that this site offers earlier then I would be in a very different situation.
Finding information from other Dads was what helped guide me through things. That sounds positive that Cafcass accepted a letter from your therapist. I hope it said that you are of no risk to children! The positives I can see here are that they didn't make the decision at the fact finding hearing. Sometimes when it's found against you, they make that the final hearing. That judgement is purely in the family court process - it is not a criminal conviction and should not go outside the family courts. When you say you suddenly weren't with your boys overnight, what happened? Did she just stop them coming or do you mean you were thrown out or something?
What did you apply for on your initial application?
What did you apply for on your initial application?
My ex made allegations on her C100 which the magistrates disregarded and stuck with interim contact order 3 days a week. Then weeks later she put in a non mol which stopped all contact. The non mol was combined with CAO. The judge found findings against me and court delays and ex not willing to reach any agreement has meet this has gone on 2 years. My original contact request was alternative weekends and midweek.
These non mols happen a lot. So what stage is it at now? Is the 4 hrs a week supervised an interim order or a final order? As in do you have any more hearings coming up? Two years is a long time and it's stories like this that make good Judges frustrated - the system has allowed things to drag on. Delay is the tactic used by a parent trying to prevent you seeing the kids. I think they just hope you'll give up and go away.
If you have another hearing coming up you could get things changed. If the fact find was also a final hearing, there is the option to appeal (but there's a time limit) or wait a bit and apply to vary and go full on in there with the history and what has happened. I think if it was me I'd do the latter as an appeal might not get anywhere because you need permission to appeal I think.
If you have another hearing coming up you could get things changed. If the fact find was also a final hearing, there is the option to appeal (but there's a time limit) or wait a bit and apply to vary and go full on in there with the history and what has happened. I think if it was me I'd do the latter as an appeal might not get anywhere because you need permission to appeal I think.
we have 3 non mols, all 3 combined into 3 consecutive days fact finding hearings in april 2022 with i hope the same judge from october 2021, ex's ex boyfriend has been summoned in person by the judge looking into our case. the ex boyfriend has allegations of her recording court hearings and has allegations that my ex wife and her family are planning gbh / abh on me, proof of perjury and allegations of her being in contempt of court..
summary
June 2018 - split
Nov 2018 apply for contact and met with usual farcical allegations, fake to the max, then eventually .... in
Sept 2019 - granted supervised visits with gradual plan
Sept 2019, car set on fire by ex's family
supervised visits werent working out due to mother deliberately not making it easy
my house windows smashed (by hired thugs in london) on five occasions on weekends where i would visit daughter in contact centre
Dec 2019 i apply for variation (for changes in orders to help me with my supervision sessions child father bonding etc), hearing set for Mar 2020
Mar 2020 Covid, hearings vacated and then eventually heard June 2020
3rd July NMO ex parte by the ex wife, to ultimately put a big stop on my variation application
20th july 2020 arrested on suspicion of breach of non mol
31st july 2020, first NMO hearing, contesting NMO, rejected because im arrested 10 days ago and released under investigation, direction hearing set for Jan 2021 and ex are instrfucted to send documents to me and court by nov 2020
October 2020 CAO variation hearing, due to NMO, stop direct contact altogether
Nov 2020 Arrested again for same allegations
Jan 2021, i didnt receive any papers (i think even if i did chase them up i would have been ignored , those FF*ers)
Jan 2021 hearing and FFH cancelled and DRA postponed to April 2021 solely due to me not receiving papers, the ex's lawyers made up some BS
Feb 2021, invited down to nick for volountary interview, same allegations
April 2021 DRA, recorder listens to both sides and says, right we need a fact finding hearing, earliest is Oct 2021
July 2021, arrested again for the same usual rubbish.
I had to take a NMO against her as the threats etc were increasing against me, July 2021 onwards, all incidents reported to police, application was also backed by police.
