Advice: court welfare reporter and allegations

[Fabio78]

But stick to your guns over the kids remaining where they should be.

The issue is though - they haves two parents and if they live at a distance then they give them to the one parent (usually the mother) and do every other week end and half holidays with the other - or shared care and extra holidays if you’re lucky.

with my solicitor we saw all the possible scenarios, already. Well, if they will move I will probably move, too. Only to be able to request the 50/50. Even if this will be a big mess for my job, but, you know, my priority is being near them, let them have a father, as every kid should have..... Well, we'll see. As you know I am not expecting nothing good from this, now that I am experiencing on my skin how bad the system is!

 

[Ash]

It's very difficult. On the one hand ex wants to move for a job - fair enough as you say - but the kids have two parents who then live at some distance apart. I wouldn't push the welfare issues with social services as presumably Cafcass haven't found any real issues with your ex and that may be seen as historic (or her not coping after the break up temporarily or something) and just makes you look hostile to her. However justified, any negativity towards the other parent counts against you. But if you have social services reports/closure reports or anything in writing you can use that at final hearing.

Of course the kids should stay in their familiar environment and at their familiar school, but having seen other cases like this the courts just say - they'll adjust to the move and a new school and they need their Mother and do the best we can with time for the Father. As you say be prepared to move closer. But yes push for a 50/50 order whether they move schools or not.

It's a complete mess to be honest - it's left the kids without a school! By them saying wait till the next hearing to decide about schools/lives with. And also saying your ex can move the kids.

 

[Fabio78]

It's very difficult. On the one hand ex wants to move for a job - fair enough as you say - but the kids have two parents who then live at some distance apart. I wouldn't push the welfare issues with social services as presumably Cafcass haven't found any real issues with your ex and that may be seen as historic (or her not coping after the break up temporarily or something) and just makes you look hostile to her. However justified, any negativity towards the other parent counts against you. But if you have social services reports/closure reports or anything in writing you can use that at final hearing.

Of course the kids should stay in their familiar environment and at their familiar school, but having seen other cases like this the courts just say - they'll adjust to the move and a new school and they need their Mother and do the best we can with time for the Father. As you say be prepared to move closer. But yes push for a 50/50 order whether they move schools or not.

It's a complete mess to be honest - it's left the kids without a school! By them saying wait till the next hearing to decide about schools/lives with. And also saying your ex can move the kids.

Absurd, I know....!!! Well, apparently there is really nothing else to do but waiting for September. And honestly, at this point, I think I will go and visit my relatives! I remained closed in my house until now, since July, hoping that at any moment I could finally see the kids. So I am living this "Groundhog Day" for almost two months now (working at home, waiting for the call; eating shits, waiting for the call; reading a bit, waiting for the call; training some ju-jitsu, ... end of the day... the call did not arrive Tomorrow back to square one).
Let see!... thanks!!!

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[Fabio78]

but having seen other cases like this the courts just say - they'll adjust to the move and a new school and they need their Mother and do the best we can with time for the Father. As you say be prepared to move closer

The fact is that when this is going to happen (because at this point I know it's going to happen!), the problem goes back to the same: how unfair the system is, and how stupid I was to trust in justice! I mean, I could have had this arrangement easily by letting her do whatever she wanted from the beginning, even if I thought it wasn't right, two months and five thousand pounds ago! And most important, right now I would be on a beach with my kids! Conclusion: Next time I will have problems, will I trust the system? Will I go to the justice? .... f*.k 'em all!!!

 

[Ash]

The problem is the law and the Government. In the Netherlands there is a legal precedent that children live with both parents 50/50 - same in Sweden. In the Netherlands, it's automatically legally 50/50 and if either parent wants that different they have to go to court and give good reason why it shouldn't be that. That is the right way round. The Uk gov fails to make such a law to protect parents and children at the time of separation. Family court picks up the pieces (is too slow and run by feminist social workers to a degree!).

Write to your MP. It's worth a try - the more people do it. Default of legal shared care at the time of separation.

 

[Fabio78]

The problem is the law and the Government. In the Netherlands there is a legal precedent that children live with both parents 50/50 - same in Sweden. In the Netherlands, it's automatically legally 50/50 and if either parent wants that different they have to go to court and give good reason why it shouldn't be that. That is the right way round. The Uk gov fails to make such a law to protect parents and children at the time of separation. Family court picks up the pieces (is too slow and run by feminist social workers to a degree!).