Come Oct 2021, judge reinstates indirect whatsapp call contact (non productive my daughter doesnt even come to the phone and ive heard my kid already say on a few occasions 'daddy yucky, dont want to talk to dad, dont want to see dad'), judge is made aware of 1. my NMO against my ex wife, 2. the ex wife's ex boyfriends NMO against her and summons her ex BF and postpones for another FFH in April 2022 stating if nothing is found, CAO variation/direct contact to be reinstated and whether to esclate criminal matters re: purjurey, contempt of court, GBH/ABH matters to criminal court. I think 'jack' will happen!
direct contact was terminated in October 2020 when my ex wife's non mol from July 2020 was combined with my CAO variation hearing October 2020 (yeah they timed that well and its been dragging on since then, theyve been serving papers late, by the time we get to hearings, either witness statement papers havent been served to me in time and the hearings are then postponed by 6 months or if they have been served then the judge will then order police reports or want to call people in or get cafcass involved. the system is f'cked as in proper f'cked.
we've got 1 year non mols lasting 2 years PLUS potentially based on people cheating the system, this non mol shouldnt have lasted 1 year in the first instance as they dont have any evidence or anything to substantiate the allegations in july 2020 WTF. this whole thing frustrates me, oh i wish i could go back in time and dumped the ex in time.
my variation will include, mother to be more co-operative with specifics (off course they will counter by saying it is oppression and too instructive)
i will ask for contact to take place in MK or somewhere between london and birmingham, in the middle, my kid is 4.5 years old now, she can travel
i will ask for cafcass support, and for contact to restart in a cafcass centre rather than an independent, cafcass have more authority in regards to these situations compared to the independent early years social workers.
the day 'karma' is served on the ex wife especially by act of god (as there are no limits), is the day i will proibably find retribution for everything she and her family have done to me and my family.
FFS!. what a life!
at the moment no direct contact at all. it probably will start from scratch, by wich time i propably wouild have lost all motivation for this crap.
who do you blame? the system itself or the charlatan MF*erz who abuse this F*d-up system
Last edited:
But you persisted. And it might end up working in your favour. If the fact finding finds for you she can't make allegations again. Have you had any legal advice? Because it seems to me that indirect and supervised is always going to be disrupted by her. And it may be a case of one extreme or the other. What have you got to lose by applying for residency? Or 50/50. It also sounds like yes she should be tried for perjury and criminal offences - more evidence for an application of residency.
When you were arrested for breaking the NMO's - had you actually broken them or did she make that up? It sounds like she is never going to co parent amicably and the best you can hope for is no contact with her and parallel parenting. Also is your case being heard by a District Judge? If not - request the court that it is.
Yes it has all been distraction, disruption and trying to see you off. But when you get to a final hearing, you can show a direct link between your application to vary and your ex suddenly taking out an NMO.
Can you trace who hired the thugs? Private Investigator?
When you were arrested for breaking the NMO's - had you actually broken them or did she make that up? It sounds like she is never going to co parent amicably and the best you can hope for is no contact with her and parallel parenting. Also is your case being heard by a District Judge? If not - request the court that it is.
Yes it has all been distraction, disruption and trying to see you off. But when you get to a final hearing, you can show a direct link between your application to vary and your ex suddenly taking out an NMO.
Can you trace who hired the thugs? Private Investigator?
she was having text messages sent to her phone and letters posted to her house straight after the NMO came active. the stupid police even said to me in the interview .." its rather convenient that the first allegations started straight after the NMO was made active", even then they were bloody fixated on prosecution even though there was nothing in there that incriminated me. anyway the fact that she received these messages allegedly from me meant that on suspicion of breaching a communication order within the NMO (any communication whether polite or bad) becomes an arrestable offence despite being innocent in this whole charade.