Write to your MP. It's worth a try - the more people do it. Default of legal shared care at the time of separation.

MP to me is Military Police MP? But yes, I will do it.... (as soon as I know what that is).

About all the rest, yes, I see what you say.... and I am experiencing on my skin like all of you did already. Bad time! And once again, more than for myself, I am so sorry for my beautiful children! Well, anyway... thanks, you got my six

 

[Fabio78]

The problem is the law and the Government.

In the end of all this story, at least will remain the fact that I was the only person trying to protect these kids from a person who is just proving to be unstable, false, immature and irresponsible, and from a biased system (mainly based on a filthy feminist fundamentalism) which is unfairly supporting her!

 

[Ash]

I hear you. It's a shock isn't it - when we're supposed to live in an equal society but when it comes down to being a parent - you are not as equal!

MP is Member of Parliament. If you use the link on this article, put your postcode in and scroll down it will show you who your MP is and you fill in the details, write the letter and click submit and it goes to them. They always reply to you (at some point!). Don't shout at them - but tell them what the issue is and what you want them to do about it (ie bring the matter up before parliament). Don't go on about feminist fundamentalism or they'll think you're sexist (I know). Just say there needs to be a change in the law to ensure children's rights to a home with both parents are protected from the time of separation. The usual spiel the Government chucks out is - the family courts have measures to deal with these issues. So you need to also say - the family courts are not functioning to protect children from being witheld from a parent for no good reason with months of delays. And that expecting parents to make arrangements themselves when one parent has an agenda, is not sufficient to protect childrens stability at the time of separation. Ask them to tell parliament there needs to be a default of equal shared care at the time of separation, when there are no welfare issues, as is the case in the Netherlands and Sweden, and that this has been implemented in Kentucky in the US and reduced the number of court applications by 11%, reducing high conflict between parents and saving time and money to the courts and Government.

Write to your MP about Child Arrangements

Write to your MP - easy letter writing service for Dads having issues with family court and child arrangements

www.dadswithkids.co.uk

 

[Ash]

You could quote this

Kentucky Shared Parenting Law, House Bill 492, Establishing Temporary 50/50 Joint Custody, was Passed in 2021 - Musselwhite Meinhart Staples & Hafley

Kentucky House Bill 492, introduced in 2017 to establish a temporary joint custody of the children of a divorce, went into effect July 1, 2021

www.mmslawonline.com

Kentucky's popular joint-custody law shows why it's the most effective at helping families

Kentucky's first-in-the-nation shared-parenting law has led to a decline in domestic violence claims and family court cases.

eu.courier-journal.com

But also mention your own case - that you had been sharing the care of the children for x years only to find that the Mother can move away and withold the children from seeing you with no consequences for her doing this and due to family court delays your children risk losing a parent (lay it on thick). Also say that a presumption of shared care legally at the time of separation would override the Mother's human right to move the kids hundreds of miles away and both parents would need to put the childrens needs for parental love before their own agendas and not unilaterally change the childrens time with the other parent (that this could still be the same even if one parent wanted to move away and that child arrangements need to be sorted before a parent is allowed to move). And tell them that it will also prevent solicitors being adversarial and siding with Mothers to keep Fathers out of childrens lives.

Just my thoughts

 

[Fabio78]

Wow, that's very ninja! Thanks a lot. I will SURELY write. At this point, nothing to loose. Quite the opposite: the hope at this point is that all this struggle can be at least useful to change something and create a more just society.

(no, I will not mention the "filthy feminist fundamentalism" I got the rules of the game: here I can say the truth, while with "them" I have to be as hypocritical as they are. Got it).

Thanks a lot man! You'll be in my prayers

 

[Fabio78]

You could quote this

Wow! the articles are super interesting. And it is interesting the fact they mention that "the episodes of domestic violence declined"., for this was one of my considerations, at certain point. That is... me, you, and many other people eventually are solid and with self discipline and self control. But there are a lot of guys out there who surely would not handle this pressure, loose their mind and eventually escalate even violently. One can thus see a sort of direct responsibility of the system in incidents like those. Awful! Scary! The system itself paradoxically exposes the women to more risks! Incredible how many implications a bad policy can have!

 

[Ash]

Exactly. It drives people to want to be vigilantes because the system doesn't protect them. And when it's your kids ......

 

[Fabio78]

Well, at this point I think that most is in Cafcass' hands, at this point. I post a new thread about it here