Did have legal advice here and there, free ones, i dont have the funds to consult these guys and i always was a LIP in the courts. I do what I can and i also get advice from you guys. most of the time you are hanging on to hope, but the past two years being continuously slapped in the face by the family courts has meant that hope is diminishing. I feel like im at the end of my tether.
i dont have any faith in our courts anymore
im innocent ive been investigated 5 times, no convictions but the arrests are on my records, even as a soft marker which shows up on enhanced DBS and ive been deprived of my daughter for her early years, for so long and for so much that it will be difficult to build a rapport with her
her and her family have broken many laws yet they sleep at night in their cosy beds knowing the UK laws are going to do jack to them.
the window smashers were caught red handed on the 5th time, got them stopped on the motorway by motorway police, they replied no comment to all questions and the cctv was not enough for a prosecution, the authorities only throw x amount of money and resources at certain investigations, for this one they put at the bottom of the pile in the end.
how do you retaliate withouth breaking the law, you can't, you just sit back and take the hits like a law abiding chump and sit in custody cells.
i know i will hit a brick wall with their solicitor if i mention parallel parenting, they agreed to help at the contact centre but they did the opposite, how do you trust people like that, their words have no value in a family court, yet the family court entertains their rubbish.
i think this happens in most cases. either get back with your ex (fat chance) or abandon the whole thing.
off course i'll see what happens in april, i aint holding my breath
i always pray that karma visits them and im positive that it will, just a matter of when.
Don't keep talking about abandoning the whole thing yet. Because you have come a long way. I don't think the family courts are the issue here - it's your ex that's the issue!
I think the family courts are seeking to resolve it without it dragging on any more by ordering the fact find. I remember now that she claimed she'd had these texts from you and they weren't from you at all.
You could win this fact find and then it will go to a final hearing. And you can submit evidence and have a strong statement. If your ex is done for perjury that's a good change of a very good order for you. What they will look at as well is how it would work. You could ask for a penal notice to be attached to any order. So if she breaches you can apply for her to go to prison.
I think the family courts are seeking to resolve it without it dragging on any more by ordering the fact find. I remember now that she claimed she'd had these texts from you and they weren't from you at all.
You could win this fact find and then it will go to a final hearing. And you can submit evidence and have a strong statement. If your ex is done for perjury that's a good change of a very good order for you. What they will look at as well is how it would work. You could ask for a penal notice to be attached to any order. So if she breaches you can apply for her to go to prison.
been active in many things since break up 3 years ago, outdoors, walking, cycling (was cycling before tbh), work keeps me busy too thank god, keeping fit
being booked into custody numerous times does make you grateful for much more when you are not in custody.
activities/hobbies helps temporarily and is beneficial no doubt, .....but the moment it goes silent, thats when it gets you remembing / thinking.
im always looking for positives elsewhere.... to counteract the negatives here....
This is not quite true. It will only show up if it is relevant to whatever job you are applying for, and, you can apply to have it removed if you didn't do it - just apply - https://www.olliers.com/criminal-law/fingerprintdna-removal/
Non mol included the boys & then covid ment no supervised contact for 6 months. The latest caffcass report suggested “supported” contact by grandmother 4 & 7 hrs alternating Sunday’s . But at DRH last Sept boys mother rejected that . So it’s contested final hearing in April.
Last edited by a moderator:
Good luck for your contested final hearing! Presumably if you have a contested final hearing then Cafcass are no longer involved and no more welfare issues. When does the non mol expire. The final hearing is your opportunity to argue for regular time and overnight stays - you will need a strong case if they're using the non mol against you.
Caffcass doing amended report prior to final hearing involving wishes & feelings of boys , who can support contact going forward & if any overnight recommendations. Ex pushing for legal cost too . Can’t believe it has come to this . Still in shock after 2 years of legal and tbh emotionally & finachially shot to pieces by it all.
Well that's ok then. If non mol is ended after final hearing you can have a good order with staying over time. As part of your statement and evidence for final hearing you can refer to the non mol (in terms of evidence etc as to why it shouldn't have happened in the first place). Assume it was one of those things where she just took it out when you hadn't done anything?